Finding Perfect

by Susan Mallery

  She squared her shoulders. “I’ve moved out, Raoul. I did that this morning, after you left. Liz helped me. I’m back in my apartment.”

  “I don’t understand. Why would you do that?”

  Leaving him? She couldn’t. He wanted her there—maybe even needed her in his life.

  Her gaze flickered, then grew steady again. She pulled the engagement ring off her left hand and held it out to him. “I’m not going to marry you.”

  He stared at the ring, watching how it twinkled in the overhead lights.

  She couldn’t mean it, he told himself. She needed him. They needed each other.

  “We’re going to be a family. I’m helping you with the babies. What’s changed?” They’d made plans. They were going to raise the children together. Have a kid of their own. He thought it was what they both wanted.

  “I appreciate the offer,” she told him. “You’re a really great guy.” She paused for a second. “But it’s not enough. I don’t want a practical solution to a difficult problem. I want what Hawk and Nicole have. I want to be in love and be loved in return. I want a passionate, loving, messy marriage, practical or not. I want it all.”

  What Hawk and Nicole had came around once every thousand years, he thought bitterly. He’d tried to find it with Caro and had been shot down. She wanted it all. Meaning she wanted him baring it all for her, handing over his heart. And then what? There weren’t any promises, no guarantees.

  She wanted more than he was willing to give.

  Her mouth curved into a sad smile. “I can see by your face that you’re not exactly excited about my news. I’m not surprised. I was hopeful, of course.”

  “We don’t need that,” he told her. “We can make it work the other way. We don’t have to be in love to be happy.”

  “Too late,” she said lightly. “I already am in love with you. And I won’t be with someone who doesn’t feel the same way about me.”

  She loved him? Impossible. Was she trying to trap him?

  Even as he thought the words, he wondered if they were true. After all, he’d been the one to propose, not Pia. He’d been the one pushing for them to be a family. He wanted to be a part of the babies’ lives. She’d never come to him.

  But no matter how logical it all sounded, he couldn’t believe it. Or maybe he wouldn’t. Either way, he wasn’t taking the next step. He’d already done it once. He refused to be betrayed a second time.

  “What happens now?” he asked stiffly, feeling as if he’d been sucker punched but not wanting that to show.

  “We go on like we did before. People knew about the engagement, so you’ll have to answer a few questions. Don’t worry. I’m going to make it clear this was my decision. You won’t get run out of town.”

  She held out the ring again, but he didn’t take it. She walked around him and set it in the center of the desk.

  “You’re playing it safe,” she said quietly.

  He turned to face her. She stared down at the ring, then returned her attention to him.

  “You’re looking for an easy solution to a difficult problem,” she repeated. “You can’t play at being a family, Raoul. Life isn’t that tidy. If you want to be happy, you’re going to have to give it all—risk it all. Life demands that from us. You think if you’re logical enough you can make sure no one ever hurts you again. But the only thing that makes life worthwhile is loving other people and being loved by them.”

  She sighed. “For what it’s worth, I didn’t mean to fall for you. It just happened. If you change your mind, if you want to take a chance, I’d love to be that girl.”

  Then she turned and walked away, leaving him alone in an empty office. Everything he’d wanted was gone, and all he had to show for it was the engagement ring he’d bought for the woman he’d just lost.

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  PIA TOLD HERSELF THERE WAS no reason to believe she was going to throw up. That the churning in her stomach would eventually go away. At least she wasn’t crying. It was one thing to walk through Fool’s Gold nauseous—at least no one could tell. But sobbing hysterically might get a question or two.

  She reached city hall and went inside. She automatically greeted everyone she passed, smiling and waving, as if everything was fine. Only a few more feet, she told herself as she rounded the corner and saw Charity’s office. The door stood open, so she knew her friend was at least in the building.

  Luck was on her side. Charity sat behind her desk, staring intently at her computer. She looked up as Pia entered.

  “Thank goodness. I’m going crazy with—” Charity stood, her pregnancy obvious in her brightly colored knit shirt. “What’s wrong?”

  Pia sucked in a breath and twisted her hands together. “I told Raoul I couldn’t marry him. That while I appreciated the offer, I can’t be in a practical marriage with someone I’ve fallen in love with.”

  She paused, waiting for Charity to burst out laughing. After all, what did Pia expect? That he would fall at her feet and beg her to let him love her back?

  Instead Charity walked around the desk and hugged Pia. “Good for you.”

  Pia held herself stiffly. “What? Good for me? I’ve just walked away from a guy worth millions who wanted to marry me and take care of me for the rest of my life.”

  “You love him.”

  “So?”

  “You’re convinced he doesn’t love you. Therefore you made the right decision.”

  Pia sank into the chair and covered her face with her hands. Reality crashed all around her, leaving her breathless and shaking. “What was I thinking? I can’t do this on my own—be the single mother of twins. How will I pay for it? When will I sleep? I don’t know anything about infants or children.”

  Charity pulled up another chair and sat across from her. “You’ll be fine. You can do this. You were planning to do it before Raoul proposed.”

  “I was an idiot.”

  “No, you were exactly the same person you are now. Capable and loving. Pia, if you can organize the four thousand festivals we have every year and get a fundraiser up and running in three days, you can certainly handle having a couple of kids.”

  Pia lowered her hands to her lap. “You think?”

  “I know. You’ll be amazing. Besides, you might technically be a single mother, but you’re not going to be alone. You have your friends and you have this town. We all love you and we’ll be there for you.”

  “But Raoul would have given me everything.”

  “Not his heart.”

  Pia felt her chest tighten. “No. Not his heart.”

  “So this is better.”

  “How can you be sure?” Pia desperately wanted to know she hadn’t made the wrong decision.

  “You convinced me,” Charity said kindly. “When you said no.”

  PIA HAD SPENT THE REST of the day buried in work. Maybe it wasn’t the most mature way to handle heartbreak, but it sure cleared out her in-box. Now tired and ready to have some serious pity-party time, she walked home. As she entered her building, she heard a lot of people talking. The higher she climbed, the louder the noise got. She stepped out onto the landing to find most of her friends waiting for her.

  Their arms were filled with packages and grocery bags. Liz spotted her first.

  “Here she is.”

  Everyone turned.

  “Pia!” Montana hurried over. “Are you okay?”

  From the various looks of concern, Pia realized that word had spread. Not just about the broken engagement, but about their practical but ultimately unworkable relationship.

  All three triplets were there, along with Charity and Liz. Marsha held a basket filled with what looked like baby stuff. Denise Hendrix, several women from city hall, along with Bella and Julia Gionni, the feuding hairdressers.

  Everyone crowded into her small apartment, pulling in chairs from the kitchen or settling on the floor.

  “Jo wanted to be here,” Nevada told her, “but she has to work. She sends her love.”r />
  Pia quickly realized no one expected her to provide anything for the impromptu party. There were plastic cups and paper plates, all kinds of food, from Chinese dumplings to taquitos. Wine was opened, along with sparkling water for Pia. She was settled in the center of the sofa, handed food and drink and surrounded with love.

  “How are you doing?” Charity asked anxiously.

  “Better now,” Pia admitted. “It’s been a tough day, but I know I did the right thing.”

  “I don’t know. Marrying a guy worth millions seems like a smart decision, too,” Bella muttered.

  Everyone laughed. Julia rolled her eyes at her sister and stayed on her side of the room.

  “You did the right thing,” Montana assured her. “You have to marry for love. You deserve that. The proposal, the begging.”

  “You need the begging,” Denise assured her. “Trust me. Courtship is the best time in a relationship for a woman. Marriage is the best time in a relationship for a man. Who gets their best time longer? So you need to make it last. Besides, you deserve someone who adores you, Pia.”

  There were several nods of agreement.

  “Do you want us to call him names?” Dakota asked helpfully. “Or have him beat up?” She frowned. “That might take two guys, but we can arrange it.”

  Pia felt her eyes burning. She blinked away tears. “He hasn’t done anything wrong. Don’t forget, he wanted to take care of me. That’s a good thing. I’m not mad. I’m the one who changed the rules, not him.”

  Julia shook her head. “It’s been a long time since I’ve seen a man beat up. I was hoping to watch.”

  “There’s something wrong with you,” Bella snapped.

  Denise raised one hand. “Ladies, it’s a testament to your love for Pia that you’re both here. Let’s not forget our purpose.”

  The sisters grumbled at each other.

  Charity, who sat next to Pia, leaned close. “I never did hear why they aren’t speaking. What’s the story?”

  “No one knows. It’s a big secret.”

  Charity grinned. “I thought Fool’s Gold didn’t have any.”

  “There are a few.”

  “We have many gifts,” Montana said, taking charge of the piles. “Most of this you can open later, but you should see this one now.”

  She handed Pia a large white envelope. Pia set her plate of food on the coffee table and opened it. Inside were dozens of pieces of paper. Each one was from someone different. Most offered hours of babysitting or company after the babies were born. There were consultations for baby room decorating, the promise of a weekly massage from now until birth, coupons for free diaper service for the first three months and a sheet where the women in town had signed up to deliver dinners for the first six weeks she was home with the babies. Three flyers showed houses for rent.

  This time she was unable to stop the tears. They spilled down her cheeks before she could brush them away.

  “I don’t know what to say,” she admitted. “This is wonderful.”

  “We all love you,” Denise told her. “And we want you to know that we’ll be there for you. No matter what.”

  It might not be the romantic proposal she’d dreamed about, but it was damned close. These women and this town were going to take care of her. Pia allowed herself to accept the love offered and let it heal her shattered heart. Then she touched her belly and silently told her growing children that no matter what, they were going to be just fine.

  RAOUL SAT AT THE BAR, ignoring the reality show playing on the big TVs around him. Jo’s Bar was quiet tonight, for which he was grateful. He’d tried staying home but he’d been unable to stand the solitude. While he wanted to be out, a crowd would have been too much. There were times when a man needed a little space to get drunk, and this was one of those nights.

  He’d started on his second beer when Josh slipped onto the seat next to him.

  “Hey,” he said. “Jo called and said you looked like you needed a friend.”

  Raoul glanced at the bartender, who gave him a level look as if daring him to challenge her.

  “She’s wrong,” he said flatly.

  “Doesn’t matter to me,” Josh told him. “Charity’s out. There’s some girl thing going on at Pia’s. They’re making her feel better, which I guess makes you the ass who broke her heart.”

  Raoul sipped his beer and kept his gaze on the TV screen. A dozen or so people were bent over sewing machines. What the hell? A show about sewing?

  Josh turned toward him. “Did you hear me?”

  “I didn’t break her heart. I asked her to marry me. I offered to spend my life with her, to take care of her and the kids. I’m not the bad guy.”

  Josh took the beer Jo offered and drank some. “So why are you here and why is she back at her place drowning in Ben & Jerry’s ice cream?”

  “She wouldn’t be practical.”

  “An impractical woman. There’s a stunner.”

  He turned to Josh and saw the raised eyebrow. “You don’t understand. We had a deal. I didn’t change it. I didn’t change anything. I care about her.”

  “But?”

  “It wasn’t enough.” Raoul drained his glass and pushed it toward the front of the bar. Jo turned her back on him. Typical, he thought grimly. “I wanted to take care of her.”

  “Did it ever occur to you that Pia can get all that without you? Right now my wife and several of her friends are reminding her that she’s not alone. Except for the sex, which I doubt was very good, she’s covered.”

  Raoul continued to stare at the TV screen. “You know I could take you.”

  “In your dreams.”

  He thought about taking Josh on, of showing the other man how unprepared he was. But there wasn’t any point. Beating up Josh wouldn’t make the hole inside of him go away.

  The bottom line was he missed Pia. She wanted the impossible and he couldn’t give it to her, but he still wanted her in his life. They could have been good together.

  “The problem you have,” Josh said conversationally, “is that she was never alone. It took her a while to remember that, but once she did, you became a lot less interesting.”

  Raoul turned and glared at him. “Do you think that’s why she left? She loves me, you hothead.”

  Josh’s expression turned satisfied. “I’d wondered if you’d caught that. You’re right. She loves you. Like most women, she’s not willing to settle. She wants it all. That’s what women specialize in—demanding every scrap of humanity we have. Our hearts, our souls and our balls. You can fight it, my friend, but I’ve learned it’s a whole lot smarter to hand it all over quietly. They’re going to win in the end and if you resist, you only end up having to beg more.” He took another drink. “Unless you don’t love her.”

  I don’t.

  Raoul started to say the words but couldn’t. He knew that was the real problem. If he could convince himself that he’d only been doing a good thing, something noble and important, the rejection was easier. That’s how this whole problem had started. It should have been easy to forget her.

  But it wasn’t and that bothered him. Because it meant there was a possibility that Pia was more than a project, more than a way to get what he wanted without having to risk anything.

  Without saying goodbye, he tossed a twenty on the bar and left. Once outside, he sucked in the cold night air, then started walking. But instead of heading to his rental, he crossed the street and went by Pia’s apartment building.

  Most of the units were dark, except for one on the top floor. A window was partially open and he heard the sound of voices and laughter drifting down to him.

  She wasn’t alone. While the information wasn’t news, the proof of it made him feel better. He didn’t want her to be by herself. He didn’t want her to suffer. He’d really been trying to take care of her. Maybe he’d gone about it in an unconventional way, but he wasn’t the bad guy in this.

  And neither was she.

  He stood there for a
long time before turning around and heading to his own place. The echo of the laughter stayed with him, making him feel more alone than he ever had before. He missed her. Even if he couldn’t be with her, surely he could talk to her. Explain.

  Explain what? That his way was better? The truth was Pia deserved more, and that’s what ate him up inside. She’d been right to walk away from him, to demand more. He respected her, admired her, wanted her…

  But for the rest of it—she needed more than he had left to give.

  THE SCHOOL CARNIVAL WAS LOUD, a crowded funfest with plenty of kids and parents in attendance. Raoul had gone to support all the kids he’d made friends with and found himself dodging dads who wanted autographs or to talk sports.

  “Ah, the price of fame,” Dakota said, coming up behind him as he explained that no, he hadn’t had his head up his ass during that third-quarter play at his last Super Bowl.

  He glanced at her gratefully. “Excuse me,” he told the group of men and grabbed her arm. “I need to talk to Dakota about some business.”

  “Using me as a getaway?” she asked.

  “Whatever works.” He led her out of the crowd, toward the main building. “The mothers are either snubbing me or telling me I’m a jerk, and the fathers all want to talk about specific plays during games I barely remember. There’s no elaborate planning in the middle of a football game. You have to react to what’s happening. If you aren’t prepared to trust your gut and go with what you feel is right, you’ll never win.”

  He paused as she stared at him with rapt attention.

  “Oh, please,” she breathed. “Tell me more. Don’t leave out any details.”

  “Funny,” he muttered, then drew his eyebrows together. “Hey, you’re speaking to me. Aren’t you supposed to ignore me?”

  “I work for you.”

  “I thought you’d be pissed about Pia.” Everyone else was.

  As she’d promised, Pia had spread the word that she’d been the one to break up with him. The problem was not enough people believed her. Or they assumed he’d done something so awful she’d been forced to end things with him.