L'amore: The Luminara Series

by SJ Molloy

  He studies my expression with genuine concern. Moving a tousled wave from my eyes, he skims over my cheek with his thumb then over my lips. “The last thing I want is you being uncomfortable or jealous. You have no reason to be. You are mine and I am yours. You are all I will ever want or need. You need to trust me but I am glad you are being honest with me. It is killing me, Lexi. I do not want my fiancée ever to feel jealous. Promise me you will listen to me when I tell you how much you mean to me. I cannot handle the thought that you feel envious and especially of someone like Kimberley.” He leans over to kiss me all over with nothing but sweet, tender, loving care.

  My stomach churns and I feel an awful weight tugging inside my core. It’s the dreaded guilt pulling me towards that black cave. Darkness.

  “You have nothing and no one to feel envious of. If anything, Kimberley most likely feels more awkward than you do. She has never seen me in a relationship other than with Francesca, and if she has feelings towards me like you say, then she will be hurting because of the love I have for you and only you. She is making a fool of herself if she thinks for one moment I am going to pay her any attention. If anything it makes me lose respect in her even more.” He nibbles on the shell of my ear.

  I twirl his wavy, wet hair with my fingers from one hand and stroke his chest with my other. “I spoke to Suzanne yesterday about moving Kimberley’s position. Suzanne is fine with it as long as I find someone to fill Kimberley’s post to help Suzanne with her work load.”

  “Oh … I know you talked about it, I didn’t think you would actually move her job.” I am so relieved he is taking this seriously.

  “Yes, of course I am. I said I would and I made you a promise. I actually was thinking she could work in the admin office in Edinburgh Club di Energia. That would get her far enough away. If she moans about the travelling, then she has a choice to make: stay or go. I love you, dolcezza, and will do anything it takes to make you happy.”

  I tilt my head to the side, nuzzling into his chest, and he protectively pulls his arm around me, enfolding me in his grip. “I know you do. Please, don’t mention anything to Anna until later. I don’t want to be seen as the insecure new girlfriend while Kimberley is still here or give her the satisfaction that she is getting to me.” I sigh.

  “Fiancée,” he corrects then adds, “Whatever you want. I will make sure she leaves after lunch. She has wasted enough of our family time today.”

  “Are you mad at me for storming away?” I gingerly ask.

  “No, how could I ever be mad at you? You are too fucking adorable.” He leans over and places soft kisses on my swollen lips.

  I find dry swimwear to put on. This time I choose my emerald green bikini. It will be obvious that we’ve been preoccupied with each other, but the other swimwear is wet and cold and would be too uncomfortable against my skin. After the baby monitor incident last night, nothing could be as mortifying, but I actually would love to make a point to Kimberley.

  Lucca fastens the bikini strap at my back. “Hmmm, this makes me think of the day I stripped this off you at the farmhouse,” he rasps in my ear then places gentle kisses on my shoulders. He grasps both my breasts, rubbing his thumb across the edge of the bikini, and adds, “We also need to discuss next week. I have to work away, but I want you with me if you are going to continue to have nightmares.” We touched on this but never came to a conclusion about it.

  I turn around, wrapping my arms around his neck. “Thank you for looking after me, but honestly, I’ll be fine. I’ll have Hazel, Cameron, Lucy, or Jess come and stay with me. I have an appointment at the family planning clinic, and I’ve made arrangements with Mark to go into the clinic for a day. I don’t want to leave Doris again after just getting back, and I’ve promised Jane I would meet her for lunch.”

  Choices.

  I’ve made my decision. As much as it pains me to be separated from him, I have obligations and I need to stay here.

  He tenses and clutches at my shoulders, piercing me with despondent eyes. “Firstly, I am not having you go back to work yet, and definitely not while you are still recovering. Secondly, you never told me you had an appointment at the family planning clinic.” He’s not enthused. I knew he would react like this. That’s why I never told him.

  “I told you that I wanted a more permanent form of contraception in Tuscany. You don’t want to wear condoms, and there is always a chance you might have to if I miss a pill.”

  “What do you mean permanent? You are not considering some crazy shit like getting sterilised, are you?” He’s panicking now.

  “No, just something like an injection. I can get one every twelve weeks, and then I don’t have to worry about taking the pill. It’s completely safe, and fertility normally resumes afterwards. It’s just a consultation,” I explain.

  “Lexi, I think we need to talk about this further. I want to have a family with you, and don’t want to wait years to do so. This sounds like an extreme option.” He pinches his forehead with his middle finger and thumb in agitation.

  “Lucca, stop pressuring me. It’s my body,” I protest. I wasn’t able to have control over things that happened to my body as a child, so I most definitely will make sure I do as an adult.

  He looks anguished, dropping his hands from my shoulders and slumping his own shoulders, completely deflated. He looks down and is momentarily silent.

  “I’m not ready to have kids yet, so please just accept that the contraception is only temporary until we decide the time is right to try,” I add, because even though I’m making choices regarding my body, I am willing to compromise, especially after the time I’ve spent around the kids. It’s got me thinking about the concept of having kids at some point, especially with Lucca. This is something I would never have considered, ever, but I am warming to the idea.

  He looks up at me with huge hopeful eyes and a massive smile. “Are you telling me you have changed your mind and that you do want to have a family with me?” He places his arms around my waist, pulling me in close to him.

  “Yes, I’ve been thinking about it … how good you are with the kids and with Antonia, and how much I wanted to nurture and care for her. I never thought I would have a maternal instinct, but I enjoyed it. It felt natural. I loved watching you be so soft, caring, and attentive with them, especially the baby. It warmed my heart.”

  He picks me up, holding me tightly to his upper body and wrapping my legs around his waist, then kisses me fervently. “You have made me very happy indeed. God, I love you. You will be an amazing mother.”

  Once he has left my mouth to let me breathe, I add for safe measure, “I’ll definitely consider it, but not until after we’re married, and it will depend on my emotional state as well. It’s only fair.”

  He smiles in acceptance. “Okay, I will take it.”

  Holding hands in serenity, we walk back through to the pool to find chaos. Hazel is sitting in the Jacuzzi with Dominic, Anna, and Cameron. Kimberley is sitting on the ledge, dangling her feet into the water. Trying to keep my composure, I walk around the ledge and reluctantly welcome Kimberley.

  Hazel presses her lips in a firm line and raises her eyebrow to Lucca and then nods towards Kimberley. She is letting him know she is not happy with Kimberley being here either, it appears.

  “You two are unreal. Another quick change? Can you not keep your hands off one another?” Anna giggles.

  Kimberley clucks her tongue then slithers down, submerging herself into the Jacuzzi to join them. Hazel smiles, pleased that unintentionally Anna has pissed Kimberley off. I feel satisfied Kimberley knows exactly what Lucca and I have been up to. Hazel taps her middle finger on her chin, and I know she’s contemplating something.

  Excusing myself, I go back into the pool to play with the kids. Kimberly has a full view of my back and will undoubtedly see my scars, but I’m going to try to dismiss that anxiety, thinking of Lucca’s kind words and reassurance.

  He likes me confidant. If she can show her body off, t
hen so can I—scars as well.

  “Ewww, what’s that on your back?” Kimberley blurts out for all to hear, drawing attention to me.

  The kids have now noticed, and while I explain to them it is just some marks and convince a worried looking Roberta that it isn’t sore and I can’t feel them, Anna has scolded Kimberley for being rude. Kate and Sarah take the kids and move them to the far side of the pool.

  “Kimberley! That was uncalled for. Why do you have to be so rude?” Anna says, totally shocked and seems flushed with embarrassment for Kimberley’s outburst. Cameron tenses, filled with rage, as does Lucca.

  “What? I’m only asking a question,” Kimberley says but doesn’t even look remotely apologetic.

  Hazel sees me flustered and clenching my jaw. “You know what, Anna, I don’t care much for your friend and maybe now you might start to see how much she is deliberately trying to annoy and hurt Lexi. In fact, Kimberley, I’m done sitting in your company. It has been very unpleasant and it’s unfortunate, because it was such a great day until you arrived to try and ruin it,” Hazel says, leaving both Kimberley and Anna gobsmacked. She gets up and walks towards the steam room, followed by Dominic.

  Lucca leans on the ledge of the Jacuzzi and tells Anna in a flat but firm tone that they need to talk later. Kimberley bristles and rolls her eyes. He completely ignores Kimberley and doesn’t make any eye contact. Cameron looks at me wondering what the hell is going on and shrugs. Then Lucca strokes my back and moves me away towards the kids, who thankfully were splashing around and didn’t pay any attention to the exchanged words.

  Sarah thanks me profusely for the babysitting duties and says she’s never felt more energetic after having a good sleep. Putting a brave face on, I put my arms out to Antonia to take her for a while. I’m ecstatic that she giggles and practically jumps into my arms, splashing her chubby, little legs eagerly as she tries to climb into my embrace. She looks adorable in a lemon and pink frilled swimsuit. I kiss her plump cheeks then wade around the water with her.

  “Wook, Aunty Wexi, I’m a shark!” Emilio shouts.

  “Wow, that’s great, Emilio,” I praise as I watch him put his face under the water. Roberta has leaped on my back, wrapping her legs around my waist and her arms around my neck as she enjoys a piggyback ride through the water.

  After smiling and watching me closely, Lucca finally joins us to take Antonia from my arms, noticing I’m being weighed down with the other kids. She puts her hands straight in his mouth, babbling and blowing bubbles. There is something very sexy about him holding the baby.

  It’s endearing. My heart picks up a staccato rhythm watching him, and I ruminate about our future. I think I could actually do this for him after we’re married. When I know no one can hear, I kiss his shoulder, resting my chin there and whisper, “If you’re going to be that sexy and handsome with our baby one day, we might need to get married as soon as possible.” Jesus my emotions are all over the place. One minute I’m so opposed to the idea and the next I warm to it. It’s mentally exhausting.

  “Antonia, do you know how much I love this woman?” he says in an animated voice. She chuckles at him, rocking in his arms. Armando takes Antonia to get her dried off for her lunch, and Lucca pulls me to him, kissing me heatedly.

  “Ewww!” the boys squeal when they see us kissing.

  “Give it a rest,” Cameron groans.

  Kimberley glances towards us very icily. Then she slinks off to the sauna with Anna to probably gossip about what was said earlier. I hope Anna puts her in her place. Cameron is unbelievable. I need to watch his flirtatious ways and sexual gestures, but it is not appropriate in front of the kids so I take the opportunity to splash Lucca playfully then mingle with Kate and Sarah.

  After another delicious family lunch, I ask Hazel to help me clear up in the kitchen to give us some privacy to talk while Lucca is talking with Anna in his study. Cameron and Dominic are outside with Doris and the boys, kicking a ball around, while Kate, Sarah, Armando, and Savio are in the family room with the girls.

  “Thank you for sticking up for me earlier,” I say, putting the milk back in the fridge.

  “You’re welcome. I was not having that devious little bitch speak to you like that. She was trying to get a reaction out of you. You did the right thing by ignoring her. I think that annoyed her more. I probably pissed Anna off, but no wonder. Does she honestly think her best friend is a nice person?” Hazel scrapes some plates and puts them in the dishwasher. “I take it you never knew she was coming?”

  “No, I didn’t. Apparently Anna invited her; Lucca is having a word with her now. I swear she bloody infuriates me,” I curse, rinsing some glasses.

  “Roo, I’m telling you that girl is trouble. You were right to pick up on something the night you met her at dinner. I don’t understand how she and Anna are friends, because they’re so different. Kimberley is riddled with jealously, so you’re going to have to be careful. She feels very threatened by you; even Dominic picked up on it. Before you and Lucca returned, she was being manipulative, asking Anna things about you until I eventually butted in and said if she wanted to know anything to ask me. After all, I was sitting right next to her.”

  Hazel follows me into the pantry where I place some ingredients back on the shelves.

  I shrug. “I don’t know what to do about her. I’m not happy that’s she’s here. In fact, I’m pissed about it, and it’s been annoying me all afternoon.”

  “You need to tell Lucca and keep her at a distance. There is just something I can’t put my finger on. She’s not trustworthy.” Hazel is very serious, and I trust her instincts because she is a good judge of character.

  I drop my dishcloth and hug her. “I did, we chatted about it. I think he’s going to shuffle her to a different position, but don’t mention anything. Thank you for looking out for me. I love you.” I step back, holding her hands. “Do you know she has a history with Lucca?” I think this is what is getting to me more.

  Hazel lifts her eyebrows and puts her hands on her hips. “Do you think I’m stupid? She still wants him, Lexi, and I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s using Anna to get to him.” Hazel nods her head with a knowing look.

  Lucca brings his laptop from the office to the open living area of the kitchen and sets it up.

  “Did you speak to Anna?” I ask, gathering the place mats from the table.

  “Yes. She had no idea that Kimberley has been so rude to you and how you feel about it, and she said she never would have invited her if she knew it was going to upset you. I have asked her not to invite her back.” He lowers his tone so no one overhears. Hazel on the other hand doesn’t seem to care who hears her.

  “Well good. Having your past continually thrown in Lexi’s face is pissing me off. An employee should not be hanging out at your family home, never mind one of your exes who obviously has it in for Lexi. I’m surprised you never threw her gold slinky ass right out the pool. If I were not a guest here, I would have dragged her out. Are you going to invite Miss threesome around for a splash as well?” Hazel rants with her hand on her hip.

  Lucca sounds offended and hurt with her words. “Of course not. I agree she should not be here, and quite frankly I am fucking pissed off too that she is. Anna is talking to her just now. Lexi, are you okay, baby?” He sounds exasperated and genuinely annoyed. He cocks his head, looking over Hazel’s shoulder at me.

  “Yes, I am just …” Hazel nudges me in the waist to warn me that Anna and the others have returned so I keep quiet and we change the subject.

  Lucca Skypes his parents. Antonio and Marissa have his grandparents over visiting, allowing them to speak and see the family through the webcam. Marissa, looking smart and beautifully tailored with her hair styled in place, weeps as she speaks to her grandchildren. She’s overwhelmed with longing and emotion, missing them all very much. We catch up on lots of various topics and have a nice time speaking with them.

  Marissa takes the opportunity to ask if we are any furth
er with the wedding plans, to which I try to change the subject. Sarah giggles and nudges my waist discreetly so they can’t see, but Lucca notices and he grins at our harmless fun and shakes his head, knowing how overbearing his mother can be, although she means well.

  Antonia gets a little restless biting on her toy and Marissa notices. “Sarah, I was thinking I could come over and help you with Antonia when your maternity leave is finished. Poor darling’s little gums are bothering her, and I hate the thought of her going into a nursery.”

  Sarah gasps and I prod her in the waist, returning the little joke we are sharing. Put on the spot, Sarah adds, “Um, thank you for the offer, Marissa, but honestly it’s okay. I am extending my maternity leave this time. I like being at home with them, but it will be lovely to see you when you’re home. The kids will love that.”

  I quietly giggle. Kate smiles as Sarah is cornered, and I am thankful the pressure is off of me.

  “Plus, Lucca and Lexi are great with Antonia, so I know where to come if I need extra help.” Sarah turns and gives me the cheekiest grin, and I have to look away to save myself from bursting into loud laughter.

  “Well excellent, I am glad. Those two need lots of practice for when they give me more little darling grandchildren,” Marissa enthusiastically says. That wipes the smile off my face quickly.

  Antonia is getting more restless, so I take the opportunity and let everyone continue chatting as I walk with her into the living room and find Kimberley sitting on the sofa dressed in a skin-tight, cotton maxi dress that hugs her slender frame. She glances up towards me then drops her head and continues to scroll through her phone, not making any effort to speak.

  Why is she still here?

  I feel I need to be the mature person here. “So have you enjoyed your day so far?” It’s the only question that comes to my mind.

  “Yes, I used to spend a lot of time here on the weekends with Lucca, so it’s nice to be back.” She smirks.