by Simone Elise
“You were right, there isn’t anything keeping me here,” I muttered, stuffing the passport, flight information and ticket in my pocket. “Anyway, this is what you wanted.”
“I just want you to get a life you can be proud of Amber.” Dad’s voice was soft, and he gave me a kind smile. “Did you tell the boys about this?”
“No.” I shook my head, knowing that they would try and stop me, but there was no point in my staying. Their lives would be easier with me out of the picture. They could stop having to look after me.
“Would you like me to?” Dad offered, and I shrugged my shoulders.
“If they ask you, then I guess yes. Just don’t tell them before my flight has left.” I pulled the key from my pocket and a note, and handed it to dad. “Make sure Troy gets this. It is the key to his bike; the note tells him where I’ve left it for him.”
Troy treasured that bike, so I couldn’t just leave it at the airport.
“I will.” Dad smiled at me. “Call me when you land.”
I nodded my head, and added, “I’d better go.”
“Have a safe flight Amber.”
“Bye dad,” I said, and quickly walked away from the limo and into the airport. I wasn’t good at goodbyes.
***
I sat in a plastic chair, waiting for my boarding call. I unlocked the phone in my hand once more, debating on whether to call Troy or not. I knew I’d said I would, but I just couldn’t build up the courage to tell him I was leaving.
Biting the bullet, I finally just dialed his number. The boarding call was going to get over any minute and the more I thought about him finding out I had left from dad, the more I realized it just didn’t sit right with me.
It only rang twice before he answered.
“Amber?”
“Troy.”
“Where are you?” his voice was rushed and panicked.
“I’m fine,” although the emptiness in my voice was a dead giveaway.
“We’ve been looking for you for hours! Where are you now? We are coming to pick you up.”
When he said we, I knew my other brothers must be with him and that brought a slight smile to my face.
“Troy. I have to tell you something,” I sighed. “I’m leaving.”
“What do you mean leaving?” Troy’s voice was firm, and I could hear the hushed voices in the background, demanding to know what was going on.
“I spoke to dad, and everything has been arranged.” I felt the tears building up. “I’m sorry I’m telling you like this.”
“Amber, where are you going?” I knew that tone; that tone said that he wasn’t going to let me leave.
“Troy, look there is nothing you can do. I’ve made up my mind. Dad was right. I need a fresh start.”
The boarding call went over the speaker. I had to hurry this up now.
“Was that a boarding call?” Troy’s voice spiked with concern “Amber, whatever you are thinking about doing, don’t.”
“I’m sorry Troy. Can you tell the others that? I know now all you guys ever did was try to protect me.”
“Amber, don’t hang up. Look, about tonight there are a few things you need to know. Just don’t get on that plane until you let Jax explain a few things.”
What? Was Jax already regretting his words? I smiled bitterly to myself.
“Jax made himself very clear Troy. Look, I have to go.” I looked at the people boarding the plane.
“Amber, don’t leave. Don’t let what happened tonight drive you from your family.”
“This isn’t about that,” I said as I stepped into line in the boarding queue. “I can’t keep being the girl I am Troy. My life is going nowhere.”
“Jax loves you Amber..., I know we don’t say it all the time, but we love you too. Don’t just give up on us.”
“I’m not giving up on you guys. You boys have done enough for me, and it’s time I did something for you all.”
“Don’t board that plane!” Troy’s words were firm.
“Tell Jax to not doubt himself, he made the right decision.” It physically hurt me to say that. “He needs someone stronger than me and I’m sure he will find her.” The tears began to fall.
“I’ll call you soon Troy, I promise.”
“Amber, please don’t do this!” His voice was raw. He really didn’t want me to leave. “Just let us talk and then if you still want to leave, you can get the next flight, or if you won’t do that, just tell me where you are going?”
“I love you Troy,” I said softly, “I’ll call you when I land.” I handed my ticket to the lady. “I’ve got to go.”
I hung up my phone quickly, not letting Troy say another word because nothing he, or anyone for that matter, could say, would stop me from boarding this plane.
I swallowed the doubts in my stomach and boarded the plate. Time to start somewhere fresh, with no boyfriend or family to have my back. I was in this alone, and, for some reason, that truly terrified me.
Troy
I closed my phone after listening to the beeping for a few seconds. I couldn’t stop her, as much as I attempted to. I was sure she had boarded that plane.
“Well, did you stop her?” Cole said, his eyes darting from the road to me, as he sped in and out of traffic.
“No. Turn around.” I threw my phone in the center console.
“What do you mean no!” Jax leaned into the front, his expression torn with guilt. “Did she board the plane?”
“Yes.” It killed me to say that one word, because it meant Amber was gone, and most likely was gone for good.
Cole eased off the gas a little and slowed back into normal traffic. We were only a block away from the airport, but we were too late.
“She’s gone.” Cole’s words seemed to echo in the car.
“Did she say where?” Tyler asked from the back seat, his concern for her clear. “Did she sound ok?”
“No, she didn’t.” I turned around in my seat and looked Jax in the eye. This was all his fault. “She was a fucking wreck and now, thanks to you, we have no idea where she has gone.”
Jax sat back in his seat. I could see that he was hurting, but he should be. He had driven my sister from our house, from our city!
Turning back around, I glared out the front window. “From now on Jackson, it is only business.” My voice was hard. He had caused this, and, by doing so, he had lost my sister, and all my respect.
Chapter 46
One month later
Jax
I splashed a handful of cold water on my face; I was struggling to wake up. I hadn’t been sleeping since Amber had left. Guilt and regret consumed me. I was finding it harder to get through a day without my thoughts drifting to her.
The ‘should-haves’ began to race through my mind again. I should have stopped her, I should have let her explain. I should have trusted her.
I grabbed my leather vest off the bed. I was craving some action; for anything to happen today that would take my mind off her for a few hours.
The smell of cigarettes was strong in the air when I walked out into the lounge area. Now that parole was over, I could move out of the Shield’s and into the clubhouse. I couldn’t have left quick enough, because the Shield’s didn’t want me there. They blamed me for losing Amber, and they had a right to.
It was my fault she was gone.
“They’re doing that video chat thing with Amber.” Adam yawned from the couch, “Thought I’d let you know.”
Surprisingly, Adam hadn’t changed much since what had happened. He still treated me the same, and, for some unknown reason, was actually pushing me to speak with Amber.
“Of course you did,” I scoffed.
“Yeah, you should go in there,” Adam nodded his head towards the table room.
I could hear the other guys in there making a fuss, but I wasn’t interested, because hearing her voice just pulled at my heart strings, and brought emotions I didn’t want to deal with to the surface.
“I’
m going out,” I muttered, storming through the room. Like I said, I needed action, something to take my mind off her. The last thing I wanted to do was hang around here and listen to Amber’s voice.
Hearing her only reminded me that I would never have her.
Troy
“Cole, stop that!” I slapped his hand as he went to re-adjust the laptop camera again. “Or I will fucking break your hand off.”
Cole glared at me and sat back in the chair beside me.
“Look, it is Amber!” Tyler pointed to the computer screen, and I quickly whipped around to see.
Sure enough, Amber was smiling at us through the computer screen. The first thing I noticed was that she had cut her hair.
“You got a haircut!” Cole exclaimed, noticing the same thing.
“Yeah, it was annoying me.” Amber’s voice echoed through the computer speakers.
“How’s England?” I asked her. Since she’d left, I’d been worrying about her more than normal. I could only imagine the trouble she could get up to, all by herself over there.
“Yeah, it’s awesome here,” she grinned, looking happy. “The only downside is not having a threatening motorbike gang to back me up.” Cheekiness flashed across her eyes. “How are you guys?”
“Troy’s got a girlfriend,” Cole gruffed, and I punched him in the arm as soon as he said it.
I didn’t like anyone mentioning April, because I wasn’t used to having a girlfriend, and it still stumped me slightly when I heard it out loud.
“You’re kidding!” Amber exclaimed. “Who is it?”
“April Reyes,” Tyler answered straight away, and he stepped back before I could slug him.
“April Reyes, the chick that works at the video shop?” Amber asked, curiosity in her voice.
“She hasn’t worked there for years; it closed down!” I snapped, defending her; for some reason it just came naturally to defend her. Dating someone was new to me, and being lucky enough to have April, well… I wasn’t used to it.
“Well, who knew Troy, that you had it in you.” Amber smiled at me, and I hated it. “April is really nice, from what I remember.”
“Enough about me,” I snapped. “It’s not interesting.”
“It kind of is,” Amber giggled at me. “Troy, I can’t believe you actually have a girlfriend!”
“Get over it already! I didn’t make this big of a deal when you started going out with Ja…” I regretted it as soon as I said it. My temper always got the best of me.
Amber went silent and so did the boys. Really, couldn’t they bring something else up already? The silence seemed to last forever and, funnily enough, it was Amber who broke it.
“How is Jax?” Amber didn’t have any emotion in her voice. “Is he still with Mai?”
“He was never with Mai,” I answered, seeing as it was me who brought this up and the boys had suddenly become mutes.
“Didn’t seem that way when I left,” Amber muttered, and looked down into her lap.
“Maybe you should call him?” Adam said as he walked into the room, and positioned himself behind me, looking at Amber. “Work things out?”
Amber looked at Adam, and I wanted to smack him. The last thing I wanted was her back with that dipstick, but, on the other hand, if they worked it out, maybe she would come back…
Amber looked away from the computer screen for a few moments. Someone must have entered the room. She covered the microphone so we couldn’t hear.
“Look guys, I have to go,” Amber said quickly, “I’ll um call you guys soon.” She gave us a quick smile before disappearing on us and a ‘disconnected’ signal flash on the computer.
“What was that about?” I frowned.
“That was your fault,” Cole huffed, getting up from the chair. Hating the fact his time with Amber was over. Out of all of us, he was missing her the most. He was grumpier than normal.
I glared at his back as he walked out of the room, his normal air of arrogance following him.
“She’s up to something,” Tyler muttered; he was as curious as I was.
“Yeah, I agree.” I looked up at Tyler. “And I don’t like it.”
I didn’t like not being able to keep a track of her; it didn’t sit right with me. Amber always had a way of getting herself into trouble; in fact, she had it down to a fine art.
“Nothing we can do from here,” Tyler said, annoyed, before leaving the room. He was right. There wasn’t anything we could do. I just hoped Amber wasn’t getting into anything. Anyway, how much trouble could she get into? It was England after all. It wasn’t like she knew anyone there.
Amber
I still don’t know how they knew. But they did. As soon as my plane landed, they were at the airport, waiting for me. TNS. Well, not any member of TNS. TNS stood for his name. Tae Neal Smith. An English gangster. He started his empire in the UK and then branched out.
I had met him once at home. He was in the country organizing a new head role. At the time, we got on. Because I’d met him directly, TNS trusted me. At the time, I wasn’t scared of him but that changed when I found him waiting for me at the airport.
I closed my laptop abruptly as my Aunt opened my bedroom door. “Tae is here.” She smiled. “He said it’s important.”
My aunt wasn’t batty. If I had to describe her in one word, I would say… caring. She cared about me. I didn’t understand why; we had only known each other for a month but what really got me, was that she also supported me.
England wasn’t huge so she knew Tae and his reputation. She was startled at first when he approached her at the airport, while he was waiting for me. He knew everything there was to know about her; he’d done his research, but who he’d also researched, was me.
“Thanks.” I got up and picked up my duffle bag. “I won’t be back tonight.”
Tae shouldn’t be here. If he was, it meant something was wrong and he was counting on me to fix it.
I walked down the hallway and bang, there he was, waiting in the foyer.
“Amber,” he greeted me, his normal, non-caring smile on his face. “We have a problem.”
“And here I was thinking you just came to say hi.” I moved the duffle bag on my shoulder.
“We can talk in the car,” he said as he opened the front door.
“Wait a sec; you are coming with me tonight?” I looked at him surprised. Tae didn’t get his hands dirty; he left that to the rest of us. Well, that wasn’t completely true… he left it to me.
Well, he had for over a month; as soon as I’d got here. He’d made me a proposal and I didn’t hate the idea of working for him. He wanted to train me. He wanted me to become the invisible hand back home that controlled his interests.
I still didn’t want to head home, and I was going to put it off as long as I could.
I didn’t want to see….Jax.
I cringed as I walked down the porch steps. How could just remembering his name hurt?
But it did.
Time. That was what I needed; time to pass, so my wounds would heal. That… and distance. Two things. That’s all I needed. I had the distance but the time, well, that was harder. Every day I woke up and hoped that hole in my heart would be healed.
But so far, I still woke up with a hole.
But I think what was worse was the piece of heart that was left… well, it was empty. Empty of emotion. I didn’t feel anything. I was literally bulletproof now. Heartless, as Tae had pointed out the other night.
I still didn’t know the real reason we broke up. Something to do with my brothers. I sighed as I got in the car. It really didn’t matter anymore; we were in different countries. And yet, here I was; even though I was off to threaten and kill someone, he was on my mind.
How the hell was that fair! I was throwing myself into Tae’s lifestyle, breathing his ruthlessness. Trying to follow his lead. Yet, I was still hung up on Jax!
Who wasn’t even in the country!
I was stupid.
But al
so when it came down it, I had been blinded.
I loved him. And he simply didn’t love me back.
Maybe that was what really hurt me? I’d told him over and over how we were perfect for each other. Yet, when it came down to it, he used my brothers as an excuse.
My brothers. Guilt washed over me. If they knew how deep I was getting in with the TNS, even though I would always be invisible, just pulling strings and taking out hits. Still, if they knew - they would be seeing red.
Then wanting to kill me.
You would think a new country would mean a new me.
It was clear - my past was going to influence my future. I knew that as soon as I saw Tae at the airport. Just because dad wanted to give me a fresh start didn’t mean I was going to get one.
Tae had made good points. He knew I wasn’t going to be capable of working a nine to five job. Hell, he knew when it came down to it; my skill with a gun was just that - skill. Something to be trained and focused on. Improved on.
Which is what we had been doing - at the shooting range, at his place, on his land, and with his enemies. With each one I took out, I got better. Each one I killed took something from me though. I thought one day I would wake up regretting the lives I had taken.
And I found out that day came, and went just as quickly. Guilt wouldn’t stop me.
Nothing could stop me. It was like I didn’t have a heart anymore, to care. Jax had taken it, stomped on it and handed it back and I had declined the offer to take what was left of my heart.
The ache I felt for him, waking up every morning still with it – well, that was the only reason I even considered I still had a piece of my heart.
Because when it came to business, I was getting as ruthless as the man grooming me.
“Amber, the address has changed - they are at the shipping yard. Can you calculate for that?”
I unzipped my duffle bag and nodded my head. “I’ll do the math and the readings when I get there.” I looked down at my sniper. It was the first thing Tae had given me. State of the art. Top of the line. And I knew how to use it.