In Your Honor

by Heidi Hutchinson

  “I know.” He was so stoic that she was taken aback. Where was the sarcastic comeback? Where was the belligerent attitude that she knew so well from him?

  “And you promised...” Lucy didn't finish the sentence because she actually didn't want to remind him. As much trouble as they caused one another, she still wanted him around. She wanted to see him and be near him. Even if it was the worst idea in the world.

  “I'll stay away.” He paused, like there was more to say, but instead he nodded at her and walked away.

  She watched his back and wondered if she was doing the right thing. How long could a storm be in stasis before lightning struck? Would they survive it and come out better on the other side? Or would they both be destroyed by their own recklessness?

  Chapter 5

  Southern Accent

  The first couple of days on the road, Lucy was too busy to even notice that Blake wasn't around. The nonstop movement of the tour took her breath away. She wasn't as overwhelmed as she had feared she would be, but it was still vastly different from her normal day-to-day life back home.

  She missed her dad. And the diner. And the predictability of her routine. But the thrill of being onstage and performing her heart out nearly every night was a decent enough trade-off. She'd known she was going to get homesick, she just hadn't expected it so soon was all.

  Lenny seemed to sense her loneliness and had started to invite her along on different excursions. Lucy went along gratefully, needing the distraction. The long hours on the bus surrounded by only Taylor, Chad and Stuart were great for writing music, practicing, and poop jokes, but Lucy couldn't survive on that. She needed real human interaction. And Lenny provided that, along with the occasional adventure.

  Lucy was only a little surprised at their fast-formed friendship. She enjoyed Lenny's forthrightness and lack of fear. It made Lucy feel braver and more important than she was. And Lenny seemed to think that Lucy was hilarious, so they got along quite well.

  “When we get to New York, I have to meet a friend and I want you to come with,” Lenny said as she licked the whipped topping off of the top of her mocha. It had become their habit to find a coffee shop in every town they parked in and order the biggest, hottest mocha they could find while they planned what to do next. The sugar rush was also a great bonus.

  “Okay,” Lucy agreed easily. “Are they famous?” she asked curiously. Lenny never name-dropped, but it was common knowledge she had access to some pretty exclusive circles of celebrities and athletes.

  “Not to me.” Lenny smiled slightly. “He's started his own line of snowboards and he wants to meet with me to discuss a business partnership.”

  “Have you decided if you're going to compete next year?” Lucy tentatively tasted her hot drink, burning the tip of her tongue.

  “I've been talking about it with Luke a lot. I hate being away from him for that long, but he thinks that this tour will be big enough that they can take most of next year off.”

  “I keep forgetting that he's his own boss,” Lucy mused as she looked out the window of the cafe at the passing traffic.

  “Don't tell Carl that,” Lenny pointed out.

  “I think Carl hates me,” Lucy deadpanned, and then grinned as Lenny almost spit coffee through her nose in amusement.

  “Why do you think that?” she asked when she'd recovered.

  “He's always growling and frowning when he's around me.” Lucy scowled and turned her mouth down to demonstrate.

  “That's just Carl,” Lenny reasoned, shaking her head with a smile. “He was born grumpy.” She took another drink of her mocha and Lucy could see the question behind her eyes and wondered if she would ask this time.

  They had had numerous conversations, but Lenny had always been careful not to ask about the elephant in the room. In fact, no one had asked about her past with Blake. Almost as if they'd been instructed not to. Which wouldn't surprise Lucy at all. But Lenny didn't seem like the type to follow the party line.

  “So...” Lenny started, avoiding eye contact and sounding way too casual. “How long have you known Blake?”

  “A while.” She watched Lenny chew on the inside of her cheek and wanted to smile. She wasn't supposed to be talking about this. Lucy realized they had crossed the last boundary of friendship where they were willing to break rules for each other, and it made her smile.

  “You wanna tell me... anything... about that?” Lenny rested her chin in her hand and gazed out the window like she didn't care what Lucy's answer was, even though it was pretty obvious that she was dying to know.

  “This is a forbidden topic, isn't it?” Lucy confronted her with raised eyebrows.

  Lenny's eyes swung back to hers and she exhaled heavily. “Yes! But it's killing me not to ask!”

  “Well, what do you already know?” Lucy leaned both elbows on the table, loving the rebellious glint in Lenny's dark blue eyes.

  “Nothing.” Lenny leaned back in her chair, exasperation all over her face. “Not really. No one will tell me anything. Luke said you guys grew up together and that you were each other's first loves. But that doesn't explain all the frickin' tension around here.”

  Lucy grimaced. That was accurate. The tension was thick and it affected everyone, even though no one talked about it. “That's all true. Blake and I...” Lucy didn't know what more she could add. She had never really been able to explain the intensity of their relationship even to herself. “We were best friends.”

  “Were?” Lenny cocked an eyebrow.

  “Yeah, inseparable.” Lucy sighed and picked at the cardboard sleeve of her cup. “In high school we followed the natural progression from friends to lovers.” Lucy grit her teeth and then took a drink of her coffee. “But it didn't work out.”

  “What do you mean?” Lenny asked gently.

  Lucy felt the familiar sting in her eyes that happened when she allowed herself to revisit those memories. “I mean, I fell in love with him. Hard.” She swallowed. “And he didn't fall back.” She leaned back in her chair and pushed her hair back over her shoulder, trying to put on her bravest face.

  “Blake and I were very close, even as kids. We know each other's good and bad so well it's not even fair.

  “I've always been a very... passionate person.” Her voice dripped with cynicism to help cover over the hurt. “And Blake, I think, got to a point where he couldn't handle it anymore.” She laughed sardonically. “He couldn't handle me... I was... too much.” Her words trailed off as her brain accessed a long buried memory. She decided to skip the private details and just tell the basics.

  “Things were really great. But then we had a huge fight one night and he left for California without telling me.”

  “That's when he ended up with that now-defunct punk band.” Lenny nodded her head, filling in the parts she knew.

  “Every time his tour would come near town he'd show up at my door...” Lucy shook her head, disappointed at herself. “He'd tell me he loved me and that he needed me and blah blah blah.” She pursed her lips. “And I always believed him because I was so happy he was back and I had missed him so much. I'd shamelessly throw myself right back into his arms. I must have looked like a complete fool to the bands he was touring with. He'd always bring me backstage and introduce me, that's why Luke and the guys know me. They must've thought I was so stupid. Because he always left the next morning before I woke up. Without so much as a note.

  “I guess somewhere along the way I had had enough. I started seeing this guy we had both gone to school with. Frank. We dated for a while and then got engaged. Blake was on the first headlining tour for DBS and he came to see me, but Frank was there. It got pretty ugly.”

  “What happened?” Lenny was engrossed and Lucy felt a twinge of guilt for disclosing Blake's past without his permission, but pushed through it. It was her story too.

  “They got into a fist fight. Blake broke his nose and Frank threatened to call the cops and press charges, but I talked him out of it. I told Blake he
couldn't come back. That I wasn't his girl anymore.” Lucy tapped the sides of her now-empty cup. “And he didn't... until a couple weeks ago.”

  Lenny studied her for a long time before speaking. “You're not married, though.”

  “No,” Lucy smirked. “Apparently I was too much for Blake, but not enough for Frank. He had a few girlfriends on the side.”

  “I'm sorry, that sucks.” Lenny frowned with compassion. “I get why you stay away from each other.”

  “I wish we could be friends again.” Lucy smiled wistfully down at the table. “I miss that part the most... but with Blake, it could never be one without the other.”

  “Maybe,” Lenny said quietly, causing Lucy to look up. “I've learned in the past year to never write anyone off. People can surprise you.”

  ***

  Blake's eyes flew open in the darkness of his bunk. He tried to calm his racing heart, but his pulse thundered in his ears. His whole body was tense and he had to focus on relaxing. His breathing began to even out and he pulled the curtain back, swung his legs out and dropped into the walkway.

  He slipped on his discarded jeans and padded silently through the quiet interior of the still bus. They must have parked at the next venue, he noted as he saw the first pale signs of dawn begin on the horizon out the side window. Not bothering with shoes, he quietly opened the bus door and descended into the parking lot.

  The pavement was cool under his bare feet, but the air was still warm from the lingering humidity that rolled off the nearby ocean. He ran his hand through his hair and breathed in deeply. He needed his head to be clear.

  For two weeks he had successfully kept his promise of staying away from Lucy. But she wouldn't stay out of his head. His dreams at night had ranged from terrifying to erotic and sometimes a combination of the two extremes. Not talking to her was killing him inside.

  He watched her play and sing every night, and that probably wasn't helping with his ache for her. Her talent was captivating. It always had been. She was the one person in the world who could mesmerize him with a simple chord and her angelic voice. When she played, her face held such joy that he couldn't take his eyes off of her. The most beautiful girl in the world.

  He sighed and stuck his hands in his pockets. This was the longest, hardest tour of his life. All that time spent avoiding home and avoiding her and here she was, constantly in arms' reach. And yet, never had she been so far away.

  ***

  Blake tried to focus on sound check but it was difficult. He could hear Lucy's laughter from the sound booth, where she was joking around with Lenny and Greg. It really wasn't fair how much brighter she made things. He was hyper-aware of her location at all times.

  “Blake, you wanna give us some vocals?” Greg hollered from the booth. Luke was still wrapping an interview with a local paper and the band was standing around waiting.

  “Sure,” Blake responded into the mic as he stared hard at Lucy. She was watching. Good.

  He turned towards Mike. “You know any Tom Petty?”

  “Are you kidding? I cut my teeth on Tom Petty. What do you have in mind?” Mike leaned forward eagerly.

  “'Here Comes My Girl,'” Blake responded flatly. Was he really going to sing their song? You bet your ass he was.

  Harrison and Sway stepped over. “You sure?” Sway raised an eyebrow.

  Blake gave him a cavalier grin. “No harm in warming up with a classic.”

  Mike struck the drums, dissuading any further conversation, and Blake's hands automatically found the chord. He spun to the mic and growled out the first words of the song he used to sing to Lucy.

  His eyes sought and found hers over the edge of the sound booth. She looked pissed. And gorgeous. She folded her arms across her chest and jutted her chin out, narrowing her eyes at him. He expected her to stalk off in a huff, but she didn't.

  He poured all of the frustration and attitude he'd been feeling into what he was doing. He knew he looked cocky and was coming across a little bit like a dick, but it was the best therapy for him at the moment. He didn't mean for his tone to be sarcastic, but when you're singing about being with someone forever to the person you promised it to and forever had been canceled... it felt pretty sarcastic.

  ***

  “What an ass,” Lucy said out loud.

  “Is it just me, or is Blake singing directly at you?” Lenny asked from next to her.

  “It used to be our song.” Lucy pursed her lips. “He's just being a dick.”

  “Dick or no dick, he's definitely a southern boy,” Greg interjected. “You have to be from the south to play that lick.”

  Lucy felt Lenny looking at her but she didn't break eye contact with Blake. While it felt like he was trying some passive-aggressive punishment thing on her, she couldn't deny the familiar pull she felt towards him ripping upwards from her insides. Blake, behind a microphone, with a guitar slung across his hips, was still one of the hottest sights in the universe. And he knew it.

  The song started to close and Blake wriggled his hips in her direction as the band went right into a DBS song. He wasn't Luke Casey, but his snarl was pretty damn effective. Lucy took a steadying breath, shoved her hands in her pockets and decided to walk away.

  ***

  They were traveling up the eastern seaboard, coming up on a day off. The two bands had seemed to peel off into little groups. Taylor had been invited to go fishing with Luke and Mike, and Lenny invited Lucy to go to the beach with Chad and Sway. It sounded like fun and Lucy could really use the sunshine, so she agreed.

  She changed into her swimsuit in the bus and frowned at herself in the full-length mirror behind the bathroom door. She tugged the side of the top of the dark green suit down to cover the small, black script swirled against her ribs under her left arm. That was something she didn't want to have to explain yet. To anyone.

  She threw on some jeans, an old, gray DBS shirt that she'd had for years, and flip flops.

  “You ready?” Lenny called from the main lounge.

  “Yep.” Lucy grabbed a towel and hurried out the door. A day off was exactly what she needed. Nothing to do but relax and soak up the sun, maybe swim a little. She climbed into the van, Kendra at the wheel, and paused. She had done a fairly decent job of avoiding Blake since his little stunt at sound check a few days ago, but there he was, sitting in the backseat with Sway. She tried to cover her surprise as she took a seat next to Lenny and Chad.

  Lenny gave her an apologetic look and Lucy shook her head subtly, not wanting to make a big deal out of it. They should be able to be around one another, they were adults now, not headstrong teenagers. Even if Blake insisted on acting like it.

  They arrived at the pristine beach. Sway, Blake and Chad set up some chairs and umbrellas for the ladies and unloaded the coolers, blankets and towels before shedding their shirts and heading for the water.

  Kendra pulled a book out of her bag and parked herself a few yards away. It looked like she had picked the perfect location to be able to watch everyone at once, and Lucy smiled at how unassuming that girl could be. Chad had tried his hardest to flirt with her the whole drive over, but she never responded. It was probably for the best, Chad had been spending time with Sway and they each only seemed to encourage the other's bad behavior.

  Lenny took off her shorts and tank, revealing a brilliant, sky blue bikini that made her eyes pop. Lucy was suddenly self-conscious next to the breathtaking blonde and wondered if she should keep her clothes on instead.

  “You okay?” Lenny asked, watching her closely. When Lucy didn't answer she added, “I didn't know Blake was coming with... you're not upset, are you?”

  “No, I'm not upset.” Lucy smiled at her friend. “Just a little thrown off. I'll be fine.” She shook off her discomfort and decided to enjoy the day as much as possible. To hell with her random insecurities.

  After a few minutes of lying in the sun chatting with Lenny and sometimes Kendra, she relaxed considerably. She had almost forgotten about the
other three individuals who had accompanied them.

  Chad whistled as he rejoined the girls and got a bottle of water out of the cooler. He flicked an ice cube at Lucy and she yelped when it landed on her stomach.

  “That's cold!” Lucy cried, brushing it off quickly.

  Chad chuckled and took a sip of his water, then tossed water bottles to Blake and Sway.

  “You guys should come swimming, the water is amazing,” Chad said as he took a seat in the sand next to Lucy.

  “I like it right here, thank you very much.” Lucy kept her eyes closed, not wanting to see if Blake was nearby. Though she knew he was, she could feel it.

  “What if... I don't give you a choice?” Chad asked playfully and Lucy frowned, not understanding his meaning. She figured it out too late, just as he suddenly scooped her up and threw her over his shoulder.

  “No, Chad!” Lucy yelled. “I will so kick your ass!” She smacked his back with her hands as he laughed and jogged towards the water.

  “Totally worth it!” he shouted back.

  He plunged into the water, letting her go once they were deep enough. She swam away from his grasp and splashed water in his face. He was laughing hysterically but she was not amused.

  “You are so dead,” Lucy threatened. “Don't forget, I know where you sleep!” She splashed him again and he reached out and grabbed her wrists.

  “I couldn't help it, you looked hot.” His eyebrows waggled, “I mean, temperature-wise. You're pretty average in the looks department.” He laughed when she gasped at his insult and tried to splash him again, but he held her wrists tightly.

  Lucy switched tactics. She locked eyes with him, making her face serious as she propelled her body closer to his, wrapping her legs around his waist. His eyes widened at their close proximity and he let go of her arms. Then, she grabbed him by the shoulders and shoved his head under water. While he sputtered, disoriented, she swam back to the shore.

  “That is so cheating, Lucy Newton!” he yelled from behind her, and she chuckled as she exited the water.