In Your Honor

by Heidi Hutchinson

  No one, and that included all the celebrities and socialites he'd crossed paths with over the years, could make his heart race like that girl. She was excitement incarnate. A swirl of color, passion and overwhelming love.

  He finished his waffles and went up to the counter to pay for his meal. Mac stepped behind the register to ring him up.

  “You know, we're all proud of you,” Mac said, causing Blake to raise his eyebrows. “We just never understood why you left her behind.”

  “She's pretty fantastic, isn't she? Just goes to show how much of an idiot I am,” Blake agreed. He took his receipt and left quickly, not wanting the small talk with Mac. Besides, he had another stop to make.

  ***

  Can a man have a complete turnaround in one day? Can he truly take an honest look at himself in a mirror, not like what he sees, and make it different?

  Blake's thoughts were becoming more philosophical and introspective by the minute. His fingers were itching to hold a bottle with a black label, but he forced the feeling away. He wasn't a punk kid anymore. It was time to see if he could handle facing the choices he had made without any chemical counselor to spin the truth of it for him.

  The Harley growled beneath him as he sped out of town. He knew the route by heart, not even thinking as he took the side road and then the next one. Streets were unmarked and houses began to space themselves out.

  Lucy had thought that he had lied about loving her. About wanting to be with her forever. His actions beginning on the night of her eighteenth birthday had dictated that much. But a couple of years ago, Blake had stumbled upon the opportunity to change that. He'd just never had the courage to follow through. And now it might be too late.

  He parked the bike and dismounted, breathing in the fresh air and surveying the enormous plot of land. The house still stood proud against the blue prairie sky and he smiled with satisfaction.

  This was his secret. No one knew, not the band, not Lucy, not even Mama. Just him and the attorneys involved in the sale.

  When Lucy's grandparents had passed away a few years back, a few days apart from each other, the family had had to sell the land to pay the taxes and keep the diner going. Blake had come home for the funeral. He hadn't told anyone. Lucy was already engaged to Frank, and she had asked him to stay away. He had intended to. But he knew that she was hurting and he needed to be near her. To share in her grief. Like when they were kids.

  In his effort to hide his presence, he'd accidentally bumped into the lawyer in charge of the estate and had gotten the whole story. So Blake did what he knew he must: he bought the house and the land it was on. Paying above the asking price, making sure that it was enough to cover all the taxes and keep the diner intact.

  He had intended to gift it to Lucy for her wedding to Frank, sort of a peace offering after having broken the guy's nose once, and her heart so many times. But his vindictive jealousy had taken over and he'd kept it a secret.

  He pulled the key out of his pocket and unlocked the door. Walking inside, he was bombarded by the ghosts of he and Lucy running through the halls and down the stairs. They'd spent most of their childhood in or around this house. Her grandparents had treated him like one of their own. He and Mama had been included in family holidays and special occasions. He'd never lacked for love and acceptance.

  So why the hell was he such a dick?

  Was it possible for a person to choose to be screwed up all on their own? Regardless of circumstance and upbringing?

  Obviously, he had excelled at it. He had had a massive chip on his shoulder, but as he wandered through the old farmhouse he accepted the fact that he didn't have a reason for it. He was just a dick. All on his own. It really was that simple.

  He ran his hand over the smooth banister leading him to the upstairs. Her grandfather had built the house with his bare hands. It had withstood countless storms and tornadoes, and the connection wasn't lost on Blake. The house represented everything he loved about Lucy too. Strong, steady, beautiful. It's probably why he hadn't let it go yet.

  The yard, overgrown with wildflowers and honeysuckle, stretched out in front of him from the window at the top of the stairs.

  When he had bought the house, part of him had held a selfish desire that they would figure it out and maybe he could bring her here, and it could be their home. She'd leave Frank, and Blake would be able to say all the right words and do all the right things and she'd come back to his arms. Where she belonged.

  But there wasn't anything to figure out. God had truly given him a gift and he had squandered it. Now, she would bring light to someone else's world. She was across the country, in another man's arms. And yet, she was here with him. Always surrounding him and reminding him of everything they could have been.

  It was here, at the top of the stairs, looking out over the flowers and into the blue Oklahoma sky, where Blake finally understood. Where he surrendered to the burning in his chest that had plagued him for years, that had sent him running to the booze to prevent it from happening. But there was no cure. Only acceptance. And he finally let it happen.

  He sank to his knees, his eyes burning. He couldn't remember the last time he had cried and he vaguely wondered if his tear ducts still worked properly. Hot tracks made their way down his face and he wiped them away in denial. But there were too many and he gave up. His vision blurred and he leaned his back against the wall, holding his head in his hands. It hurt so bad. This was the part where the pain was unbearable, and normally he'd go find a nice bar to distract him. But not tonight.

  A guttural cry tore from his throat and echoed in the empty house. He threw his head back against the wall with a thud and squeezed his eyes shut in an attempt to block out the distressed sound of the organ that was beating on the inside of his ribcage.

  “What have I done?” he called into the house. He'd ruined everything, that's what he had done.

  Guilt impaled him with a fiery arrow, burning his insides and reducing his heart to ashes. He couldn't go back. He couldn't fix it. The reality of his choices collapsed in on him and he cried out in physical pain.

  “God, forgive me.” His rough whisper was the deepest confession he had the strength to give, and he hardly recognized his own voice as it slipped from his lips.

  Can a man change in a day? Can he become something new?

  Blake wasn't even sure if he counted as any kind of a man at all.

  Chapter 15

  Crack the Shutters

  Shane awoke to the sound of Lucy's joyous laughter downstairs. He rubbed his face, trying to reorient himself. Grabbing at his phone on the floor, he checked the time to see if he had slept in. No, the alarm wasn't supposed to go off for another half an hour. He quickly switched out his pajama pants for jeans and jogged downstairs.

  “Dude, put a shirt on. You're making me look bad.” Adam held up his hand to block his view like he was disgusted. Shane ignored him and his eyes swept along the breakfast bar in search of his travel companion.

  She was sitting in the middle. Adam, Steve and Kip to her right, Bo and Brady to her left. Serge was manning the griddle and making what appeared to be pancakes. Lucy cradled a coffee mug in between both hands, her dark, wild hair tumbling down her back and over her one bare shoulder. The white, gauzy shirt she was wearing seemed to glow against her freshly bronzed skin.

  But it was her smile that drew Shane in.

  He walked around the bar and came up behind her, sliding his hands up her back and resting them on her shoulders. She leaned against him, tipping her head back with a welcoming smile, and he placed a kiss on her forehead.

  “How long have you been awake?” he asked softly, looking around at his friends who were being way too chummy with his date.

  “A little while. I'm still on bus time.”

  “Lucy was telling us about being on tour,” Kip filled in, pushing back his thinning curly hair. He wasn't that old, probably close to thirty. But he'd been fighting his premature balding since high school. Of c
ourse, his steady use of marijuana didn't exactly help matters.

  “Why are you guys up so early?” Shane narrowed his eyes at them collectively.

  “I was already out this morning,” Serge commented from his post at the griddle. “When I came inside, Lucy was making coffee.”

  She grinned up at him again. “I have to have coffee. Sorry, babe.”

  Babe, she called me babe. Don't get too excited, Brookings.

  “Yeah, babe,” Steve curled his lip, “girl has got to have her coffee.”

  “Don't be a dick, Steve,” Lucy said, rolling her eyes, and Shane chuckled. So, she didn't just get along with his friends, she didn't take their shit either. Good to know.

  “Apparently,” Lucy said with a single arched eyebrow, “surfers wake up to the smell of coffee.”

  “Plus, she's like the coolest chick I think I've ever met,” Kip added, which caused Lucy to roll her eyes again.

  Shane looked at his friends skeptically. It was true, Lucy was the coolest chick around, so he understood the appeal. It still made him nervous. Maybe unnecessarily, but still.

  “You could have woken me up, I wouldn't have minded,” he said, against the shell of her ear.

  Her mouth crooked up on one side and he noticed the color change in her ears.

  “I'll remember that for next time,” she promised quietly.

  “How do you always end up with the hot chick?” Steve bemoaned as he stood and got a refill of his coffee.

  “Aren't you here with Harmony?” Bo asked, elbowing Brady, who chuckled.

  Bo and Brady were brothers who were only a year apart, but they could very well have been twins. They had the same blue eyes, and blond hair that they kept long and shaggy that was permanently bleached by the sun. The surfer boy stereotype definitely held up.

  It was common knowledge that they didn't like Harmony.

  “Yeah,” Steve rubbed his forehead anxiously, “but she's kind of a handful.”

  “I'll take her off your hands for you,” Adam volunteered. Adam had easily moved into the role that Shane used to occupy. He was suave, charming, athletic, and had absolutely no moral grounds whatsoever. But he also didn't judge anyone else's motives either. “Live and let live,” was his motto, and it was working out for him so far.

  “You think that now, but...” Steve shook his head and the guys laughed.

  “You had to have her.” Kip shook his head in disgust.

  “She was throwing herself at me, what else was I supposed to do?” Steve protested.

  “Um, have some standards?” Bo suggested with obvious cynicism.

  “C'mon guys,” Lucy admonished. “She's still a person.”

  Shane looked down at her, surprised. He felt himself smiling, she was so good. She was as beautiful on the inside as she was on the outside.

  “You don't know her yet,” Brady warned dryly. “Give it a couple of days.”

  “Still.” Lucy's pretty face was scrunched in a frown, clearly upset by their talk. “No one needs to be blasted behind their back.”

  “Damn you, Brookings,” Bo exclaimed, “why you gotta be bringing the girl that makes me feel bad about myself?”

  Shane shrugged as he squeezed Lucy's shoulders warmly. What else could he do?

  “Beach day?” Brady asked with a head tilt.

  “Yeah, I promised Lucy I'd teach her how to surf. We'll probably practice pop-ups all day and paddle out tomorrow.” Shane went to get his own cup of coffee.

  “Right on.” Brady stood up, pushing his coffee cup away. “Well, children, I'm gonna get my own start.” He winked at Lucy. “Looking forward to seeing that little bikini again later.”

  Shane glared at him on his way past, but Brady only laughed.

  “I should get going, too, before Harmony wakes up,” Steve said with trepidation, and drained his cup quickly.

  “I told you, dude.” Bo pursed his lips. “I frickin' told you.”

  “Yeah, yeah, yeah.” Steve waved him off and they both followed Brady down the hall.

  “Pancakes?” Serge offered the remaining group as he doled out the product of his early morning cooking venture.

  “Pop-ups all day?” Adam questioned around a huge mouthful.

  “She's never done this before, I don't want her to get hurt.” Shane took Bo's vacated seat beside Lucy and poured syrup onto his stack.

  “I'm not even gonna pretend to know what y'all are talking about,” Lucy muttered.

  “You will by the end of the day.” Adam shook his head. “Your legs are gonna be on fire.”

  “Shane knows what he is doing,” Serge offered calmly. “You will do fine.”

  “Mmm, do I smell pancakes?” Harmony came sauntering into the kitchen in booty shorts and a tank top. No bra. Her over-processed hair was gathered in a tight knot on the back of her head and mascara was smeared across one side of her face.

  “Help yourself.” Serge waved at the counter top, his mouth making a hard line. Even the level-headed Norwegian struggled slightly with the vibe that entered with Harmony.

  “Where's Steve?” Harmony looked around at the remaining faces.

  “He already went out,” Adam filled in, a glint in his eye. “Why don't you come sit by me, sexy?”

  Harmony's feline smile sent chills down Shane's spine and he faced away from her, focusing his attention on the prairie flower next to him.

  “How did you sleep?” he asked Lucy, noticing the refreshed look on her face.

  “Great.” She nodded enthusiastically. “That bed is huge, I really got to stretch out. It was a nice change from the cramped bunks.”

  “You couldn't have had that much room,” Kip quipped. “Not sleeping next to this guy.” He jerked his thumb at Shane. “How tall are you dude? Six-five, six-six? Not to mention the wingspan.” His whistled under his breath before he took another sip of coffee.

  “Oh, um...” Lucy's ears were bright red and she looked back down to her cup. Shane had no problem with being honest. The last thing he wanted was for her to feel awkward. Of course his dipshit friends thought they slept together. That's what he did. That's who he was. Or who he used to be.

  “I'm only six-four. And I slept on the couch,” he spoke up, all eyes focusing on him.

  “Why?” Harmony's condescending tone made him take an extra breath. Imagine being judged for not having sex.

  “None of your business, Harm,” he said calmly. Harmony rolled her eyes but kept her mouth shut. He was glad for that. It wasn't her business or anyone else's for that matter. If and when that happened shouldn't be up for public discussion or ridicule. That was between Shane and Lucy.

  The conversation turned to other things after Shane's abrupt answer. Kip and Adam began asking Serge how the swell was this morning, and Shane saw Lucy relax as she listened to Serge's descriptive report. She began asking questions, and the boys were more than happy to teach her the lingo. He decided to get another cup of coffee.

  “You talk weird.” Harmony zeroed in on Lucy again the moment Shane had walked away.

  “What do you mean?” Lucy looked confused by the sudden interruption.

  “Are you from the country?” Harmony asked. Her smile too innocent, her eyes too cunning.

  Lucy's gaze dropped to her cup again as she replied, “Small town in Oklahoma.” Small, like her voice just now.

  “It's so cute, your little accent,” Harmony tittered.

  “You finished with your breakfast?” Shane cut in. He could see where this was going.

  “Yes,” Lucy answered, crisp and clear. He immediately felt bad that she was now self-conscious of her words. He liked her slight drawl and the way words came out from between her lovely lips.

  “Harm, since you were the last one up, you have to do the dishes.” Shane didn't know if that would work but he didn't care. He really, really did not care.

  “What?” Harmony pouted, and Adam laughed at her.

  Shane nodded with his head for Lucy to join him. She got off the
stool and circled around the bar. He caught her around the waist, seeing Harmony's calculating eyes, and quickly led Lucy back upstairs.

  “Damn, that girl has legs,” he heard Kip say as they left the room.

  “Well, duh, we all have legs,” Harmony snapped.

  “Don't be jealous, Harm. It's not a good color on you,” Kip retorted.

  Shane wanted to laugh but he kept moving silently, not wanting Harmony to cause his flower to wilt any more that morning. She was too good at the game, and Lucy didn't play games at all. It wasn't a fair fight.

  “I don't think she likes me,” Lucy said quietly when they had reached their room.

  “Don't worry about it,” Shane tried to comfort her. “She doesn't really like herself.”

  “That's sad,” Lucy pointed out, her face solemn.

  Shane shrugged. Lucy was right, but he didn't want to waste his week with her trying to psychoanalyze Harmony. Besides, he was still preoccupied with his own issues he was trying to overcome. He didn't want to start meddling in someone else's.

  “Get changed, we have things to do today,” he changed the subject with a smile and tapped her nose. She grinned and spun on her toes, grabbed her suit and went into the bathroom.

  ***

  Pop-ups, Lucy learned very quickly, involved Shane teaching her the basics of keeping her balance on a surfboard.

  He made her practice for hours, crouching down on the beach and popping back up. She felt a little like a dummy but he was very encouraging, giving her kisses as a reward when she got it right.

  That was Lucy's favorite part. Shane's kisses were slow and languid, she'd never really experienced anything like it. Time seemed so irrelevant when Shane was kissing her.

  His friends would come by every once in awhile and try to give their own pointers, undermining Shane's teaching ability, but Lucy could see that it was only the dynamics of the friendship. She was getting along really well with the guys. It didn't surprise her, she usually got along with everyone. She had the belief that she was a moderately likable person.