In Your Honor

by Heidi Hutchinson

  They were halfway back to the hotel before the silence became unbearable. “I'm sorry,” she stammered, “about that. I didn't mean to embarrass you.”

  He reached over and held her hand but continued to stare out the window mutely.

  Even after they had reached her room, he remained tight-lipped. He shucked his suit jacket and removed his tie as he paced by the window for a few minutes. She sank down on the edge of her bed, slowly removing her impossible shoes. The longer he went without saying anything, the worse she felt.

  “I have to leave for New York in a few hours,” he said suddenly, his deep voice breaking the quiet. Lucy watched him struggle with something internally before finally sitting on the bed next to her. His expression was guarded as he searched her eyes the same way he had at the party.

  “I'm not a fool. I've had my fair share of jealous outbursts and I know that's exactly what happened in there.” He spoke slowly and rested a hand on top of both her clasped ones in her lap.

  Lucy's throat constricted and she opened her mouth to suck in air. “That's not—” She shook her head to disagree.

  “Yeah, it was,” Shane stopped her. He looked down at their hands, his face slack. After a minute of silence he spoke again. Softly. Carefully. “Maybe it's something as simple as old habits dying hard, but I can't begin to tell you how it felt to have you get so worked up over another guy. It doesn't matter that you two have been over for years or whatever.” He brought his eyes up to hers, the amber color darker and almost bronze. “I've lost my heart to you. And it physically hurts to think that your heart still belongs to someone else.”

  Lucy felt large tears drop onto her cheeks. She never thought that her actions might hurt this beautiful, perfect man. She hadn't thought at all. She'd just reacted. Like she always did with Blake.

  “I'm so sorry, Shane,” she whispered. “I didn't mean for any of that to happen. I overreacted and I have no idea why. I haven't been myself since we got to L.A...”

  Shane heaved out another sigh and looked at the floor. “I'm falling in love with you, Lucy. And it scares me that you have that much power over me.”

  Her breath caught at his words and she grabbed his face in both hands, trying to get him to look at her again. Did he really say what she thought he said?

  “Look at me, Shane,” she directed, and his eyes finally swept up to hers. She stood and pushed between his knees, cradling his face in her hands. His hands came up and rested lightly on her hips. “I'm falling in love with you, too.”

  His fingers tightened on her as he watched her closely with an expression of guarded hopefulness. She dipped her head, capturing his lips with hers. It was so easy with Shane. He loved her. It was that simple. And loving him in return was uncomplicated and painless. Loving him was safe and in that moment, that's all she wanted to feel. Safe and protected.

  He kissed her back, his fervor growing. Hands that clenched her hips now pulled her forward and pressed into her back. She could feel the desperation in his kiss, in his touch. And she wanted to. She wanted him to overwhelm whatever remnant of Blake remained inside of her.

  He stood, picking her up with him, then lay her down on the bed. His mouth never lost contact with hers. Fingers slipped in between the straps on her dress and pulled them gently over her shoulders. She let out a sigh when his hand traveled down to the hem of her short dress and grazed her bare thigh.

  Shane pulled away from her and took a deep breath, his eyes searching hers. Asking a very important question. She ran her hands over his chest, telling him the answer without saying the words. His eyes closed and he groaned as she undid the buttons on his dress shirt and slipped her hands in to caress his rock-hard chest.

  Suddenly, he grabbed both of her hands in one of his and pushed her away. “Not like this.” Her eyes flew up to his in confusion. His eyes were closed tightly, frustration contorting his features.

  “I want this... more than you know. But not like this. Not when I'll be afraid that you're still hung up on another guy. The timing is all wrong.”

  Lucy nodded her assent, suddenly feeling foolish. She wanted to argue his point, but too much of it was true. Shame clawed at her insides. She turned her face away, preparing to slip quietly to the bathroom to hide until her embarrassment subsided.

  “Hey,” Shane eased down on the bed next to her, wrapping one strong arm around her middle and pulling her against him. “Please let me hold you for a little while.”

  “You still want to be with me?” she whispered, turning in his arms to face him. Tears clung to the back of her throat, afraid of his answer.

  His finger ran down her cheek and under her jaw as he gazed at her adoringly. “You have no idea how hard it is for me to say no to you when you look the way you do, saying the things you say. But I don't want our first time to be like this. Not under these circumstances. When it's time, I want it to just be about me and you.”

  Her eyes closed in sweet relief. She truly didn't deserve how good he was to her.

  “Will you stay until you have to leave, at least?”

  “Absolutely.”

  ***

  Blake watched Shane lead Lucy out of the building. His heart was heavy with what had transpired moments before. He really hadn't been expecting that.

  He had struggled all night with keeping his eyes in his own head. When that elevator door opened and she stepped out in that glittery gold thing, he thought his heart had actually climbed out of his chest and jumped into that tiny clutch purse she was carrying around. The dress was impossibly short, leaving very little to the imagination, and those heels added extra oomph in all the right places. He had to stop himself from taking off his suit jacket and covering her up with it. Her dark eyes were magnetic and drew him in every time he so much as glanced in her direction. Her hair had been pulled up, showing off the curve of her neck and the slope of her collar bone. She was breathtaking. Literally. He had no breath.

  All night he kept her in his line of sight just for his own torture. She was so happy and comfortable next to Shane. The towering athlete was a perfect gentleman all night too, because Blake was paying careful attention to that as well. He was both impressed and irritated.

  But having Lucy confront him with Ashton crushed him.

  He knew that he had hardened himself towards her when she approached. He had recognized the look of betrayal in her eyes, but she wasn't his to comfort and reassure. Thankfully, Shane had swooped in and taken over before he cracked under the pressure and pulled her into his arms. That could've been bad.

  Ashton's soft body leaned into him and he focused on the more immediate issue. He steered her through the crowd and to her waiting limo. Climbing into the backseat with her, he ignored the flashing cameras and the questions hurled at them from the nearby paparazzi. But the rumors of their hook-up would no doubt be all over the internet within minutes.

  Ashton was practically in his lap the entire drive across town. She ran her hands all over his chest and tangled one of her incredibly smooth legs around his.

  “How come you and I never hooked up before?” she purred in his ear. “All that time on the road together and we never even thought about it.”

  “I'd be lying if I said I never thought about it,” Blake answered darkly.

  The limo came to a stop and Blake helped the inebriated singer to her penthouse suite. They crossed the lobby swiftly as she giggled while he tried to hold on to her. Nearby onlookers gaped and some took pictures with their cellphones. As he struggled with helping her keep her balance while at the same time keeping her dress from flashing all of her goods, he had a new-found appreciation for all the times he'd needed people to help him to his room. Drunks were sloppy walkers. Add in a pair of six-inch heels, and it was one of the more extreme sports he'd had the privilege of participating in.

  They made it to her room safely, not counting the numerous photos that were no doubt being broadcast all over the world wide web at the moment. Blake sat her in a chair nea
r the door and called down to room service for breakfast to be delivered right away in the morning. She was going to need it.

  He hung up the phone and took a minute to look at his surroundings. It was posh and suited Ashton well. The overly ornate decorations just covered over the simple beauty of the classic architecture. It wasn't Blake's style.

  “Can you believe I didn't even get nominated?” Blake turned back to the raven-haired beauty. She had gotten her heels off and was pouting as she slowly crossed the room towards him in her bare feet. He'd seen that look on a woman's face before, it was predatory, and he knew exactly what she was coming for.

  “You'll get it next year,” he offered, taking a step to the side so he could swing wide to pass her on the way to the door.

  She slipped the straps of her dress off her shoulders and let the black fabric pool at her feet. Blake looked away from her naked form, focusing on the carpet. Ashton James was hot to be sure, but again, she wasn't Blake's style.

  “Why won't you look at me?” He heard her coming closer. “Don't you want your reward for getting me home safely?”

  “Ashton,” Blake sighed as temptation threatened to rear its ugly head. “I did a lady a favor. Nothing more.” He started for the door, wanting to get out of there before he changed his mind. It had been an exhausting day for his self-control and Blake just wanted to get to a place where he didn't have to feel like crap. This whole being respectable thing definitely had its draw-backs. A few more steps and he'd be free.

  “Your little friend was wrong.”

  Her words cut him in true Ashton form and caused him to turn towards her. She'd scooped up her dress and was now trying to cover the important parts, her brazenness suddenly gone.

  “You can't do better than me. You and I are the same. We're no good for anybody.” She was trying so hard to hold on to her bite, her growl. The thing that made her feared and respected all at once. But it was lost. Her voice came out broken and choppy and she looked down.

  Blake had never seen a vulnerable side to Ashton and he was at a loss for words. Glancing around, he pulled a cashmere throw off of the sofa. He wrapped it around her bare shoulders and looked into her enormous blue eyes.

  “No, Ashton, we can both do better than this. We have to keep trying.”

  A large tear rolled down her face as she looked up at him. “Please leave now,” she whispered, her bottom lip trembling.

  He did as she asked, leaving her key on the table by the door. And more glad than ever that he'd agreed to get her back to her place. Even though it looked bad and Lucy thought the worst, Blake was happy it was him and not someone else who would no doubt have taken advantage of the drunk and lonely songbird.

  And maybe, just maybe, this would help Ashton see that she was worth more than a random romp in the hay.

  Chapter 19

  Storm

  It had been seven days since Lucy had spoken to Blake. She'd gone an entire week without so much as a courtesy nod in his general direction. And she wasn't planning on breaking that streak soon.

  She recognized her immaturity in the matter and it only furthered her irritation with him and herself. She shouldn't care. It shouldn't matter that he'd gone back to Ashton James' hotel room. It shouldn't matter that he was so easily moving on with quite possibly the most beautiful person in the world.

  Because Lucy had Shane. Gorgeous, perfect, steady-as-a-rock Shane.

  She plugged her guitar in and began to tune it, her thoughts a mess. It was starting to affect her performances, and she was afraid others were taking notice. If she could only find some time, some space, to bring it all together, make sense of it.

  But that wasn't a possibility. The tour continued on and she was getting better at faking that she was fine. Or maybe she was completely sucking at it, who knew?

  Because she wasn't fine. She was angry. She was angry at Blake. She was angry at herself. She thought she was at the point in their relationship where they could be happy for one another. She had moved on with Shane at Blake's encouragement, so why couldn't she do the same for him? Because it was Ashton James? Because Lucy couldn't stop comparing herself to the woman? Was that what Blake had been wanting all this time? Perfect hair, perfect body, in control of the room around her, dripping with seduction and self-confidence? Because Lucy was none of those things. And she never would be.

  It was the blatant differences between herself and Ashton that had her reeling. All those years together, and that was the kind of girl that Blake had wanted her to be? No wonder he'd left. No wonder he couldn't find happiness with her.

  She wiped at the angry tear that slipped out of the corner of her eye. She didn't want to cry for him. Not anymore. She wanted to be done with him. She didn't even want to be his friend anymore. She didn't want to see him ever again. She would never measure up, it was all too obvious. She couldn't live in this world. She belonged behind the counter of the diner in the safety of a small town.

  It was what she had suspected all along. She had never been enough. Not for Blake, not for Frank, and she had a deep fear that Shane would figure it out eventually, too.

  Shane. She wanted very much to be with him. To prove she could love him. She had so much love inside, and her greatest weakness had been giving it too soon and too freely without anything in return. But Shane loved her back. He had to. She couldn't let herself think that he didn't. She needed to believe it, hold on to it. It was virtually the only thing keeping her sane at the moment.

  She stumbled through sound check, missing chords and forgetting words. Ignoring the puzzled looks from her bandmates, she unplugged and headed back to the bus for some peace and quiet.

  She climbed into the bus, followed by Chad, Taylor and Stuart.

  “Newton, we need to talk.” Taylor's voice was firm and Lucy felt her shoulders drop. So, they had noticed. Maybe they would just fire her and she could go home.

  “What's up, Tay?” She slumped onto the couch and rubbed her temples with her fingertips.

  Before he could respond, the door to the bus flew open, taking everyone by surprise.

  “Everyone out but Lucy!” Blake commanded sharply. Lucy met his glare, pouring all of her anger with him into that one look. The rest of the band members silently filed off the bus, not wanting to argue with the angry rocker.

  Blake locked the door behind them and crossed his arms over his chest, his jaw working under his skin. She mimicked his posture and set her own jaw.

  He finally broke the tense silence. “What the hell is going on with you?”

  “I have no idea what you're talking about,” she responded with dark sarcasm.

  “So it's gonna be like that, huh?” His frown deepened. “You're acting like a punk kid!”

  She didn't respond, and it only furthered his agitation.

  “You're screwing your bandmates because you're mad at me, Lucy! Don't you see how stupid that is?” He raised his voice and his face flushed with anger.

  “How do you know I'm mad at you?” she argued uselessly, knowing she was only pushing his buttons.

  “Please! After that display at the wrap party? You've been avoiding me for a week and doing piss-poor in rehearsal! If you're mad at me, then be mad at ME! Don't take it out on everyone else!”

  Lucy shot out of her seat. “It's hard, okay?! It's hard to see you move on with someone who is the complete opposite of me! It's like a kick in the gut!”

  “You think it's easy for me to see you with Shane? To see you falling in love with him right in front of my face? To have you right in front of me, but never be able to touch you because you belong to someone else?” Blake pointed at his chest, his breathing heavy.

  “It's different,” she retorted forcefully, even as her heart dipped into her stomach at his words.

  “How is it different?” he exclaimed, his arms flaring out to his sides.

  “It just is!” she yelled back.

  Her eyes started to burn with unshed tears and she bit the inside of he
r cheek and sat down again. She wasn't going to tell him why it bothered her. She couldn't. It hardly made sense in her head, she knew it wouldn't make any kind of sense out loud. He was right, she was being a brat.

  Blake crossed the room suddenly and dropped to his knees in front of her. “You're with Shane, Lucky. It shouldn't matter who I'm with. He loves you the way you deserve to be loved.” He was pleading with her, asking her to be okay.

  Tears dropped from her eyes as she stared into his face. “I'm sorry I wasn't enough for you.”

  “No, I wasn't enough for you.” Blake touched her face with the palm of his hand.

  “But why Ashton? Why the most beautiful woman in the world? Like I was nothing?” She knew her words only kind of made sense. The tears ran unchecked and he tried to wipe them away for her as his face broke before her.

  “You've got it all wrong.” He spoke so gently it increased her tears, and she choked back a sob. “Nothing happened with Ashton. And you have never been nothing. You have always been my everything.”

  She sucked her bottom lip into her mouth to try and calm down. But this was too much. He couldn't say things like that to her. Didn't he know what it would do to her?

  She opened her mouth to say as much when her phone started ringing on the seat next to her. Blake's hand dropped from her face as if burned and she glanced at the display. If it had been anyone else, she would have let it go to voicemail to try and solve this thing with Blake once and for all. But it was her cousin, Mac. And there was only one reason he would be calling her.

  She slid her thumb across the screen and stared into Blake's face. He hadn't moved from his position at her feet and frowned now at the look on her face. “Hey, Mac.”

  “Lucy?” Mac's voice was strained. “It's your dad.”

  Her body began to tremble and Blake gripped her hand tightly, his frown deepening.

  “He's had a heart attack. You need to come home right now.”

  “Okay.” The phone slipped from her hand as the room started to darken around her.