In Your Honor

by Heidi Hutchinson

  “Yeah, I'll get changed and see you down there.” She smiled placidly at her friend and stepped off the lift when it reached her floor.

  Sliding her key card into her lock, she took several deep breaths as she entered her empty room. She didn't have to share with anyone and she was reminded that this is what it would be like if she took the guys up on their offer of signing her to the label. The travel, the music, the excitement; it was everything she had dreamed it would be. So why was her fight or flight response threatening to take over?

  Hanging up her garment bag, she decided to take a fast shower, hoping to clear her head and maybe start over for the day. She combed through her wet hair, feeling marginally better. Dressing in her favorite pair of jeans and a dark purple t-shirt, she began to feel more like herself again. She checked her phone, realizing she still had a half hour before she was to meet Lenny. Maybe she should try to fit in a quick nap.

  A knock sounded on her door and she crossed the room, looking through the peephole.

  Blake.

  Lead butterflies. They were heavy little bastards and they were starting to bruise internal organs. The back and forth in her head was driving her crazy. Shouldn't she be happy to see her friend? Then why did it also cause her heart to twist and choke when she had to remind herself that that's where it would always stop? At friendship. Because that's the only thing that made sense. It's the only thing they could handle.

  And she was very much with Shane now.

  The affection that was continuing to grow and build for Shane was wonderful, sweet and safe. When she was with him, he consumed her every thought, she was completely wrapped up in him.

  But every time she looked at Blake, she felt like she was looking at home.

  “What's goin' on?” she asked, leaning against the door and swallowing hard. She pushed her distressing feelings a little further down. If anyone could see right through her, it would be Blake.

  But that was easier said than done.

  He stood before her wearing that stupid pale blue Underdog t-shirt that she had loved and jeans with missing belt loops and paint spray down one leg. It was like she had opened the door to her past. She blinked hard and stared at his attire.

  “Lenny wants to leave for dinner sooner rather than later and I volunteered to come get you.” He gave her a warm smile and she absently offered to let him in the room.

  “I'll wait out here,” he said, glancing down the hall where some people had gathered.

  She frowned but nodded, not wanting to question anything when there was so much happening she didn't understand. “I'll get my shoes on.”

  A weird buzzing started in the back of her skull and she drank a glass of water before joining him in the hall a minute later. The group of people were watching them and whispering.

  “Welcome to Hollywood,” Blake muttered to her as he put on his aviators and shoved his hands in his pockets. They entered the elevator and after the doors closed he released a chuckle.

  “I don't understand.” Lucy felt her body start to rise in temperature unexpectedly and the buzzing increased in intensity.

  “The band I'm in is kind of a big deal, Lucky.” He arched an eyebrow at her and she felt her face turn hot. She couldn't tell if it was from embarrassment or...

  “I know that,” she defended, her voice not sounding like her own.

  “That's why I didn't go into your room, people would think the exact wrong thing. And it would be on TMZ by morning.”

  “Oh,” was all she could think to say. She really didn't understand this side of the industry or why the air in the elevator had gotten so dense.

  “The media is starting to take notice of you too, you know,” he added as they made a slow descent. The elevator seemed to be crawling to its destination. It was going so much slower than the ride up earlier with Lenny.

  “That's absurd,” she scoffed, her eyes fixed on the ugly, busy hotel carpet.

  “When you make your debut with Shane tomorrow night, it'll be a lot harder for you to hide.”

  “I don't know what you're talking about.” Her throat was starting to constrict and she blinked hard to clear her head. Where the hell was that buzzing coming from?

  “Shane is a celebrity in his own right, and you guys coming out as an official couple tomorrow is going to draw a lot of attention. You really hadn't thought about it, had you?”

  She shook her head dumbly, the movement causing her to tighten her grip on the rail against the wall that she hadn't realized she'd been holding on to.

  “That's one of the reasons I've always loved you, you live in the moment.” He chuckled as the lift doors opened and he stepped out into the lobby where the rest of their group was waiting.

  But Lucy's feet refused to move. Did Blake say he loved her? He must have meant as a friend. Right? Yeah, that had to be it. He loved her like how she loved Chad. No, not like Chad. She didn't want to be Blake's Chad. Did that thought even make sense?

  Her head was spinning and she blinked hard, trying to focus. Her vision shrank to the size of a pinhole.

  She took a step, then another. She heard voices, exclamations. Someone caught her under her arms and helped her stand back up.

  “When was the last time you ate?” Blake's face was inches from hers and she heard his words but couldn't form a reply.

  “Maybe we should get her to a doctor.” Chad was speaking now. Silly Chad, always overreacting.

  Lucy worked some moisture back into her mouth. “No, I'm okay.” A half a dozen pairs of eyes looked at her skeptically and she tried to smile. “I think I'm just hungry.”

  ***

  Blake's jaw was working furiously as he debated whether or not to believe her and continue on with their night, or force her to get checked out by a physician.

  She hadn't had a panic attack since they were kids but he could recognize the onset of one. He should have picked up on the cues in the elevator. How he wished Shane were here to make his job easier.

  “Okay, let's get you a bottle of water and we'll fill you up on a bunch of red meat. You'll be fine in no time.” She smiled gratefully and he motioned for Chad to stand on her opposite side. He refused to let her go and he didn't give a shit what anyone thought of that. He'd turn her over to Brookings when he arrived, but until then, she was under his protection.

  She seemed to snap out of it during dinner and Blake breathed a sigh of relief. He suspected that the unusual territory and expectations had her on edge. But it was still so unlike her. It's not like there had been a singular event or altercation that could have caused that much anxiety. He knew she was nervous about the awards show, but she usually embraced the complex and exciting.

  Maybe she was sick. They had been traveling all over the country, it was possible she had picked up a bug along the way. He reached out and laid his palm on her forehead, checking for fever.

  Everyone stopped talking and stared at him.

  “Sorry, I was checking for fever,” he explained, his voice clipped and tense.

  “I think it was lack of nutrients.” Lucy smiled, her ears red. “I'm feeling better already.”

  Blake leaned back in his seat. Her brown eyes pleaded with him to let it go. She wanted him to believe her, that was obvious. But he couldn't let it go.

  Something was wrong.

  Blake slipped his phone out of his pocket and discreetly texted Shane. It was probably none of his business, he was probably overstepping the bounds of friendship, but he didn't care. Lucy was all he cared about.

  ***

  Lucy managed to make it through dinner without another episode but it was close. She had to pretend like Blake wasn't sitting six inches to her right with his old school jeans pressed up against her thigh all night long and staring holes into her. Every time she so much as glanced in his direction, green eyes were studying her face way too closely.

  He knew something was wrong. She truly hoped he didn't ask her about it, she was a terrible liar. Besides that, she didn'
t even know what was wrong, so how was she supposed to explain it?

  When Shane showed up at the restaurant she was certain she saw some sort of nonverbal exchange between him and Blake. But she didn't have time to analyze it because Shane whisked her back to the hotel. Like the knight in shining armor that he was.

  Ten minutes alone with him and she was completely relaxed and calm again. Her thoughts were back to normal. No more jeans with the missing belt loops, no more threadbare t-shirt that hugged tattooed biceps and connected to worried green eyes.

  She sat on the edge of the bed and took her shoes off as he told her about his flight and the drive over to the restaurant.

  “How are you feeling?” he asked tenderly, changing the subject and laying a hand on her knee.

  She looked into his concerned expression and knew someone had told on her. “Who was it? Lenny?” She tried to force a smile.

  “It doesn't matter who told.” He rubbed her knee with his thumb. “Are you okay?”

  Lucy sighed deeply, “Yeah, I'm okay. Mostly embarrassed.”

  “We don't have to go tomorrow.” He was guessing, and almost correctly, that she was nervous about the VMAs. His confident manner eased her immediately and she knew that as long as he was around, she would be fine. She could focus on Shane and the rest of the world would leave her alone. “We can stay in the hotel all day and order room service.”

  “Lenny bought me a freaking dress,” Lucy reminded him, thinking of the obnoxious price tag hanging a few feet away.

  “So? I'll reimburse her.” He touched her chin. “It doesn't matter. All that matters to me is you.”

  She smiled at him, unsure how to answer. She knew he meant it, he was crazy about her. She had no doubts.

  “I want to go,” she said simply. How was she supposed to tell him that it wasn't the awards show, it was only her own inner misgivings about her feelings that was making her crazy? She'd never doubted her heart before and now she was doing everything in her power to suffocate it. “I'll need your help with the walking,” she continued as she leaned into his side, hoping to soak up some his strength.

  “I'll use any excuse to hold onto you.” He wrapped an arm around her and she closed her eyes. “But you let me know the moment you want to leave and we're out of there. Okay?”

  “Okay.”

  ***

  The VMAs were all the insanity they looked like on TV. Cameras, celebrities, screaming fans, all of it.

  The dress, shoes and hair transformed Lucy into something resembling a starlet and she was confident she at least fit in. Lenny's stylist had done wonders with Lucy's wild hair. He twisted and curled and pinned it all into a swooping up-do that looked sophisticated, but still let Lucy feel like herself by letting a few curls go free. The makeup was a whole new experience. She got to have her face done by a professional and the false eyelashes were her favorite part. Who knew she liked getting fancied up?

  She would have been overwhelmed if it weren't for the solid and sturdy presence of Shane at her side. Clad in Armani, he had been true to his word and had kept his arm firmly locked around her all night. She didn't stumble or get nervous once. He was her rock. Her very well-dressed and super hot rock.

  Lenny and Luke lit up the red carpet. Lenny wore a short black dress and dripped with elegance while Luke wore a black suit and silver tie. He looked more like a movie star than a rock legend. Cameras flashed and people called to Luke to come over and say a few words to different labels of media. He was the definition of classy, and Lucy was proud to be associated with him and his band.

  The rest of DBS wore similar suits to Luke's but Blake was the biggest shock for her. She'd never seen him in anything but jeans. His face was shaved smooth and he'd combed his hair back properly. The dark suit and crisp white shirt made him look respectable, and she knew she stared a little longer than she should have when they all met in the hotel lobby to wait for the limos. But she was pretty sure that he had taken his time looking at her too. And shouldn't they notice these things about each other? They'd been friends for too long to pretend that this was a normal experience. He had given her a slight nod before getting in the second limo while Shane directed her to the first one.

  Luke hadn't been exaggerating when he said that certain artists would make fools of themselves. Some of the disasters were simply clothing-related while some individuals had to be removed by security. And everyone seemed to be drinking heavily.

  The highlight of the night was the DBS performance. With the guys' smart suits looking classy as hell, they played one of their iconic hits and it struck Lucy for the first time how famous Blake had really become. He'd taken his talent and had really turned it into something to be proud of. This is how it should have worked out. It was good that he had left all those years ago, she would only have held him back. And he was amazing. He needed to be allowed to shine.

  The presenters that night included Ashton James, the infamous ex of Luke Casey. Coincidentally, her seat was very near Lucy's and she had a hard time not staring at the ravishing brunette. She'd heard all about the trouble Ashton had caused on last year's tour and was having a hard time believing someone so beautiful could be that bitchy.

  Before the show started to wrap up, their group decided to head over to one of the wrap parties. They wouldn't be able to party too late since they had to get back on the road first thing in the morning.

  “You sure you're okay with this?” Shane had one arm locked around her waist as he spoke loudly in her ear. She grinned at him in reply, her voice would have been lost in the loud music anyway. Her anxiety from the previous twenty-four hours had been completely chased away by Shane's powerful presence.

  They proceeded to dance and mingle all night. Shane seemed to know everyone in the room and introduced her to more celebrities than she could count. She was starting to understand what Blake had said about people taking notice of her. More people knew who she was than she thought possible.

  Out of the corner of her eye she saw Blake chatting up a long-legged girl in a very short dress. She was surprised at the surge of jealousy that went through her and she shook her head, trying to clear it.

  “You all right?” Shane asked her, concern coloring his features.

  “Yeah, I'm gonna use the restroom.” She smiled and patted his arm reassuringly before making a beeline for the ladies' room.

  When she was finished with the facilities and stepped back into the pulsing party, she had a very clear shot of Blake and his female companion.

  Ashton James.

  Lucy's false sense of security dissolved and her limbs went stiff with shock. She took a deep breath and then another. The lead butterflies tried to make a comeback, but they were frozen in the pit of her stomach as she fought to come to terms with what she was seeing.

  Blake's mouth was whispering something into Ashton's ear that was making her laugh. Her long, manicured nails stroked his tie seductively and she leaned her body against his.

  Suddenly, all Lucy wanted was to be home. Safe in her hometown, her regular life back. Oblivious to Blake's life as a rock star. Because this... it was too much. She knew that in the years that Blake had been on the road to fame, things like this happened all the time. He'd been linked to more than a handful of beautiful starlets, but Lucy had been able to keep that in a portion of her mind reserved for nightmares and things she refused to think about willingly.

  At that moment, Blake's eyes locked with hers across the room. He frowned slightly, asking her a question from dozens of people away. She couldn't break free. All she could see was Ashton James' long legs and perfect hair and perfect lips, lips that were now pressed into the shell of Blake's ear.

  Maybe it was the feelings that she'd been trying to stuff down inside instead of acknowledging them. Maybe it was the fact that Blake held a special place in her heart that she couldn't seem to forget or get over. Or maybe it was those three ill-conceived tequila shots she'd done earlier with a very persuasive and blinged-out r
ap artist. Lucy didn't know. But something propelled her across the floor and made her insert herself into their conversation just as Ashton was handing a hotel room key to Blake.

  “What the hell?” Lucy heard her own voice. It was vaguely reminiscent of a much younger, more explosive version of herself. She was shaking and angry and almost immediately embarrassed, but she was too committed to back out now.

  “Lucy? Where's Shane?” Blake was frowning, his face hard. The lack of understanding he was showing cut her to the core and her eyes began to burn. This is who he had become, wasn't it? She just hadn't seen it until now.

  “Who's this?” Ashton's smile was syrupy and she leaned heavily against Blake, clearly intoxicated.

  “This is Lucy Newton, one of my good friends.” Blake slipped an arm around Ashton's waist, pulling her tight to his side as he looked around the room, waving someone over.

  Lucy wanted to throw up but she couldn't. She was disappointed beyond words and her body started to tremble violently.

  “I really like your dress,” Ashton oozed. “You're really hot. You wanna come back to my room with us?” She leaned towards Lucy with a sensual smile.

  Then a familiar arm encircled her shoulders and Shane started pulling her in the opposite direction. But Lucy refused to move. Her eyes locked on Blake's. Those green eyes that she thought she knew so well were looking at her with cold detachment.

  “You could do better than her, Blake,” she clipped forcefully. “You're too good for her!”

  The look on Ashton's face was bored amusement and Lucy wanted to scratch her eyes out, but Shane had gotten more aggressive with his attempts to get her to leave the situation.

  He stopped moving when they were a good distance away and he grabbed her by both shoulders, looking her in the eye. He didn't say anything as he examined her carefully. Setting his mouth in a tight line, he escorted her out of the party.