Deep Green: Color Me Jealous with Bonus Content

by Melody Carlson

  “That’s cool,” said Edgar. “Just because a person is a Christian doesn’t mean they’re perfect. I can attest to that.”

  “Me too,” said Kara. “You should’ve heard what I said to Bree last night when I found out she’d borrowed my favorite Gap sweater.”

  “That cool one that I picked out for you last summer?”

  “Yeah. She came into my room while I was gone and just took it.”

  “Man, I would’ve let her have it.”

  “That’s just what I did.” Then Kara frowned. “But I felt lousy afterward. I had to apologize. In fact, I told her if she liked the sweater that much, she could keep it.”

  “No way!” I shook my head in total disbelief. “You gave her that sweater? That was one of your coolest pieces of clothing, Kara.” I wanted to say, “And you don’t have many,” but I managed to control myself.

  “Yeah, I know. But it’s just a sweater, Jordan. Bree is my sister.”

  “Wow.” I knew I wouldn’t be so nice if Leah did that to me.

  “My point is,” said Kara, “I still blow it. Over and over and over, I blow it.”

  “And Jesus forgives us,” added Edgar, “over and over and over.”

  “You guys really should take this act on the road,” I said.

  “It’s not an act,” said Kara indignantly.

  “Yeah, I know. I was trying to be funny. Sorry.”

  “I was thinking about what you said Monday,” said Edgar suddenly, “and it occurred to me that Jesus really is kind of like Little Cat Z.”

  “Huh?”

  “It’s like he was inside of God’s hat, and his purpose was to clean up messes.”

  “I don’t get it.”

  “Well, we manage to turn life into a complete mess without him, right?”

  “I guess.”

  “And in a way, it’s a good thing. I mean, if you were all squeaky clean and perfect, you wouldn’t need Little Cat Z, right?”

  “I guess not.”

  “But the fact that you’re a mess means you do.”

  “So you like my Little Cat Z analogy?”

  Edgar scratched his head. “Well, I’m not really a theologian, Jordan. But I suppose I believe that God is more like the big cat—not that he makes the messes exactly, because he doesn’t. But maybe he allows them to happen just so we’ll know that we need Little Cat Z.”

  And suddenly, right there in my bedroom between Edgar Peebles and Dr. Seuss, it all began to fall into place. It actually started to make sense.

  “I think I get it,” I said.

  “You’re kidding!” Kara looked astonished. “I don’t even get it. But then I never did read Dr. Seuss.”

  “No, it really makes sense to me,” I said. “I think I want this thing, you guys. I think I really want for Jesus to clean me up. What do I do?”

  So they told me how to ask Jesus into my heart, and right there in my bedroom with Kara and Edgar by my side, I followed Edgar’s prayer and invited Jesus to come into my life.

  “Amen,” said Edgar.

  “Amen,” I repeated and then opened my eyes.

  “Wow,” said Kara.

  “Should I feel different?” I asked.

  “Not necessarily,” said Edgar. “Some people do, some don’t.”

  “I did,” said Kara. “It was really amazing.”

  “I didn’t,” said Edgar. “Not at first anyway. But after a while I did.”

  “What do I do now?” I asked.

  “Lots of things,” said Kara. “Mostly I just started talking to Jesus all the time.”

  “That’s good,” said Edgar. “And you’ll want to read the Bible to get to know God better.”

  “You mean Dr. Seuss won’t cut it?” I teased.

  He smiled. “And you’ll want to get involved in some kind of fellowship.”

  “Fellowship?”

  “A church.”

  I was suddenly excited. “We have a church,” I said. “We go sometimes, but not regularly. I guess I could start going regularly.”

  Edgar nodded. “God will help to show you what to do, Jordan. Mostly, you should do like Kara says and just talk to him.”

  I smiled. “Okay. I think I like this already.” And to my surprise I really was feeling better. Oh, I suppose it could’ve been the shower or just having friends who cared, but I think it was something more too. “I feel pretty good,” I told them.

  “Cool,” said Edgar. “But even if you wake up feeling rotten tomorrow, you need to trust God and talk to him about it.”

  “That’s right,” agreed Kara. “That’s what I do.”

  We talked some more, but it was getting close to dinnertime and I knew they needed to get going.

  “Thanks so much, you guys!” I told them. “Really! This is so unbelievable!”

  Then we all hugged and I could see that Kara had tears in her eyes.

  “I’m so happy for you!” she said. “This is so awesome!”

  And it is. Totally awesome. I am as amazed as anyone. And I don’t feel quite so freaked about going to school tomorrow. Okay, I’m not like all excited, but at least I’m willing.

  twenty-one

  GOING TO SCHOOL ON THURSDAY WAS ONE OF THE HARDEST THINGS I’VE ever done. My mom drove me and even helped me get situated with my bag and crutches, but I felt like a total klutz as I made my way toward the main entrance.

  And yet it really did help to imagine that God was going with me. I’d taken Kara’s advice and started talking to him about everything. And it made me feel better, almost as if my life really was falling back into place again. Still, I was worried about facing my so-called friends.

  “Jordan,” said Amber as soon as she saw me hobbling through the front door on my crutches. “Want some help with your bag?”

  “Thanks.” I smiled at her. I wanted to tell her what I’d done yesterday, about inviting God into my life, but I decided to wait for the right moment. After all, it had taken her months to tell me.

  “Jordan,” said Jenny, “how’s it going?”

  “Okay,” I said.

  “The word’s out,” said Amber in a hushed tone.

  “Huh?”

  “About what Shawna did to you,” said Jenny. “What a total witch!”

  I nodded, feeling slightly uncomfortable, though I wasn’t sure why.

  “Everyone’s talking about it,” said Jenny, glancing over her shoulder. “Some of us think she should get kicked off the squad.”

  “Jordan!” called a familiar voice.

  I shifted my weight on my crutches in order to look the other direction. There was Ashley coming my way. I didn’t know whether to say “hey” or try to run for my life, which wouldn’t be easy in my case.

  “It’s okay,” she said when she got closer. “Amber set me straight on what really happened last weekend.”

  “I’m so sorry,” I told her. “I got caught so totally unaware and I was about to set Brett straight and then you guys showed up. And—”

  “I know.” Ashley nodded. “Brett tried to explain it to me that night, but I was so furious with him that I wouldn’t even listen. Then after Amber explained everything to me yesterday, I went to Brett and he totally confirmed it.” She put her arms around me and gave me a gentle squeeze. “I’m sorry, Jordan. I should’ve known you wouldn’t have pulled that kind of stunt.”

  I just nodded, though I was honestly thinking, How do you know I wouldn’t? But I wasn’t about to rock the boat.

  “That’s right,” agreed Jenny. “We need to remember that Shawna’s the Crud Queen.”

  “I don’t think that girl’s going to show her face here today,” said Ashley.

  “I don’t blame her,” said Amber. “Even Timothy is mad at her.”

  “Timothy?” I felt myself growing weak.

  “Yeah,” said Jenny. “Caleb told me that they broke up last night and Timothy said ‘never again.’”

  “Wow,” I said. “I’ll bet she’s upset.”

  �
�Well, she deserves it,” said Jenny.

  I just nodded. Part of me agreed with Jenny, but a newer part of me wasn’t so sure anymore. Part of me was thinking that I wasn’t much different than Shawna, but I didn’t admit this to anyone. What good would it do anyway?

  To my total amazement, that was pretty much how my day went. It was like my old dream had finally come true—like I was the most popular girl in school and everyone loved me. Too weird. Everyone kept coming up and showing their support for me. And yet with each time, I felt more and more miserable. But how could I explain this to anyone? I didn’t even get it myself. And I’m sure that everyone thought they were just being nice. And they were—to me anyway. But the nasty things they were saying about Shawna were almost making me feel sick.

  Even Brett, with Ashley at his side, came to talk to me during lunch. “Looks like we’ve been cleared, Jordan.”

  I smiled up at him. “That was pretty weird, huh?”

  “You’re telling me. I thought someone was going to pop out with a camera and say, ‘You’ve been had, Brett Hawkins, you’re on Gotcha TV!’”

  I laughed. “Yeah, I honestly thought we’d slipped into an old episode of The Twilight Zone.”

  “I’m just glad it’s over,” said Ashley. “What a nightmare.”

  “How’s your foot?” asked Brett.

  “Okay, considering.”

  “Was your car totaled?”

  I nodded.

  “Bummer,” said Ashley.

  “You could probably sue Shawna,” said Brett. “It’s really her fault that you got into that wreck.”

  “Maybe. But it was my choice to go.” I don’t know if it was God or just me, but I felt a need to say something more honest. “And in all fairness, at the time I really did think I was going to see Timothy, even though I knew he was still going with Shawna.”

  “Yeah, sure, but considering everything,” said Ashley, “it’s pretty hard to feel sorry for her.”

  “Yeah, she totally set you up,” said Brett. “And me too. I think that girl deserves whatever she gets.”

  “Amber said she might get kicked off the squad,” said Ashley.

  “Good,” said Brett. “We don’t need someone like Shawna Frye dragging us all down during basketball season, especially when it looks like we might really have a chance at state.”

  Then, to my relief, the subject moved on to basketball. But I was still thinking about Shawna. And to my amazement, I no longer felt like I wanted to make her miserable. It’s not like I wanted to be friends with her or anything, and I had no problem that kids were siding with me instead of her, but that old seething hatred I’d carried all those weeks seemed to be melting away.

  At the end of fifth period, I received a memo from Ms. Brookes informing me that my probation period had ended. She wanted me to come talk to her before my next class.

  “I’m really sorry about that day in the parking lot,” I told her after I thanked her for the memo. “I don’t usually talk like that.”

  “I know.” She smiled. “Amber told me about the stolen car keys and jeans.” She shook her head. “Not exactly the behavior we expect from our girls.”

  “Love does strange things to people,” I said and then I wished I hadn’t, since now she was looking at me like I was slightly nuts.

  “So, how long will you be in that cast?” she asked.

  “Until early January,” I told her. “Almost half of basketball season.”

  She shook her head. “We’re going to have to call in the alternate.”

  I nodded. “Yeah, I figured you would. If she’s my size, I’d be happy to give her my outfits.”

  Ms. Brookes laughed. “First of all, she’s not even close to your size. But second of all, you’re still on the squad, Jordan—unless you’re thinking of quitting.”

  “Huh?”

  “Pardon me,” she corrected.

  “Right. Pardon me?”

  “No, Shawna’s the one who’s being dismissed.”

  “Oh.”

  She peered closely at me. “Do you have a problem with that, Jordan?”

  “I guess I feel a little sorry for her.”

  “Well, that’s nice and all. But she’s broken too many of the rules to even be considered for a simple probation. We don’t have you girls sign that pledge just for the fun of it, you know.”

  “I know.”

  “And we expect you to attend practices. You don’t have to work out; just be there. And dress in uniform on game days, and, well, just do whatever you can do to boost morale. They’ll need it.”

  I nodded. “Of course. I’ll do whatever I can. And maybe I’ll get out of the cast sooner—”

  “Don’t be rushing things, Jordan. Just get that foot healed up right.”

  “Okay.”

  “I’ll be announcing this to the rest of the girls today. Do you know if Shawna’s shown up yet?”

  “I haven’t seen her.”

  She shook her head. “Unfortunately, it seems that Shawna is skipping school today—another infraction. I’ve already spoken to her mother about her being suspended from the squad, but I can’t seem to reach Shawna on her cell or at home. I really wanted her to hear the news from me first, but we need to get our alternate on board and practicing if we’re going to have the slightest chance at Flair Fair.”

  I nodded, but I had to wonder if Flair Fair was becoming a little too important, not just to the cheerleaders but to Ms. Brookes as well. Still, I was the newcomer here, and not exactly an asset when it came to the competition anyway.

  We were a somber group as we met in Ms. Brookes’ office after school. At first I wondered why Lucy Farrell was there, but then I figured she must be the alternate. I felt bad for everyone when we were all subjected to a rather lengthy and somewhat boring lecture on (1) propriety, (2) respect, (3) rules, and (4) leadership.

  “And this is exactly why Shawna Frye is officially suspended as a cheerleader starting today. I have spent the day trying to reach her, and her mother has been informed. But it’s time to move on, and since Lucy Farrell was the first alternate, we can all welcome her to the squad today.”

  “You mean Shawna hasn’t even been told yet?” demanded Betsy Mosler.

  “Excuse me, Betsy,” said Ms. Brookes in a firm voice. “We were about to welcome Lucy to the squad.”

  Amber started clapping and we all followed suit, but Betsy was scowling. She raised her hand and asked her question again.

  “As I said, her mother has been notified.” Ms. Brookes sighed. “There’s little I can do when a cheerleader breaks the rules and then skips school and cannot be reached. I hope this will be a lesson to all of us. You girls are the leaders in this school. We expect more of you.”

  By the time she finished her speech, my foot was really throbbing and all I wanted to do was to go home and crash. But then I remembered that I was supposed to stay “for all practices.” I considered pleading my case and then thought better of it. Instead, I tried to make myself comfortable on the bleachers and somehow managed to crank out quite a bit of homework while trying to look somewhat attentive to the practice. I had to feel sorry for Lucy though. It seemed like she was getting the brunt of all the pent-up frustration of the squad. And Betsy, in particular, had really focused her sights on the poor girl.

  “Lucy is never going to get it,” complained Betsy as they were finishing up. “We’d be better off without her.”

  “Sure, a squad with only five girls,” said Ashley sarcastically.

  “It’s times like this I wish we still had the guys around,” said Amber as she wiped her face with a towel.

  “I don’t see why they quit having guys on the team,” said Jenny.

  Ashley glanced over her shoulder first to make sure it was safe before she spoke. “I think it was Ms. Brookes’ suggestion,” she said. “She thought that inappropriate lifting was going on.”

  “Lifting?” I called as I hobbled over toward them.

  “You know,�
�� said Ashley. “The guys were getting too friendly when they lifted the girls into the air.”

  We all laughed—well, everyone but Lucy.

  “Don’t worry, Lucy,” I said quietly as we headed toward the locker room. “It’s always hardest at the beginning.”

  “I was so excited earlier today,” she told me. “Now I feel like a complete failure. And tomorrow’s the first preseason game.”

  “You’ll be fine. Just take a spot on the end and step aside whenever you forget. Believe me, that’s better than standing out there looking stupid.”

  “Thanks.” She smiled at me and then looked down at my foot. “Bet that hurt.”

  I nodded. “And it’s not feeling too hot right now either.”

  “You need a ride home, Jordan?” called Ashley as she headed for the showers.

  “That’d be great.”

  On the way home, Ashley asked me if I was still interested in working at her mom’s shop.

  “I would be,” I told her, “but I’m such a klutz, I’d probably end up knocking everything over.”

  “Yeah, better wait. Hey!” Suddenly she was pulling her car to a stop. “That’s Shawna’s car!”

  Sure enough, it was Shawna’s car. “Are you going to talk to her?”

  “Why not?” said Ashley as she pulled into the convenience-store parking lot, parking right next to Shawna’s car. “Someone has to tell her the good news.”

  I frowned, unsure this was such a good idea. “Maybe Amber—”

  “Come on, Jordan. You should totally enjoy this!”

  “Oh, Ashley, my foot is really hurting right now. All I want to do is take a pain pill and go to sleep.”

  “Yeah, yeah, okay. But I’ll put the windows down so you can hear her reaction.”

  I cringed. This was not going to be pretty.

  Ashley leaned back on the hood of her own car, waiting for Shawna to come out. Finally, Shawna emerged carrying a large drink and what looked like a hot dog. I couldn’t believe Shawna would actually eat a convenience-store hot dog.

  “Hey, Shawna,” called Ashley.

  I slunk down in the seat of her car, out of Shawna’s view, wishing I weren’t there at all.

  “What’s up?” asked Shawna in a flat tone.

  “Have you heard the news?”