Santa's Secret

by Heidi McLaughlin

  “Thank you, Ms. Du Luca,” Betsy says. She takes a deep breath, but her co-star doesn’t. He stares off into space, either thinking he’s the best or fighting the nerves rolling in his stomach.

  As soon as I step off to the side, the curtain goes up and the spotlight hits center stage. Mrs. Winters directs the choir to start their song while the older kids get into place. As soon as Betsy says her first line, the anxiety I’ve felt all day lifts. It could be because Aiden is sitting in the front row, beaming at his daughter.

  Twenty-Eight

  Aiden

  I have an immense amount of pride after watching Holly sing her heart out. I may be biased, but she was the best one out of her class. The play wasn’t half bad either, from what I caught of it. I focused solely on Holly to actually watch the performance. However, by the way everyone is clapping around me, I can easily say the festival play is a success.

  Mrs. Winters and Delaney take center stage after the actors take their curtain call. I can’t take my eyes off Delaney, knowing I have so much to tell her. If it weren’t for Dominic, I don’t think I’d be ready to lay my heart on the line.

  “Hey, man, thanks for your help tonight. The proposal couldn’t have gone any better.” Eileen gives me a hug after Dominic pats me on the shoulder. I want to ask him where his sister went, but know I need to tell him how I feel so he doesn’t butt in like he did last time.

  “You’re welcome. Listen, I need to talk to you, Dom.”

  “Sounds serious.”

  “It is. Do you think we can go out back?” I motion toward the door and he nods. Dom kisses Eileen, who tells me she’ll make sure to stay with Holly.

  Holly, who glued herself to Delaney’s side, making it near impossible for me to focus on the task tonight. I wanted to pull out my phone and snap picture after picture of the two of them together so I have something to look at when Delaney’s back in California.

  Dominic follows me into the back room, shutting the door behind him. “Is this about you calling Delaney up to sit on your lap? I gotta say, Fisher, that was a bit creepy.”

  “My note said she was next. I was following the list.”

  “Right, okay. So what do you want to talk about?”

  “Well… your sister, actually.”

  “What about her?”

  “I think I’m falling in love with her?”

  “Is that so?”

  I nod and start pacing the room. “Ever since I pulled her over, I haven’t been able to get her out of my mind. It didn’t matter where I went, she was there, like this beacon begging me to follow.”

  “So follow her,” Dominic says as if it’s so easy.

  “What if I can’t exist in her world?”

  “Then she’ll exist in yours. Listen, Fisher, I may joke around a lot and may have teased you about my sister, but I have never seen her look at someone the way she looks at you. She’s ridiculously smitten and makes gaga eyes anytime your name is brought up.”

  “But she lives in California.”

  Dominic nods. “She does, but she can live anywhere and so can you. Thing is, love is supposed to bridge gaps and all that. Just try it and see how things go.”

  “It’s a risk. Holly is already attached.”

  Dominic comes closer, putting his hand on my shoulder. “Waking up, driving, taking a shower – all risks we’re willing to take each and every day. If you don’t jump, you’ll second-guess your decision for the rest of your life.”

  “You’re right,” I say with relief.

  “Of course I am, but wait… I thought you and Shelby—”

  I shake my head. “No, only friends, but I haven’t done a very good job relaying my feelings to her. I will though, for everyone’s sake.”

  “Do me a favor, Fisher.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Don’t hurt her.” Dominic doesn’t wait for me to respond before he opens the door and leaves. I follow behind, intent on finding Holly so we can leave, only to run right into Shelby. I suppose now is as good a time as ever.

  “We need to talk, Shelby.”

  “Oh?” Her eyes light up and instantly I feel like a cad.

  “Look, our girls get along really well, but you and I can’t be anything more than friends.”

  “Oh… I wasn’t expecting you to say that.”

  “I know, I just—”

  “You’re in love with Delaney. Everyone knows it, I had just hoped I was more your speed.”

  “You probably would be, if things were different.”

  Shelby steps forward and kisses me on the cheek. “Have a merry Christmas, Aiden. I hope you find what you’re looking for.”

  I think I have found what I’m looking for. She’s currently holding my daughter’s hand and whispering something in her ear. I want to be in on their secret, holding both of their hands, sharing their laughter and smiles. Telling Delaney how I feel is the right thing to do. Figuring out how we’re going to make it work though, well, that’s a whole other challenge. Thankfully, we still have until after New Year’s Day before we’re faced with her leaving.

  Along with my parents, we meet Holly as she comes off the stage. She jumps into my arms, and I twirl her around, much to her delight. I set her down with her black patent leather boots resting on the packed snow. “You were amazing.”

  “You couldn’t hear me, Daddy.” She laughs and sways from side to side, holding the hem of her dress so people around her can see the ruffles.

  “I could hear you, punky. You were the best one up there. Are you ready to go to Grandma and Grandpa’s?”

  “Yes, for a sleepover!” Holly jumps up and down until my father wraps her in his arms as he tries to wrestle her coat on. Each year the fire department provides the production with heaters so the actors and singers can wear their holiday best without anyone freezing.

  I crouch down and give Holly a kiss on her cheek. “I’ll see you tomorrow at church.”

  Holly cups my face between her hands and runs her nose against mine. “Okay, Daddy. I love you.”

  Not as half as much as I love you, but those words fail me as my throat swells. This child of mine has no idea what she means to me. “I love you more, punky.”

  “Come on, Holly; I believe Grandma made brownies for dinner,” my dad says, earning a loud cheer from Holly. Mom smacks my dad on the arm, scolding him.

  “They’re for dessert and you know it.” My parents walk off, with my father carrying Holly. Delaney is still on stage, assisting with the tear down. I want to be suave and rush up the stairs so I can pick her up, but I’m far too reserved to do something like that. Besides, we haven’t talked yet and we need to. I’m willing to do whatever it takes to give it a go between us.

  My lingering finally catches Delaney’s eye. She waves and motions for me to meet her on the side where the stairs are. “I’m going to be another hour or so, depending on how fast the volunteers work. I don’t want to leave Mrs. Winters with all of it.”

  “Do you want my help?”

  Delaney shakes her head. “No, go on home and relax. I’ll meet you there as soon as I’m done.” She smiles and the glint in her eye has me curious about how things will be later. I lean in and kiss her forehead, desperately wanting to kiss her lips, but this isn’t the time or place.

  I’m feeling euphoric on my drive home. I take each road slowly, watching for black ice and so I can admire the decorations. I need to get out and put some up for Holly since she’s been asking me. It’s something I’ll do tomorrow morning before I meet her and my parents at church. It’ll be a nice surprise for her.

  The high I’m feeling quickly dissipates when I pull into my driveway. The lights I only just thought about hanging, are hung and twinkling in the night sky. My tree is lit, which I know I didn’t have on when I left.

  Carefully, I enter my house, calling out to see if anyone is there. It’s times like this I wish I kept a gun hidden in my garage so I can arm and protect myself from the unknown.


  I turn the corner, into the living room, and my mouth drops open. My tree, the one I left unlit and completely void of presents, is sparkling brightly and presents fill the floor, leaving barely any walking space. Cautiously, I bend down and pick one up, it’s to Holly, and so is the next one, the next and the one after that. In fact, most belong to her with a few for me mixed in. There’s only one explanation and I don’t want to believe Delaney would do something like this.

  In the kitchen, I pull open the refrigerator to grab a beer, only my somewhat barren shelves are fully stocked. The results are the same when I open the cupboards. There’s food stocked in tightly, every variety you can think of. I don’t know if it’s anger I feel or my pride slipping away. There’s a sting from the proverbial slap across my face, shaming me for not providing for my daughter. “Son of a—”

  The side door opens, cutting my words off. The woman, who not hours ago, I told I wanted try to have a relationship with, is standing there with a confused expression on her face. Maybe I’m wrong to assume she did this, but there isn’t anyone else who would. People know I struggle, but I always manage to feed my kid. Holly doesn’t go hungry.

  “Something wrong?” Delaney asks.

  I can feel the tick in my jaw become stronger as I try to control my temper. The last thing I want to do is lash out at her, but I’m on the cusp of yelling. “Do you have anything to do with any of this?”

  Delaney looks in the living room, and then at me. She doesn’t even have to tell me because I can see the guilt written all over her face.

  “Why would you do this? How did you do this?”

  “Dominic has a key.”

  “Great, that reminds me I need to get that back from him, but that doesn’t answer my first question. Why?”

  “I don’t understand why you’re not happy.”

  “Are you serious right now? In a matter of seconds you proved to me, before we even started dating, the reason why we can’t.”

  “Fish…”

  “No. You can’t sweet talk me into thinking this is okay when it’s not. Look at this, Delaney. There are enough presents for each kid in Holly’s class to have two from you. What kind of message are you trying to send?”

  “I just wanted you guys to have a good Christmas.”

  “And what happens next year or the year after that when you’re not around? Huh? Then what? Who is going to make sure each Christmas is the same? It’s not going to be me. You’ve already shown me that the stuff I bought her isn’t enough. So you what, decided to quadruple my efforts?”

  “It wasn’t like that.”

  “Then what was it like?”

  “I don’t know. I saw the stuff and I bought it. It’s simple as that.”

  I nod, hating the fact that I’m about to ruin Holly’s Christmas. “I think I made a mistake earlier, asking you to come over.”

  “Aiden?”

  I shake my head. “I can’t be in a relationship where I’m not an equal, where my daughter thinks she’ll get whatever she wants because of who you are. This… saying it’s too much doesn’t even cover it. You went overboard. You violated the trust I have in your brother and you made me feel like a charity case.”

  “Aiden, you have to believe me, that wasn’t my intention at all. I only wanted you and Holly to be comfortable. I could do that for you.”

  I look at Delaney, who has tears falling down her face. “That’s just it. You can do that for me, but I can’t even do this for my own daughter. I was foolish to think I could look past your career and have a normal relationship with you. There will never be anything normal when it comes to you.”

  “Aiden, please don’t.”

  “I’m sorry, Delaney. I really am.”

  She nods and heads toward the door. She pauses with it open, likely waiting for me to ask her to stay, but I won’t. I can’t.

  Twenty-Nine

  Delaney

  New York City disappears from sight as soon as we hit cloud coverage. Calvin is sleeping next to me, having passed out the moment he sat down in his first class seat. Being at the airport for a six am flight meant we left Ramona Falls at midnight for the four hour drive, upsetting my parents, but they understood when I told them I had to go back for an early morning schedule of reshoots. The lie fell easily, but there was no way I could tell my family how humiliated I felt after what I did for Aiden and Holly. I thought I was doing the right thing, but after listening to him and seeing the anguish I caused, I knew it was wrong. As much as I would’ve loved to stay and celebrate Christmas with my family, the thought of being there, where I almost had everything and let it slip through my fingers, doesn’t seem like the best place for me.

  I close my eyes and rest my head against the cold airplane window. It does nothing to soothe the pounding in my head gained from the hours of crying. I feel horrible for Calvin, having to sit there and listen to me cry. I have no doubt the sniffling annoyed him after a while, yet he’d never say anything to affirm that. Sometimes, I hate that he works for me because I really need someone like him to put me in my place.

  I jostle awake as the plane touches down at LAX. Looking over at Calvin, he’s reading the paper and looking haggard. “You can have the rest of the month off,” I tell him.

  “Thanks.”

  He says nothing else, leading me to believe he’s upset with me, as he should be. From what I gathered, he was having a great time in Ramona and I ruined it by meddling in affairs I shouldn’t. In fact, I should’ve steered clear of Aiden and his daughter, and admired from the outside, but I couldn’t. Selfishly, I had to be the center of their attention and in the process, I fell hard and ruined everything.

  Calvin leads the way through the airport. My head is down and my long auburn hair stays hidden under a beanie. Still, I don’t go unnoticed. People say my name; they whisper it, wondering if it’s me they see or someone else. I do everything I can to keep my expression stoic even though I’m on the verge of a meltdown. It can’t happen here, not in public. Celebrities aren’t allowed to show emotion. It has to be saved for the privacy of your home; that is when I’ll break down, inside the walls of my empty home where no one can hear me. It’s there, in the quiet, where the tears will flow and my heart will burst open with pain, and I have no one to blame but myself.

  Calvin gathers our luggage and looks for the driver he scheduled before we left Vermont. He does all the talking, proving to whoever is watching, that I’m nothing but a diva. As much as I want to argue the point, there’s no use. I let my status and checkbook think for me and now I’m paying the price.

  Holly is as well. I hate I didn’t find her to say goodbye, to tell her how wonderful I think she is, and how I’ll always think about her. With any luck, Aiden will fix things between him and Shelby and give his daughter the mother she needs. I have no doubt Shelby will be an excellent partner and mother for them.

  The drive to my house is much like the flight. I stare out the window, wishing I were anywhere but here. “I should’ve gone somewhere else.”

  “You still have reshoots the day after Christmas, Delaney.”

  Right, work. It’s never ending and while it used to bother me — filming back-to-back movies — I’ll take it now so my mind can focus on anything except Ramona Falls. The quicker I forget, the faster I’ll be able to move on.

  Calvin carries my luggage into my quiet, cold and lifeless condo. Even with all the gizmos and gadgets keeping my lights on, you can feel the lack of love in here.

  “I’ll see you next week,” he says, not letting me forget I’ve given him the week off. I nod and give him a hug.

  “Merry Christmas, Calvin.”

  “Merry Christmas, Delaney.”

  Once the door clicks shut, I let the tears flow. I didn’t cry when Trey cheated on me, at least not like this. The pain I feel is like nothing ever before, and think it only took me seconds to fall in love with Aiden. I was stupid to think things between us would work or even be easy, but I never thought he’d r
eject me over a few gifts.

  “Oh, who are you kidding, Delaney. A few means two or three, not a hundred.” The words I mutter aloud only add to the burning in my chest. I should’ve been more cautious. I should’ve put myself in Aiden’s shoes, and maybe checked with him first to see if he was okay with me buying things for Holly, but I never considered how he’d feel or what he’d think. I only thought about Holly and how happy she’d be on Christmas.

  I drag my luggage upstairs and start to unpack. My newly bought winter wardrobe won’t serve me much here, but I’m not ready to give the clothes away. I find an empty tote to store most of the clothes in, but keep out the scarves and hats, knowing I can wear them here and create a fashion statement. All it takes is for one photo to cause a stir and increase sales. Right now, it’s the least I can do for the people back home.

  My phone rings with Mindy’s name showing on the screen. I send her to voicemail, not ready to tell her what I’ve done. There’s no doubt word has spread that I’m gone. However, leaving without saying goodbye to the people I love is right up on the list of worst things I’ve done. It was late and I just wanted to get out of town and be on the first flight back home.

  Home. This is my home. As much as I wanted to call Ramona Falls my home, I can’t. I’m Hollywood through and through, made evident by my actions.

  It’s two days before Christmas and the park is bustling full of children. They laugh, play and sing carols. Each one of them reminds me of Holly. I miss her. I miss her infectious smile, her blue eyes and untamable spirit. I shouldn’t be here, not without a child of my own to bring, yet I can’t stay away. It’s like I need to see the happiness these children have in order to make my pain cease for a small moment in time.

  I’ve kept my phone off, unwilling to talk to anyone from home, including my mother, and stopped myself from calling Calvin to beg him to come over and watch sappy movies with me. The man has a life away from me and I need to respect that, even though he’d drop whatever he was doing and come to my rescue because he’s paid to do so.