Hugged By An Angel

by Capizzi, Roberta

  “I can’t stay, Kathy,” he said, interrupting my thoughts, and I almost gave a start when I heard his voice. “You have Colin and our family. You’ll be all right.”

  My eyes widened and I felt a chill go down my spine.

  “No I won’t!” I said, shaking my head as dread seized my heart. “I can’t live without you, Declan. You know I’m a mess. I can’t do anything without you!”

  He smiled at me and brushed my cheek, leaving a warm trail where his fingers touched my skin.“You’re not my crying little sister anymore. You’ve turned into a beautiful, strong woman and you’ll do great. You only have to believe in yourself; Colin will help you through this, too. He’ll be there for you.”

  “I don’t want him to be there for me; I want you! Please Deco, please don’t leave me again,” I begged.

  “I’ll always look after you, hon. I’ll always be around,” he whispered, sliding closer to me and taking my hand. “Look for me in a rainbow, in the wind, in a blue sky. You’ll see me there, smiling at you from Heaven.”

  I shook my head, in the same way I did when I was a child and didn’t want to listen to him trying to put some sense into my stubborn mind.

  “I don’t want you to go. Please stay with me, Deco. If you love me, please stay.” My voice cracked as tears filled my eyes.

  “You know I love you. I’ve always loved you and I’ll never stop,” he said in a soft, sweet tone that made my heart ache even more. “And because I love you, I can’t stay. You need to get on with your life. I’d only hinder you. Keep the memories in your heart, Kathy, but leave space for new ones, new happy memories with Colin.”

  “No, Deco, no. Please don’t go! No!” I screamed and flung myself at him, hoping I could hug him, hoping I could keep him there with me; but a moment later he disappeared and I fell face down on the mattress, sobbing into the sheets.

  Chapter Thirty-eight

  Colin

  June 23, 2012

  It had taken me a while, but I’d managed to find a shop eventually. She hadn’t told me which cookie brand she preferred so I bought three different types, just to be sure.

  I opened the door with a smile, wondering if I would ever have gone to all this hassle if any of the girls I’d dated in the past had asked me to go buy cookies in the middle of the night. No, I thought shaking my head; I wouldn’t have bothered at all, because none of them were worth it.

  When I stepped inside my apartment, my blood froze. I heard Kathleen crying desperately and I dropped everything on the floor, slamming the door behind me. I ran into my bedroom and she was lying face down on the mattress, grabbing fistfuls of the sheets. My heart was torn apart.

  I rushed toward her and as soon as I touched her back she jolted, just enough for me to wrap my arms around her and pull her to my chest. The sobs shook her body so hard I was afraid she was convulsing and I rocked back and forth with her, hoping this would be enough to calm her. I didn’t ask her what was wrong, but I presumed it had to do with her brother.

  She acted like she felt better, but I knew she wasn’t over it. She was still in denial, still hoping he’d come back to her and tell her she’d dreamed it all. Hadn’t I done that myself? I’d spent years hoping my parents would come over to my grandma’s and tell me they hadn’t been on that plane and had simply gone missing. I couldn’t expect her to heal in a few months.

  I held her tight to me, hoping I could transfer some comfort, and I rested my chin on the top of her head, stroking the small of her back in soft, circular movements.

  It took her a while to pull herself together and when she eventually started sniffling, I understood the worst part was over.

  “Declan is gone. He’s gone…” she sobbed, brushing her cheek against my t-shirt. I raked my hand through her hair in gentle strokes and kissed the top of her head.

  “I know, baby, I know. It’s all right, I’m here now,” I whispered through her hair. “I’m not going anywhere, I promise.”

  She pulled back and looked at me with red, puffy eyes.“You don’t understand!” she said, her voice hoarse from crying. “He’s gone for good this time. He’s never coming back.” A sob escaped her mouth and she took a long deep breath, wiping her cheeks with the sleeve of her pajamas.

  “I know, Kathleen. It’s hard but you’ll have to accept it, eventually. You’re still in denial, and I understand that but…”

  “No!” she cut in curtly, and I recoiled. Her eyes were liquid fire. She could have burned me to ash with one stare. “You don’t understand! He was here, he’s always been around. How do you think I got out of the bed on the night of the fire? He was there, he helped me get out. And now he’s gone.”

  I stared blankly at her; she was in shock, but talking about her dead brother being in the room was scary. Was she starting to lose it?

  “Kathleen…”

  “Don’t.” She raised a hand in front of my face to stop me from saying a word. “Don’t try to convince me I dreamt it all, Colin, because I didn’t. Declan was here, he healed me and I can prove it to you.”

  I looked at her with raised eyebrows and she moved out of my arms and pushed herself off the bed. I instinctively went for her, ready to grab her before she fell—but I stopped and my jaw dropped when I saw she was standing.

  Alone.

  On her feet.

  How. Was. That. Even. Possible?

  She took one hesitant step then another, looking like a toddler. She leaned against the nightstand, and when she turned back she was beaming.

  She was walking.

  I’d left her on my bed half an hour before and now she was standing on her feet. After spending weeks and months trying to make her walk again, now that we’d given up she was healed? I couldn’t wrap my head around it. She was walking. It was…no, there was no way I was going to say it was a miracle. I was a doctor; there had to be another explanation.

  “Declan healed me;” she said, when she saw me looking open-mouthed at her. “He was with me all the time. The night of the fire in New York he helped me get out of bed. You’ve got to believe me, Colin. Declan’s an angel—he’s my angel, and he saved me.”

  I looked at her, scratching the back of my neck. Now, wait a minute. What was she saying? Okay, she was walking but how could I believe an angel, her dead brother had come down from Heaven and healed her? Anyone would think she’d gone crazy.

  “Colin?” she called, and I looked up at her, shaking the thoughts away. “Can you help me, please? I’m afraid I’m not strong enough to stand for so long.”

  I immediately went and scooped her up, carrying her back to bed. I knew she was expecting me to say something, but I just couldn’t think right now. I hugged her, and when she wrapped her arms around my waist I relaxed and rested my chin on the top of her head.

  “Do you think I’m crazy?” she asked after a moment, interrupting my train of thought. I squeezed her a little more before releasing my hug and pulling away to look into her eyes. She frowned and her lips were pursed in a thin line, trying to interpret my expression and gather what I thought of all this.

  I didn’t want to hurt her, but I needed her to come back from wherever she had gone. I knew I needed to be blunt and make her see how crazy this all sounded.

  “No, I don’t; but how can you expect me to believe you’ve been speaking to your dead brother? I understand you wish you could and I know you still want him around, but at some point you’ll have to accept he’s dead.”

  I saw her wince as if I’d slapped her, hard, and I felt awful—but she had to snap out of it.

  “Colin, if you really love me, please trust me on this. It’s really important.” I looked at her and her eyes were pleading. “I have a message for you, but you’ve got to believe, first.”

  I stared quizzically at her, even more confused than before.

  “A message?” I asked, bewildered. “I didn’t even know him; what could he possibly want to say to me?”

  Her face softened into a smile, and sh
e looked at me with glistening eyes.

  “It’s not from Declan. It’s…from your parents.”

  “Don’t!” I snapped, and stood up, moving away from her. Suddenly, I felt disgusted by the way she was acting and I wondered why she was doing this to me. “Don’t bring my parents into this just so I’ll believe your silly theory about angels healing you.”

  My tone had taken up a rough edge and I could see I was hurting her, but I wouldn’t let her use my parents to fool me into believing. Yes, she had been standing on her feet only a moment ago. She’d taken a couple of steps, but who said it had nothing to do with the therapy? Maybe Dr. Pearson’s sessions, combined with her being back on home soil, had managed to remove that psychological block and now she could walk. This I could believe; visits by her dead brother, I couldn’t.

  “Colin, please,” she begged, and I felt a real bastard, but I couldn’t let her pretty eyes work their spell on me like they always did.

  “Leave them out of this, Kathleen,” I barked, pacing the room with quick steps, almost stomping my feet in distress. I shoved my hand through my hair in frustration, wanting to pull it all out.

  I couldn’t take this. I couldn’t hear her speak about my parents as if she’d known them all her life and now was telepathically talking to them, for God knows whatever reason.

  “Kathleen, please. How can I believe you’ve been talking to my parents?”

  Her shoulders drooped and I could see she was trying hard to fight back the tears.

  “I didn’t speak to your parents, Colin. Declan did, and they asked him to deliver a message.” She tried to stand up and reach for me but I pulled away, so she sat back on the bed. “I’m not trying to hurt you, Colin. I only want to help you.”

  She looked like she meant every word she was saying, as if the fact I didn’t believe her was crushing her heart.

  I wished I could think differently. I really wished I could but…this was just too much to take. I stood with my back to her, my hands on the chest of drawers, supporting my weight.

  “Little spring bud?” she asked in a bewildered tone after a moment.

  My heart did a somersault in my chest, picking up speed. I froze in place. I didn’t dare turn back and look at her.

  “What did you just say?” I asked through gritted teeth. My tone was harsh, but I couldn’t help it.

  “I…I don’t know,” she said, almost apologetically. “I thought I heard Declan say it, but I don’t know why.”

  She sounded as if she was about to start crying so I turned back, and when I saw the utter sadness in her eyes I couldn’t bring myself to be mad at her anymore. I loved her and the last thing I wanted was to hurt her, but the wound was still open, and hearing her talk about my parents had been like having salt poured into it.

  Our eyes met and my heart broke when I saw how much I was hurting her. I moved closer but I didn’t dare touch or sit next to her. I needed to keep my distance. I needed to think straight. I couldn’t let old emotions crawl back and overwhelm me.

  “Does it mean anything to you?” she asked, her voice barely a whisper.

  I bent my head and fought back the tears, trying to swallow the lump in my throat.

  “My mom used to call me that when I was a kid,” I said and she gasped, giving me confirmation she had no idea what those words had meant. “Because I was born on March twenty-first, the first day of spring, she used to say I was her little spring bud.”

  I swallowed hard and waited for my heart to slow, but it didn’t. There was no other way she could’ve known about it.

  “I suppose your parents wanted you to believe I’m not lying.”

  Tears stung my eyes and I blinked to fight them back. Had she really been talking to her brother, then? It was next to impossible but she was walking, and she knew the nickname my mom used—how would she ever have known otherwise?

  It was hard but I finally decided to try and give her the chance to explain, to deliver the message she kept saying she had for me. I didn’t have to believe, I just had to listen. She’d be happy and that was all that mattered.

  “What did he say, then?” I asked. I saw her relax, as the line that creased her brow disappeared. She took a deep breath and waited a moment before she spoke.

  “They’re not mad at you, and they don’t want you to worry about them, because they’re fine where they are now.” She stopped for a moment to scrutinize my face before she went on. I tried to look indifferent and totally cool but my heart was beating so hard in my chest I was afraid it would break my ribs. “They’re really proud of the man you’ve become, and they love you very much.”

  At that, my cool façade crumbled and my vision blurred as those damn tears I’d been holding back for fourteen years filled my eyes in front of the one person I’d never wanted to see me cry. Her smile was sweet, and her eyes held the sort of tenderness I’d only seen in my grandmother’s before. When she took my hands in hers and squeezed them gently I lost it completely. A second later I was wrapped in her arms, sobbing like a baby, her hand stroking my back and hair soothingly.

  I hadn’t let go like that in years, ever since the time I’d cried in Gran’s arms thirteen years ago. It felt so good it made me wonder why I had insisted on hiding it all inside.

  I had no idea how long I’d been crying for, but when I eventually managed to pull myself together I felt an awful lot better than I had in a long time. The burden of grief that had been sitting on my heart for fourteen years had finally dissolved, and I felt a hundred stone lighter.

  I pulled back and Kathleen released me from her hug but I refused to look her in the eye, ashamed for crying like that.

  “Forgive me for doubting you, Kathleen. It was just too much to take in.” She took my hands and I interlocked my fingers with hers. “First I see you walk, then you tell me your brother healed you and, well, when you mentioned my parents I just couldn’t take it any longer.”

  She didn’t say a word and it made me uneasy. When she took our hands to her lips and kissed my knuckles, I finally looked at her. She was smiling, and her gorgeous blue eyes told me everything I needed to hear.

  “I love you, Kathleen,” I whispered, sliding close to her across the bed. “And I really want to know every little detail about what happened in the past couple of months, if you’re still willing to share them with me.”

  She smiled and I noticed the veil of sorrow had finally lifted from her eyes. They’d taken on a new glow.

  I let go of her hands and took her face, staring into her eyes for a moment before pressing my lips on hers, gently. When I pulled back she took a deep breath, then leaned back against the headboard of the bed and motioned for me to sit next to her. I moved closer and she rested her head on my chest. I instinctively wrapped my arm around her shoulders, enjoying the moment.

  Eventually, after taking another long breath, she started to tell me the whole story from the very beginning and I listened to her without interrupting.

  “I think you should consider not going home tomorrow and staying here a few days so we can start an exercise program to strengthen your muscles,” I said after she’d finished telling me everything. We were both sitting on my bed eating chocolate chip cookies and the atmosphere was cozy and relaxed now.

  I didn’t want to be pushy, but thinking she’d be running around town tomorrow would be wishful thinking. Her muscles had been numb for months and they needed special treatment to start working properly again and support her weight.

  “I have a busy week, but we could work together during my lunch break and get you back in shape in no time.”

  She stared at me, looking still a bit dazed by everything that had happened. A little more than an hour ago she was wondering if she’d be able to move around with her wheelchair in her old house, and now we were talking about how to get her back on her feet in the shortest time possible.

  To be honest I was still a bit dazed, too. I could feel the weight of the long day and all the incredible ev
ents pulling on me.

  Kathleen snuggled up close, wrapping her legs around one of mine and smiling in contentment. It was a small action that only an hour ago she wouldn’t have been able to do.

  We remained silent for a while, my arm around her shoulders and her head on my chest, neither of us wanting to break the pleasant, romantic atmosphere. When I eventually started to nod off, knowing it must be past midnight, I looked at her and noticed she had fallen asleep.

  As I tried to remove my arm so she could lie down, she opened her eyes for a moment and took fistfuls of my t-shirt, pulling me weakly toward her.

  “Please stay with me tonight, Colin,” she mumbled, still half-asleep, “Declan’s gone for good; don’t leave me alone.”

  “I’m not going anywhere, love,” I whispered in her ear while I gently eased her down. She nodded, closing her eyes again. After everything she’d told me about how her brother had come to visit her in the past six months I realized how hard it would be for her, knowing she’d never be able to see him again. She would have to accept his death now, and she would need my help more than ever.

  “‘Night, Colin,” she whispered, yawning immediately afterwards. “Thank you for believing.”

  I tucked a strand of her silky hair behind her ear, and placed a soft kiss on her brow.

  “Goodnight, Kathleen,” I said, then, although I knew she was fully asleep, “and thank you for healing me.”

  Chapter Thirty-nine

  Kathleen

  June 24, 2012

  I woke up and felt two strong arms around my waist hugging me from behind. I flinched, but when the familiar scent of his cologne hit my nostrils it all came back. Feeling his legs tangled with mine and moving my toes were confirmation it hadn’t been a dream.

  I turned so I could face him, and when I moved he stirred and blinked a couple of times before smiling at me.