Not his baby: A BWWM Billionaire Romance

by Rebecca Dupree

  “No!” I said, my heart stopping, and then lurching into a fast beating rhythm like a galloping horse.

  “The symptoms do match.”

  “No! We’ve been using condoms.”

  “When was the last time you didn’t use protection?”

  “About a month ago, but I was on birth control!”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yes, I know I...”

  Then I suddenly remembered: Sarah had borrowed my pill kit before, thought she gave it back, and two weeks ago she confessed that she accidentally handed me hers. And my stupid brain didn’t register it then, but it was registering it now: I took something else instead of birth control.

  Shit!

  I looked to the doctor in panic. She seemed to be at loss of what to say so she handed me a pregnancy test which I took, rather abruptly from her, and dashed into the bathroom. I followed the instructions and waited with bated breath until finally I looked at the strip.

  Positive.

  Holy shit!

  ~~~~~

  “Holy shit!” Sarah whispered once I told her.

  “I know, what am I going to do?!” I cried, my whole world feeling like it had screeched to a standstill. Or a head on collision.

  “Well, for starters, tell Evan,” Sarah advised, always the voice of reason to my dramatic antics.

  “Oh my God, he’s gonna freak!”

  Sarah just shrugged. “It’s just a baby. And you guys seem really strong. He can handle it.”

  “It’s not just a baby: it’s a baby added to the one he already has! We don’t even know where our relationship is going to go right now! I can’t just throw a baby into the mix!”

  “Relax. Just relax­..." Sarah started calmly before I interrupted.

  “I can’t relax! Oh my God, what if he kills me!? What if I’m gonna end up as one of those dead girls in TV shows that get killed off for being pregnant!?”

  Sarah just shook her head, clicking her tongue like a mother hen. “First of all, he would have to still be married for that to even make sense. Second, has anyone ever told you that you overreact too much?”

  “Yes! No! Who has?! Give me names!”

  Sarah rolled her eyes and me and grasped my shoulders. Her eyes trapped mine in a serious gaze, and she gave me a tiny shake to make sure she had my attention.

  “Honey, you have to tell him.”

  I scrunched my face in despair, panic setting in like a brick in the pit of my stomach. “No I don’t! I’ll run away to Canada, or Mexico like that guy in that movie, then you could follow me like Morgan Freeman at the end!”

  “We’d have to be in jail for that to make sense.”

  “Why can’t life be like a movie?!” I cried out, turning away from her and pacing around the small living room. This couldn’t be happening. It just couldn’t be.

  Sarah threw her hands up in exasperation. “Because you’re not dead or in prison! So that should be a good thing!”

  I groaned, rubbing my hands over my eyes.

  “Look, I know it’s hard, but you have to go over there and talk to him.”

  I just looked at my friend for a long, drawn out moment as I felt my life crumble around me. “But what do I say?”

  “Oh I don’t know; how about, ‘I’m pregnant with your baby’?”

  “Oh my God, this is a nightmare.”

  “…Well it doesn’t have to be.”

  I stopped at hearing those words, thinking them over. It was a baby. I had planned on having children in the future when I would be ready. Right now was not a good time for this, because I hadn’t planned it. Then again, I hadn’t planned on meeting Evan, nor had I planned on caring for him and his daughter so much. Looking back at my life, there were a lot of things I hadn’t planned. To be honest, I couldn’t bring myself to regret any of them. I placed a hand on my belly, wondering if maybe this might be one of those things, but wondering if maybe I might not end up regretting this.

  ~~~~~

  I arrived at Evan’s house just in time to be shushed by him, as he was carrying a sleeping Stephanie to her room. I followed closely behind him to make sure Stephanie didn’t wake up, and to help should he need it. I ended up with a clenched gut, thinking over the news I had in store for him. I was so nervous my hands were shaking uncontrollably and I had to clasp them behind my back so he wouldn't see them.

  But oh, there he was, tucking Stephanie in. I sighed at the way he was so careful with her, like a true father. There was the problem for me: he may already know how to act like a father, but he might not like acting as a father to another child. He gently kissed the little girl’s cheek and followed me down to the living room.

  “So I was thinking about movies, popcorn, wine, and a few other things,” he said, offering me a wink at the last suggestion.

  “Quiet ones I hope.”

  Evan grinned at me. “We could always go back to the garage.” He was handsome and wonderful and sexy as hell, and I just stood there for a long moment, staring at him, trying to dig deep and uncover every ounce of courage and strength that I had to say the next few words.

  “Actually…there’s something I want to talk to you about,” I suggested, following him into the kitchen where he got some wine bottles.

  “What is it?” he asked, offering me a glass which I took gladly.

  I was about to swallow when I remembered I was carrying a baby. I quickly spat the wine into the sink and rinsed my mouth, and when I looked back at him, he was staring at me with a confused frown. I racked my brains, thinking about what to say.

  “Did the doctor say no wine?” he finally asked, looking at me with his head tilted to one side as if trying to figure me out.

  I thought this over: she hadn’t actually said that, but I really didn’t think it was something she would recommend. God damn it, I really needed some alcohol!

  “Yeah,” I choked, turning away from his scrutinizing gaze. It was a little easier with his piercing blue eyes on me.

  “Are you okay?” he asked, his voice growing concerned, and I thought for a moment how to answer. It should be simple, right?

  “Maybe.”

  “Maybe, yes or maybe no?” I could hear him walk closer behind me, searching for an answer but I didn’t have one. Not for him, not for me.

  “I don’t know, don’t confuse me!” I said, running my hands through my hair.

  “Look if you’re not feeling well, then just let me know what I can do. Do you want me to drive you home? Or...”

  I turned around quickly, still not meeting his gaze. “I’m pregnant!”

  There was a brief pause before he dropped the wine glass he was holding, making me jump a little at the noise. I looked at the glass then at him, trying to gauge his reaction, but he just stood there. It was like he was frozen in time, a statue, and only kept staring at me.

  “Evan?” I asked, shaking my hand in front of him but he seemed to ignore it as well. “Ev?”

  “Just!” he squeaked, raising a finger. “Let me process this.”

  He then took the whole bottle of wine and drank. Two, three, four, a lot of gulps later. he put the bottle down and gasped. I stood there with my eyebrows raised, waiting for him to yell, throw something, complain, anything!

  “Better?” I asked.

  “…Give me a sec,” he said, rubbing his hands over his face and taking in a deep breath. “I thought you were on birth control.”

  “My bad?”

  “Your bad!”

  I groaned. I couldn’t say I wasn’t expecting this. “I’m sorry. I thought I’d taken some pills, but it turns out they weren’t the correct ones and I ended up taking something else. I know this is crazy.”

  “Well, not unless you’re planning to keep it,” Evan spat out, and his words knocked me back as they sank in.

  I was silent for a moment, hoping that didn’t mean what I thought it did. Finally I said, slowly and clearly so he understood, “I am keeping it.”

  He looked at me
, once again frozen, and took a few more gulps of wine. I waited for him to finish before speaking again. “I did think about not keeping it, and I know this is weird for you ,but…I want it. I want this baby and I am keeping it.”

  He was silent for a moment. This time he didn’t reach for the bottle; rather he sighed, most likely pondering the news. He leaned against the counter and ran a hand through his hair before looking at me.

  “Are you sure?” he asked, his voice no more than a whisper. His expression was a mix of horror, disbelief, and confusion. I understood. It was exactly how I felt when I first got the news.

  “Yeah.” I said, “and I understand if you don’t want this.”

  “If by this you mean you?” he asked, moving closer towards me. “Because I do. I do want to be with you.”

  “Well, you have to understand that choosing me, means choosing this baby, too.”

  He seemed lost for a moment, dropping the hands he’d been reaching for me with, but I didn’t want him to delay his answer any further. “Do you want this baby, Evan?”

  I stood there, looking at him and waiting for him to say something. I just wanted him to say it. If he didn’t want the baby, then that was okay: I could just be a single mother. But I needed him to tell me, and I needed to know whether he…loved me.

  And then, I felt my heart flutter when he grasped my face and kissed my lips softly and whispered, “Yes.”

  I smiled at him and then hugged him, resting my chin on his chest as a sense of momentary relief flooded me. To be honest, I wasn’t that convinced, but I was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. I just wanted to be with him.

  Chapter 11

  Evan

  Ugh, why was looking for a babysitter so damn hard? There were too many to choose from. There were the agencies, the independent workers, and the girls on my block asking for a job in babysitting; but honestly, those girls seemed too young to be taking care of a baby. Damn it, it was so much easier when it was Regan I had to pay. And on top of it all, I didn’t know how Stephanie would react to a new babysitter. Now that I thought about Stephanie, it reminded me that I still had to tell her that Regan was my new girlfriend, and that her mom and I weren’t getting back together, and that she was about to have a sibling.

  It was too much for me to process, let alone a three-year-old girl. She’d been doing so much better. How the hell would she react to the news? Would it send her spiraling back to where we’d been before Regan? My thoughts tumbled together as I tried to sort it out, and tried to figure out the best way to break it to her.

  I groaned at the thought. After Regan explained to me how she hadn’t been on birth control, I almost yelled at her. Granted, I stopped when she started freaking out about how I was going to murder her like those pregnant women in movies; that woman could be so paranoid sometimes. Shit, it’s not like I was upset or angry about a baby coming, but it was still something else for us to deal with. We didn’t even know if our relationship was going to last! Yes, I haven’t felt this way for any other woman but Regan, but unfortunately, that wasn’t nearly enough for us to determine if the relationship was going to work.

  What if we broke up and she had the baby? What if Stephanie becomes harder to deal with? What if Regan can’t be a mother to both the new baby and Stephanie? What if I can’t be a father to both of them? There were just too many “what ifs” for us right now, and every time I thought of them, it just hurt my head. Stupid life and its stupid complications. I couldn’t deal with all of it at the same time.

  I sighed and closed my laptop in resignation. I wasn’t going to get any work done now. I just didn’t know what to do, but I couldn’t think about this right now.

  “Daddy!” I heard Stephanie say, and I turned around and put on my best smile.

  “Hey, sweetie.”

  She gave me one of her sweetest smiles, dimples and all. “Can we play?”

  The question brought a sense of joy and relief. It had been a while since she had asked me to play with her. And thankfully, it was one question that had an easy answer. Nothing complicated about it.

  “Sure, baby,” I said, almost excited as I followed her to her room.

  We played in her room for a while, and I'd realized that I missed these moments with my daughter. The break up with Melanie had been hard and because she blamed me, I barely got to do this. I really loved my little girl, and I didn’t want her to deal with all this stuff, but I knew what I had to do. I had to tell her everything that would affect her. Unfortunately, just as I was working up the courage, she suddenly asked me that which I had been dreading.

  “Daddy, are you and mom not getting back together?” Her blue eyes were wide and questioning on me as I turned to her.

  Yep, there it was. I gaped at her a little, trying to voice my thoughts, but eventually sighed in defeat. There was no easy way to put it for her anymore.

  “Sweetie...”

  “I want you to get married again; I don’t want a new mommy.”

  I groaned softly: this was really going to be difficult for her.

  “Baby, mommy and I can’t get married again.” I tried to explain, but she just pouted at me, her bottom lip trembling.

  “But that’s what happens in movies. Parents split up and then they get married again. And then they live happily ever after.”

  “I know, baby.” I really wanted to kill those directors. Stupid movies putting ideas in kid’s heads about split up parents. Life wasn’t that easy. Sometimes you separated from someone and it couldn’t be helped. “But the grown-ups in those movies don’t have the problems that your mother and I had. This is just something we can’t fix.”

  “But she’s my mommy.” Those eyes, her eyes, filled up with tears just short of falling and I was at a loss for what to say. There was only one option. The truth.

  “I know sweetie, but mommy and I can’t get married again because...” I bit my lip, looking her straight in the eyes, not knowing how to phrase my next words, but eventually I just resigned myself, took a deep breath, and said the words as I let it out. “…I’m actually with Regan right now.”

  “No!” she cried, throwing down the toy she’d been playing with.

  “Sweetie please understand...”

  “I don’t want her as my new mommy!”

  “But you love Regan. She always plays with you, she gives you cookies, and she reads you your comic books.”

  Stephanie jumped to her feet, her voice rising on her next words. “I don’t want her as my stepmom. She’ll be mean and bad.”

  And that was another thing: why the hell was the stepmom seen as an evil villain? Stupid movies, really.

  “Honey, I know this is difficult, but I love Regan.”

  “Why can’t you and mommy be together?”

  “Because…”

  It’s a hard thing, relaying to your child some really sad information. Right now she was close to tears, but I had to do it.

  “Mommy did something,” I said, placing my hands on her arms and rubbing them in comfort, “She did something bad, and she hurt me. And you may not know, but she hurt you too.”

  “I don’t feel hurt,” the girl argued, which made me laugh bitterly.

  “I know you don’t, because you’re a strong girl. But she did something that you should never do.”

  “What did she do?”

  I sat with my mouth open, thinking of how to phrase it to a child., “It’s complicated.”

  “But she loves you, daddy.”

  “…No baby, that’s not true anymore.”

  She looked up at me, defiance written all over her tiny face and mutiny in her blue eyes now. “But that’s what she told me.”

  “I know…she told me that once. The thing is, if you love someone you don’t hurt them. That’s why I can’t marry your mom again. She hurt me, despite how much I loved her.”

  “But mommy says you hurt her, too. And she said Regan was going to hurt you and me. And that you still wanted to be with he
r.”

  I gawked at her, my daughter’s words replaying in my head for a second, then a third time. How could she? Damn, Melanie. How dare she put ideas in a little girl’s head? She’s a child, she shouldn’t have to go through that.

  “That’s not true, baby, I promise: Regan is never going to hurt either of us.” I finally forced the words out, still struggling with the fact that Melanie would use our daughter like that, tell her lies to try and manipulate her.

  That may not be a complete truth, but while there was still the possibility of Regan hurting me, she would never hurt my child. Nobody would.

  Stephanie was quiet for a long time as she thought over my words. “Are you sure?”

  “Absolutely.”

  I smiled at her and lifted her chin when she lowered her head in sadness. I then reached forward and laid a kiss on her forehead before running my hand over her red hair.

  “I love you, baby,” I whispered to her. She only looked at me with a sad frown but went to hug me nonetheless.

  “I love you too, daddy.”

  I smiled at that, only to frown with what she said next. “But I love mommy too.”

  I let my shoulders slump, releasing her and looking at her sadly.

  “Please marry mommy again.” She pleaded with me and my heart broke all over again. Not because of Melanie: that chance was long gone; but at the pain this had caused my daughter. She was the last person in the world I would ever want my actions to hurt.

  “…Honey, I can’t,” I whispered, nearly crying when I tried to pat her head and she pulled away and went back to her toys.

  That may not have gone the way I had hoped; no, screw that: I’m sure that conversation didn’t go as I had wanted it to. Stephanie had gone back to her dolls and not said a word again. Well, it wasn’t what I had hoped for, but it was a start. At least now she didn’t seem to be too mad at me, but now I had some insight as to why my daughter was so against me.

  Later, when Stephanie was asleep, I drank a glass of wine, or maybe two or three, to relax and calm myself as much as I could before I angrily dialed Melanie’s cell phone. That woman was going to get it now.

  “Hello?” Her familiar, high pitched voice said over the phone.