Reckless (The Reckless Series)

by True, Holli

  For once, our future would be in her hands.

  Finding the right time to face her again was the next challenge, as she needed to be alone. She had been restless all night, which came as no surprise, which had caused her to sleep in later than normal. Shayne had walked her to class that morning and since then, she’d had three other classes. It wasn’t until that afternoon that she veered off her normal course and headed for the campus museum instead. I followed close behind.

  Hailey barely acknowledged the greeter who welcomed her as she walked by, her eyes fixated on the glass door a few feet ahead. I knew exactly where we were headed, I should have guessed we would have wound up there. It was one of the only places Hailey had discovered on campus that allowed her to be alone, relatively speaking. Within the confines of the brick and mortar museum was a small and narrow courtyard, a place she escaped to from time to time. It wasn’t a place that received very many visitors, which was one of the things she loved about it. She would often sit on one of the concrete benches and simply listen to the steady flow of water from the fountain, lost in her own thoughts. Of course, with it being winter, the fountain was drained, there was only the sound of the rain today.

  As she walked down the brick aisle, she carelessly dropped her backpack on the vacant bench. I had expected her to stop, but she continued walking, disappearing into the shadows of the partially enclosed area of the courtyard. She moved to an area that was shielded with walls, keeping her out of sight to anyone who might be looking.

  I didn’t bother to keep my distance, what was the point anymore? She shivered slightly as she paced the small space, her eyes intently looking all around. I had no doubt they were in search of me. But until I willed her to see me, they couldn’t.

  She didn’t look like her normal self. Her lack of sleep was evident, as it had caused faint, purple shadows under her eyes. Her discovery was eating at her in a physical way that was impossible not to see.

  “Jonah,” she finally said, her voice low and controlled. As she slowly circled the area, her eyes never ceased their search.

  If she was looking for the truth, she shouldn’t have been looking for me.

  “You can stop hiding,” she said.

  It was now or never. As she turned her back from the place where I stood, I willed my transition to occur, making myself visible to her. She continued turning until she noticed me from the corner of her eye. A gasp instantly escaped her and her skin paled before my eyes.

  “Are you okay?” I asked immediately, fearing she was going to faint again. She only nodded, which didn’t ease my concern at all. I took a step forward, just in case I needed to catch her before colliding with the ground.

  “Don’t!” she snapped.

  It wasn’t what I expected to hear her say.

  “Stay back,” she warned, stepping backwards until she was pressed against the wall.

  I retreated, giving her as much space as I could in the confined area. “I know how you must be feeling,” I offered, trying to comfort her any possible way that I could.

  She shook her head at me, “You don’t have a clue how I’m feeling right now, Jonah. And I don’t think you want to know what my instincts are telling me to do to you.”

  “I know more than you think,” I replied. She was right about her feelings, but when it came to her instincts, I was responsible for most of them.

  She didn’t say anything for a long time. Her big green eyes staring back at me, seeing me, but still unsure. I wanted to feel relieved to finally share my secret with her, but I didn’t. I felt just as uncertain as she looked. And the overwhelming reality that this could be the end of us was weighing heavily on me.

  “Are you dead? A ghost?” She finally asked. But before I could say anything, she started laughing, on the edge of hysteria. “Oh my God! I sound crazy!”

  “You’re not crazy,” I assured her.

  She looked at me, confusion and fear written all over her face. “What are you?” she finally asked.

  If ever there was a moment of truth, this was it. I was standing on the precipice of hope. There would be no turning back and things would never be the same. But she deserved to know the answer to the questions she was asking and I could not deprive her of the truth any longer, no matter the consequences I would be forced to deal with. I swallowed the lump in my throat, eyeing her closely. “I’m your Guardian.”

  She looked taken aback, “My Guardian?”

  “I was created for you. To protect you.”

  “I don’t understand...” she trailed off, growing paler by the second.

  There was nothing I wanted to do more than hold her in my arms, but I didn’t dare. “It wasn’t a coincidence that we met, Hailey. I’ve walked beside you your entire life. Every step. I’ve been there.”

  “I need to sit down,” she said, slowly sinking down to the ground.

  I took a cautious step forward before leaning down to sit on the ground across from her. “You fell off your bike when you were six and broke your arm, you vowed you’d never ride again. And you haven’t.”

  “Oh my God,” she whispered, tears in her eyes.

  “A school field trip to see the Nutcracker is what inspired you to start dancing. You were an absolute natural,” I smiled at her, remembering her when she was just ten years old. “And you stopped believing in Santa when he failed to deliver the baby brother you’d asked for, three years in a row. You never quite forgave him for that.”

  I stopped talking, giving her time to process everything I had said. There were a million other memories I could have rambled off to her, but I could tell she was already overwhelmed with what I had said. I didn’t know how much more she could take.

  “How is this even possible?” she finally said.

  “I’ve wanted to tell you. So many times.”

  “So why didn’t you?” she exclaimed, the anger in her tone was cutting.

  “I didn’t know how to.”

  “So you pretended to be something you’ll never be? You decided that was easier? Lying to me about everything was your best option?”

  “I didn’t lie to you about everything.”

  “I can’t even wrap my head around this, Jonah. All of this time, you could have said something. Anything.”

  “I’m so sorry.” She would never know the depth of my apology.

  Hailey stumbled to her feet, glaring down at me, “How could you let me do it? Knowing what you know... How could you let me fall in love with you?”

  I opened my mouth to speak, but there was nothing I could say. She was absolutely right. How could I have done that to her? I clambered to my feet, trying to think of a way to undo all of the damage I had caused. “I never meant to hurt you.”

  “Are you kidding me?” she cried out. “This is the cruelest thing you could have ever done to me, Jonah.”

  “You’re right to hate me. I hate me. But no matter what you think, I do love you, Hailey.”

  She shook her head slowly, “Is that supposed to be some sort of consolation?” She wiped away her tears, hardening her expression. “I never want to see you again. Do you hear me?”

  “Hailey-”

  “Never!” she cried out, the pain in her eyes destroying me to my core. “Now do what you do best, Jonah. Just disappear.”

  . . .

  It had been a long day. I was emotionally spent, feeling more lost than ever, but my only real concern was Hailey. There was nothing I wanted more than to be there for her, but she had made it perfectly clear that she wanted nothing to do with me. And I didn’t blame her at all. My only hope was that she would find a way to forgive me one day and eventually forget me. If there was anything I had learned by observing her world, it was that time was a cure for every wound. Even the ones that hurt the heart.

  There were still so many things that I wanted to tell to her, but my opportunity to say them was gone. Since she didn’t want to see me again, all I could offer her now was my sincerest apology in writing. Of cours
e, there was no guarantee she would actually read it, but at least she would have it. But I could hope. So, I put it all down on paper. Everything. Just so she would know exactly how I felt about her and why I had done what I had done.

  When I was finished, I folded the notebook paper in three while glancing at Hailey in her bed. She had fallen asleep hours ago, still gripping the book she had been studying from. The lamp above her bed was on, casting dim light throughout the small dorm room.

  It had never been a habit of mine to rummage through Hailey’s personal belongings, so it felt very wrong to sift through the books in her backpack. I had to ignore the pang of guilt I felt in doing it, I just had to be sure she saw my letter and there was no better place to hide it than her books. With her Physiology test on Monday, I knew she’d find it there. I carefully tucked it between two pages, leaving just enough of the letter exposed that she would see it.

  As I placed the book back in the exact place I had found it, I heard her sigh softly in her sleep. She looked so beautiful and peaceful, just looking at her completely captivated me. I slowly sank to the floor, taking my usual seat beside her bed, where I would forever wait out the rest of our nights.

  . . .

  Winter sunlight poured in through the floor to ceiling windows that lined the entire wall of the quiet study room in Knight Library. The sun was low in the sky, it would be setting soon, but Hailey didn’t seem to notice or mind. She was three hours into a cram session, books sprawled all around her, along with notebooks, pens, highlighters and her trademark post-it pad.

  She was alone at a small table, zoned out to the world around her as she listened to music through her earphones. The room was decently filled, but not crowded, with most of the private desks empty. The students had taken full advantage of the space, choosing to spread out as opposed to group together to study.

  Keeping my distance, I had opted to sit across the room in a vacant armchair, facing the doorway with Hailey’s back to me. I kept a watchful eye on the people entering and exiting the area, trying to ignore the overwhelming heartache I was feeling from within. It was something I would just have to get accustomed to feeling, so learning to disregard it was my survival tactic.

  It wasn’t until Matt walked through the door, with Ethan close behind, that a new rush of feelings consumed me. I instantly found myself on my feet, moving toward Hailey, closing the gap between us. As I moved forward, it caught Ethan’s attention. His eyes flickered away from mine briefly as he scanned the room, stopping only once they landed upon Hailey. My blood boiled. I didn’t even like him looking at her.

  It didn’t take Matt but a second to discover Hailey was there, either. A broad smile spread across his face as he switched course and made his way over to her table. Without hesitation, he tossed his bag on the table and plopped down in the seat next to her. He was making the only noise in the otherwise silent room.

  Hailey didn’t make eye contact with him, she kept her eyes down on her open book. It was clear she was trying to send a sign to Matt, but it was completely lost on him. Without any hesitation, he reached out and tugged on the chord of her earphones, pulling it free of her ear.

  “I’ve been looking for you,” he said in a low voice, still too loud for the quiet room. This scored him a few glares from nearby students.

  “You found me,” Hailey whispered back, making no attempt at masking the annoyed expression on her face.

  “You’re not still mad at me, are you?” Matt laughed softly, nudging her in the arm with a heavy hand.

  Hailey turned her glaring eyes on him at once. “For the record— yes. I am still mad at you.”

  “Can’t you just get over it already?” he grumbled.

  “Shh!” a girl hissed at him.

  Matt leaned back to look around Hailey, staring straight at the girl who had just shushed him. “Sorry!” he said loudly, clearly trying to be obnoxious. He laughed again, digging into his bag, pulling out his phone.

  “Have you been drinking?” Hailey asked, leaning away from him.

  “Maybe,” he said with a lazy grin. “There was this barbecue thing, I would have invited you, but...” he shrugged slightly, “I guess I forgot. Sorry about that.”

  Hailey glared at him and muttered, “Don’t worry about it.” She inserted her earphone back into her ear, making it known that she had no intention of engaging with him, returning her attention back to her book. Matt seemed to take the hint, as he started fiddling with his phone.

  Just pack up and leave, I willed her.

  She firmly shook her head back and forth.

  Was she responding to me?

  Ethan circled around the table, moving closer to Hailey. I took a step forward, positioning myself between them. I shook my head at him, heeding a warning. If he knew what was good for him, he wouldn’t move any closer to her.

  “What’s your problem, Jonah?”

  “You’re my problem,” I said flatly. “I don’t know what you’re up to, Ethan, but something has changed in you and it’s affecting Matt.”

  Ethan raised his chin up at me, his eyes locked on mine. “You’re the only one who’s changed. You’ve lost touch with what you are. What we are. You think you’re one of them,” he gestured to Hailey and Matt, both completely unaware of us. “But you’ll never be human and you know it! That’s what’s eating at you. How do you think that’s affecting Hailey?”

  “I haven’t lost touch with anything.”

  “You can’t even act on impulse anymore,” he said, shaking his head slowly. “You act on pure emotion. Admit it, Jonah, you’ve lost it.”

  “You’d love for it to be that way, but you’ve got it all wrong.”

  “Do I?” he challenged.

  “Try me,” I fired right back.

  A slow smile spread across his face, “Careful what you ask for.”

  “Is that a threat?” My anger was quickly elevating to rage.

  “What do you think?” he countered.

  “Of you? Trust me, you don’t want me to answer that question.”

  “You keep disregarding me,” Ethan said, shaking his head as though he pitied me. His eyes were cold and unwavering. “One day you’ll learn.”

  “What is that supposed to mean?” I demanded. I didn’t have to guess at what he was implying.

  “Guess you’ll just have to wait and see,” he said with a shrug. Saying nothing more, he retreated, moving across the room to a vacant chair near the window.

  I glanced back at Hailey, the very idea of something happening to her haunted my thoughts. Ethan and I had never been very friendly with each other, but up until recent months, there had only ever been harmless banter between us. But now things always felt escalated and on edge. I couldn’t define exactly when, it had more or less been since they’d arrived at college. Something had definitely changed, but what?

  Leaning back against the wall, I folded my arms across my chest, maintaining a close eye on Matt. There was no way I was going to leave her alone at the table with him. Matt had lost all of my trust, not to mention my respect, not that he had ever earned much of either one to begin with. He was a ticking time bomb and I refused to let Hailey fall victim to his self destruction.

  Matt suddenly reached over and tapped Hailey on the shoulder, leaning close to her. She exhaled softly, barely removing the earphone from her ear as she turned to look at him. “Yeah?” she asked through clenched teeth.

  “Where’s the boyfriend?” he whispered.

  “Are you kidding me?” she asked in disbelief.

  He shrugged.

  “I’m trying to work here, Matt. Seriously, I’m already behind.”

  “You’re such a buzzkill, Hailey.”

  “Maybe you should worry less about being buzzed all of the time and worry more about school.”

  “Boring!” he booed loudly, erupting in laughter as everyone shot glares his way.

  Ethan smirked.

  Hailey shot an apologetic glance around the room, looki
ng mortified. She sunk lower in her chair, it was obvious that she was embarrassed by Matt’s behavior. But with him sitting beside her, it made her look just as guilty as him, and she knew it.

  She hesitated for a moment, watching Matt from the corner of her eye. When he leaned forward and focused in on his book, she put her earphone back in and flipped the page of her book. A loose piece of paper instantly slid out onto the table, it took me a second to realize it was my note to her. Fortunately, Matt hadn’t noticed it. She barely opened it, as she briefly skimmed the page, the confusion on her face quickly melted away.

  Without reading it fully, she abruptly closed her books and crammed them into her backpack. Saying nothing to Matt, she walked out the room, moving past the stairs. She didn’t see the confused stare he gave her as she walked away or hear him say her name. With the note still clutched in her hand, she headed straight for the endless rows of books in a different section of the expansive library. Her feet didn’t stop moving until she was deep into a secluded area, where she would likely be alone.

  I stood at the edge of the aisle, watching as she dropped her bag at her feet and leaned lightly against the shelves. It felt intrusive to watch her, but I couldn’t fight my curiosity. Her eyes were already fixated on my letter.

  Hailey,

  I know that you have made your decision about us and about me, please understand that I respect how you feel and I will not try to change your mind. I will not interfere with your life, I will only do what I was created to do- protect you. And you have my promise, you will never see me again. Please know that I never meant to ruin your life. I cherish you. The only explanation I can offer to you is the truth. My curiosity got the better of me, I simply wanted to meet the girl that I am dedicated to protecting. But when I met you, something I never imagined could happen, did happen. I fell in love with you. I fought loving you, resisting it the best I could. But I just couldn’t keep fighting it because it hurt too much not to love you. I wanted a life with you so badly, I turned my back on everything I knew and believed, hoping and praying that our love would prevail. But, instead, here we are. Both of us broken and hurting. And it destroys me that I am the only one to blame for all of it. I am so sorry for being reckless with your heart, Hailey. I will be forever grateful to you for teaching me what it means to live and how to love. You are the only star I see in my universe, my only reason for existing, my true soulmate.