Desire

by Simone Sowood

  Jay sat on the couch, tight up against me, and put his arm around my shoulders. I relaxed into him, resting my head on his body with my feet curled up beside me.

  We sat in silence drinking our hot chocolate. Every moment with Jay was a moment I never wanted to end.

  “So tell me about Bourbon Chaser,” I said, breaking the silence.

  “He was a beauty. Chestnut with a patch of white down his nose.”

  “Aw, he sounds cute.”

  “Gorgeous. And a great temperament. He loved going fast, and my God could he go.”

  “Do you have any pictures of him?”

  He didn’t say anything for a moment or two, then he said, “I think so, come with me.”

  We put our mugs on the table and I followed him down the stairs to the basement. I’d never been in it before, and I was amazed at the huge space at the bottom of the landing. There were sofas and chairs skirting around it, and a wall of glass doors opening onto a patio. The center of the room was completely empty. It was huge and gave a sense of the size of the house that you didn’t get from the upstairs since it was divided into so many rooms.

  I followed him through the door and was hit with the smell of leather. The room must have been at the front of the house, as it only had a small window near the ceiling. The room was a good size, and covered in wood paneling. Horse harnesses, brasses and photos adorned the walls.

  “Wow,” I said.

  “This is my horse room.”

  “Of course. Of course you have a horse room.”

  He laughed. “I grew up with them. My father’s family has been breeding racehorses for generations.”

  I was stunned, unable to respond. He’d never volunteered information about himself before. I’d always had to drag it out of him.

  “Here,” he said, pointing to a cluster of photos, “these are Bourbon Chaser.”

  I walked up to them. It was a very pretty horse. Not that I knew anything about horses. But it had nice markings. I looked over all the photos, many of them of Bourbon Chaser in a winner’s circle, slick with sweat and adorned with flowers, a jockey in a colorful outfit always holding his reins.

  “Is that your father?” I asked, pointing to a man who was in most of the photos.

  Jay nodded, and I examined the photos more closely for hints of his past. Many also had the same woman I had seen in the photos in his bedroom, and I put my finger to her face. She seemed familiar.

  “She reminds me of someone,” I said.

  “Weird.”

  I moved along the wall, looking at all the photos. In one, the woman was holding a toddler while another young boy stood between her and a horse.

  “That’s you.” I stated. “But who’s the one she’d holding? Is that your brother?”

  “I don’t have a brother,” he said, then he grabbed my hand.

  I followed him out of the room and back to the den, racking my brain over the woman.

  We snuggled back into our spots on the sofa in front of the fire. I leaned my head against him, still thinking about the woman. Something was off, but I didn’t know what. I couldn’t place it.

  All of a sudden Calvin’s words came back to me ‘watch out for lies.’ Was this one of them? I didn’t want to believe it. Calvin was a bitter asshole and I shouldn’t pay any attention to his words. Without me asking, Jay was opening up about his life.

  Chapter 10

  We sat in the breakfast room, cuddled together on the sofa drinking the coffee Rosie had brought. I had slept in his arms all night, in one of the deepest, most restful sleeps I’d ever had. I held the mug to my nose, inhaling the aroma. The aroma that, for once, I didn’t need to make me feel awake.

  “It’s going to rain today,” Jay said.

  “Guess we’ll have to watch movies all day.” I smiled at the thought of us cuddled together in his home theatre, eating popcorn and watching old black and white films on the big screen.

  He kissed my hair. “Sounds like a plan.”

  I pushed my body further into his, wishing I could meld completely into him. “What one do you want to watch?”

  “I was hoping we’d watch a Bruce Lee or maybe some John Wayne.”

  I giggled, “Getting tired of romances?”

  He laughed. “A little. Besides, who needs to watch it in movies when I have it in real life?”

  My insides burst at his words and I remained still for a few moments, cherishing the feeling.

  “That’s fine. If you need to balance our love with a little onscreen violence, we can watch a Bruce Lee movie.”

  We drank enough coffee to last a week and when we could drink no more we lounged around in our bathrobes. I started to move, to stand and go get dressed, but Jay held on to me, keeping me on the sofa.

  I looked at him, as if to question what? But he had a serious look on his face and I worried, wondering what was going on. His eyes locked onto mine and I gave him my full attention.

  “Beautiful, I’ve been thinking a lot about this. And I want you to move in here.”

  He’d asked me to stay here before, but he’d always phrased it as ‘stay here,’ not ‘move in.’ Judging from his voice and body language, he was asking something different. Something more.

  “You mean, like, move in move in?”

  “Yes. Live here with me. Forever.”

  My mind raced with all sorts of images. Of us rambling around the big house, always together in each other’s arms. It was tempting, too tempting.

  But too quickly my rational side took over and stamped all over my heart’s dream. The house was massive. Our personal income levels too disjointed. I wanted to pull my weight. If I moved in with him my income would be irrelevant and I would be nothing but a financial leech on him. I couldn’t do it.

  Then images of Matt took over my mind. Him moving in and taking advantage of me. Taking all my money. Pretending he loved me. Lying through his teeth. I wouldn’t be like him, I wouldn’t move in and take advantage of someone else.

  “I don’t earn enough money to contribute to the mortgage.”

  Jay rolled his eyes. “What mortgage? And I don’t care about money.”

  No mortgage? I remembered those days, when I had no mortgage and didn’t have the crushing stress of one like I have now.

  “I doubt I could even afford the water bill.”

  “Beautiful, why on earth do you think I would want any of your money?”

  “Because I can’t just live off you!” I flung myself forwards on the sofa, out of his hold on me.

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “It means I don’t want to be some gold-digger leech. I have my own job, my own money that I worked damn hard to get.” I’d been self reliant since I was a teenager. It was who I was. Not someone who needed handouts from others.

  “Abbie, no one would ever accuse you of being a gold digger.” He huffed. “You’re the exact opposite.”

  “But I can’t just live off you. You’ve already bought all my clothes, that’s bad enough.”

  “You’re being stupid.”

  The word stupid shot through my head, setting me off. “I’ve worked so hard to keep my condo, I’m not about to lose it!”

  “You don’t have to! Keep it. Use it as a city crash pad. Rent it out. Whatever you want to do with it, it doesn’t matter.”

  “Doesn’t matter? It matters to me!” I stood and stormed out of the room, fighting back tears. Why couldn’t he see how much my condo meant to me? I had to stop marching sometime around the staircase. The house was too big to be able to stomp over the distance to get to my bedroom.

  I chortled at myself. My bedroom. Full of my wardrobe, with enough clothes to last a lifetime. I plunked myself on my bed and stared up at the ceiling. What would I do? How would I ever be able to marry him?

  Too many questions flew around in my head. I had to get back to my condo, to prepare for work the next day. I had to get to grips with the reporting in my new company. It was the only comp
any that would hire me after the infamous email, and I wasn’t about to screw up this job. Unfortunately, I’d have to get Jay to drive me home because a taxi from out here would cost a fortune.

  Then it hit me. The chauffeur. Whoever he was. Rosie could tell me, and I’d be able to get home without needing Jay.

  I closed my eyes, thinking about Jay. About the cloud of bliss I’d been immersed in over the past twenty-four hours. Why did I drag myself out of it?

  The door opened and Jay walked in, sitting himself on the edge of the bed.

  “I don’t know why you left. That wasn’t exactly how I’d anticipated the first woman I ever asked to move in with me to react.” He reached out and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear.

  “I don’t know either. It’s just the way you dismissed my condo. Dismissed my job. It was like you’d dismissed me.”

  “Why would you say that?”

  I closed my eyes. Did he really not get it? I worked so hard for what I had, I didn’t want my success to vanish into nothing. “How do you not see that’s what you’re doing?” I tried to keep my voice steady.

  “And how do you not see what you’re doing is silly?”

  “Silly?”

  “Okay, look. If you want to pay something, pay for one of the bills here. How much is your mortgage? I’ll find a bill that costs the same. How about the movie streaming sites?”

  I furrowed my brow. “You think Netflix is equivalent to my mortgage?”

  “Fine. There are lots of bills. We’ll find one for you to pay. It doesn’t matter.”

  I pushed my body back into the bed and looked at the ceiling. “That’s the problem. Of course it matters! But you just dismiss my money.”

  “Abbie. Seriously. What you’re saying is that I can never have a normal relationship because I have too much money.”

  I didn’t say anything.

  “Honestly. You are saying I can never be with the woman I love because our finances don’t match up. Is that fair?”

  I hadn’t considered that. Maybe he was right. But if I moved in, would I be giving up my financial freedom?

  He took my hand and stood, tugging at me. “Come with me, I know a bill you can pay. I’ll show you.”

  His eyes pleaded with me, and I allowed him to lead me away.

  Chapter 11

  We ended up in the basement, in the huge open space ringed by the comfy seating.

  “Stand right here,” he said, placing me in the exact center of the room. “Oh, and give me your robe.”

  I complied and stood in the middle of the room in my panties and cami. I was facing the wall of windows, looking out at the drizzly October day.

  “What’s going on?”

  “Stay there, I’ll show you a bill you can pay. I’m going to need the panties as well, but those can wait.”

  Jay walked over to the edge of the room to a bank of switches. What was going on? He grinned at me and flicked a switch.

  “Ah!” I yelled as the floor beneath me moved.

  Jay laughed.

  What was happening? I looked down, and the entire center of the room, a great big rectangle, was sinking. My heart fluttered while my brain tried to process what was happening. Was this part of the car parking thing?

  The floor stopped moving when I’d sunk up to my chest. A wide staircase appeared at one end. Jay dropped his robe and pushed another button. With a great whoosh, water rushed in from the sides. I stared in disbelief, not fully believing what I was seeing. Jay stood at the edge, enjoying my reaction far too much.

  The water swelled up around my legs, and within minutes the entire space was completely full of warm water. Jay slipped into the pool and waded over to me.

  He put his hands around my waist and stared into my eyes. I couldn’t help but laugh at how surreal the situation was. One minute I was on a floor, the next in a swimming pool.

  His lips found mine and kissed me in the most loving way. A feeling of overwhelming love pushed through me, and I kissed him back.

  He lifted me from my feet and spun me around in the water. I squealed and splashed him with my free arm. I managed to wiggle away and carried on splashing him, laughing. He splashed me and because I was laughing so hard, I got a big mouthful of water. I stood and coughed, trying to clear my lungs.

  “Are you okay?” Jay asked, putting his hand on my back, as if ready to start patting it.

  I nodded and coughed a little more. I stood up straight in the water. My breasts were exactly at the waterline, my nipples hard against the fabric of my cami.

  “I’m really liking this wet T-shirt look,” Jay said, cupping the sides of my breasts.

  I jumped up and threw my arms around his neck, excited that the buoyancy of the water allowed me to get to his height for once. I wrapped my legs around his waist and kissed him, feeling his cock grow hard underneath me.

  Jay sunk down, so that the water swirled around our necks and our heads were the only thing above it. As we kissed, he made his way to the side of the pool.

  When my back was against the edge, he tugged at my panties but the fabric was too wet to rip. I pushed them down and wiggled, using my knees and feet to get them off.

  He broke away and stared into my eyes, his deep brown eyes mesmerizing me.

  “I love you, Abbie White. I’ve never felt this way about anybody before.”

  I wanted to cry at the effect his words had on me. Only it wasn’t his words that were causing the tears, it was the underlying truth of them. And the knowledge I felt the exact same way about him.

  “I love you, James McAllister. More than Cary Grant, Clark Gable and Humphrey Bogart combined.”

  He put his lips on mine, devouring me.

  His hand slid along my side and worked its way between us, finding its way to my waiting pussy. For some reason, when he touched me, when his fingers brushed across my lips, my eyes welled with tears.

  I had to stop kissing him, to turn my face away and lean on his shoulder, my chin quivering.

  “I need you now,” Jay said, his voice breathy.

  He spread my lips and pushed his cock into me. For a moment I forgot to breathe.

  My chin continued to quiver, and soon my entire body was as well. The quivering grew into shakes, my shoulder twitching, my teeth chattering. All because I had never experienced such intensity before, my body didn’t know how to react.

  His movements in me were slight, as if after entering me he didn’t want to even move an iota away from me. My hips moved with him, our movement so slow it would be imperceptible to any bystander.

  “You’re shaking,” he whispered.

  I gulped. I wanted to tell him I wasn’t cold. That my shivers were coming from the inside out and not the other way around. But I couldn’t form words. I’d lost my ability to speak.

  He pulled himself from me and lifted me up. Cradled in his arms, he carried me up the steps of the pool and set me on a nearby sofa.

  Jay climbed onto me, and right back into me. His body enveloped me and I curled into him, my legs wrapped around him and my ankles hooked together.

  Our hips moved together, building tension throughout my body. I continued to quiver underneath him, but soon my quivering gave way to writhing.

  My pussy pulsated around his cock. In unison, my pussy and heart exploded, sending out shock waves. Waves that crashed together each time one from the two epicenters collided.

  Something strange happened. Something that had never happened during sex. I cried.

  Soon my crying had grown uncontrollable, even as the last waves of the orgasm were still pushing through me.

  “Beautiful, what’s wrong?” Jay asked, smoothing back my hair.

  I couldn’t speak, my voice long gone. How could I explain it anyway, when I didn’t understand it myself?

  Instead I kissed him. A deliberate, unhurried kiss that I hoped explained everything.

  Dripping wet, we stayed on the sofa for some time. Eventually Jay got our robes, and we cuddl
ed together, my body still quivering with emotion. I lost all sense of time and have no idea how long we were there for.

  * * *

  We’d finished watching The Way of the Dragon and were still cuddled together on one of the sofas in the cinema room.

  “I need to get home and do some work. I have a few things I want to read about CQ Francis before tomorrow,” I said.

  “That’s good. I have quite a bit of work I’ve been neglecting this weekend.”

  I giggled. “Sorry for distracting you.”

  He squeezed me. “I’m sorry work distracts me from you.”

  My giggle turned into a deep laugh. The idea that I came first struck me as funny.

  “Where are you staying tonight? You should stay here,” Jay said.

  “I have to go home, all my work stuff is there.” I didn’t want to leave him, ever.

  “I can send someone to get it,” he said.

  Torn, I wasn’t sure what to do. “I need to, sorry.”

  “Then I’m staying at yours.”

  “Of course.”

  “Can I pay rent? I owe you some, I was there all last week.”

  “Don’t be silly.” I smacked his arm, embarrassed at the implication.

  Jay laughed. “You are a hypocrite.”

  “I am not!”

  He raised an eyebrow at me, but didn’t say anything. He left the room, and I sat there thinking over the last couple of weeks. After a few minutes he came back.

  “Just sorting out the car,” he said.

  I stood and played with the waistband of his pants. I stared at my hands and said, “Are you coming with me?”

  “Of course I am.” There was something in his voice. Anger. Resignation. I didn’t know.

  * * *

  We sat side by side on my sofa, the radio on and a laptop on each of our laps.

  It was crucial for my career that I get off to a good start at CQ Francis. But so far their systems eluded me. They were a young IT company that had exploded onto the scene, and I suppose that explained why the reporting seemed all over the place. My job was to sort that out.