Desire

by Simone Sowood

  I was going cross-eyed from the pages of numbers on my screen. I blinked a few times and rested my head on Jay’s shoulder and stared blankly at his screen.

  “How’s Force McAllister doing?” I was amazed how easily the words rolled off my tongue, without any hint or hang up over my time there.

  “This is a different company.”

  “Oh?”

  “I have lots of companies, you know. Force McAllister is just the first one I started.”

  “How many do you own?” I was shocked. More because I didn’t know this about him rather than the fact itself. It was normal for these big companies to go around buying up other ones. But I felt like it was a revelation, something I didn’t know about Jay that I should have.

  “Lots, but Force McAllister is my baby.”

  How many did he have? Maybe I should Google it. Not with him sitting beside me though.

  “Is that your first one?”

  He laughed, “That’s why my name is on it.”

  “What one are you looking at now?”

  “One I might buy.”

  Jay told me all about the potential takeover. Showed me their financials and business plan. He asked me my opinion, and we got into a big discussion on the merits of buying the company.

  He valued me. Valued my ideas. For the second time that day I felt an overwhelming love from and for him.

  “You’re wasted as a report jockey,” he said, stroking the back of my hand.

  “One day. I’m trying, you know.”

  “You should come back to Force McAllister, I’ll create a good role for you.”

  “Everyone would just say I fucked my way into it. I wouldn’t be taken seriously.”

  “You would once they heard you speak.” He put his arm around me, consoling me, convincing me. But I couldn’t face it. How could I work some place where everyone had seen me straddling him topless?

  “I’ll put you in one of my other companies. Seriously, beautiful, I could really use your talents.”

  I laughed. “Thanks,” I hesitated, “but, I need to get things on my own merit.”

  Jay laughed. “Do you think you’d be the only person ever to take a job from a contact?”

  I shifted my eyes down. It was true. So many people in this world got places they had no business being in because they knew the right people. I’d always believed it was what was wrong in the world. I’d be a massive hypocrite if I used Jay to get a job now.

  Chapter 12

  The first thing I did on my break on Monday morning was send Jenny a text.

  OMG you will not believe what Jay asked!!!!!!!

  Jay had left by the time I woke up, but since my first sip of coffee I couldn’t stop thinking about how he’d asked me to move in with him. It’s fair to say I was giddy with excitement. Even though I had to say no, it represented a huge milestone in our relationship.

  SHUT UP, did he propose?????

  I looked back over my text. Maybe it read that way.

  LOL, no, just move in

  I smiled to myself at the memory of the pool. Laurie appeared and pulled me away for a meeting.

  * * *

  I hoofed it the five blocks to meet Jenny for lunch. We’d picked a spot halfway between her office and mine, but even still it didn’t give me enough time to tell her everything about the weekend with Jay.

  I was standing in line to order a bagel with cream cheese when Jenny ran up and hugged me. She squeezed me tight and jumped up and down.

  “Don’t get too excited, I haven’t said yes yet.”

  “What? You’re crazy!”

  We ordered and found a table. I filled Jenny in on the highlights of the weekend — well, not all the highlights. I ended the recap at the pool. Because we were both too excited at the concept of a floor turning into a pool to get any further.

  “I can’t believe you’re making him stay at your little shoebox,” she said once we’d calmed down.

  “Hey! My condo is not a shoebox. And I’m not making him do anything.”

  She raised her eyebrows but said nothing. She didn’t need to.

  “I’m not,” I protested, but didn’t even believe my own words.

  “Sweetie, do you think a guy like him is enjoying living in a place like yours?”

  “Well, everybody likes a bit of variety.”

  “No, no, no. You need to get over this bizarro hangup of yours and move in with him. I mean, you want to live with him, right?” She used her bagel to punctuate the point and a bit of cream cheese plopped onto her blouse.

  “I can’t even imagine a day without him. How would I ever sleep without him holding me?”

  “Look, I know you are…” she gave her head a shake, “obsessed with relying on no one but yourself. But sweetie, you must understand, it is normal to move in with someone even if they have a lot more money than you. Hell, most women would be jumping at the chance.”

  “I’m not a gold digger.”

  “You can still move in with him and not be a gold digger!”

  I sat back in my chair and said, “He offered to give me a good position in one of his companies.”

  Jenny took a bite of her bagel and chewed. She was chewing over my news. The way I’d chewed over it all last night in bed. I took a drink of my Diet Coke and waited for her response.

  I needed her advice. She could make me see the right answers, always.

  “I don’t know what to say.” She shrugged in apology.

  “You always know what to say!”

  Jenny shook her head. “I’m sorry. I don’t know. What if you two broke up, then what would happen to your job?”

  “We’re never breaking up, that’s not an issue.”

  “Then why aren’t you living at his house?” she exclaimed.

  I glanced at my watch. I had a one o’clock meeting with Laurie and her boss and I couldn’t be late for it.

  “I have to run, but think it over and tell me what to do.”

  “I’ll try, but I’m only going to give you advice, I’d never tell you what to do.” She gave me a little wink.

  What a crazy lady. I loved her. Of course I’d do whatever she told me to.

  I hurried back to work. As I rounded the corner to my office, Calvin appeared out of nowhere. One second he wasn’t there, and the next second he was standing directly in my path.

  “Get out of my way,” I said.

  “What’s the matter, sugar? Need to get back to work with your boyfriend?” He said boyfriend like he was a ten-year-old boy taunting an older sister.

  “Fuck off.”

  “Ooh, feisty. Are you like that in bed too? When you fuck the lying liar?”

  I tried to push past him but he sidestepped in front of me again.

  “Get the fuck out of my way before I start screaming.”

  He moved out of my way and I hustled past him.

  He called something out as I went. I thought he said something like, “He lies even more than your last boyfriend.” But he couldn’t have. I couldn’t have heard him right.

  * * *

  Jay came in that night around ten. He didn’t look like his normal cool self. Almost disheveled. Although no one else would spot that, I could tell.

  I hooked my arms behind his shoulders and hugged him, drinking in his scent. He patted my back and brushed passed me.

  “What’s up?” I asked.

  “Nothing,” he said, depositing his bag on the dining chair. My heart sped up.

  He took off his suit jacket and loosened his tie. I laid my hands on his chest, fussing with him. He clasped my hands in his and kissed my fingers while holding my gaze.

  “Everything is good.”

  Jay pushed my hands out from between us and pulled me tight to him. He smelled my hair and I warmed, knowing my very presence could calm him.

  I tilted my head to him, begging for his lips. He cupped my chin and kissed me. A rough, forceful kiss that left me gasping.

  He pushed me back, into the d
ividing counter between my kitchen and living areas. Before I knew what was happening, he’d spun me around and bent me over the counter.

  “I need to fuck you, now.” His voice was low, like a growl. His normally controlled self gone.

  My heart pounded in my chest and at the same time my pussy screamed alive with lust.

  He grabbed my work skirt and pulled it up over my ass, tearing the seam in the process. Oh well, what was the big deal about a Chanel skirt? I wiggled, but he gripped my ass, holding me still while he yanked my panties between my thighs.

  My pussy waited, exposed. I couldn’t do anything but moan, anticipating him entering me.

  Jay dropped down and his tongue lapped at my pussy, a hand on each of my ass cheeks. His tongue probed me, finding my clit and flicking it. It had happened so fast I was caught off-guard and left panting as the sensations shuddered up my spine.

  His grip on my ass was so firm, I was sure I’d have strangely shaped welts in the morning but I didn’t care.

  I was sure I could actually feel my pulse on my cheek, reverberating off the counter.

  He released his grip on one of my ass cheeks and swatted it, the noise echoed around the room. I flinched at the touch but it electrified my pussy. My dripping wet pussy that was desperate for him to put his cock in it.

  He smacked my ass again, causing me to moan. I wanted to beg, to plead for him to fuck me but I didn’t have the breath.

  While he continued to flutter his tongue over my clit, his fingers fumbled with my lips. I didn’t know how much more I could take, but waited eagerly for his fingers to find my entrance.

  Instead, he slipped his thumb into me. He bent his thumb and pushed it against… I didn’t know what against. Something I never knew I had. Something mythical. Something that made me buckle at the knees.

  My entire body lost sense of where it was or who I was as orgasmic waves washed over me.

  I melted, his other hand on my ass the only thing keeping me from falling to the floor. I moaned a breathless sound of sheer gratification.

  Jay took his thumb away and stood, holding me against the counter with his body. The bulge of his cock dug against me through his suit pants.

  He manipulated his belt and button, giving me enough time to breathe some air into my lungs.

  Without pause, he pushed his cock deep into me and began pounding me into the counter. My legs were still too weak, too much like jelly, to offer any support or resistance. I was all his.

  Jay grunted as he rammed into me, his hands on my back holding me down. My pussy screamed again, taking a ridiculous amount of pleasure in his manhandling of me. It clamped down on his cock, the slickness of its walls the only thing allowing it to move under the vice grip.

  He thrust in deep, with more power than before. A slight grunt escaped his mouth and he doubled himself over me. Our breaths regulated until we breathed in unison.

  “I’ve had enough of this shit. Run away with me, beautiful.” His voice was firm. Serious.

  I wasn’t sure how to react.

  He pulled away and walked to the washroom. I scrambled to pull myself together as best I could on my weakened legs. I examined the damage done to the Chanel skirt he had given me. One article of clothing that cost more than all other skirts I’d ever purchased combined.

  I staggered to the sofa and he reappeared, looking his normal in-control self.

  He pulled out his laptop out of his bag and sat beside me on the sofa. He opened it and looked at spreadsheets. I sat there looking at him, wondering if he was ever going to say anything. But he was lost in thought and didn’t acknowledge me.

  I curled my legs underneath me and leaned against his arm.

  “Well that’s the kitchen ticked off the list,” I said.

  “Huh?”

  “The kitchen. That’s ticked off.”

  A half smile formed on his face. “We’ll have to move out soon, we’re going to run out of new spots.” He turned his attention back to his screen.

  * * *

  My phone beeped with a text from Sam.

  Jenny said you crazy lady :D

  Pot, kettle Sam.

  Whatevs

  It was already Thursday evening. This week was both dragging and flying past. Other than Monday, Jay hadn’t been home much before midnight. I longed to have him there in the evenings. To tell him all about how messed up the reporting at my new company is and what a big job it will be to fix it all.

  At the same time, there was so much work to do the days flew by and there were never enough hours to finish what I needed to get done.

  YOU ARE COMING OUT TOMORROW

  Yes, Sam, I planned to. I wouldn’t be staying late and dancing or anything, but I needed to talk to them. Jenny had better have been thinking over my problems all week and I needed her take on the situation. I don’t know what Jenny told her, but it must have made her realize I needed them.

  DUH

  Although I hadn’t told Jay yet I was going. I couldn’t, I hadn’t seen him all week since he got home after I went to bed and left before I got up in the morning.

  I crawled into bed alone not long after eleven. The key rattled in the lock about fifteen minutes later. I sat up and turned the bedside lamp on, eager to see Jay.

  “Hey, you’re still up.”

  “You’re not quite as late today.”

  He shrugged. “I’m closing a deal tomorrow. It’s been a busy week.”

  He took off his jacket and laid it over the bedroom chair. There seemed to be a lot of suit jackets laid around my condo these days. I should have kept all those vases, so he’d have more things to lay them on.

  “I won’t be late tomorrow. I’ll be home before you.”

  As much as I wanted to see him, I didn’t want to be the one keeping us out of each other’s arms and guilt weighed down on me.

  “I’m meeting Jenny and Sam after work tomorrow.”

  His eyes flickered then fixed on mine. “I don’t want you walking anywhere on your own. You call me to come get you.”

  “I will.”

  “You said that last week. Maybe I should come out with you?”

  My eyes widened. I couldn’t talk about him if he was sitting right there. Sam and Jenny would take his side and they’d all gang up on me.

  “No need. I’ll phone you, I promise.”

  He narrowed his eyes. “I mean it, beautiful, you have to call me. No excuses.”

  I tried to smile to reassure him, though my mind was trying to understand why he wanted to walk me home so badly.

  He got into bed and put his arm around me. Within minutes he was asleep, but it took me over an hour to drift off.

  Chapter 13

  “There she is!” Jenny called out as I walked into the bar. I waved and walked to them.

  “Don’t you come over here without drinks!” Sam shouted.

  I gave her the finger and kept walking to them.

  “You’re going to be pretty thirsty ‘cause there’s no drink here for you!” Sam yelled.

  “Fine!” I changed my course and went up to the bar. I got a bottle of Pinot Grigio and plunked the bottle down on the table, along with the one wine glass I’d taken.

  “Whoa, whoa. Where are our glasses?” Jenny asked.

  “Right in front of you.”

  “This is an empty beer glass,” Sam said, pointing at it with both her hands.

  “Yep,” I said, pouring the wine into the glass.

  “Oh come on, beer suds are foaming at the contact with the wine,” Sam groaned.

  Jenny snatched her beer glass off the table and bee-lined for the bar. I sat in the seat beside her and poured wine into my glass, filling it fuller than any bartender would have.

  Once Jenny returned with a clean wine glass I asked, “So, what do I do?”

  “You move in with him!” Sam said.

  I looked to Jenny, searching her eyes. Sam hadn’t known me when I lived with Matt. She didn’t understand how he had destroyed m
e. How he’d leeched off me and sucked a huge portion of my inheritance away. My parents would be so ashamed of me. I could never forgive myself for being so stupid. And I certainly could never leech off someone else.

  “I think you need to take the risk,” Jenny said. She took my hand in hers.

  “But how would I contribute?”

  “I somehow don’t think he cares,” Sam said, rolling her eyes.

  “I care.”

  “Sweetie, when are you going to learn that in real life it’s not possible to have everything work out nice and fifty-fifty? So what if you can’t contribute an equal amount for the house?” Jenny said.

  “He said I could pay for the maintenance on his indoor swimming pool.”

  “Who cares if you can’t meaningfully contribute to the household? The only thing that cares about it is your ego,” Jenny said.

  “Yeah, stop being such an egomaniac,” Sam said cackling.

  “Why don’t you rent out your condo to keep it going? Cover the mortgage. Then you’d always have it as an asset to throw into his asset pool,” Jenny said.

  “He doesn’t have an asset pool, he has an asset ocean,” I said.

  “But if it makes you feel better, then do it. If it justifies your ability to have a functioning relationship with him, then do it. You’ve got nothing to lose,” Jenny said.

  I took a long drink of my wine and let the liquid swirl around in my mouth. It seemed like a no-brainer as far as they were concerned. I’d relied on no one but myself since my parents died. I had to then. But now it was so deeply ingrained in me I could never uncoil myself from the need. There was only one person in life I could ever be indebted to, myself, and I hated myself for it.

  “Okay, so now you’re moving in with him, what’s this big job he offered you?” Sam asked.

  Man, I’d been so focused all week on the question of moving in with him I’d forgotten about the job thing.