Desire

by Simone Sowood

  “Nah,” she paused, “Actually, maybe. Our problem is we don’t trust the numbers but don’t know enough to figure out how to fix them.”

  I perked up at the challenge, glad to give my mind a break I needed time to churn the issue over in the back of my mind. To digest everything Jenny had said. I’d expected her to react with outrage and disgust, not sympathize with Jay.

  * * *

  Dan and the woman were sitting in front of the computer at the desk beside Jenny’s.

  “Abbie’s an accountant. She’s going to help us,” Jenny said as we approached them.

  Dan looked me up and down. My eyes stung from all the tears and were no doubt red and puffy. I blushed at my appearance.

  “We can use all the help we can get,” the woman said.

  “No kidding. Belinda, this is Abbie. Abbie, Belinda and Dan.”

  Dan nodded at me and I smiled back. Belinda pulled two more chairs over and they sat me in front of the computer.

  They were right, the numbers were screwed up. Royally. I stayed with them all afternoon, setting up a new spreadsheet that pulled out the information they needed from the accurate numbers. Before I knew it, it was six.

  “Abbie, I don’t even know how to thank you for all your help,” Dan said.

  “It’s no big deal, honestly. I’m happy to help. I needed the distraction.”

  “At least let us take you out to dinner. You’ve been here for hours,” Belinda said.

  I looked to Jenny. With a smile, she encouraged me to accept the offer.

  “If you insist,” I said blushing. I didn’t like to be fussed over. It was no big deal.

  The four of us went to dinner at the restaurant beside their office, an upscale European place that specialized in fresh fish. I scanned over the prices, shocked at the price of a piece of halibut.

  I’d fled my condo so fast I didn’t have my wallet, and I felt awkward sitting there with no way to contribute to the meal. I ordered the cheapest thing on the menu, penne arrabiata.

  It was eight by the time we finished dinner. I thanked Dan and Belinda profusely for the meal as we all left. Jenny and I walked a few minutes in the direction of my condo, until we came to the parking lot where her car was.

  “Sweetie, I can’t thank you enough for all your help today.”

  “Stop saying that. I’m always happy to help you.”

  “Do you think I’m a lesser person for needing your help?”

  “What?” I burst out laughing. She was a bonkers lady.

  “I’m serious. You think you’re pathetic if you take anyone’s help. Do you think I’m pathetic for needing your help?”

  “Um…” I was speechless.

  “See, you’re not being fair to Jay.”

  “Maybe.” Was I?

  “Yes. Now go home and fuck him.”

  I blew her a raspberry. The idea of Jay naked both excited me and churned my insides.

  “Want a ride?”

  “No thanks, I need the fresh air.” I needed time to think. Plus I liked the idea of defying Jay. He hated when I walked home alone after dark. For some reason, doing it now excited me.

  She waggled her fingers at me and walked into the parking garage.

  The route between Jenny’s office and my condo wasn’t that familiar to me. It was after eight and the streets were nearly deserted. I much preferred the route to my office, which was down a main road and busy with people any time of the day or night.

  I couldn’t deny my nervousness. Though a small part of me felt a little rebellious, knowing how Jay felt about me walking home alone after dark.

  I wished I’d at least had my phone for comfort. I didn’t even have my keys. Jay had better still be there.

  After another block I questioned whether he would still be there. Why would he? I’d told him I hate him and took off. There was no reason for him to hang around my tiny little place when I was sure he had nicer and more important places to be.

  A few more blocks passed and I realized how much I wanted him to still be there. And not just to let me in. I didn’t know that I could bear it if he’d left. Gone from my life.

  I quickened my pace, wanting to hug him. This whole CQ Francis thing, did he really buy a company just for me? Did he really tell all those other places not to hire me?

  If he did, I didn’t think there was any way I could forgive him. Then he really would have ruined my reputation. Sabotaged me on purpose. And that was unforgivable.

  When I reached my building, I took a deep breath. Was Jay still upstairs? My hand trembled as I buzzed my condo.

  “Who is it?”

  “Let me in.”

  The door clicked opened. By the time I got to the elevator my knees felt like they were about to give out and my heart was pumping.

  The elevator door opened on my floor. I jumped. Jay’s large frame stood at the opening, so close his nose must have nearly touched the elevator door while he’d waited for it to open.

  Chapter 16

  He hauled me out and down the hall, ushering me all the way to my sofa. I didn’t sit.

  “I’ve been worried sick about you.” His voice was a mix of anger and concern.

  “Sorry, I forgot my phone.”

  “Where the fuck have you been all day? It’s nearly nine.”

  “With Jenny.”

  “And you couldn’t call from her phone?”

  “What? No.”

  “You can’t do that.” Wait. Hold on here. I was supposed to be the one angry at him. He was supposed to be apologizing to me.

  “Jay, stop it.”

  “No, I’m not going to stop anything. You have to be more careful. I need you to be safe.” He was scolding me. Actually scolding me.

  “The way you needed me to have a job?”

  “Yes.” That was it? Yes?

  “What do you mean yes?” My voice raised and by the time I got to yes I was yelling.

  “I mean yes I needed you to have a job. Because that’s what you wanted. That’s what you needed.” His voice stayed calm.

  “I didn’t need you to get me one. Or I wouldn’t have if you hadn’t told all those other places not to hire me.”

  “Abbie, beautiful—”

  “Or did you tell places not to hire me? Is that even something you could do? What’d you do, phone them all up individually and say don’t give Abbie White a job. Or is that another of your lies?” My voiced boomed. I’m sure the neighbors could hear it.

  “Abbie, calm down.” He took hold of my upper arm.

  “I will not calm down,” I screamed, trying to shake his hand off me but he held tight.

  “Relax.” My eyes flared. How dare he.

  “Fuck you.”

  “Let’s sit down and talk.”

  “What, and tell me more lies?”

  “No. Beautiful, sit.” He sat on the sofa and pulled me down beside him. I leaned forward, as far away from him as I could get.

  “I was trying to protect you. To make you feel better.”

  “But there are so many lies I can’t tell what the truth is.”

  “The truth is I bought CQ Francis. They’d been looking for a buyer for a year. I hadn’t been interested in buying them because they’re run so badly, but when you weren’t able to find another job, I did it. Just so they would hire you. Are you happy now? Is that so bad?” He’d kept his voice steady but I could detect something in it. Something that might be exasperation. Or resignation. But not deception.

  My brain spun. I believed him. He bought a company for me. A whole, shitty company, just so I’d have a job. Which meant my reputation was ruined. I was dependent on him, whether I liked it or not.

  “You should have told me.” My yelling had turned into a near whisper.

  “It was in the dark period. When you wouldn’t talk to me.”

  “Whoa, I didn’t start the job until after we were back together.”

  “I was worried you’d react the way you did. I didn’t want to cause a fi
ght. What harm did it cause? You didn’t mind when I promoted you at Force McAllister.”

  I stayed quiet. Trying to figure my thoughts out. My new position at Force McAllister was for like two weeks, and back then I didn’t know he was the owner of the company. Was what he did with CQ Francis so bad? Did it matter now? Was our relationship worth less to me than my pride?

  I leaned into him. Jay put his arm around me and held me close, his touch comforting me all the way to my core.

  “How did you find out anyway?” he asked.

  “Calvin came up to me on the street and gave me a copy of a news story.”

  He stopped breathing for a moment and held his breath. “You need to stay away from him. Do you understand? Don’t let him come anywhere near you.”

  “Why does he keep approaching me anyway?”

  “He’s done it before?”

  “A few times.”

  Jay sat up on the edge of the sofa and twisted his body to face mine. His face was stiff, his jaw clenched.

  “Don’t let him near you.”

  His action and words made my heart beat faster. Something was going on. Something that involved Jay and Calvin. But would Jay tell me what it was, or would he make up another lie?

  “What’s going on?”

  “You have to stay away from him, Abbie. I’m serious. Do not let him near you. And stop walking home alone after dark.” He eyes seared the words into me, making me fear Calvin. Fear what was going on.

  “Only if you tell me what’s going on.”

  He tensed. Leaned his head forward and shoved his fingers through his hair.

  Jay exhaled and said, “Calvin is fighting me for wrongful dismissal.”

  “What an idiot. He was incompetent. Didn’t my email file show that?”

  “Yes, but he’s fighting it anyway. Stay away from him, he’s trying to provoke you or me or both of us into something.”

  I hugged him, draping myself over his back. I smoothed his hair from where he’d messed it up with his hand.

  “Don’t worry, he creeps the hell out of me. I’m staying far away from him.”

  Jay’s concern for me was real. I couldn’t tell by the way he was looking at me. He cared about me.

  I could finally understand the love Jay had for me. He said he loved me and I believed him. He only bought CQ Francis to help me. Jay only lied about telling other companies not to hire me to make me feel better. Even when it meant I would be mad at him, it was more important for him to shelter me from the truth.

  Now that I was dependent on him, I would never get a job anywhere else.

  I punched myself for being negative. I would get a job. I just had to prove myself at CQ Francis first.

  I took Jay’s earlobe between my teeth and tugged. Willing him to forgive my behavior the way I’d forgiven his.

  He instantly responded. Twisting around from his seated position and pulling me forward until his lips could reach mine. Our mouths connected, the tension I’d carried with me all day vanishing.

  All I knew was Jay, and how we were right for each other. How he would do anything for me. And I would do anything for him. Even if it made us vulnerable.

  He knelt on the edge of the couch and laid me onto the sofa. I squealed at the quick action and started giggling.

  “We haven’t checked off the sofa yet,” he said, his eyes gleaming.

  “We haven’t.” I still hadn’t stopped laughing.

  I wiggled up so that my head rested on the arm of the sofa.

  He laced his fingers through my hair and tipped my head back, extending my neck. With his other hand, he ran his finger up my neck and over my chin. When it reached my mouth, he ran the rough skin of his thumb along my lower lip. He pulled my lip down, and I opened my mouth to let him inside but he pulled his thumb away.

  Jay gripped my hair harder and pulled my head up off the arm rest, hovering it above the sofa. He brought his head to me, and his mouth collided with mine. His jaw pried mine apart and his tongue pressed into mine.

  My vulnerable position and his ferocity caused my pulse to quicken. I reached my arms around him, for stability and support. I held on to him as tight as I could and tried to kiss him back.

  He pulled my head higher still, until I was sitting up. I still had my work clothes on, the slim-fitting skirt holding my legs together. Without letting go of my head, he began pulling apart the buttons of my blouse. Ripping them as best he could with only one hand. I let go of him and undid some of my buttons, speeding his ability to connect with my skin.

  “Beautiful?”

  “Yes?”

  “This sofa sucks.” Jay slid onto the floor, dragging me with him. The arrival of our bodies pushed the coffee table away, creating a space for us in front of the sofa. He laid me flat and ripped apart the remaining buttons on my blouse.

  Underneath I wore an ivory silk bra that he had given to me with the wardrobe. Bits of lace trimmed the edges, and he paused to trace the lace with his fingertip. I loved this bra and didn’t want him to rip it so I arched my back and tried to get my hands underneath me to undo it.

  “Hey,” he said, staring into my eyes. “The bra stays on.”

  He pushed my torso down, my arms pinned behind it. I squirmed, trying to free my arms but only managed to slide them down a little to the small of my back.

  I held his gaze, even as my shoulders begged me to free my arms from their twisted position. I would not blink first.

  At last his gaze shifted down my body, over my bra and exposed tummy and onto my skirt. He pulled away and sat back on the sofa, leaving me on the floor. I looked to him for explanation.

  “Stand up.”

  I stood, shaking my arms a little to placate my shoulders.

  “Now strip.”

  With the heat of his eyes on me, I began to undo my skirt.

  “Not like that.”

  I didn’t understand and gave him a puzzle look.

  “Be sexy. Wiggle your hips for me.”

  A striptease? Was that what he wanted? I closed my eyes, finding a song in my head to give me a rhythm. Trying not to feel silly, I rolled my hips from side to side.

  It was too awkward to open my eyes so I danced myself in a little circle, until I was facing away from him. I flicked my blouse over my shoulders and let it fall down my arms. After freeing it from my hands, I flung it off to the side.

  I undid my skirt and let it fall to my feet, leaving only my bra and panties left on. In a moment of craziness, I bent over. My hands reached the floor, and I looked at him from between my legs. But he didn’t seem to notice, his eyes were fixed on my ass.

  Still bent over, I shuffled my legs together and slid my panties over my ass and down to the floor. I stepped out of them, all to the beat of the music in my head.

  I stood up and undid my bra, flinging it to land on my blouse. I turned back to Jay, leaned over and waggled my chest, my tits jiggling underneath me.

  “Come here.”

  I stepped up to Jay. As soon as I was in his reach, he grabbed me and stood me between his legs, his hand in the small of my back to hold me in place. He pressed his face to my ribs and inhaled my scent.

  Jay kissed me, trailing kisses across my torso until he reached my tits. He sucked my nipple into his mouth and clamped down on it, prodding it with his tongue.

  Then, without warning, he smacked my ass causing me to jump. Even with my nipple between his teeth, he laughed. I placed my hands on his shoulders to steady myself.

  Jay’s hand moved down the crack of my ass, and around until it found my pussy. His pinky slipped in but left just as quickly. I pressed my body to him, trying to do something, anything to get him to touch me again.

  He pushed me away and bent his head to kiss over the curve of my hip and across the front of my belly. I tilted my hips but he leaned back and undid his belt and pants, springing his erect cock free from his boxers.

  “Suck it.”

  Tingles ripped through my body at the forcef
ulness of his voice. With pleasure, I thought. He hardly ever let me near it.

  My tongue made contact with the tip of his cock. I licked around the swollen head and wrapped my lips tight around it. I gripped it tight in my hand and stroked it. Over and over, my head bobbed and my hand pulled and his cock swelled larger. Harder.

  “Stop, I’m going to cum.” Jay groaned, his hips moving out of control.

  There was no way I was stopping. This was the first time he’d given me such access to his cock. At least without a gross table in the way.

  With my other hand, I cupped his balls. The sack was already tight around them but somehow managed to get even tighter with my touch as I continued to bob and stroke his cock.

  “Ah,” he moaned, grasping my head.

  He exploded into my mouth and I drank it down, satisfied. Jay’s cock throbbed and I lessened my grip. Turned my suck into a lick. He flopped back into the sofa, his arms to his sides and his breathing shallow.

  I climbed onto the sofa and sat sideways on his lap.

  “You know, I’ve never let anyone else do that,” Jay said between breaths.

  “Do what?”

  “Let me cum in their mouth.”

  “No way?” I thought that was what all men wanted most.

  “I’m serious.”

  “Why?” I asked, my brow furrowed.

  He shrugged. “I like to be in control.”

  I hugged myself tight to him, moving with the rise and fall of his chest. The loss of control made sense, he was such a control freak. I believed him when he said he’d never let anyone else do that.

  The realization overwhelmed me, and I started to tremble on his lap. He trusted me. More than he’d ever trusted anyone. He would make himself vulnerable for me.

  * * *

  Jay ran his arm down my side and worked it between my legs. His fingers pushed apart my lips and two of them worked their way into me. My pussy, still wet from before, jolted to life.

  He nuzzled his head into my shoulder and pumped his fingers in my pussy. In and out, and my body fizzled and tingled all over. I lost track of time as I struggled to get air into my lungs.

  “I love you,” he said, his voice low in my ear.