All I Want for Christmas

by Jenny Hale

  “I think the kids should have their choice—anything they want. On me.” He winked at Leah.

  Louise tried to offer to pay him, but David refused, telling her this was all his planning, and it was on him. It would be his Christmas gift to the group.

  June took charge of the kids, leaning down to peer into the glass cases of pastries with them, pointing to various cakes and cookies.

  “They won’t be hungry for dinner,” Leah said with a grin, standing up beside him to view the coffee menu.

  “Ah, that’s okay,” David told her. “You only live once, right?”

  She smiled, nodding, but his comment pulled her back to the drag of her pen as she looped the s on Evans, her signature complete on the sale documents for Evergreen Hill.

  * * *

  The kids had all eaten cookies, and they were ready to go again in mere minutes, it seemed. June was happily chatting with David, and had taken it upon herself to look after the kids most of the time, keeping them together on their walk to the park to see the lights. The adults carried their coffees with them, Roz linking arms with Leah as they made their way down the street.

  They walked along the sidewalk until they reached the arching brick entrance for the park. The trees in this park had been here for over a hundred years, their bulky trunks wrapped heavily with white lights that followed the branches all the way to the top.

  Sadie tilted her head back, following the branch line up to the sky. “How did they get the lights up that high?”

  “Maybe Santa helped,” June said, and Ethan’s eyes got big. He looked at the tree again, and Leah caught June smiling at him.

  “Look at that!” Jo said, pulling Sadie and Ethan into the park.

  Roz dropped Leah’s arm and went to show Jo a turtle sculpture that had been outlined in lights. The whole clearing was full of white wicker deer and other animals, their entire surfaces glowing. The ground, the benches, the decks around the ponds—it was all just covered in lights. Christmas music played over speakers, and there were little stands set up for onlookers to get hot chocolate and snacks. The town had lined all the historical stopping points in the park with rocking chairs, each one with a red bow, a park attendant wiping the snow from the seats.

  “Pretty, isn’t it?” David said, coming up behind Leah.

  “It’s gorgeous.” He was smiling, looking around, and she had to pull her eyes away from him. She focused on Samuel, who seemed to be having a great time, laughing with Louise. He’d said he’d been struggling living alone, she remembered. Leah was so glad he was here to share this with them.

  Leah and David walked together quietly, just enjoying the scenery. The kids were entertained, and the coffee warmed Leah’s hands. She couldn’t remember a Christmas as full as this one, and her family hadn’t even gotten here yet! She felt for a moment like Nan had had a hand in it.

  After they’d seen every inch of the park, David suggested they should probably get back to catch the shuttle. As they walked, Roz inconspicuously pulled Leah with her, falling behind the others.

  “Tell me quickly,” she whispered to Leah once Louise was also in earshot. “What’s going on with you and David?”

  “Nothing,” Leah said, already feeling the heat in her face. What had made her so defensive was that this time, Roz’s face was serious.

  “I saw you two when we were watching the carolers. That’s not ‘nothing.’”

  “We have a history together…”

  “I know,” Roz said. There wasn’t a hint of sarcasm in her voice. In fact, it was almost sympathetic. “I just don’t want you and Sadie to get your hearts broken. You’ve been down that road. I know I tease you that David’s a great guy, but how’s this all going to end? I’m worried. He’s bought your house. There’s no going back now.”

  Louise was going to say something but stopped, nodding toward Sadie. She was looking at them, her little lips set in a straight line as she clearly tried to make sense of what Roz had said.

  “What’s going on, Mama?” she asked.

  Leah eyed the group, but no one else seemed to have heard anything, all of them still walking and chatting on their way to the shuttle.

  “Let’s talk about it when we get back to Nan’s, okay?” she said, as gently as she could.

  Chapter 22

  After they’d all gotten settled and had had dinner, Leah pulled Sadie aside. She just couldn’t keep her in the dark any longer. She might as well just break the news to her. She took Sadie’s hand and walked with her into the kitchen. “Sadie, I need to tell you something.” She squatted down in front of her and took in a breath to steady herself. “We aren’t going to live here.”

  David came into the kitchen and Leah saw him stop in the doorway, but she wasn’t taking her attention off of Sadie. She didn’t want anything breaking her complete focus on her daughter. This was big news.

  “What?” she asked innocently, her head turned to the side.

  “David’s going to live here. After Christmas, we’re going back to Richmond.”

  “Will we come back?” Her eyes began to move around Leah’s face, all those big thoughts now going through her head.

  Leah shook her head slowly, every movement registering the answer in Sadie’s mind, the disappointment and loss flooding her face. “Probably not.”

  “Ever?”

  “I’m sorry, Sadie. It just wasn’t meant for us to have it.”

  Tears brimmed in her eyes. “I miss Nan,” she said quietly. “I don’t want to leave here. I’ll miss this too, and it makes my heart hurt.” A tear escaped down her cheek.

  “I know,” Leah said, the finality of her signature on that document making her feel heavier with every breath. “My heart hurts too.”

  “But Nan said…” Sadie started to cry, her breath catching with her emotion.

  “I know what Nan said, but she changed her mind and decided that David should have this house too. And we can’t both have it.” She knew David was still there, probably waiting to say something, but she couldn’t look at him.

  Sadie started to sob, her chest now heaving. She’d really struggled with Nan’s death and now this was being taken from her too. Leah’s heart was breaking all over again. She tried to say something more, but she had no words. She knew there was nothing she could say to make this any better. Sadie took off down the hallway, squeezing past David. Leah let her go. When Sadie was upset, it was best to give her a little time, even though she felt like her heart was being ripped right out of her chest.

  Leah stood, facing David. He opened his mouth to say something, but she gently put up her hand to stop him. Her head was too clouded with grief to hear what he had to say. The sadness in his eyes only made her feel worse. She walked past him and went upstairs to Nan’s room for a moment to get herself together. She just couldn’t face him right now.

  She went into Nan’s room and shut the door, feeling so lost. Nan would never have meant for Leah and Sadie to have the house taken from them, right? Clearly, Nan had been affected by David’s story, but in this scenario, Sadie’s fate was now just like David’s had been. Nan would never do that to Sadie.

  There was a knock at the door and it opened, Roz walking in. “You okay?” she asked, sitting down on the bed.

  Leah rolled over to face her. “I shouldn’t have told her before Christmas.”

  “Don’t beat yourself up. It’s a tough thing all the way around. There isn’t a right way to do it.”

  “I’ve broken her heart and there’s no way I can make this better.”

  There was another knock on the door, and David came in, but as he saw Roz, he backed out. “Oh, sorry.” His gaze fluttered over to Leah.

  “Come in,” Roz said, even though Leah didn’t really want to see him.

  “I can come back.” His jaw was set, his eyes showing his concern.

  “Nope. I can.” Roz stood up and walked out of the door. “I’ll be down the hall when you need me,” she said from behind him. Then sh
e left and shut the door.

  “I can’t talk,” she said before he could speak. She noticed how exhausted her voice sounded, and she realized then how it was all taking a toll on her. She closed her eyes as he sat down on the bed beside her.

  “I feel terrible,” he said.

  She turned away from him, her heart ready to explode from the sadness. She felt his hand on her back but didn’t respond to it. He sat there for a while, and she wanted to say something to him but just couldn’t. Finally, he said quietly, “I’m sorry,” and got up. She heard the door shut and she was alone again.

  After lying there for quite a while, Leah realized that isolating herself wouldn’t change anything. She needed to be there for Roz and Louise, and she should help with the kids. With a deep breath, she sat up and rolled her head on her shoulders to relieve the pinch. Then she got out of bed and went to find Roz and Louise.

  As she got to the top of the stairs, she heard the kids’ voices down the hall, and was glad to hear laughing. Perhaps having her friends here would help Sadie to cope a little better. She hoped they’d take her mind off losing the house.

  Louise was in the sitting room, reading, and Leah joined her. She kept getting up to make drinks and stoke the fire because she just couldn’t concentrate. After a while Louise came over and curled up next to Leah like they always did when they’d comforted each other over the years. At first Leah was grateful, but as she sat there she realized Louise’s act of kindness was only going to make her cry. She decided to peek in on the kids. If Sadie was managing to smile, it would lift her own spirits. She went up to her room to find a warmer sweater and sat for a moment on the bed, wishing things could be different. She was full to the brim with regret. She went to find the kids. They were gathered in Roz’s room, so she quietly pushed open the door.

  Ethan was on the floor with his Legos, and Jo was making a house for her doll on the bed. She’d used pillows to section off various “rooms” with the baby on one of the pillows at the very end. Leah surveyed the room from the reflection in the windows. It was black as night outside already, so, with the lamplight, they reflected like mirrors. She didn’t see Sadie. She peeked in further, looking toward the closet. It was open and she didn’t see her so she waited a moment to see if the kids addressed her. When they didn’t, she pushed the door open and went into the room.

  “Where’s Sadie?” she asked.

  They both looked at her.

  “I don’t know,” Ethan said.

  “She’s probably gone downstairs with Roz and your mom,” Leah said, smiling at them; she enjoyed having them here. “Come down if you get hungry. We’ll have snacks.”

  “Okay,” they both said.

  Leah headed down toward the kitchen, hearing June, Samuel, Roz, and Louise’s voices as they each gave their opinions about the benefits of real Christmas trees versus artificial. She came in and sat down at the table with them, noticing Sadie’s absence.

  “Where’s Sadie?” she finally asked when the conversation had hit a comfortable pause. “Have you all seen her?”

  “I thought she was upstairs,” Roz said.

  Leah thought about her daughter sitting somewhere in the house crying, and she wanted to find her and comfort her. “Let’s see if we can find her,” she said, looking directly at Louise, knowing she’d read her expression instantly. Samuel had stood up already, clearly wanting to look for her, worry on his face.

  “I’ll check the front rooms,” Louise said. “Roz, check the parlor.”

  Leah stood up. “I’ll do a sweep of the upstairs. She might be in Nan’s sewing room, sewing a quilt. She likes to do that.”

  “I’ll ask David if he’s seen her,” June said.

  “I used to hide in the closet when I was a kid. I’ll start checking them all,” Samuel offered.

  They all got up and went in different directions. Leah took the stairs as quickly as she could and went into the sewing room. “Sadie?” she called. It was dark, so she clicked on the light. “Sadie?” she said again. Nothing. She went in and looked under the sewing table, but there was nothing there. With nowhere else for Sadie to hide, she turned off the light and left the room. She went to Sadie’s room and checked in there. No one. She looked under the bed, in the closet like Samuel had suggested—nothing. She checked all the rooms upstairs, looking in all the spots that a little girl might go to be alone, but she’d come up empty, so she went downstairs to see if Roz had found her.

  David joined them as they stood in the sitting room. “Any luck?” she asked. They all shook their heads, looking back and forth between each other.

  “I’ll go ask the kids if she said she was going anywhere or anything,” Roz said. “It’s snowing again and dark now. She wouldn’t have gone outside, would she?”

  Fear building in the pit of her stomach, Leah went to the coat rack and, to her complete panic, saw Sadie’s coat and boots were gone. “Oh my God,” she said. “Where has she gone?” She looked to Roz for help but she knew that her friend had no answers.

  “We’ll split up,” David said. He was already putting on his boots, the door open before he’d even gotten his coat on. “I’ll take the back yard,” he said over his shoulder. “You all take the sides and front.” David flew out of the door, the wind picking up and pushing it open wider. Leah shut it behind him, worry spiking her veins.

  “Louise, can you stay with the kids inside?” Leah asked, her voice manic.

  Louise nodded, starting up the stairs.

  Leah grabbed Nan’s flashlight from the closet and handed it to Roz. “Here,” she said, “I know the land inside and out. I’ll be fine in the dark. You take this. Check the sides of the house. I’ll go out front and down the drive through the trees.”

  The front door swung open as Leah ran through it. She could hear the angry, icy lapping of the river, and she tried not to let herself completely freak out at the thought that the land literally dropped off into it, and it was dark enough that Sadie might have run in that direction by accident. She rushed out to the front yard where Nan had held all those weddings. “Sadie!” she called, straining her hearing for the faintest sound. “Sadie!” She ran down the path, between the lines of oaks. “Sadie!”

  She heard a sound, causing her to stop, but it was just the wind. She listened again as the air froze her face. She hadn’t brought a scarf or gloves, and the dark had brought freezing temperatures. Worried she might be losing time, she picked up speed again, slipping as she stepped on a patch of ice, and tweaking her ankle. She squeezed her eyes shut, running through the pain. “Sadie!” she called.

  Silence.

  Leah kept running all the way to the main road, her limbs losing feeling. Before she searched off of the property, she needed to see if anyone else had found her daughter. Sadie had never ventured as far as the main road, and Leah just couldn’t imagine she would on a night like tonight. She’d have been too cold.

  What was I thinking? she scolded herself. The plan had always been to move to Evergreen Hill. Leah may have been uncertain at times but Sadie had known that plan since she could talk. They had never considered that it might not happen—until Nan’s death. It had always been “When we move to Evergreen Hill,” not “if.” Leah should have tried harder. She could’ve taken out a loan, fought the will in court. Maybe if she’d begged the rest of the family they could all have gone in together to buy David out. She had been exhausted, taking the easy way out because she couldn’t face the fight. But she hadn’t stopped to really think about how this would affect Sadie—only herself.

  Leah started the long walk back up the drive, wincing at the pain in her ankle with every step. But there was no pain like the pain she felt right now at the loss of Sadie. She was everything to Leah, and she found herself nearly unable to finish the journey because she was shaking so badly—not from the cold, but from complete heartbreak.

  “Sadie!” she called again, this time through her sobs. An icy patch caused her to stumble, falling into the
snow. She got back up. “Sadie!” She was winded, frozen to the bone, and absolutely terrified.

  “Leah!” she heard Roz’s voice in the darkness, a white beam of light nearly blinding her. She shielded her eyes, squinting to keep her head from throbbing worse than it was. “Leah!” Roz said again, breathless as she reached her. “David has her.”

  Barely unable to stand, Leah threw her arms around Roz and heaved over and over again, the relief like nothing she’d ever felt.

  “She was in the servants’ quarters out back. She said she saw that everything was being moved out of there, and she wasn’t going to let David have that building. She said he’d already taken her house, he couldn’t have that too.”

  “It’s damaged. The tree… She could’ve frozen! Is she all right?” She wiped her eyes with a jittery hand.

  “In the dark, she couldn’t tell what the damage was. She thought the hole was because he was tearing it down. She said she was going to sleep out there if she had to, but he wasn’t destroying anything of her nan’s.”

  They went inside and shut the door. As Leah rushed forward to find Sadie and hold her, Roz stopped her. “Leah.” Her tone had never been as serious as it was right then. She turned and looked at Roz. “David cried with relief when he found her,” she said quietly. “I’ve never seen a man hug a child that tightly when he isn’t even related to her. He promised her he wouldn’t tear down that building.”

  Leah nodded in understanding. Then she pulled away and rushed toward the voices in the kitchen. When she got there, David was sitting down with Sadie in his lap. He was talking to her, his eyes tired. He nodded at something she said. They both noticed Leah and looked up.

  “Sadie.” She walked toward her daughter, scooped her off of David’s lap, and hugged her like she’d never hugged her before. “You can’t do that. You scared me to death.” The tears returned.

  “I’m sorry, Mama,” Sadie said. “I didn’t mean to scare you. I was so sad, and I didn’t know what to do. You’d always told me to be strong when I have a problem, and solve it myself. I was trying to.”