Marilyn's Ghost

by Lorena Franco

  “I just had some coffee, I don’t know if I should mix them,” Pam laughed.

  “You’re young! You’ll manage it.”

  “He always loved lemonade,” Marilyn whispered.

  “I know.”

  “I’m old but not deaf, girl. Who are you talking to?” Jim asked, frowning.

  “Will you tell him?” Marilyn asked with a frightened expression Pam had never seen.

  The diva’s frightened character had become what was left of her being, her essence. She had dreamt so many times of once again seeing her old love, perhaps not in these conditions, perhaps not a Jim of ninety years of age, but seeing him again like he was in her sweetest dreams, like traveling in time. Marilyn imagined herself wrinkled and charming, sat on the porch next to Jim drinking a lovely and refreshing lemonade in summer. They would talk of the life they could have shared, the children and grandchildren they could have had, but she had been destined for something bigger, something she had lived like the greatest of miseries, the greatest of tragedies. It was stupid to wonder what would have happened if… because it was already to late for anything. Too late for everything.

  Pam sat on the wooden rocking chair her grandmother used to sit in. She looked at her grandfather fixedly, not able to believe he could have hidden the beautiful and intense relationship he had with the blonde diva, the blonde bombshell, his whole life.

  “Grandpa, I want to ask you something.”

  “And I you, missy. I’ve been told you’re successful in Hollywood. How’s it going?”

  “Very good, next week I’m filming another movie. It’s a small part but it’s a nice story.”

  “Don’t tell me anymore! I hope to live long enough to see the screening, to see you on the big screen,” old Jim said, looking ahead and imagining his granddaughter shining like the classic stars of Hollywood he missed so much.

  “You’ll make it.”

  “I don’t think so my dear, I don’t think so. I’m very old. In two months I’ll be ninety. Can you believe it? Life flashes by, Pam. Make the most of it. Live it to the full, like you say nowadays.” Pam laughed.

  “Yes, grandpa, to the full. I want to talk to you about someone. Someone very special,” Pam started, looking at Marilyn who if she could, would have bitten her nails. It was a bad habit she had not given up, even when she had become one of the most wanted stars of the celluloid. Jim nodded. “Do you know who Norma Jean Baker is?”

  Jim paled. He looked at his granddaughter fixedly with his little blue eyes, more open than usual. He took a sip of his lemonade and nervously touched four white hairs on his head.

  “He looks nervous,” Marilyn said, surprised.

  “Grandpa…”

  “Yes, yes. Norma.” Jim smiled finally. “That was the name of the famous Marilyn Monroe, right?”

  “Yes.”

  “A great star,” Jim continued sadly.

  “Did you love her?” Jim paled even further. What Pam least wanted was to give him a heart attack, but she needed to help Marilyn. She needed her grandfather to remember the year he spent with her, so that her ghost could let part of her should be in peace with the world she had left so many years ago.

  “What do you want me to tell you, my dear. How do you know that?”

  “Two months ago I met Marilyn’s ghost, grandpa. And she’s here with us now.”

  Marilyn and Jim opened their eyes as wide as saucers. At no point had Marilyn thought that Pam would confess to her grandfather that she shared her life with the ghost of his first love. Jim thought that Hollywood had disturbed his granddaughter.

  “Pam, are you smoking marijuana? Taking those little hallucinogenic pills? Darling, don’t get mixed up in drugs, people end up badly.”

  “No, grandpa, no. Honestly. Marilyn is with us. If not, how would I know that you had a romance in Los Angeles when you worked in a gas station in 1940? I also know that you met at a dance that Marilyn, sorry, Norma, wasn’t going to go to. How could I know that you danced all afternoon and that you fell in love? That it was Norma’s best year and I would bet it was yours too. How could I know that the last words you said to her were ‘There are trains that only pass once in life’? That was when you proposed to her and offered a life here in the village, and she rejected the idea because she wanted to be an actress and succeed in Hollywood.”

  Jim shook his head and tears fell down his wrinkled cheeks. That moved Marilyn, who smiled, trying to stroke the old face of her first love. He could feel her. There, with him, a typical thing Norma would do. Stroking his face…

  “She’s here,” Jim said, open-mouthed.

  “And she wants you to tell her story.”

  “I thought that part of my life would go to the grave with me, Pam.”

  “Why did you never tell me?”

  “I didn’t want to be just one more lover of Marilyn Monroe, I didn’t want to be in the limelight and when I was with her, she wasn’t famous. She was simply Norma, my Norma. And of course I loved her. Like I never managed to love anyone else, not even your grandmother,” he confessed, looking to the horizon. “Norma was an extraordinary person even though she never believed it. I never imagined that a woman like her could fall in love with someone like me and when I saw her in those films years later,” old Jim sighed and smiled bitterly. “She shined with her own light, but I didn’t recognize Norma in her eyes anymore. No, Marilyn was not Norma. My Norma no longer existed, she was only present in my heart,” he added.

  “He is very right,” Marilyn whined.

  “If only she had come with me. I imagined a life with her so many times, Pam. It couldn’t be. Sometimes life isn’t what we imagine it to be. Things change, the years go by and I learnt to live with her absence. I had no other choice. Then your grandmother appeared, so different to Norma. She was a simple woman that wanted to share her life with me. But I never forgot about Norma because she was my first love, you know? One never forgets their first love.”

  “I suppose,” Pam said, listening to him carefully.

  “Ask him if he remembers our last day together,” Marilyn said, not taking her eyes off old Jim.

  “Marilyn, sorry, Norma asks if you can remember your last day together, grandpa.”

  “Of course I remember, as if it were yesterday. It was 1941, we were so young, and I was still handsome,” he joked. “We were talking as always about our dreams and aspirations. Although Norma knew that my life plan was to go back to Gettysburg, to work on my father’s farm and start a family, she never told me that didn’t fit with her plans. But she did on that hot day of July. That day she confessed that her dream was to be a Hollywood star. I was shocked, disappointed that we wouldn’t share a life project together. She had other aspirations, more grandiose than what I could offer her. That day I asked her to marry me and when I saw how the tears streamed down her face, I thought she was emotional and would say yes. But I was very wrong, she shook her head sadly. I have never seen eyes as sad as those. That was when I told her there are trains that only come by once in life and that I wanted to leave Los Angeles. The city oppressed me but she couldn’t stand to see herself as a housewife, waiting for her husband to finish chores on the farm to come home to his wife everyday. She married a few years later and the rest of the story you already know…”

  “Tell him I regret having taken that decision, not having come to this town with him,” Marilyn told Pam.

  “Grandpa, Norma says she regrets not having married you.”

  “And what difference does that make? Tell her…”

  “She can hear you grandpa.”

  “Norma, you took the right decision. You had the life of your dreams. You travelled the world, you met so many interesting people and you shone. You shone like you never would have with me!” old Jim exclaimed, smiling and crying at the same time. “Everything is as is was supposed to be. But I’m sorry about the end of your life. When I found out about your death I spent a week in bed, refusing two come out. What happened to
you, Norma?”

  “She never wants to talk about that, grandpa.”

  “Like your grandpa says, everything is as it is supposed to be,” Marilyn affirmed, head down. “Tell him he has become a charming old man. I like the way he talks. He always was someone special.”

  “You really think that,” Jim laughed. “Pam, daughter. I’m worried that you’re seeing ghosts. Is this real? Maybe I’m dreaming. Pinch me.”

  “It’s real grandpa. I also thought and sometimes think that I’m in a dream and that when I wake up, this pretty ghost won’t be with me anymore,” Pam smiled, looking at Marilyn, who gave her a fond look. “But I don’t see ghosts. Just Norma, for some strange reason.”

  “Was it her that has been helping you succeed?” Pam nodded.” That’s nice, daughter, that’s nice.”

  “Norma thinks that no one in this world remembers her for who she really was. I’d like to know how you remember her.” Marilyn nodded, profoundly moved by the conversation between grandfather and granddaughter.

  “I already told you. She was the most extraordinary being I ever met in this life. She was good, very good. Generous. Always worried about others. She had a good heart and when she looked at me, she made me feel like the luckiest man alive. When she smiled, I forgot all my troubles. And her kisses… they were delicious,” Jim laughed cheekily.

  “Well, grandpa, spare me the details, please.”

  “No, no. I wasn’t going to go any further.” Jim winked at his granddaughter. “Norma, one day we will see each other again. Soon, perhaps.”

  “I’m glad he lived such a long life, that he had descendants,” Marilyn said. It impacted Pam to see her grandpa, always strong and often tough, so emotional.

  “It was, is and will be a pleasure to see you in this life,” Jim and the ghost said in unison, smiling sadly as Pam looked on attentively and emotionally.

  Marilyn moved away from the porch and Pam knew it was the moment to leave and close a painful but sweet chapter of her ghost’s life. She seemed to have accomplished one of the missions for which she had perhaps been stuck in the world of the living for so many years.

  The days went by peacefully in Gettysburg. Pam enjoyed the company of her old friends. They met at the charming diner Saint-Amand on Baltimore Street in the center of town, where Pam’s friends relentlessly asked her about what the world of Hollywood was like from the inside, and what Marion Cotillard was like. They were jealous to know that in one week, Pam would be working with Robert Pattinson himself, whom they had fallen in love with in the Twilight saga.

  Marilyn laughed, she missed having a group of friends like Pam had when she was alive.

  “You’re very lucky, Pam,” she told her the night before leaving for Los Angeles.

  “Why?”

  “Because you have friends. Friends that have always bene with you. Those are the important ones, Pam. Never forget them. And don’t forget to come back to this town when you can. Your roots are here and you will find yourself when you get lost.”

  “You think I’ll get lost?”

  “It’s easy to loose oneself in Hollywood, between the lights and the lies, Pam.”

  Pam was disappointed that Richard did not call her the whole week she had been away from Los Angeles. She hadn’t received a single email. Nothing. In Gettysburg, time seemed to stop. She spent many afternoons, sat with her grandfather on the porch of his house. He was thankful for the company of his soon-to-be-famous granddaughter. They drank lemonade ad spoke of the past. Jim, trying to find the right words, tried to advise his granddaughter well.

  “With age comes wisdom,” he said several times.

  Marilyn preferred to not go with Pam on her frequent visits to see old Jim. Each time her soul was close to him, she felt inexplicable pain. Dangerous nostalgia caused uncontrollable weakness in her spirit. But the day Pam went to say goodbye to her grandfather, Marilyn also went.

  “Norma, look after my granddaughter while you’re with her, and when you fly, come look for me,” old Jim said goodbye, knowing he would not see Pam again.

  “Grandpa, you still have a lot left to live….”

  “No, dear. No,” Jim interrupted her. “I know my end is near.”

  Only time would prove old Jim right. Pam cried in her grandpa’s arms, knowing like him, that this would be the last tome she would see those wrinkled little blue eyes that her ghost fell in love with.

  Robert Pattinson and Pam did not get on well. He seemed like a pretentious young actor to Pam, arrogant, distant and cold. He did not speak to her unless the script demanded it, during the read-rehearsals two days before they started filming. Kissing his lips was uncomfortable for Pam, who could see Robert rejecting her. And his breath stank of tobacco, something her friends in Gettysburg would love to know. Isabella Lee, the director of the film, was a delight. She treated Pam appreciatively from the first moment and thanked her for participating in the film, even though it was only a small part.

  “No, no, thank you,” Pam had said with the humility that characterized her. It was the humility Marilyn had recommended that she should never loose, no matter how famous she became in the near future.

  “That peaky boy makes the young women of nowadays go crazy?” Marilyn said, looking Robert Pattinson up and down. Pam shrugged her shoulders. They were rehearsing the last scene with Pattinson, when the young woman’s spirit said goodbye and wished him a happy life. “I really don’t understand it,” Marilyn said refusing to believe it, more for herself than for Pam, who at that moment could not respond much to her conversation.

  Since Pam had gotten back from Gettysburg, Richard had been more distant with the young actress. He tried to treat her like the others, with professionalism and normality, as if the kiss of that night has never happened. While Pam had been resting in Gettysburg, Richard had gone on dates with several different women. None interested him enough to stop thinking about young Pam. And he could not help but feel his stomach churn every time Pattinson kissed her due demands of the script. Pam, on her side, did not seem to notice anything. It was as if she lived in her own world. It had made Richard laugh to see her talk to herself on occasion. So pretty and always natural, he had no idea that Pam was talking to the protagonist of The Prince and The Showgirl, Richard’s favorite film of the blonde bombshell. Calls to his office had increased considerably. Directors and producers were interested in knowing who this young blonde actress was with big blue eyes and funny freckles that Richard represented. She was sure to have a long and successful career and he was working on important projects he wanted to talk to Pam about. But he decided to let her concentrate on the days of filming she had ahead of her, less striking than Toward the Light but guaranteed to be successful thanks to the female public that wanted to see Robert Pattinson in action once more.

  Pam enjoyed the filming of Moments. She felt great in the skin of her sweet character and despite not having the chemistry she had hoped for with Robert, she managed to hide it well.

  “Just imagine that he is the sexiest man in the world,” Marilyn told her in her dressing room, whilst Kate, the makeup artist of the film, made her look stunning. “Imagine he’s Richard.” Pam snorted.

  “Don’t you like it?” Kate asked, looking at Pam through the mirror. “The makeup? No, no, I love it,” Pam said, looking at Marilyn.

  “I like this makeup artist better than Brenda. Brenda made you look so ugly.”

  Demands of the script, Pam thought.

  It was a hot Friday in Los Angeles, the last day of Pam’s filming, short but intense. They shot a few intimate scenes with Robert that would be part of the memories in the movie. Richard did not want to miss this last day of his actress’ filming and kept her company at all times, even though Pam was intimidated of having to be in light clothing on set in the presence of her agent.

  “Are you okay?” Robert asked nicely.

  “Yes, yes,” Pam answered, thankful for the only point the actor had been nice to her in the whole shoot
.

  Richard did not let Pam out of his sight. He watched the softness with which Robert stroked her shoulder and how he kissed her, not suspecting that she was thinking of him. Marilyn, from a dark and hidden corner of the set, watched Richard. She knew the agent had many feelings for Pam, but she doubted this would be good for her friend.

  When they finished Pam’s last scene, the whole team applauded and the director herself offered her actress a robe and hugged her with affection, thanking her for her splendid work.

  “I’m signing you up for my next romantic comedy,” she said, smiling.

  “I’d love that,” Pam answered, giving one of her best smiles.

  “Let’s go celebrate your last day of filming, Pam,” Isabella told her.

  “Sure! I’d love to.”

  “Yes. Team! We’re done! Let’s start the party!”

  They all agreed and spirited, they went to the club Vanguard to enjoy the night. Even Robert Pattinson decided to go with them and Richard, at first a little dubious about the offer, also went. Marilyn wanted to know what the Vanguard was but when she entered the club, she was horrified at the amount of people, lights and loud music that was too strange for her refined taste.

  “I’ll wait for you at home. This is too much for me,” Marilyn said to Pam, looking at a group and tall and skeletal models, whose clothes left nothing to the imagination. Pam laughed, herself feeling too modestly dressed for the occasion.

  At one point in the evening while Isabella was conversing amicably with Richard, Pam went out to the club’s terrace to look at the views. She thought that from there, she could take some incredible photographs and she regretted not having any spare time for her hobby anymore. Around her, couples enthralled with each other talked spiritedly or kissed passionately. Pam looked at them, missing someone that in reality did not exist. A love, a companion for life, an intense relationship like the one Marilyn had with her grandfather. She was jealous of that memory. She thought of Richard. Can you miss something you never had? she wondered sadly. She noticed Robert moving over to her slowly. All those present on the terrace turned to look at the Twilight protagonist, but no one approached him. Used to being the center of attention, he did not seem to mind.