Shadow of Shame: Book 1 of the Shadow series

by Barbara Goss

  Ivy had a hard time describing, even to herself, what she’d felt when she’d met Jonas. It wasn’t like in the poems and romance books. Her heart didn’t skip a beat and she didn’t get goose bumps, but she had a strong desire to stay in his company, like she'd felt a sort of magnetic pull toward him. She didn’t feel that way with Boyd. Though he seemed pleasant enough, and very eager to please, the fact that he had asked Quinn to push them together had put her off a bit.

  Boyd picked up Ivy and Peggy at the Iverson’s' and they rode together to Jonas’s stables, down the long, rutted path that led to Jonas’s property. A large house off to the right faced the stables on the opposite side of the path leading to the property.

  Jonas came out to meet them long before they reached the house. His eyes skimmed over Peggy and Boyd but lingered on her. Now she did feel something physical, a little twinge in her chest. His eyes quickly shifted from her, as he welcomed them all.

  “Have you met Ivy Jeffries?” Boyd asked.

  “Yes, I had the pleasure the night of the straw ride.” He nodded at Ivy.

  Ivy felt a pleasant twinge in her chest. What was wrong with her?

  “Ivy is interested in a horse,” Peggy said.

  “She is? Well, then,” Jonas said with a smile, “she came to the right place.”

  Boyd quickly jumped down from his horse, and rushed to help Ivy from hers, leaving Jonas to assist Peggy. “She’d like an easy to manage horse, but not a nag, if you know what I mean,” Boyd said.

  “I do. I have several that would be perfect for her.” Jonas gave Ivy a wink. “I won’t give you a stallion or bucking bronco.”

  Ivy couldn’t control the wide smile she gave Jonas, because it was automatic. She liked his humor. Boyd led her to the barn with his arm at her waist. She noticed Jonas’ frown, but wasn’t sure if Boyd’s possessiveness was the reason. Maybe it was wishful thinking on her part, but she moved away from Boyd and scrambled ahead to catch up with Peggy, who led everyone excitedly, since she knew the way.

  Ivy felt again, like she wanted to be near Jonas, that same, strong desire to be in his company. There was something about him that she couldn’t quite put a name to. He was pleasant and courteous, but there was this sparkle in his eyes when he looked at her that she found irresistible. She supposed strong like was a possibility, but she'd have to get to know him better. Maybe, after a while, that feeling would fade.

  The stables weren’t dark, as she’d expected, for the double barn doors were wide open on both ends of the stable. Ivy saw more wooden stalls with horses inside than she’d ever seen before. She must have looked stunned, for Peggy said, “Wait, this is only half of his stock.”

  Halfway through the stable, another corridor led to another row of stalls, just like the first. The pathways between them made the stable shaped like the letter “H.” The stables were surprisingly spotless, and there wasn’t the usual, stable odor. She saw a man in overalls sweeping out a stall on the far end.

  Occasionally, as they walked, a horse would whinny when it saw Jonas, and he patted a few noses as he walked through the rows. He stopped at the far right corridor, about halfway to the end.

  “Ivy, these four stalls contain horses that would be perfect for you, and they're not very expensive, either.” He pointed to the first one. “This is a young mare.” He patted her head.

  “May I?” Ivy said, holding her hand near the horse’s nose.

  “Certainly,” he said. “She loves people.”

  Ivy giggled when the sable-colored horse nibbled at her palm.

  “She’s five years old and just finished her season, but she isn’t in foal.”

  Ivy touched her temples with both hands. “Wait! What is ‘season’ and ‘in foal?’”

  Ivy watched Jonas actually blush, and then heard Boyd laugh loudly.

  “I’ll try to explain,” Jonas said. He gave Boyd a warning look. ‘Season’ means she finished her time…er…the time that a horse can increase…um…” He faltered for the words.

  “I see,” Ivy said. “I get it now, and since I know what a foal is, I realize that if I take this horse I won’t have to worry about her increasing on me.”

  Jonas smiled as if in relief. “Thank you. Yes, at least not this year. And I’d let her go fairly cheap because she hasn’t gotten in foal in two seasons, so she might have an infertility problem.”

  They walked to the next stall. This one's a filly, and a bit young for you, but he’s available.”

  Ivy looked at the grayish horse. He didn’t come to the gate, but stood with his back to them, chewing straw.

  “As you can see, he isn’t as sociable as the mare.”

  They came, next, to a ginger-colored horse with a beige mane and tail. The horse whinnied at seeing Jonas and nudged his shoulder.

  “This is a male gelding. I would highly recommend this horse because a gelding is more obedient and gentle, and this one is well trained. He is only five years old, and…well, watch.”

  Jonas opened the gate to the stall, and the horse trotted out and stood by Jonas. Jonas pointed to the open door and patted the horse’s hindquarter lightly. The horse ran out into the fenced area, galloping around like he enjoyed the freedom. Jonas whistled, and the horse stopped, turned back, and ran right to Jonas.

  “Oh, my!” Ivy and Peggy said in unison.

  Jonas stroked the horse, fondly.

  “Would he do that for anyone?” Ivy asked.

  “Once he’s bonded with someone, yes.” Jonas patted the horse’s neck. “I chose him for my brother, Caleb, because he thinks he can’t ride a horse. Caleb isn’t confident riding since his accident a few years back. I thought I could talk him into this one, and I trained him especially for Caleb, but he refused.”

  “How does your brother get around, then?” Ivy asked. She eyed Peggy and Boyd who were walking toward another horse, talking animatedly.

  “He has a buggy that’s special made, and he has a farmhand who does all-round help for him.” Jonas’s fondness for his brother showed as he spoke of him. He smiled. “Although, since he moved into his own house, he’s been doing more and more for himself. He’s stubborn that way. You’d like Caleb.”

  Ivy returned his smile. She knew she would like Caleb.

  “I have just one question: what's a gelding?”

  “A gelding is a male horse who’s been fixed so he can’t cause a female horse to increase.” This time Jonas felt more comfortable with his wording. “It makes him gentler and easier to handle.”

  They both went to touch the gelding’s nose simultaneously, and their hands touched. Both of them pulled back quickly. Ivy wondered if he'd felt the same electric-like shock she’d felt when their hands touched. She looked up at his face to catch him biting his lip, before quickly turning away. Maybe he did, she thought.

  Since Peggy and Boyd stood talking by another stall, Jonas whispered. “If you don’t tell a soul, I’ll let you have this horse—no charge.”

  “You will?” She looked into Jonas’s expressive brown eyes. “Why?”

  “Because I think he’d be perfect for you. He can’t be bred, and I have no other use for him. Like I said, I had him gelded and trained for Caleb.”

  “I would have chosen this one anyway,” she said, and smiled at him. “Thank you.”

  “Do you want to take him today?” Jonas asked, breaking their eye contact.

  Ivy’s mind reeled. How could she put this in a subtle way? She wanted to see him again, but without Peggy and Boyd. “Could I pick him up tomorrow?”

  “Yes, certainly. In fact,” he whispered, “it would be better, since they,” he nodded toward Peggy and Boyd, “would wonder why no money had been exchanged.”

  Ivy smiled, and Jonas winked, which Ivy interpreted as: it'll be our little secret.

  Jonas frowned as Boyd helped Ivy mount her horse and he noticed him holding her waist longer than was necessary. Leave it to Boyd to want the only woman he’d ever longed for. He sighed inwardly. A
t least Boyd was free to court her.

  Jonas assisted Peggy, then waved them farewell as they trotted down the pathway.

  He sat on his porch rocker and watched them ride away until they’d disappeared. His mood turned morose again. So many “what ifs” plagued him. Ivy was everything he would ever want in a woman. He'd thought it the first time he saw her, but now he was sure of it. He felt sparks fly every time their eyes met. He’d felt a jolt when their hands had touched. He pounded the arms of his chair. He had to do something.

  It would be impossible to erase his past and his reputation, and once it got back to Ivy, he knew, she’d want no part of him. It didn’t matter how pristine his life was now, because his past would always haunt him.

  He knew Minnie’s baby, Zoe, now lived with her grandmother, Beulah Kreider. Quinn had told him the stepfather, Mr. Hayes, had moved on, even before Minnie had given birth. Beulah had taken the baby the day of Minnie’s funeral. Since that day, Beulah had demanded money for the child’s support. She knew he wasn’t the father—heck, anyone who saw Zoe could see—but she claimed that legally, since his wife delivered the babe, he alone was responsible. He didn’t really mind supporting the child, but recently Beulah had begun to raise the support, and she threatened to expose Zoe to everyone if he refused. In her words: “Pay up, or I’ll drop her right on your doorstep, and everyone will be reminded of your sordid past.” Now the demands had grown to a totally outrageous amount.

  What could he possibly do about it?

  Chapter 5

  When Ivy, Peggy, and Boyd arrived back at the Iverson’s’, Mrs. Iverson called Peggy into the house to help her put a lace curtain on a stretcher.

  “I’ll be back in a few minutes,” Peggy called over her shoulder as she rushed into the house.

  Boyd gestured to a chair on the front porch, and Ivy sat in it. He took the chair beside her.

  “So, you’ve chosen the gelding. Good choice,” he said. “I liked the Arabian that Peggy and I were looking at. I plan to go back and get it. I could take you to pick up your horse then, if you’d like?”

  Ivy felt a headache coming on. She sensed, in vibes, rather than actions, that Boyd was pushing himself at her, and she didn’t feel anything for Boyd. The way he’d laughed and giggled at the stables when Jonas had to explain the embarrassing words to her made him seem even more juvenile than the young men on the straw ride. What could she say to dodge his offer?

  Finally she said, “I’m not sure when I’ll pick him, up. I haven’t even told my parents I was buying a horse. I'll have to clear out a space in our small barn for him, and make sure it’s all right with them first.”

  “Of course. If you’d like to send word, I’d be happy to escort you to pick him up.”

  Ivy simply smiled, but she shouldn’t have, because she thought maybe Boyd had misinterpreted it.

  “I’d also like to see you again, if that’s possible.” Boyd said.

  What had she done to deserve this? She tried to keep her face from showing her dilemma. She didn't want to see him again—all her thoughts were on Jonas—but she couldn’t be rude. She must have hesitated too long, because she saw his face drop. “Maybe sometime,” she said.

  “There’s the annual Harvest Barn Dance coming up next week. Would you consider going with me?” he asked.

  Ivy had heard about the dance. Peggy had mentioned that Jonas and Quinn seldom went to the barn dances, so she said, “Oh, I don’t know—”

  “Have you ever been to a barn dance?”

  “No,” she admitted.

  “You won’t want to miss it. They are spectacular. Even if you don’t dance, you’ll have fun, I promise. You won’t regret going.”

  Ivy sighed. “I’ll go with you, but as a friend, all right?”

  Boyd smiled and stood. “Absolutely. I’ll pick you up at seven sharp, next Friday.”

  Ivy nodded with a weak smile. Oh, what had she done?

  Ivy’s parents agreed to let her have the horse, since it was a gift, and she cleaned out a stall in the barn in preparation for her new horse. She was more excited about seeing Jonas again, than about getting the horse, she had to admit.

  Her father had offered to accompany her, so she had to stretch the truth a bit, which was something she seldom did. She felt guilty about it, but there was nothing else she could do. She’d told her father that Peggy would most likely accompany her, and maybe her brother, too. She just had to know what this attraction to Jonas was, and if it would last.

  When Ivy approached Jonas’s stables the following day, he was walking her horse around the corral. He quickly leaped over the fence to help her dismount. When he placed his hands on her waist, it nearly undid her. Why did he have to remove them so quickly after she'd touched the ground? Why couldn’t his hands have lingered on her waist as Boyd’s had?

  He greeted her, and motioned her toward the corral. She could still feel the warmth of his hands on her waist as she followed him.

  “I had a feeling you’d be back today, so I took your horse to the corral. Have you named him yet?” he asked over his shoulder.

  “I wanted to name him Ginger when I first saw him, but once you said he was a male horse, I just couldn’t do that to him,” she said.

  Jonas laughed. It was a husky, manly laugh that Ivy craved to hear more often.

  “No, he wouldn’t like that name,” he said.

  “I feel fortunate that you aren’t charging me for him. You see, I really wasn’t sure I had enough money to buy one of your horses, and so I think I’ll name him Lucky.”

  “He is lucky,” Jonas said in an almost whisper as he watched Ivy stroking the horse’s back.

  Ivy’s head snapped up. “Really?” She blinked up at him, and searched his face. “Why?”

  Jonas cleared his throat. “Because…he’s going to a good home, and with someone who’ll love him.”

  Ivy nodded. She still felt as if she wanted to be with Jonas longer, and thought about how she might delay her visit. This magnetism she felt for him was maddening. She liked everything about him. She loved his wavy dark hair, his big brown eyes, and the twinkle that appeared in them whenever he looked at her. She could look at his muscular arms that practically made his shirt burst at the seams, all day. But most of all, she loved the way his eyes sparkled when he smiled at her, as if he were flirting with her, without crossing the line of propriety.

  “Do you want me to transfer your saddle to Lucky, or do you want to lead him home with a rope?” he asked.

  “I’ve never owned a horse before. I was hoping you could show me how to care for him—if you have time, that is.”

  “I have time. I’d love to show you. Come with me.”

  He led her and Lucky to an area at the end of the stable, about the size of two stalls, with a wooden wall around it and a gate. He opened the gate and led Lucky inside. Ivy held back.

  “Come in,” he said. “This is where we groom the horses.”

  Ivy stepped inside and stood close to Jonas in the confined area.

  Hanging on the wall were brushes of all shapes and sizes. On the floor was a bucket and sponge. Hanging on a hook on the other wall was a watering can. Tools of every shape and size hung on the far wall.

  “The first thing I do is to secure the horse. No matter how well trained, a loud noise or sudden movement could cause a horse to bolt.”

  She watched him tie the horse by his lead to a hook on the wall. “Watch the knot I use to tie him,” he said. “It’s called a quick-release knot. That’s so if he does get scared and tries to bolt, he won’t break his neck, kick you, or pull the whole wall down.”

  He must have seen the frightened look on her face, for he said, “Don’t worry, it seldom happens. It’s a safety precaution, more than anything else.”

  He showed her how to clean the horse’s hooves with a hook. “You do this after every ride in case a stone or something gets caught under his hoof.” Then he took a round brush, told her it was a currycomb, showe
d her how to comb him, and how to care for his mane and tail.

  “That’s all there is to it,” he said. “Unless you run him hard, and then you need to cool him off by sponging him.” He pointed to the bucket and sponge. “Use cool, not cold water, and walk him around a bit.”

  “How often do I brush him?” she asked.

  “Daily.”

  “Oh my!” she exclaimed. “You groom all these horses every day?”

  He laughed again, and she loved the sound of it. She reminded herself to say something humorous often, so she could hear it.

  “No. I have a large staff working for me. Most of them are on lunch now, and some are training in the larger corral on the other side of the stables.”

  Ivy tried to think of a way to further extend her visit. She’d worn her riding skirt, since she'd ridden the family horse there. “Do you suppose I could ride Lucky before I leave? To be sure we’re compatible?”

  “That’s a good idea!” he said. He led her back to the stable where he removed a saddle from a rack on the wall. “This is a woman’s saddle, and I don’t have much use for it.”

  Jonas led the horse out of the stable, and Ivy followed. He wished Ivy had never come to him for a horse. The way he felt about her was unhealthy, given his situation. The more he saw of her, the more he wanted to court her, but that was forbidden for him because it wouldn’t be fair to her. He had to steel himself against her obvious charms and keep his head and heart in line.

  When she looked up at him with those huge blue eyes, it left him helpless as a turtle on its back.

  He proceeded to saddle Lucky. The name fit the horse perfectly, because he was indeed a lucky horse.

  After the horse was saddled he steadied him so Ivy could mount. Ivy was petite, and he had to adjust the stirrups for her. She thanked him in her whisper-like voice. He’d never met a woman with such a soft, sweet voice.

  After the stirrups were lowered, Ivy eased Lucky into a trot around the yard in front of the stable.