No Turning Back

by Susan Lewis

  Patty’s observation had upset Eva at the time, and it was unsettling her again now, mainly because she knew there had to be some truth to it. She couldn’t bear the idea of someone trying to fill the space that belonged to her son, so it was highly likely that without fully realising it she’d always kept Jasmine at arm’s length, without ever really considering how hurtful or damaging her distance might be to the girl.

  In the end, prompted by her conscience, as much as Livvy and Jake’s eagerness, she came to a decision. ‘Tell you what, I’ll try the idea out on Don first. If he thinks it’s a good one then we’ll ask her. And if by some miracle she says yes, then on your head be it,’ she warned Livvy teasingly, ‘because you’re the one who’ll have to work with her.’

  Livvy pressed a finger to the top of her brother’s head. ‘This is where the blame will sit if it all goes wrong,’ she insisted, ‘because he’s the one who came up with the idea.’

  ‘I can handle it,’ he responded, squaring up his shoulders.

  Reaching for the ringing phone, Eva said, ‘Perdita’s, Eva speaking.’

  ‘Darling girl, it’s me!’ Bobbie gushed down the line. ‘How are you? Tell me you’re wonderful and happy and that you’re coming to stay with me while you’re in London.’

  Laughing, Eva’s eyes went to Jake as she said, ‘Hi Bobbie, how are you?’

  ‘Oh, you know me, rushed off my feet as ever. You should see the avalanche I’ve come back to. If you can’t find me when you come to the office, please start digging. I take it you are coming – and sweetie, bring that godlike creature of a nephew with you. I need him. Send him today. Is he still available? We’ve got a shoot in Sicily starting this weekend. Not much pay, but hey, it’ll be better than he’s getting at Tesco’s.’

  ‘Waitrose. Does he get to keep his clothes on?’

  ‘I don’t mind if I don’t,’ Jake called out.

  Bobbie chuckled. ‘He’s with you. Marvellous. I’ll have a chat with him as soon as I’ve finished with you. Nao tells me you’re going to be in London tomorrow. I want to see you. It’s time we had a proper catch-up.’

  ‘Are you sure you can fit me in? You’re sounding pretty hectic.’

  ‘When am I not? But we’ll work something out. Who else are you seeing while you’re here?’

  ‘Only a rep from Milan. And I thought I might call Shelley.’

  There was a moment’s silence. ‘Mm. I take it there’s no news on that front, or you’d have told me?’

  ‘No,’ Eva replied, wishing she hadn’t brought the subject up in front of her niece and nephew. ‘Why don’t I pass you over to Jake? I’ll see you tomorrow night, if you can make it. Thanks for the offer of somewhere to stay.’

  ‘My home is yours, you know that. Where’s Carrie-Anne these days?’

  ‘Rio, launching her new swimwear. She’s got some great stuff. I’m taking quite a bit of it myself for next year.’

  ‘I’ve seen it. She’s got style. You both have. OK, put me on to the family god and I’ll see you tomorrow.’

  After handing the phone over, Eva left Jake to it and followed Livvy out to the shop. ‘Do we really think this’ll work with Jasmine?’ she said.

  Livvy shrugged. ‘I guess we won’t know unless we give it a try. To be honest, I reckon she’ll turn it down flat at first, but after she’s had some time to think about it, you never know, she might recognise it as the olive branch it’s supposed to be.’

  Eva nodded thoughtfully, then winced as Jake gave a whoop of excitement.

  A beat later he bounced back into the shop. ‘Sorry, got to go, off to Sicily,’ he informed them, sailing straight on to the door.

  ‘Hey, what about Waitrose?’ Eva called after him. ‘You can’t just abandon them.’

  ‘It’s OK, I’m doing my shift today then I’ll catch a train to London tonight. Must call Mum and get her to help me pack. This is so awesome. Evie, did I ever tell you I love you?’

  Laughing as he returned to sweep her into a bruising hug, Eva said, ‘I kind of get the picture. How long will you be gone?’

  ‘About a week, Bobbie reckons, and she might have something else for me by the time I come back. Yay! I’m going to be rich and famous. Bring it on.’

  As the door clattered shut behind him Livvy muttered, ‘Bet he won’t be telling Dad about his new job.’

  ‘Probably best if he doesn’t,’ Eva commented. Then, ‘Right, I’ve got about twenty minutes before Kathy Emmins turns up for her fitting, so I’m going upstairs to get things ready. Are you OK here?’

  ‘Perfect. I’ve set myself the glorious task of stuffing envelopes with invitations for the fashion lunch this morning, but I suppose I ought to check through the emails first.’

  ‘Actually, don’t worry about that,’ Eva told her, stepping back down from the stairs. ‘I’ll do it myself,’ and returning to the office she resisted the urge to delete all the messages from old friends and colleagues rather than find that one was from Nick.

  In the end, it turned out that none were, and she couldn’t really be sure whether she was more relieved about that, or disappointed.

  Much later in the day Eva was driving across country from Charmouth to Evershot, when Don finally got round to ringing back. ‘At last,’ she cried when she clicked on her earpiece. ‘I was beginning to wonder what had happened to you.’

  ‘Believe me, I’m beginning to wonder the same thing,’ he grumbled. ‘This merger business is getting more complicated by the minute, and now I’ve got to start interviews for three new guards. Let’s just hope they don’t send the same sort of blockheads that turned up the last time. Anyway, how are things with you?’

  ‘OK-ish. Actually, I’ve just left Camilla’s place, you know, our lovely seamstress, and I’m feeling pretty bad about not being able to put as much work her way for the next few months. She’s become quite dependent on it since her husband lost his job.’

  ‘Mm,’ he responded thoughtfully. ‘What’s he like? Would it be worth interviewing him for one of the guards’ jobs?’

  Loving the way he always tried to step in to the rescue, she said, ‘I’m afraid he’s partially handicapped, so I don’t think he’d be quite right for it. If something comes up in the office though, maybe you could give him a chance there.’

  ‘Consider it done. So, where are you now?’

  ‘On my way to Summer Lodge. I’ll probably be there for a while, if you feel like joining me for a cocktail later.’

  Sighing, he said, ‘It’s doubtful I’ll get away much before eight. What are you doing tomorrow? I thought we might try to have lunch with … Oh, hang on. I’m on the phone,’ he shouted to someone at his end. ‘Tell him I’ll be there in two minutes.’ Then, coming back on the line, ‘Where were we?’

  ‘Lunch tomorrow, which would be lovely if I wasn’t going to London.’

  ‘Of course, sorry, it slipped my mind. Are you staying overnight?’

  ‘Yep, with Bobbie. She’s just signed Jake up for a modelling job, by the way.’

  ‘So I hear. I was with Patty at Horizon View when he rang to tell her. What was your inbox like this morning? Pretty full, is my guess, because I know mine was.’

  ‘Anyone interesting?’

  ‘Not really. How about you?’

  ‘The same.’

  ‘Have you answered any of them yet?’

  ‘A few, I’m not sure I’ll bother with them all.’

  ‘You’re sounding a bit fed up.’

  ‘I’m fine. I just wish …’

  ‘Sweetheart, I’m sorry,’ he cut in, ‘I have to go or someone round here’s going to have a mental breakdown, and I fear it might be me.’

  It wasn’t until after she’d rung off that Eva remembered she wanted to talk to him about Jasmine, but since there was no particular urgency, and he was clearly up to his eyes, she didn’t bother calling back.

  Instead, she pulled over to the side of the road and pressed in Patty’s number. ‘Hi, it’s me,’ she said when
Patty answered. ‘Fancy meeting me at Summer Lodge for a drink later?’

  ‘What heaven,’ Patty murmured. ‘I can’t think of anything I’d like more, but thanks to you, my darling, I’ve been roped in for washing, ironing and packing half my son’s wardrobe before taking him to the station.’

  ‘Of course,’ Eva smiled. ‘I’d forgotten. He should have a great time and we know Bobbie’ll look out for him. So how about later? Do you fancy coming over for dinner? It’s just me and Don tonight and he’ll probably end up locked in his study most of the evening, with all that’s going on for him.’

  ‘Oh, Evie, I’m sorry. I’ve just promised Coral I’d go over there.’

  Unable to stop herself, Eva said, ‘Isn’t she seeing her boyfriend tonight?’

  With a sigh Patty said, ‘Please don’t be like that. It’s not as though you’re going to be on your own, is it?’

  ‘No,’ Eva admitted grudgingly. ‘I just thought … Well, I’ve hardly seen you lately, and we haven’t even had a chance to talk about the article at the weekend.’

  ‘I know, I’m sorry, but we will, I promise. How are you feeling about it now?’

  ‘OK, I guess. It’s just made me a bit reflective.’

  ‘Which is only to be expected. Has anyone interesting been in touch as a result of it?’

  You mean like Nick, Eva wanted to retort, but all she said was, ‘Not really. Anyway, good news about Jake, yes?’

  ‘He’s thrilled to bits. I’ve already texted Bobbie to thank her. She only texted back with an offer to put him up while he’s in London, but I couldn’t possibly inflict him on her for that long. He’s staying with an old schoolfriend until they go to Sicily at the weekend.’

  ‘He’ll have the time of his life,’ Eva said, laughing. ‘So, I’m not sure when we’re going to get together, because I’m off to London tomorrow until Wednesday, maybe Thursday. If anything changes with Coral tonight, give me a call.’

  After ringing off, instead of driving on, she called up her stepmother’s number. ‘Elaine, hi, it’s me,’ she said into the voicemail. ‘I should be going home your way later and I thought I might drop in. Let me know if it’s convenient.’

  Twenty minutes later she was parked outside Summer Lodge, still on the phone and unable to register anything of her beautiful surroundings, as she waited to be connected to Shelley. She knew it was crazy to put herself through this when she had no doubt at all that Shelley would be in touch the instant there was any news, but she couldn’t help it. Besides, hearing from her might prompt Shelley into trying to speed things along.

  ‘Eva, I’m really sorry,’ the secretary said, coming back on the line, ‘she’s still on the same call and it doesn’t sound as though it’s going to end any time soon. Why don’t I get her to ring back?’

  ‘OK,’ Eva replied, somehow stifling her frustration. ‘What I really want to know is if she’ll have time to see me while I’m in London this week.’

  ‘Mm, that could be difficult. She’s pretty chocka. Let me talk to her and see if we can move something around.’

  ‘Yes, please do that. I’m completely free, apart from a meeting late morning tomorrow, and I don’t mind staying in town on the off chance she might have a last-minute cancellation. Could you tell … Could you tell her I’d like to bring something with me?’

  ‘Yes, of course,’ the secretary said kindly, and though Eva tried to pretend that it was the kindness that brought a lump to her throat, she knew very well that it was much more than that.

  By eight o’clock that evening Eva was back at the house, buoyed by an encouraging meeting with the event organisers at Summer Lodge, but at the same time flat because she was alone. Not even Elaine had been able to see her this evening – unsurprisingly, since she was on her way to Cornwall to take part in a conference on spiritual awakening.

  Realising Elvis was gazing up at her, his dear, snouty face seeming curious to know what was bothering her, while Rosie leaned against him, as though egging him to go first, she melted into a smile and went to give them both a hug. On returning home she’d taken them across the field to the cliff path where they’d met several of their chums – Barnie the three-legged Yorkshire terrier; Coco and Lulu the fiery little concoctions of white fluff known as Cotons de Tuléar; Randy the black Lab whose passion for Elvis was not returned. Watching them having such a good time never failed to raise her spirits, and they were comforting her again now.

  Wondering what her son might think of them were he ever to meet them, Eva went back to her cooking with the same feeling of emptiness around her that she always experienced when thinking about him. However, when the CCTV monitor buzzed and she looked up to see the electronic image of Don’s car coming in through the gates, she felt much of her tension starting to ebb. Knowing he’d had a long and stressful day made her glad to think it would be just the two of them tonight. They could talk, if he wanted to, or not if he didn’t. Maybe they’d snuggle up in front of the TV, or work on their computers, or even go to bed early. It hardly mattered. Being together, and safe, was enough.

  ‘Hey,’ he said gruffly as he came in the door. ‘Something smells good.’

  ‘You mean apart from me?’ she teased, going to put her arms around him.

  ‘You’re always good enough to eat,’ he told her, and was about to kiss her when he was treated to an indelicate nudge from behind. ‘And so are you,’ he informed Elvis, turning on him with a menacing glare.

  ‘No, no, don’t say the b-word,’ Eva warned. ‘You know it upsets him.’

  ‘Bacon!’ Don growled, and they started to laugh as Elvis did a quick about-turn and trotted off to his bed. ‘Hello Rosie, my girl,’ Don crooned as the retriever nuzzled affectionately against him. ‘I guess you guys have already been out for a walk tonight?’

  ‘We have,’ Eva assured him, returning to the hob where she had dinner under way. ‘There are half a dozen messages for you on the machine and Mrs H left one of her shorter notes thanking you for the extra tenner, but it really wasn’t necessary, because it’s her job to do your ironing and keep everything nice and clean. She can more easily afford a birthday present for her grandson now though, so she hopes you won’t mind that she took the cash. Oh, and PS she’s happy to come and cook an evening meal for you while I’m in London. And PPS her brother will be back from sick leave by Wednesday at the latest. He’s had terrible flu so she made him stay at home because she didn’t want you, or anyone else to catch it.’

  With a laugh of fond exasperation he came to taste the sauce she was making. ‘Mm, that’s good,’ he murmured approvingly. ‘What time are we eating?’

  ‘In about ten minutes. Do you want to set the table?’

  ‘Will do.’ Then, groaning as his mobile started to ring, he took it out of his pocket and groaned again. ‘Keep your fingers crossed I don’t have to go back out,’ he told her. Then, clicking on, ‘Johnny, what can I do for you?’ As he listened he was taking cutlery from a drawer. ‘Of course I’m at home,’ he barked. ‘Where the heck else do you expect … All right, all right. I’m going to my computer, I can pick it up from there.’

  As he disappeared off to his study, taking the knives and forks with him, Eva dug out some more and went to set the table herself. The fact that he was helping to protect a good proportion of the county, and knowing how capable he was of doing it, rarely failed to give her a thrill of pride.

  ‘OK, Johnny’s motoring, and I’m dry,’ Don announced, coming back into the kitchen a few minutes later. ‘Do we have any wine open? Actually, I’d kill for a beer.’

  ‘In the usual place,’ she told him, happy that Mrs H was so devoted to her master that his needs were always taken care of first. A couple of beers were always in the fridge door, easily accessible and perfectly chilled.

  ‘Can we turn off mobiles?’ he asked, taking the top off a Peroni. ‘If anything’s urgent there’s always the landline, and I for one am done with today.’

  Picking up her own mobile wh
ich had lain silent since she’d come in the door, Eva promptly switched it off. This was a gesture she felt to be more for Jasmine than for Don, or herself, since she really wanted to talk about his daughter without interruptions.

  In the end, they didn’t get around to it until after finishing their main course, mainly because Eva felt they needed time to relax away from the pressures of their day before tackling an issue that might take some time to resolve.

  It turned out she was right in her assumption, because Don’s first response was a pensive silence that became more perplexing the longer it went on.

  ‘Well, are you going to say something?’ she prompted in the end. ‘I’m willing to offer Jasmine a Saturday job if you think …’

  ‘I heard,’ he interrupted, and getting up from his chair he went to fetch the bottle of red wine he’d left on the bar. ‘I guess it’s a good idea,’ he said, coming back to the table, ‘I’m just … I … Where do you think you’re going with it?’

  Puzzled by the question, she said, ‘I wasn’t thinking about going anywhere except trying to make her feel valued and part of our family. Is that too much?’ She didn’t mean to sound sarcastic, it just came out that way, and the sharpness in his eyes showed he didn’t much appreciate it.

  ‘No, of course it’s not too much,’ he retorted. ‘It’s just I wasn’t expecting it, and I guess I’m wondering why now?’

  Starting to feel annoyed, Eva said, ‘I just told you, Zoe’s leaving so I need a replacement and I thought – actually, Livvy and Jake thought – that it might be something Jasmine would like to do.’

  He fell silent again and stared fixedly out at the darkness.

  Baffled by what was going on, Eva said, ‘Apparently you have a problem with it, so maybe you’d like to tell me what it is?’

  His eyes came briefly to hers.

  ‘You’re worried about what her mother will say?’ she asked.

  ‘She won’t be for it, I can tell you that much.’

  ‘But Jasmine can make up her own mind.’