No Turning Back

by Susan Lewis

  ‘Champagne,’ Jasmine declared, and dived towards the cooler. ‘Shall I open some? It’s still early, maybe it ought to be coffee?’

  Eva still didn’t answer. Her eyes were fixed on the conservatory now, where Patty had just come in and was holding the door open for someone else to follow. First came a small, neat-looking woman in a red felt coat and black frilled scarf. Next was a pretty teenage girl with silky blonde hair, enormous eyes and a complexion that was almost like porcelain.

  Then came a young man who was still a boy, and Eva’s heart started quietly breaking apart.

  ‘Oh my God,’ she murmured, pressing her hands to her mouth. He was here. Her son, her very own boy whom she’d given birth to and longed for all these years and was terrified she might never meet … Was this really him, coming towards her? She couldn’t even begin to doubt it when the chaotic mass of dark brown hair, strangely arresting yet sleepy eyes, put together with his height that must surely be six foot already, and the sheer magnetism of him, made him so incredibly like his father that it was taking her breath away.

  As though they had a life of their own her hands reached out to him, then she pulled them back. She didn’t know what to do or say and she could see he was awkward too.

  Finally, holding out her hand to shake, she said, ‘Hello, I’m – I’m Eva.’

  Taking her hand, but keeping his eyes down, he said, ‘I’m Richie. It’s good to meet you.’ Then his eyes came to hers and suddenly she didn’t care any more, she had to hold him, and wrapping him tightly in her arms she hugged him as though she’d never let go.

  ‘Thank God,’ she tried to whisper, but it barely came out. Realising how tightly he was holding her too, she squeezed him harder still. This was a miracle, a dream coming true. She was so happy that her heart was overflowing with more tears and love than she’d ever known was possible. Holding him transcended everything. His man’s body – still a boy’s – was the body of her son, and even if this moment was all life ever allowed them she’d be grateful for it, just to know that he was alive and healthy and so incredibly handsome … Feeling him turning away she tentatively let him go, and kept a hand on his shoulder as he struggled to pull himself together.

  ‘It’s all right, my love,’ she heard someone say behind her. Eva didn’t look round, she just kept her eyes on her son who was crying and trying so very hard to stop.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ Eva whispered brokenly. ‘I’m so, so sorry.’

  He turned back, and her heart contracted to see his reddened eyes and lopsided smile.

  ‘That really wasn’t cool, was it?’ he said, trying to laugh at himself, but his emotions were clearly still very close to the surface. ‘What a wuss.’

  Eva longed to hug him again, but was afraid it might be too much. ‘You don’t look much like one to me,’ she told him, teasingly.

  He was looking past her now, and starting to laugh. Turning around to find Rosie and Elvis barrelling towards them, she gave a sob of pure pride.

  ‘Who’s this?’ he demanded, immediately going down to their level.

  ‘I thought they should join in,’ Livvy explained, her cheeks as wet as everyone else’s.

  ‘Of course,’ Eva said, and stooping to fuss her adorable beasts too, she made the introductions.

  ‘You’re so cool,’ Richie told them, delightedly. ‘Elvis, huh?’ he laughed, ruffling Elvis’s coarse black hide. ‘Can you sing? And you’re Rosie. What a doll.’

  Stepping forward with a hand out ready to shake, Livvy said, ‘Hi, I’m Olivia, your cousin. Everyone calls me Livvy.’

  Standing up and shyly taking her hand, he said, ‘I’m Richard, but everyone calls me Richie.’

  Melting with joy, Livvy followed his eyes to Eva’s as he turned to look at her again.

  Eva’s heart was in her throat. Was this boy, this man really hers? It hardly seemed possible. He was like a miracle, a dream coming true. She wanted to believe that some sort of special bond was already forming between them, but she guessed it was too soon for that. All that mattered was the fact that he was here.

  ‘I’m Jasmine,’ Jasmine declared, coming forward. ‘I’m kind of your stepsister.’

  ‘Good to meet you,’ he told her, shaking hands.

  Coming in gently, Patty said, ‘Evie, this is Izzie Larch, Richie’s aunt.’

  ‘Oh gosh, I’m so sorry,’ Eva apologised finally remembering her manners. ‘Hello, I’m Eva, it’s a great pleasure to meet you. Thank you so much … I … I hardly know what to say.’

  Izzie was smiling through her own tears as she took Eva’s hand between both of hers. ‘We’ve read so much about you,’ she told her, ‘and we’ve seen you in all our magazines and things, but you’re even lovelier than I thought.’

  Aware of how visible her scars were without any make-up, Eva smiled at the kindness and turned to the wide-eyed young girl beside her, who was looking nothing short of awestruck as she gazed around the kitchen and down at the animals. ‘And you are?’ she said gently.

  Shyly taking Eva’s hand, the girl said, ‘Sadie. I’m Richie’s cousin.’

  Eva smiled. ‘Welcome to Rosie and Elvis’s pad, Sadie,’ she said. ‘As you can see, you’re rather in demand.’

  Glancing down as Elvis nudged in for some attention, Sadie touched him gingerly until Richie took hold of him more boisterously and found himself assaulted from behind by Rosie. As he laughed and tried to fuss them both Eva caught Patty’s eye. She felt her heart contract as the moment resonated so deeply between them that for a moment it was as though there was no rift, no betrayal, nothing at all keeping them apart.

  As tearful as everyone else, Patty said, ‘It’s Sadie we have to thank for this.’

  Glancing at the girl, who seemed to be gaining a little more confidence with Elvis, Eva was about to speak when Jasmine said, ‘Would anyone like champagne?’

  To Richie, Eva said, ‘Would you?’ She could hardly believe how handsome he was, and grown up, and yet so teenagerish in his loose-fitting rugby shirt and typically slouched jeans. She felt ready to burst with pride.

  ‘Great, if everyone else does,’ he replied, the sparkle in his eyes showing how thrilled and blown away he was by all that was happening.

  As Livvy bounced off to do the honours, Eva said to Richie, ‘If you only knew … Do you know? Did you get my letters and cards? I sent them all the time.’

  His eyes lost some of their shine as he said, awkwardly, ‘Yeah, I heard that you did, but I haven’t seen them yet.’

  ‘My sister-in-law’s sending them,’ Izzie told her.

  That he had been cheated out of what was rightfully his, even though she had long feared, and even suspected it, was only possible to bear because he was here. Eva looked at Izzie as she said, ‘What’s happened to the people who adopted him?’

  Glancing at Richie, Izzie said, ‘His dad died about five years ago and when his mother went up north to be with her brother, back at the beginning of the year, Richie decided to stay with us.’

  His mother had let him go, just like that? How could she?

  Knowing she was in danger of asking too much too soon, Eva somehow managed to hold back her feelings and glanced briefly at Patty again before saying to Richie, ‘I’m sorry about your dad.’ Receiving a nod from Patty to confirm it was the right thing to say, she looked at Richie again. It was hard to imagine him with parents who were strangers, even though she was far more of one in reality. And devastating to think of his adoptive mother abandoning him, especially after she’d done the same herself. It was unthinkable, unforgivable and utterly shaming. How could she, or anyone, ever do anything to hurt this wonderful young man who was already lighting up her world?

  ‘Why don’t you all sit down?’ Livvy suggested from behind the bar.

  Obediently going to the table where Jasmine was setting out glasses, Eva sat Izzie one side of her and Richie the other as she said, ‘I have to apologise for not being better prepared. Livvy only sprang this on me a few minutes
ago, so I know almost nothing about anyone yet – except the most important thing, of course.’ She paused, smiling at Richie. ‘I know that you’re probably the best-looking sixteen-year-old I’ve ever seen, but I guess I could be biased.’

  ‘Oh, don’t worry about embarrassing him, will you?’ Livvy chided as Richie blushed to the roots of his hair.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ Eva laughed, ‘it just slipped out. I’ll try not to do it again.’

  ‘I’m cool,’ Richie shrugged, still red, and poking his tongue out at Sadie.

  ‘Of course once we found out who his mother was,’ Sadie piped up, ‘we all realised straight away why he’s so fit.’

  As Eva glanced at Patty again she knew what Patty was thinking – that he was just as much like his father, if not more. However, now wasn’t the time to be mentioning Nick – in fact, Eva didn’t want to think about Nick at all, because he didn’t deserve to be a part of this.

  After the champagne was poured and everyone was sitting around the table with a glass in front of them, Eva raised hers and said, ‘I hope I’m not going to embarrass you again, Richie, well, I’m sure I am, but hopefully you’ll forgive me if I propose a toast to you and say you’ve just made this far and away the very happiest day of my life.’

  Though he did colour up again, he said, ‘Actually, it’s pretty cool for me too. I just hope I’m not going to turn out to be a disappointment.’

  Eva’s eyes widened in shock and protest. ‘You could never be that,’ she told him earnestly.

  ‘Just wait,’ Sadie warned.

  ‘No, he couldn’t,’ Izzie laughed with everyone else. ‘We’re very proud of him, and with good reason.’

  ‘His head is getting so swollen here,’ Sadie complained.

  After treating her to a smug grin that made her pretend to gag, Richie raised his glass with everyone else as Livvy proposed a toast to Sadie for the efforts she’d made in bringing Eva and Richie together. Then they were all laughing again as Sadie told how she and her friend had come into the shop a couple of times, not really knowing what they were hoping to achieve, it had just seemed like the right place to start – and had ended up being thrown out by Jasmine.

  ‘We thought you were shoplifters.’ Livvy grimaced. ‘I’m really sorry, we just had no idea.’

  Richie gave a choke of laughter, earning himself a smiley kick from Sadie.

  ‘No worries,’ Sadie assured Livvy. ‘I can kind of get why you’d think that. Anyway, we didn’t only come into the shop, we drove up here to the house a couple of times too. We sat outside for ages hoping you might come out. We never rang the bell because we didn’t know how to explain who we were over the entryphone.’

  Remembering the little car parked at the gates and how it had unnerved her, Eva could only apologise for being such a faint heart. If only she’d known. To think he’d been so close while she’d been trying to come to terms with that terrible ruling …

  ‘Then I didn’t help matters,’ Jasmine picked up, ‘by running away from them yesterday morning.’

  ‘That’s the kind of effect they usually have on people,’ Richie assured her.

  ‘You are so funny,’ Sadie told him.

  As everyone laughed again, Livvy said curiously, ‘The night I saw you, when I came out of the gym, you didn’t know I was going to be there?’

  ‘No way,’ Sadie replied. ‘We were just hanging out round there, because we were staying at my nan’s that night. I was going to come up to you then, but …’

  ‘You scared her off,’ Richie interjected. ‘See, I told you, she can’t help it.’

  ‘I’m going to whack you in a minute,’ Sadie warned.

  ‘I was there that night,’ Richie told Livvy, ‘so I saw you too.’

  Livvy beamed at him. ‘That is so cool,’ she told him.

  Apparently not quite knowing why, Richie shrugged as though pleased, and looked down at his drink.

  ‘Of course Richie never did anything to help us get in touch with you,’ Sadie went on, looking at Eva again. ‘He kept saying you wouldn’t have had him adopted if you wanted him, so we shouldn’t be bothering you, but I kept saying that we should at least try.’

  ‘I’m so glad you did,’ Eva told her with feeling. When she looked at Richie she wasn’t sure whether she wanted to laugh or cry. He appeared embarrassed, yet oddly roguish, as though on the brink of teasing someone if only he could think of the right thing to say.

  From where she was leaning against the bar, the only one who hadn’t sat down, Patty said, ‘I’m so happy to welcome you to our family, Richie. I can tell already that you’re going to make a big difference around here, and I hope your aunt Izzie and your cousins know that they’ll always be every bit as welcome as you are.’

  ‘Thank you,’ Izzie smiled gratefully, raising her glass.

  Eva was smiling at Izzie as Patty said, ‘We already talked a little bit about my sister on our way here, Richie, so you know how special she is to us, and I have no doubt that you’ll soon find out how special she is too, and come to feel the same way …’

  ‘OK,’ Eva interrupted, trying not to be annoyed that Patty had been discussing her with Richie, ‘shall we not make this too deep? It’s only our first meeting, for heaven’s sake.’

  Though she hadn’t meant to sound so curt, even cutting, she’d clearly managed it, because the next instant Patty was saying, ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean … I was only … Actually, I should probably be going now. Richie, Izzie, you have my number if you need it …’

  ‘I’ll walk out with you,’ Eva said, getting to her feet. ‘Help yourselves to anything,’ she told the others. ‘I’ll be right back,’ and somehow resisting dropping a kiss on Richie’s head she followed Patty out through the conservatory.

  Moments later they were standing next to Patty’s car, and Patty’s face was ashen as she listened to Eva saying, ‘Don’t think I’m not aware of what’s going on with you. You’re telling yourself that now I have my son I’ll be so focused on him I’ll forget what you’ve done, and you’re right, I will be focused on him, but be sure of this, Patty, nothing, not even Richie, will ever make up for the way you’ve betrayed me.’

  ‘Eva, that’s not …’

  ‘You’re probably even persuading yourself that I’ll have someone to take care of me now, to make sure I don’t do anything stupid like follow in our mother’s footsteps because my husband and sister are sleeping together …’

  ‘For heaven’s sake …’

  ‘You have no idea how damaged he might be by his past,’ Eva raged, ‘what issues he might have going on inside as a result of his upbringing which we don’t yet know anything about, so to think you can start burdening him with mine just so you can get on with your life …’

  ‘Eva stop! You’ve got it wrong …’

  ‘No! All I got wrong was trusting you the way I did, and now you can’t even find the time to stay and make him feel welcome, no doubt because you have to rush home to Don. Well, go, Patty! Get out of here and don’t bother coming back, because you’re not wanted.’

  As she turned away, Patty grabbed her and spun her back. ‘I’m leaving because the last thing I want is that boy to sense the atmosphere between us,’ she cried furiously.

  ‘Then you’re right to go, because that’s never going to change.’

  Though Patty continued to glare at her sister, she could see that there really wasn’t anything to be gained from pursuing this now, so turning around she got into her car and started the engine.

  As she drove away, Eva stood watching her, knowing that she should never have allowed herself to get so worked up, that if anyone was going to ruin this day it would be her if she didn’t get herself under better control. Her emotions were running too high, were too fragile and explosive, so she must give herself a moment now to calm down and remember that hurting Patty and feeling jealous about Don had no place in her life today. All that mattered was her son.

  Hearing the sound of laughter as she
went back inside, Eva felt what remained of her tension melting away, and when she saw how well Richie was already bonding with Rosie and Elvis, who, shameless pair, were crowding him for more fussing, she had to force herself not to throw her arms around him again. It was going to be so easy to overwhelm him with her feelings, to keep on telling him how happy he’d made her, but she must try to take it slowly, allow him time to feel as relaxed with her as he already seemed to be with Livvy and Jasmine.

  ‘Ah, there you are,’ Livvy declared, ‘we were just saying that you and Richie must have thousands of things you want to ask each other, so it might be a good idea if the rest of us took off for a while to give you a chance to talk. He’s terrified, he said, but …’

  ‘I so did not,’ Richie protested, blushing again.

  ‘… he’s up for it if you are.’

  Eva’s eyes were shining. ‘Sounds like a great idea to me.’

  ‘It’s OK, she won’t morph into Cruella de Vil or Countess Bathory the minute we’ve gone,’ Livvy assured him.

  ‘She only does that on Tuesdays,’ Jasmine added.

  ‘Countess who?’ Eva demanded.

  ‘They reckon she’s the serial killer who inspired Dracula,’ Richie told her, ‘but I think she only went for girls, so I’m feeling pretty safe.’

  As everyone laughed at Eva’s expression, Izzie got to her feet saying, ‘They’re all into vampires these days, so be warned.’

  Remembering that was indeed true, Eva’s tone was wry as she said, ‘And I thought I was pretty out there with Elvis.’

  Apparently loving being talked about, Elvis launched into one of his livelier snort-and-jig routines, while Rosie did Richie the great honour of presenting him with her ball.

  ‘I thought I’d take the girls down to the Bridport Arms,’ Izzie was saying as she and Eva led the way out to the drive. ‘Shall we say about an hour? Is that long enough, too long? You tell me.’

  Though Izzie was sounding bright and friendly, Eva felt sure she must be riddled with misgivings and anxieties over what was happening, and wished she could find a way to reassure her. However, she knew that only time, and a successful building of a relationship with Richie could do that.