To Live Again

by Melody Dawn

  After getting down to the kitchen and starting breakfast, both guys come in. I can tell the conversation isn’t a good one. I can guess exactly what or should I say who they are talking about. Since I’m completely nosy, I wade right in. “

  So, Jayson, are you going after her or are you done?”

  “He’s done,” Connor growls!

  I look at him and ask, “Your name didn’t magically turn into Jayson in the last few minutes, did it?”

  He doesn’t answer, but I can see the tick in his jaw and I have to say, it’s kind of hot

  Jayson looks at me and says, “I don’t know if I want to see her right now, but even if I did, I don’t know where she is.”

  “Well, I do know where she is and if you want to know, I will tell you.”

  He looks surprised and asks, “How do you know?”

  Winking, I say, “It’s a little thing called the AT&T Family Map that allows you to locate the phones on your plan and she and I share a cell phone account. That’s why I told her to keep her cell on at all times. She just doesn’t know that’s the reason why.”

  Jayson laughs and asks “Are you always this devious?”

  I grin at him and say, “Always, babe!”

  I see Connor rolling his eyes and before he leaves the room, he says, “I can’t believe you are thinking of going after her. Do you remember what she said to you? You’re an idiot, J! I never thought you would be the one acting like a moron over a girl.”

  He slams the door to their outside porch and I see him go and sit by the pool. “Well, that didn’t go very well.”

  Jayson sighs and says, “I don’t disagree with him, but if nothing else, I want to see her one last time and find out what the hell happened. I need to know for my own sanity.”

  I feel so badly for him and if I wasn’t bound to this idiotic code of secrecy, I could tell him what he needs to know. I try to get him to read between the lines with what I say next.

  “Jayson, I can’t tell you Chloe’s secret, but I will tell you that it is big. It was life-changing and she bears a great deal of guilt and self-hate. It doesn’t excuse what she did to you, but you have to realize that in her own way, she thinks she is protecting you.”

  Connor comes in at the end of my last sentence and stands there waiting to see what Jayson is going to say.

  Running his hand through his hair, he says, “Tell me where she is; I’m going to see her.”

  While I’m pulling up the AT&T locator on my phone, I hear Connor say, “I hope you tan her little ass; she needs it.” Jayson doesn’t say anything, but shakes his head in agreement.

  I look at them worriedly and say, “You aren’t going to hurt her, are you? Because I’m not going to tell you where she is, if that’s your reason to see her.”

  Connor puts an arm around me and says, “Don’t worry, he won’t hurt her. And he can give her a good ass rub when he’s done.”

  I push his arm off and say, “You’re so disgusting…you better never think about doing that to me!”

  He winks at me and says, “We’ll see, babe.”

  Trying not to think about what that might entail and why it sounds interesting, I say, “I found her, she is at the Seaside Inn in Galveston. Do you need the address?”

  Jayson says no and that he knows exactly where she is staying. He goes to pack his bag in case he ends up staying and Connor sits there with me not saying anything. I know he is upset, but trying not to show it.

  I turn to him and say, “Look, I know you’re angry with Chloe and probably with me for telling him where she is.”

  He cut me off quickly by saying, “Madison, she called him a ‘cheap fuck’ that couldn’t satisfy her and I had to watch my brother cry. I haven’t seen him cry since we were 8 years old. I don’t think I can get past this with her. I know you say she has a good reason, but what if he had done this to her. Would you be as understanding? I don’t think so…I think you would be leading a feminist parade to chop his dick off!”

  I know he’s right and there’s really nothing I can say to defend her actions.

  Wanting to be close to him, I get up and sit in his lap and say, “Just promise me you will at least hear her out. You don’t have to like her, agree with her, or hang around with her. But Connor, your brother loves her. We can’t help who we love…you know that as well as I do.”

  I’m looking at him and wondering if he knows what I’m telling him.

  He pulls me down for a hug and says, “I’ll give her a chance…I’m not saying I’m going to make it easy on her, but for you, I’ll try.”

  I give him a grateful look and say, “That’s all I ask…that you try.”

  I lean forward to hug him again, but this time I get what I want, the best feeling in the world, I have Connor Reece’s lips on mine.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Jayson

  Once I’m in my truck, heading down I-45 towards Galveston, I feel like I can breathe again. I have a bitch of a headache from the alcohol and the Houston heat isn’t exactly making it better. I try to think of what I’m going to say to Chloe, but her saying I meant nothing to her just keeps repeating itself over and over in my brain. I have so many mixed feelings towards her right now…I want to kiss her, spank her, hug her, fuck her, well you get the picture. The rational part of me wants to turn this truck around and go home and forget her.

  Since Galveston is not far from where we live, I don’t have much time to contemplate what I am going to do or say. I feel like I am getting a migraine so I stop at a gas station and get some headache reliever and a Dr. Pepper. Once I’ve got my emergency headache cure in me, I park on the Seawall not too far from her hotel and sit on the railing staring out at the water.

  I am more confused than ever. I love her and I know that she has been through something traumatic in her life that makes her behave the way she does. I can even accept that in her own warped way of thinking, she thought she was protecting me…from what, I don’t know. That’s the thing, I still don’t know what the problem is. My other issue is that I hate her for how she treated me. I have always been respectful of women and to be treated like I was a human dildo was disgusting. Then, the things she said to me, I don’t think I can forget them even if I forgive her. Or if I do forgive her, I don’t think I can take her back.

  The idea of us not being together makes my chest hurt and I wonder if it is really possible to physically have a broken heart. My medical training tells me no, but I think it may be wrong. I sit there for a while watching the waves come in and like I’m watching a movie, I can hear and see her all over again telling me I meant nothing, I’m a cheap fuck, not a good one either… I’m so pissed off at this point that I grab my drink and walk to my truck.

  I’m sick of being the one that’s present in this relationship, ha, what relationship, and I’m going to tell her exactly what I think of her. Who gives a shit that she’s had a rough life? Right now, I really don’t. All I want to do is tell her what I think of her and get the hell out of here. I don’t know why I didn’t listen to Connor. But no, as usual, I have to be the twin with the heart…well, that’s changing as of today!

  I drive the couple of miles to the Seaside Inn. After parking, I go up the stairs to look for room 208 and there she is…sitting outside her room in one of the deck chairs staring at the water. I stand there for a moment just watching her. She looks so peaceful and I’m so torn up; I fucking hate her right now. I decide I’m not staying and as I start to go back down the stairs, my shoes make a noise and she looks up. The look on her face is full of emotions: fear, happiness, sadness…you name it, it’s there.

  “Jayson…what…what are you doing here? How did you find me,” she asks?

  I can barely get the words out of my mouth. “I don’t know why I’m here…probably because I’m an idiot and I found you through Madison. Obviously, you two have some kind of phone locator through your cell plan and she told me where you were.

  “Were you leaving” she
asks?

  My chest hurts as I answer, “Yes, I think so. I got what I came for.”

  Softly, she asked, “What did you come for?”

  I stare at her for a moment and then say, “I came to see if I could ever handle the thought of looking at you while remembering what you did.”

  “And can you” she asks?

  Without looking at her, I say, “No, I don’t think I can.” I hear her crying and I say sharply, “NO! No, don’t do that. You can’t do that to me. You are the one that ripped my heart out. You don’t get to cry over it now!” Mortified, I realize that I have tears rolling down my face. I turn to walk away and she run towards me.

  She grabs my arm and begs, “Wait, please, just wait. Just let me talk to you, I’ll do anything if you let me talk to you.”

  I walk past her and push the door of her room open. We both walk in and she asks, “Do you want to sit?”

  I answer her in a curt tone, “No, I don’t want to sit…what do you want to talk about?”

  Wrapping her arms around herself protectively, she says, “I want to tell you I’m sorry and that I never meant to hurt you.”

  That makes me fucking laugh. “You never meant to hurt me? What in the hell would you do if you did mean to hurt me?”

  We’re both quiet for a minute and she asks in a small voice, “What can I do to fix this?”

  I’m so angry and hurt right now that the bastard I’ve been holding in since I got here lets loose. In the meanest voice I’ve ever used, I say, “You want to know what you can do to make it better. You can get on your knees and suck me off, that might help me feel a little bit better.”

  We stare at each other and she walks over to me and kneels down. Placing my hands at my side, she unbuckles my belt, pulls down my jeans and underwear and sets my cock free. Like the sicko that I am, I’m hard as a rock. Without looking away from me or speaking a word, she begins to stroke me and takes me into her mouth.

  It feels fucking awesome and at the same time, I feel like shit. I try to block out my more “noble” instincts and intertwine my fingers in her hair. Right now, I just want to fuck her mouth and make her feel like she made me feel…a human sex toy. I look down into those violet eyes that have tears pouring out of them and I know I can’t do this.

  In a sharp tone, I say, “Stop, Chloe…right now!” She lets me go and I tuck myself away in my pants.

  Looking bewildered at my sudden change of heart, she asks, “Why did you make me stop?”

  I look at her beautiful face and I know this is it; I’m letting her go.

  Trying to keep my voice from cracking, I say, “Because I can’t do what you did to me. This was a mistake for me to come here. It’s like I said in my voicemail…I love you, but I hate you more.”

  I pull her to me and let myself feel her body up against mine one more time. I lean down and kiss her cheek and tell her, “Have a good life…that’s what I want for you. I want for you to find peace and start living…it just can’t be with me.”

  More and more tears fall from her beautiful eyes and I know if I don’t get out of there, I’m going to cave in. I turn away from her, walk to the door and open it, knowing I’m walking away from the girl that would have been my wife, the mother of my children, and all the other important parts of my life. My heart hurts, my gut burns, and I feel like my head is splitting in two. Still hearing her cry, I shut the door and walk down the stairs to my truck. I know this is for the best…for both of us. So, why do I feel like my other half died and I’m left to be in this world alone?

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Madison

  Jayson has been gone for several hours and I’m getting antsy about giving him the address to where Chloe is staying. Connor and I are curled up on the couch watching reruns of The Big Bang Theory. I have loved this show since the first episode, a sentiment that Connor does not share. Although he has sat and watched it with me, it hasn’t been without him bitching every few minutes. Of course, I act like I’m pissed, but his commentary is secretly funny…especially about Sheldon’s Coitus Interruptus!

  I look up at Connor and ask, “Do you think everything is ok? I don’t understand why we haven’t heard from either one of them.”

  Connor squeezes me and says, “Babe, they’re fine. They are probably busy and don’t want Coitus Interruptus from either one of us.”

  How he makes me laugh! “You are such a moron,” I tell him. He looks at me seriously and says, “But a gorgeous moron, don’t you think?”

  As I’m about to reply, I hear a lot of noise coming from the kitchen. “See” Connor says, “There they are; I know J, He’s making it known he’s home in case we need to “cover up the good stuff.”

  I roll my eyes at him and tell him, “You wish we needed to cover something up.”

  He smiles wickedly and says, “Tonight, you won’t be acting so tough.”

  Inwardly, I jump up and down clapping, but ok, back to the problem at hand; Jayson is alone.

  He has the same sick look on his face since I first got here and he has a drink of that stinking Jack in his hand. Great! More cleanup for me.

  Connor looks over at him and asks, “You alone, man?”

  Jayson doesn’t look at either one of us and just shakes his head, yes, one time. I have a really bad feeling about this.

  I walk over to Jayson so he has to look at me, I narrow my eyes at him and ask, “Is she coming back in her own car? Did y’all get things worked out?”

  He looks at me at me, takes a drink, and says, “It’s over.” With an explanation, he walks out to where the swimming pool is and lays on one of the loungers.

  My poor Chloe! I can already feel the tears coming and as they run down my cheeks, Connor wraps me up in a hug. He says, “Don’t worry, baby…it will work out.”

  I look at Connor and say, “You don’t understand! He left her…that’s what she has always feared…being left because of her past. I know your brother is hurting, but he is being an ass right now! He didn’t have to leave her down there. I’m going to go and get her. I can only imagine what she is doing to herself.”

  Fear hits me and almost knocks me over. “Connor, you don’t think she will hurt herself, do you” I ask?

  He looks slightly alarmed and says quickly, “No, Maddie, I don’t think so. But I need to talk to J and find out what happened. Just stay in here; this needs to be between him and I. Please.”

  I shake my head yes and ask, “Do you mind if I go lie down in your bed? I don’t think I can sit on the couch and watch, while wondering what is being said.” He kisses me quickly and says, “Go ahead…I’ll be there soon.”

  Making sure I have my cell phone, I lay down on Connor’s bed and just like the “Twinkie ESP” we joke about, the phone rings; it’s Chloe. I answer immediately and ask, “Chloe, are you alright?”

  She sobs into the phone, “No, Maddie, I’m not alright. I will never be alright again. He left; he just left me and he didn’t look back!” I try to comfort her, but she says, “No! I did this to myself, Maddie; Jayson is reacting because I hurt him in the worst way possible. I took the most important thing to him and shoved it in his face like it meant nothing and then told him he meant nothing.”

  I suck in a breath because I don’t know what to say. I love my best friend, but she’s right, she brought this on herself.

  “What are you going to do,” I ask? Without waiting for an answer, I say, “Chloe, if you would just tell him what happened to you, he will understand. You have got to trust him. I know he left you, but he’s hurting, plus his male pride took a beating. You know how men are, that’s a deal breaker for them.”

  She tells me that she is going to stay in Galveston for a couple of more days to think and make a plan. The next thing she says makes me want to scream with happiness.

  “I’m going to get some help, Madison; I know its way past time. I should have listened to you a long time ago.”

  At this statement, I start crying, and Connor co
mes in the room. He comes over to me and whispers, “Are you ok?”

  “Yes, I’m good,” I tell him. “I’m talking to Chloe and we’re discussing about her getting some help.”

  He motions for the phone and warily I hand it over. “Hey little bit, it’s me. Are you doing ok?”

  I hear Chloe begin crying all over again through the phone. She finally says, “No, I’m not. You sound just like him, Connor. I miss him so badly. I can’t stand it. It physically hurts me. He said he hated me and then he left.”

  By this time, I’m crying like there’s no tomorrow.

  Connor says, “Listen honey, J will come around. He’s hurting and he’s angry. But, no matter what he says or did, he doesn’t hate you. A man that hates a woman doesn’t sit outside drinking and staring off into space. He would just move on. I’m going to give him a day or so and then I will talk to him again. I know I was hard on you when we saw each other last, but we all make mistakes. I know you love him and that’s enough for me. I’m going to give the phone back to Maddie; I’ll talk to you soon.”

  After handing me the phone, Connor goes into the restroom, so I quickly tell Chloe, “See, things are going to be ok. You just need to concentrate on making a plan to get yourself better and making up with Jayson. Promise me, you aren’t going to sit over there and do the self-hate thing; you know I can’t stand that. You need to remember one thing, Chloe, you are a victim in this whole thing. Yes, you indirectly caused the accident, but it would have never happened without Daniel Latham’s help. Tell me that you finally believe this.”

  Chloe is quiet for a moment and she says, “I’m getting there, Madison, but I have three years of this to conquer; it isn’t going to disappear in a few days.” I know she’s right; she is going to require some intensive therapy to fix the damage caused by that asshole and the pond scum known as her parents.

  We agree to talk again the next day and I hang up feeling a lot better. Connor comes out and sits on the bed. Without looking at me, he says, “Maddie, I need to know what happened with Chloe. Jayson is in a really bad place and I need to know what I’m dealing with here. I know she has sworn you to secrecy…”