The Goddess Twins

by Yodassa Williams

  “Me like you, Yankee girl. You know dat every ho hav dem ‘tick a bush,” Granny says, and now I’m the one to snort in my chocolate tea.

  “Don’t choke, Cuz. She’s just saying that there’s a place for everyone,” Liberty chuckles next to me.

  “Yes, Miss Aurora don’t let Arden steal your tongue,” Gran Gran says to me, her eyes melting to a light brown as they hold mine hostage. “How do you feel about Ohio?” she asks softly.

  I pause, deciding between being completely honest and politely vague. “Well, it’s the first place I feel like I’ve really lived a life that was mine.” I shrug as honesty wins and the words tumble out of my mouth. “We’ve been all around the world, but in Cincinnati I can finally be myself and have my own life that isn’t just about being Mom’s daughter or Arden’s twin sister. So, I like it there.”

  “Okay, I see.” Gran Gran closes her eyes as she speaks. “You like the sense of freedom while having the safety of staying inside a bubble, eh?”

  I nod, then I realize she can’t see me with her eyes closed. But she continues as if she did.

  “But the people … how do you feel about them?” she presses, leaning forward, her eyes now open, glowing amber as they read my face.

  “I … they’re …” I stop myself, realizing I have nothing profound to say about the people of Ohio. They’re normal? Soft? Easily impressed? The friends I’ve made in the past year have run as deep as a bird bath. They’re great as an entourage, but I don’t feel, like, connected to any one of them. Should I? I’m suddenly embarrassed. I’ve failed a test for lack of studying. “The people are okay,” I respond into my nearly empty plate.

  Gran cocks her head to the side, “What is this okay?” Her mouth twists in a wry grin as she repeats the word, “Okay,” like it’s unknown to her.

  “They’re just … not … I just don’t know how I feel about the people, all right?” I say, turning my head away, wanting this line of questioning ended.

  Gran Gran pulls my chin, turning my head back to her with a smile, like I’ve said something cute. Her eyes shift to a lilac gray as she stares into mine. “That is your first lie in this house,” she declares, raising an eyebrow, waiting for me to deny it. “You know how you feel, Madame Lashy, no baca play bro Annanci pon mi. Eh?” Even without Lib’s translation, I understand Gran knows I’m whitewashing myself. We squint at each other, an impromptu staring game.

  I crack first and decide to give her me, no lies. “I think the people are boring and predictable, and I don’t really care about them.”

  Arden gasps, “Aurora, that’s horrible!”

  But Gran Gran just continues smiling at me, and I’m encouraged to expand. “But it’s fun being popular and having people look to me. I’m enjoying that.”

  “Enjoying what exactly, eh?” Gran asks softly.

  “Being needed.” That answer came from a true and deep place inside. “I want to feel like I matter to people. Most of the time I don’t.” I look to Arden, and her face is pained.

  “I need you. Mom needs you,” she pleads, and I shake my head, totally over that fallacy.

  “We’re in this mess because the one thing Mother needs most is to be on stage,” I tell her. “And you? You’re either in your own head or trying to press your agenda on me. Like confronting me the day Mom left, instead of just giving me space till I was ready to talk. It’s all about you, and somehow you’re surprised I don’t feel like I really matter?”

  “Ultra-ouch, Cuz,” says Lilo from her seat next to Arden. “You shouldn’t burn your sister like that.”

  “Yeah, Aurora, you must know how much your sister loves you,” Liberty adds.

  I twitch. “I do know that she has the ability to speak for herself. Do you two know that?” The words come out with grit, and I feel intoxicated with anger. I imagine throwing the cousins through the window with my mojo, and I wonder if they’ll keep pushing till it happens.

  Lilo, of course, steamrolls on like her sole purpose in life is to press my buttons. “Cuz, I understand you’re upset, but we have a right to defend Arden if you’re being unfair.”

  “A right? I’m still trying to figure out who you two even are in my life, and you’re talking about rights?” I rise, ready to leave this crew for the second time today. I might have been in my own blind spot before, but the words that tumbled out to Gran were the truth. I don’t feel needed. This realization catapults me into movement. I don’t need people who don’t need me, and I am done here. “Look, Gran Gran, this breakfast was delicious and all, but—” I wipe my mouth with a napkin and move away from the table.

  “No, don’t go Rora!” Arden stands, too, and the cousins also rise to action.

  “Everyone will stay seated until I say they are excused!” Gran Gran commands loudly, her eyes black with specks of gold. Power radiates from her body in warm waves, though she remains calmly seated. The room trembles at her words; the table shakes under my hands; the lights flicker. Arden, the cousins, and I get our butts back in our seats. Gran is not to be effed with.

  I smile meekly and offer a blanket apology to our scarily powerful grandmother goddess. “Sorry. Sometimes I get heated.” My mouth twitches at the understatement, and Gran’s eyes soften to dark gray.

  “You should be sorry, for what you said,” sasses Lilo from across the table.

  “But,” Gran interrupts with a click of her tongue, “she is right. You need to stay out of their quarrel, Lilo and Liberty. Cat no business inna fowl fight.”

  Lilo’s face drops, and I can’t help but stick my tongue out at her while Gran isn’t looking my way.

  “And you wanna lose that sharp tongue today, I see,” Gran says, turning back to me.

  “How did you …” I begin to ask, then stop.

  “You think Gran can only see with the eyes on her face, huh?” she chuckles. “Arden, tell me all about your new boyfriend.”

  Arden’s cheeks flush, and she bites her lip. “I don’t have a boyfriend … I’ve never had a boyfriend.”

  Gran grabs Arden’s hand from the table and squeezes it, smiling as her eyes melt into a deep violet. “Aaahh, such an old soul you are, my quiet storm. You’ve already met the first of many loves of your life.”

  Arden’s eyes nearly pop out of her head. “Devin?” she whispers.

  Gran smiles and nods slightly.

  “I only just met him.” Arden glances at me for a moment. “It was intense. I saw visions of us together. He said he’s been dreaming of me. I don’t understand any of it. What does it mean? Who is he?”

  “Your heart is ready for love, so it has called to him,” Gran says. “He is who you are meant to be with now, so he was summoned.” She chuckles at Arden’s raised eyebrows. “It’s a special thing the Fates gave your mother, and it appears you have it as well. You have a heart for loving deeply, and it searches and finds true love then calls it forward.” Gran squeezes Arden’s hand. “The men whom you are destined to love will be summoned by you. They will come. Just enjoy falling in love and know it is meant to be, my sweet granddaughter.”

  “What?” Arden shakes her head. “But I don’t understand. I didn’t suddenly decide I wanted a boyfriend. I don’t even know this guy. Why him? Why me?”

  “Did you not hear me, child?” Gran laughs warmly, a robust sound that reflexively brings a smile to my face. “There’s nothing to understand. Your heart is ready. It is. Done! He is the proof. Your head, ugh, it’s too full of emotions to decide anything, eh? The heart of a goddess always knows when it’s ready for, or done with, a man.” Gran Gran continues chuckling, “Look at you! Frustrated, confused. You think you can understand everything? No, you cannot. But you feel I am right? Your heart so transparent, your head so cloudy! So much like Selene!” When saying Mother’s name Gran Gran’s eyes shift to an aqua blue. “Selene eventually decided to go with her heart, you know. In matters of love, in matters of life. She leads with her heart, that girl,” she sighs, “which sometimes means she doesn�
�t make the smartest moves. But you will, quiet storm.” Gran closes her eyes and reinforces her grip on Arden’s hand.

  “You live so deep inside yourself,” she continues. “But you’re on the path to living out loud. It frightens and excites you. This is good. Lean into it. You’re coming into your own. You feel intensely, but I see you very full of light and love. You’re one of the brightest of us all, in so many ways. You can hear and see and touch what others cannot, right through the mind, to the heart.” Gran sighs and shudders slightly, as if she sees something troubling, “You carry your worries deeply. Whe di goat do, di kid wi falla. So very much like your mother, you a worrier and protector.”

  I manage to keep my snort of disbelief to myself this time. Is she referring to the lady who abandoned us? Who has lied to us our entire lives? Because that lady isn’t worried about anyone but herself. Doesn’t Gran Gran realize Mother is constantly thirsting for attention? A woman who needs to chase adoration from strangers around the globe isn’t protecting anything but her inflated ego. I shake off the anger and tune back into Gran’s reading of Arden.

  “Do you know where our mother is?” Arden asks.

  “No, granddaughter, I’m sorry. I don’t know where she is. But I know it is up to you and your sister to save her. It is your quest to find her. The Fates have even locked me in place to prevent me from searching, but I know she’s still alive. I know it.” Gran Gran caresses Arden’s cheek. “You and your mother are very close, I see. I know. You two are still connected, even now. Can’t you feel her?”

  Arden nods in reply, exhaling a hard breath.

  “She’s been reaching out to you, waiting for you, eh?” Gran sighs. “She’s growing faint. But she is holding on. You need to find her soon.”

  “But is she even still in London? How do we find her?” Ar asks, leaning into our Grandmother. I lean in, too, as the answer comes.

  “She’s still in London, being hidden somewhere. You’re the key to uncovering her location, quiet storm,” she says to Arden.

  I blink hard, stung at my apparent uselessness.

  Gran continues, “It’s your power. Your strong connection. Hag wash inna di fuss water him ketch. I can tell you the next step on the path, and the remaining are yours. You must go to your cousin Kiara now. Liberty will take you to her. She lives in the south of the city. If you join together with her powers, you should be able to locate Selene’s mind and rescue her before it’s too late.”

  I see the worry in Arden’s furrowed brow, and Gran must as well. She cups Arden’s face, her eyes a violet sea as she says, “You can do this. Be smart and cunning and swift. You know you’re a goddess now, right? Shine your light through the dark and find your mother.”

  They smile at each other, and it’s as if they are inside their own bubble. So, Teacher’s Pet Arden has made another conquest, first the cousins and then Gran Gran. I’m not even sure why I’m here, since Arden’s the only one anyone really wants. I clear my throat loudly and Gran finally looks to me.

  “And you, my fire starter. Give me ya ‘and. I know you tink me na right and off me rockas, but let me give ya some knowledge to clear that head full of anger you carry around. Di olda di moon, di brighter it shine.”

  She grabs my hands and her eyes grow, switching from dark blue to a murky green, like a swamp. I wiggle like a two-year-old being dragged to the naughty corner. I know Gran won’t be letting me go till I’ve heard all she has to say, but I don’t want to hear it. The truth is, I’m scared. I don’t want her reading me. I don’t want her to truly see me. There’s something dark inside me. Something that makes me undeserving of love and definitely unworthy of my goddess status. I just know Gran Gran’s going to see it. She jerks my arm and tightens her grip on my hand. Suddenly I can’t move at all.

  “Such a fighter you!” she chuckles with a wink at me, her eyes a swirl of green, gold, red, and grey. Are those the colors she is seeing inside my soul? “You no fallow-fashion at all, missy, eh? You say, you do what you want. You’re rebellious, my Yankee goddess. Hmph … yes you are! Me like you, for true. But inside … hmm, look at it! It’s so much!” Gran closes her eyes and I feel her thumb pressing across my skin like she’s reading Braille.

  “So confused as to who your motivations make you. So afraid of what is deep inside. Gran can see you girl, you’re no villain! De bess a field mus’ have weed.” She clucks her tongue and stares me down with soft grey eyes. “You really hate being hurt, being disappointed. You’re afraid everyone will abandon you. So you push them away first, right? You’re like a marshmallow hiding behind a wall of fire! Be true to yourself, softie. Drop the defenses and show us who you are!” Gran Grans eyes blaze amber gold.

  I grunt, rejecting her assessment. I am not soft! I do not push people away! “Do you know who has Mother?” I ask directly, stepping aside my frustration.

  Gran’s eyes shift through so many colors—indigo with yellow, hazel green with flashes of orange. They finally settle to a dark blue like the depths of the ocean before she speaks, dropping the Patois as she says, “That’s not the real question you want to ask me, eh? You want to know why I spared my husband’s life so long ago. I’ll answer both together. There has, for so long, been a war within our family. It was started because of a blessing that the Fates and the Celestial Beings gave to me and to my daughters. But you must understand, there’s always a curse along with any blessing. And the stronger the blessings, the stronger the curse.

  “While the women of this family grew more powerful, your grandfather, too, became different—darker, corrupted by envy and greed. The parts of himself that were once loving and vulnerable were eaten away to nothing. I tried my best to save him, to love him back to himself, but evil grows and infests the heart, seeping into every corner like black mold. There’s nothing to slow its growth once it has taken hold. My husband was particularly jealous of Selene as she became the most talented goddess of our family.”

  I snort, and Gran’s eyes turn an acid green like a sour apple.

  “The lack of respect that you continue to display toward your mother is highly unbecoming of a goddess in training. I know you have experiences that lead you to think you know her, but I know who my daughter is. You will listen with an open mind and respect that I have insight that will help you and Arden save her.”

  I gulp, my face boiling from the telling off, and nod. I am sure Lilo is gloating, but I don’t dare turn away from Gran’s green eyes.

  After a beat, her eyes fade back to gray. She nods, satisfied I’ve received the message, and continues her story. “Selene’s first child was a boy. She named him Zion. He was bright and strong and so handsome.” Gran’s voice catches and she clears her throat.

  I look to Arden—shit is getting real. We had a brother we never knew about? This must be the little boy in the photo.

  “Zion was about fifteen when he started displaying some talents of his own; the first of any man in our family. Zion was always strong, but he became superhuman overnight. He was always charming, but suddenly girls were literally threatening suicide if he didn’t love them back. It was the early 1920s in England, and everyone noticed a young black man with that much magnetism. Not at all in a positive way.”

  Her eyes grow dark gray and I feel the table tremble slightly. “What happened to Zion?” I whisper.

  Flashes of red swirl into her eyes, and anger enters her voice for the first time. “A man accused Zion of attacking his daughter and confronted him in the street. Zion tried to reason, but the man only wanted blood. When Zion fought him off easily, dozens of men jumped into the fray, attacking him with everything they had. He had superhuman strength, but he couldn’t take an entire mob by himself. It was a savage and brutal beating. He barely made it home before he died in Selene’s arms.” Gran brushes a tear from her eye. “We raged and mourned for weeks. Selene was … there is no way to describe a mother at the death of her first and only child. My husband went missing at this time, and we assumed he was s
earching for answers or enacting revenge for Zion. Months passed, but still he never returned, so we started hunting for him, fearing that he had also met a violent end.” She sighs shakily and closes her eyes. “We eventually discovered that my husband, Selene’s father, had helped spread the hateful lie that brought the end to Zion’s life.”

  My jaw drops, and I hear Arden gasp.

  “It was the worst time in any lifetime I have lived,” Gran says. “To lose my grandson and watch my daughter spiral into madness, all while knowing the evil scheme was brought together by a jealous man I had loved for centuries. Selene nearly died from heartbreak, and her powers faded from her one by one.”

  I pictured our flighty, ever-joyous Mother wailing and pulling out her hair in grief, left with the horror of the murder and betrayal of the two most important men in her life. I always thought of her as pampered, spoiled, never experiencing anything more traumatic than the loss of a favorite pair of shoes. I swallow, trying to soothe my suddenly dry mouth. I really, really don’t know Mother. Not at all.

  “Over a decade passed and we never did find any trace of my husband. Selene barely ate or slept for years, and she eventually lost the ability to speak. The weight of her grief was unbearable, but she refused to let anyone shoulder it with her. She worried about us. She wanted to protect us.” Gran pauses, raising an eyebrow at me, and I gulp, nodding at her. “To communicate she would write letters, wonderful poetry about her day or observations about people. She could be a writer, your mother.”

  Gran winks at Arden, and I watch my twin beam with pride. It’s her life passion to be a writer, and it’s now confirmed that those skills actually come from Mother. Great, yet another thing they have in common that they don’t need me for. I’m just collecting Ls today, I think, but Gran snaps her fingers at my face.

  “Focus. You’ve barely begun and have far to go, my rebel Yankee girl. So, for years after she lost everything, even her voice, your mother could only write letters. I kept them, they were beautiful and hopeful, so we all thought maybe she would come back to us … but then we all got the final letter, the goodbye letter. It said Selene was leaving us, leaving the family, leaving London and Jamaica as home forever. She would find a new path for her life. It said she no longer considered herself a goddess, and, even if she gained any gifts back, she would never return to the family or speak of her past to anyone. She said after Zion, she couldn’t imagine having children ever again, but if she did, we were never, ever to seek them out in any way. She didn’t want you open to the dangers your gifts could bring.” Gran Gran closes her eyes like she is reviewing a memory from her mind. “But I knew I would see you both. I saw it. The day you two were born, I had the strongest vision of my life that I would meet my powerful twin granddaughters the day when they needed me the most, to rescue Selene from her father.”