Monstrous Maud: Spooky Sports Day

by A. B. Saddlewick

  “I was just popping in to see the Head,” said Maud.

  “Well, there’s no point,” said Penelope. “I just saw her do her ghostly vanishing thing, so she isn’t there any more.”

  “Never mind,” said Maud. “What were you seeing her about, by the way?”

  “Um ... the Head just wanted a word with me,” said Penelope. “It’s not important.”

  “What was she saying about a swap?” asked Maud.

  “I was asking if I could swap from Elementary Cauldron-stirring Class and try Advanced Broomstick Tutorial instead,” said Penelope. “Not that it’s any of your business.”

  Penelope stormed off down the corridor. Sometimes, Maud thought, I don’t understand that witch at all. I thought she was supposed to be terrified of the Head.

  “Let’s do this!” said Wilf.

  It was break time the following morning, and Maud and Wilf were dashing down the spiral stairs to the playground with Paprika to fit in a quick training session.

  “I’m sure Paprika just hasn’t found the right sport yet,” said Wilf, bouncing down the last few steps. “We’ll fix that.”

  The Rotwood playground was a vast graveyard that stretched out to the west of the school. Most of the pupils were milling around the graves nearest to the building, so Wilf led them out to a quiet area at the back.

  “Let’s have a go at grave-hurdling,” said Wilf. “You’ll love this, Paprika. Try and jump over those ten graves in less than a minute. Come on, you can do it!”

  Paprika got into position in front of the first grave and focused on it for a second. Then he darted forward and pushed off as hard as he could, clearing it with ease. Maud and Wilf cheered, and Paprika grinned at them. Unfortunately, he was so busy grinning that he smacked right into the second gravestone. He bounced off and fell with a thump on to the mossy ground.

  “Never mind,” said Maud. “Keep going.”

  Paprika picked himself up and ran towards the next stone. He managed to clamber over it, but he fell down the other side and landed awkwardly on his foot with a yelp. He scrambled up and limped onwards.

  Maud was about to suggest he took things a bit slower, when the ground suddenly erupted nearby. Soil fell away from an open coffin lid and a skeleton popped its head out. “What’s all this racket?” it asked. “Some of us are trying to sleep!”

  “Sorry,” said Maud. She wondered if the skeleton worked nights, like Mr Porter across the street from her house.

  Time was running out, so at lunch break they decided to practise instead of going to the canteen. Wilf took them to a swamp near the edge of the forest. The dark green pool stretched away into the distance, flanked on all sides by gnarly roots and clumps of rotting leaves.

  “Have a go at swamp-swimming,” Wilf said. “You’ve never tried that. It might be your thing.”

  He glanced at Maud and shrugged doubtfully. “Okay,” said Paprika. “What do I have to do?”

  “Just jump in and swim to the end and back,” said Wilf. “I’ll show you.”

  Wilf took off his jacket and plunged into the swamp. He showed Paprika the ‘beast stroke’, pushing his paws out to the side, bobbing his head up and down and howling. This swamp wasn’t quite as stinky as the one in the obstacle course, but Maud still didn’t fancy sticking her head into it. She couldn’t stand the thought of that slime getting into her eyes and ears. Plus, there were a few bubbles rising to the surface, and Maud couldn’t help wondering if something was lurking under there.

  Paprika handed Maud his cape and sploshed in. He flailed his arms around in the gloopy liquid for a few seconds before sinking beneath the surface.

  “Wilf!” shouted Maud. “I think Paprika’s drowning!”

  Maud pointed to the spot where Paprika had been and Wilf held his nose and dived down. A few seconds later, he emerged with one of his paws around Paprika’s chest.

  “Are you all right?” asked Maud.

  Paprika coughed out a mouthful of gloop in reply.

  Wilf pulled Paprika into the shallows, waded out of the swamp, shook his fur dry and tried to pull the half-vampire out. Maud grabbed Paprika’s arm and tried to pull too, but it was no use. He was stuck fast. Maud looked down at his leg and saw that there was a scaly green hand clamped around it.

  “1 ... 2 ... 3,” said Wilf, and they both pulled at once. This time the slimy green claw lost its grip, and they pulled Paprika to the shore.

  As soon as the vampire was back on dry land, they propped him up and guided him back towards the school.

  Behind them, the swamp creature Paprika had disturbed was standing in the shallows of the pool with its hands on its hips. It had green gills, huge fishy lips and glassy black eyes. “If you’re going to drop snacks on my doorstep,” it said, “you could at least let me finish them.”

  The sun had broken through the grey clouds as they reached the edge of the grass, so they sat down for a moment to dry out.

  “Why didn’t you tell us you couldn’t swim?” asked Maud.

  “I didn’t want to disappoint you,” said Paprika.

  “We’d have been a bit more than disappointed if you’d been eaten by that swamp monster,” said Maud.

  “It doesn’t matter,” sniffed Paprika. “I think Mum would prefer me to be eaten by a Swamp Thing than to come away from sports day without a medal.”

  “That can’t be true,” said Maud.

  “Yes, it is,” said Paprika. “I’m not going to win anything and she’s going to ground me for ever.”

  Maud wondered if Paprika’s mum would really be so hard on her own son. She’d never met any other vampires, so she couldn’t really judge. But she’d heard they could be a rotten bunch.

  “I’m sure you’ll win something,” said Maud. But the truth was, even she didn’t believe it any more. Sports day was tomorrow, and they still hadn’t managed to find something Paprika was good at.

  Maud woke up the next morning feeling very confused. In her dream, she’d been chosen to compete in a flying race as part of sports day. Not only could she fly, she was flying brilliantly, swooping up and down in the air with ease. Then, just as she was about to cross the finish line, she found herself plummeting to the ground. Seconds before she crashed into it, she jerked awake.

  “Drat!” she said, looking at her clock. She had overslept by half an hour. It was hardly surprising, given the amount of training she’d been doing, but it meant she was going to have to rush if she wanted to catch the school bus and be ready for sports day.

  Maud flung her clothes on, brushed her teeth, grabbed her games kit and raced downstairs. As she was leaving, she noticed that her parents were getting ready to go out too. Mrs Montague was packing sandwiches into a plastic container, while Mr Montague was filling up his travel flask with coffee.

  “You’re not coming to my sports day, are you?” asked Maud.

  “Why?” asked Mrs Montague. “Are we really such an embarrassment?”

  They were pretty embarrassing, in fact. When Maud had gone to Primrose Towers, her dad had turned every conversation at parents’ evening round to the topic of cars, and her mum had clapped so loudly every time she was on stage in the school play that nobody could hear anything she said. But that wasn’t the problem. The last thing Maud wanted was for her parents to realise she went to a school for monsters, and force her to leave.

  “No,” said Maud, “not at all. I just don’t think it will be very interesting for you.”

  Maud’s mum continued packing her lunch. Maud thought this was odd, but she didn’t have time to question it. They were probably off to another of her dad’s vintage car shows.

  On her way out, Maud popped into the garage to say goodbye to Quentin.

  “I’m going to leave you at home today,” she said as she filled up his crisp bowl. “I don’t think all that loud cheering would be good for you.”

  The bus was pulling away from the stop as Maud arrived, so she ran alongside it, waving frantically at everyone to get th
e driver to stop and let her in. The bus pulled up a few feet down the road.

  “If you run as well as that today you’re bound to win a medal,” said Mr Galahad, who was sitting in one of the front seats, his head resting on his knee. It seemed even the teachers were riding on the buses for sports day.

  Maud made her way down the bus to the empty seat next to Paprika. The pupils were wearing bulky hats, scarves and coats to disguise their appearances, just as they always did when they were outside Rotwood.

  Paprika turned to Maud as she sat down next to him. He looked pale, even by the usual standards of vampires, so she smiled to reassure him. Paprika tried to smile back, but it looked more as if he was about to cry.

  The bus chugged off down the road. Except today, instead of turning left into the forest like usual, it drove straight on. As it went, it was joined by other Rotwood buses from different parts of town, until at last they all reached Primrose Towers.

  It was weird, Maud thought, seeing her old school again. She’d become so used to the crumbling stone and leering gargoyles of Rotwood that the clean red brick and spotless windows of Primrose Towers seemed even cleaner and more spotless than they had before.

  Several of the Rotwood pupils let out cries of horror when they saw the Primrose Towers girls in the playground dressed in their neat navy uniforms.

  “Gross,” said Oscar. “That girl’s got pigtails. Is she wearing fancy dress or something?”

  “Urgh!” cried a voice next to him that must have been Invisible Isabel. “Those girls have got teddy-bear backpacks on. Why don’t their teachers stop them?”

  “What’s wrong with the building?” asked Wilf. “There’s hardly any grime on it and none of the windows are broken.”

  “That’s such a strange playground,” said Oscar. “Where are the gravestones, and the mausoleums and the crypts?”

  “These humans are a bit odd, if you ask me,” said Isabel. Maud was glad that the Primrose Towers playing field was a good distance from the school. She really didn’t want the Rotwood pupils to bump into her old schoolmates.

  “Are you all right?” she asked Paprika, who was sitting in silence next to her.

  “Sort of,” he said. “Can you help me put this on? Mum said it will protect my skin. Vampires aren’t great with sunshine, you know.”

  Paprika handed Maud a tube of Factor 500 sunscreen and she rubbed it into his neck. As if he didn’t have enough to worry about without the sun burning him.

  Maud’s bus spluttered to a halt on the immaculate grass of the Primrose Towers playing fields, and the other buses pulled up alongside. The Rotwood pupils stepped outside and began to peel off their bulky jackets, hats and scarves.

  Just as they were starting to unload their equipment from the battered trunk of the bus, Maud looked back at the school and saw something that made her gasp. A vast crowd of Primrose Towers pupils, along with Mrs Fennel, was heading towards them. And even worse, they were all dressed in white sports kit.

  “Human alert!” shouted Maud, and the Rotwood pupils raced back on to the buses to put their disguises on again.

  “What are they doing here?” asked Wilf.

  “Quiet everyone,” said Mr Von Bat. Then he turned to Mr Galahad. “We’d better go and sort this out,” he said. “But first, you really ought to put your head back on.”

  Mr Galahad had been bouncing his head on the ground while he was waiting for the pupils to unload the equipment from the van. “Oh dear,” he said, and plonked it back on his shoulders. It was definitely an improvement, but he was still going to look a little strange to the Primrose Towers girls with his full suit of armour. And Mr Von Bat was hardly going to blend in with his black cape, pointed fangs and slicked-back hair.

  “You two are coming as well,” said Mr Von Bat to Maud and Penelope. “After all, it was your idea to come here.”

  Maud wanted to point out that it had been Penelope’s idea and not hers, but it didn’t seem the right time. The Primrose Towers girls were approaching, so they hurried over to meet them.

  Maud noticed a few of the girls pointing at her and muttering to each other: “That’s Monstrous Maud,” and, “You know, the one who was expelled,” but she did her best to ignore them. Anyway, she wasn’t the only one getting funny looks. Mrs Fennel was examining Mr Von Bat as if he was a slug she’d just found in her salad.

  “There must be some misunderstanding,” said Mrs Fennel. “Today is Friday.”

  “Indeed it is,” said Mr Galahad. “And Friday is the day we’re holding our sports day on your fields. We’re having ours today and you’re having yours tomorrow. I believe it was Maud Montague’s mother who made the arrangement with you.”

  There was a tide of whispering among the Primrose Towers girls at the mention of Maud’s name.

  “She certainly did,” said Mrs Fennel. “But on Wednesday your headmistress called back to request that we swap, so that our sports day is today and yours is tomorrow.”

  “The Head?” said Mr Galahad. “I can’t see why she’d have done that without telling us. Are you sure that’s what she said?”

  “Of course I’m sure,” said Mrs Fennel. “I wrote it in my notebook, changed the date in my diary and even swapped the stickers on my wall planner. I don’t just do things willy-nilly, you know.”

  While the teachers carried on with their argument, Maud thought about what she’d overheard in the Head’s office the previous day. Hadn’t she said something about a swap?

  Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed someone smirking at her. Poisonous Penelope. And suddenly, it all made sense. Penelope must have pretended to be the Head! She must have called Mrs Fennel from the Head’s phone, putting on the Head’s voice, and requested that they swapped days. So when she came out of the office that day, and said she was talking to Maud’s great-aunt about swapping classes, it was a total lie – the Head had never even been in the office!

  I knew she was up to something, thought Maud. That witch was such a troublemaker! All she’d wanted to do was get all the Rotwood and Primrose Towers pupils together so that Maud might be exposed as a human.

  “Well, it’s too late for us to change our plans again,” said Mrs Fennel, sharply. She pointed to a row of family cars that were pulling into the car park. “The parents of our pupils are arriving now, and several of them have had to miss very important meetings to come here on a weekday. One of them is a senior vice-executive, you know.”

  “The parents of our pupils are on their way too,” said Mr Galahad. “And one of them is a Transylvanian countess.”

  Mrs Fennel seemed a little flustered by that. “Well, you may join in with our sports day if you like. If you think you can keep up, that is. We have a reputation for sporting excellence here. It might be a struggle for your lot.”

  Mr Galahad looked over at the bus, where Paprika was staring nervously out of the window. “You might be right,” he admitted.

  Maud couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Obviously Paprika wasn’t going to give the Primrose Towers girls anything to worry about, but some of the other Rotwood pupils, like Wilf and Warren, were very sporty. She looked over at Mr Von Bat, expecting him to stick up for Rotwood, but he was looking away from Mrs Fennel with a sheepish expression.

  Several of the parents were lining up alongside the playing field now. Sure enough, Maud’s dad was already wandering around with his travel flask, eagerly inspecting some of the other parents’ cars. Her mum was sitting on her folding chair, waiting for the games to start.

  A large black limousine pulled up in the car park and screeched to a halt, and a woman with flowing black hair wearing an ancient black ball gown stepped out.

  Maud noticed Mr Von Bat give the woman a nod, and she frowned sternly back at him. At once Maud realised who it was – Paprika’s mum! And from the look of her, it was no wonder Paprika was so anxious.

  Maud glanced back at all the pupils on the buses. She didn’t really want them anywhere near the Primrose Tower
s girls. It was true that if they didn’t play, Paprika wouldn’t have to impress his mum. But suddenly, Maud realised she wanted to play. Some of the students had been really looking forward to sports day, and there was no way Mrs Von Bat would be impressed if the Rotwood teachers backed down. They had to try, at least.

  If Mr Von Bat and Mr Galahad weren’t prepared to stand up for their school, it looked as if Maud would have to.

  “We’ll play!” said Maud to Mrs Fennel. “We’ll take you on!”

  She looked to Mr Galahad and Mr Von Bat for support, but they didn’t say anything. Penelope was staring at her, as if she couldn’t believe Maud actually wanted to play the Primrose Towers girls.

  “Won’t we?” Maud asked.

  “Um, yes,” said Mr Galahad, closing the visor of his helmet. “Yes, I suppose we will.”

  Maud yelled like a true monster.

  “Come on, Paprika! You can do it!”

  Paprika struggled across the finish line. Maud and Wilf applauded, but there was no one else around to join in. Only Paprika’s mum was left at the side of the track, and she was so tired of waiting for him to finish that she was busy filing her nails into long, sharp points.

  “I knew I’d come last,” said Paprika, flopping to the ground and panting.

  “At least you finished,” said Maud. “Lots of people would have given up when all the spectators walked away.”

  Maud was beginning to regret encouraging Rotwood to join in with the Primrose Towers sports day. For a start, they’d all had to keep their coats, hats and scarves on for disguise, which wasn’t helping with their athletic ability. Even worse, they weren’t able to do their own Rotwood events and had to take part in the ones planned for the Primrose Towers girls instead!

  Rotwood pupils had come last in all the sprint events, the sack race and even the skipping race, which was so sweet, most of the monsters couldn’t even watch. It wasn’t fair. Primrose Towers could at least have included some swamp-diving, or some grave-hopping or beetle-jousting to give them a chance. But Maud could hardly suggest that to Mrs Fennel.