Liberty Ranch

by Temperance Johnson

  Jesse shot imaginary darts at Francesca. "Shut up, Francesca Starry," he yelled in a no-nonsense voice. His gaze met Izzy’s eyes, but his eyes were now guarding what he was feeling. His hands were shaking, his voice rough with emotions. "Is it true?"

  Izzy nodded softly, looking down. "I was rescuing until I just got caught when I was almost seventeen. Then got the raw end of the deal for a month.” To say the least. "I was going to tell you." She had been telling him about the girls being rescued. He liked how much rescuers did, but to know the woman he was marrying rescued girls until she got caught herself. This information was hard to deal with for anyone. Izzy looked at the girls.

  Sara looked up between Izzy and Jesse. Her face showed shock, anger, hurt, and some hope. Like how Izzy could marry a man after being a soiled dove, like there might be hope in the end.

  Izzy's eyes finally came to Francesca, who looked furious and in a rage. She turned her dark eyes on Izzy, angry for leaving. It was all too clear.

  Izzy shook her head. She couldn't do this. One reason she couldn't raise girls like this was because her relationship with Jesse would end. She couldn't handle the emotional strain of it. She couldn't even meet Jesse's eyes again. She didn't want to know how he felt. She felt so worthless. All that love she had been learning was stripped from her, which left her feeling raw and vulnerable. She started for the door, hearing Katrina and Andrew come in.

  Running out into the rain, she headed to the barn. She was feeling such despair, she threw up.

  Chapter 30

  The wind blew hard as the rain came pounding down, but nothing was louder than the pounding and the breaking of Jesse's heart. I just got caught when I was almost seventeen. Then got the raw end of the deal. For a whole month. Izzy's words ran through his mind. He dug his heels into the mare's sides and lunged forward. Feeling the rain sting his face, he would never forget the image of Izzy's face, she looked of hopelessness and worthlessness. Oh, how he wanted to kill the men who touched a hair on her head. He pulled his horse to a stop. The mare was breathing hard as he dismounted. Dropping the reins, he walked over to the wooded area. So thick were the trees, he could hardly feel the rain. The wind got softer as he entered a valley with a hill on each side.

  This area reminded him of Izzy. She loved the mountains so much. They were a part of her. He leaned his head against the tree, feeling the bark, hard like his heart. He wished he could stop feeling. He cried as he punched the tree with his fist. It did no good. Anger helped nothing, Ellen always said.

  So much of how Izzy reacted to things made sense now. How she froze at his touch. The lack of emotion she showed. The times she flinched and backed away like she didn't want him to notice. All of it made sense now knowing she’d been used by men. Men who didn't care about what it did to her soul.

  Jesse thought of all the times he had taken from her. She did not belong to him. She was the Daughter of the King. Not his bride or wife. Then it hit him like a rock. When he had slept with Izzy, he imagined what that must have felt like to her. He had used her body for his own selfish desires. He had not looked at her heart. He had only been going with his emotions that night. He had so much ground to make up with her. He knew where to start. It was time he really repented and talked to God like he should have months ago. It was time he made amends for what he did. He had been a foolish, rebellious prodigal son.

  He looked up at the sky now that the rain had stopped. But it was time he poured his heart out to God. Even if he was mad or angry, Ellen always said he could be honest. He wasn't always good at honesty. God, why didn't You protect your daughter? Why did you let it happen? She deserved so much more. She deserved the best, and she got abused and beaten. She got rejected by everyone. Why didn't you fight for her?

  He almost cried. He almost let the tears fall, but he knew he couldn't. He wouldn't be a man. Suddenly he felt a hand on his shoulder. Standing, he turned and swung first. Juan Jose caught his fist like he’d expected it. "Calm down, Jesse," he ordered.

  Jesse glared at him. "You want me to calm down! Why didn't you protect her? All the good she did, and she is the one who got hurt! Why?"

  Juan Jose shook his head, full of guilt. "We were prideful and so she got hurt. The men we had taken a lot from wanted to get back at us. They did more than we can say." He paused. "I am so sorry you had to find out that way, man."

  "You knew she didn't tell me when you got here?" Jesse asked, feeling like he should have been told by Izzy. He had told her about his past.

  “I figured." He sighed. "So what are you going to do about it now that you know? Going to break it off with her?"

  Jesse caught his breath. Calling off the wedding was never in his mind. Not even close. He loved her more than life itself. He knew no matter what happened, cutting it off with her was not an option. "No. I never even thought that." He shrugged. "Missy had two children before by a master, and she had a good marriage with Ben."

  "You think it was all perfect, and they didn't have struggles?" Juan Jose asked.

  "No. Ben was the only reason we had our sanity. He was the first to win most of our hearts. It wasn’t Ellen's man for sure." He thought about it. Was Juan Jose right? Did Ben struggle with Missy's past? Did Missy struggle? How did Ben handle the fact that he wasn't the first one Missy had been with? Even if it wasn't her choice, like Izzy. Could he handle not being the first? Could he handle knowing men had abused and used her for their own selfish desires? Could he handle her struggles? He wanted to scream. "How bad was Izzy when she came back? What did it do to her?"

  Juan Jose shook his head and looked down. "No, you don't want to know."

  "Tell me!" Jesse demanded. By the look on Juan Jose's face, he regretted asking.

  "Do you really want to know?" Juan Jose met his hard gaze. "Well, we had never found a Cutty victim alive before. The Cutty didn’t leave survivors. He branded and broke bones on his girls the first few months.” He grunted. “They hadn’t done that to Izzy yet. It took a month to find her. We had no idea where they took her. We found her in undergarments, but they hardly fit her thin body. She had lost nearly forty pounds, and she was never a big person." Juan Jose’s face twisted in pain. "Nothing was as bad as how they took her mind, her broken heart. She would scream and cry out if a man touched her. Her eyes were empty. No life in those bright eyes. For so long she stayed like this. It took years for her to be like she is right now. But she made it through when so many don't."

  Jesse backed up and leaned against a tree. He couldn't breathe. He wasn't ready to hear what she went through. He wanted to throw up.

  After Jesse caught his breath, Juan Jose crossed his arms. "I am only tellin’ you this because you will have a long winter in that mountain and you won’t see many people." He spoke calmly. "Izzy might have a hard time desiring you as a wife should. It may take time for her to look and act as a wife should without fear or even some shame."

  Jesse wasn't ready for any of this. It hit his pride. He wanted his wife to want to be with him. He desired her more than he had ever thought possible. But he never thought she would struggle with desiring to be with him. He wanted her to feel safe with him, not be with him out of duty or fear or apathy. Did Missy desire Ben? They had three birthed children. If not, how did Ben handle it? Oh, how he wanted to talk to the man one more time. "I would never make her feel shame," he muttered. He felt the burden of so much to make up for between them.

  "No, you would not, but because they forced her to do unspeakable things, the bed can bring shame to her heart. It may take time for her to feel love truly in her heart. And it may take years to desire you as a wife should."

  Jesse shook his head, feeling so angry. So broken over his bride. They would have to move past so many problems due to this. He looked at his boots. "How can I help her?"

  Juan Jose put his hands in his pockets. "You really want to hear it? There will be a long road ahead of you. But I can tell you it will be gratifying in the best way. First off, get to know Izzy emot
ionally. You don't know what is in her heart."

  Jesse glared at him.

  Juan Jose held up a hand. "No, hear me out. You see the woman she is now. She is beautiful, Godly, a woman that gives her whole heart. What you don't know is what she hides from men. You don’t know how she can grow in your love. From God's love. As a husband and even now as her man you can show her how to come out of that shell to you." He crossed his arms. "You used to farm in Alabama. I bet it took time and care to get that ground ready to plant. It took getting the rocks and weeds out of the ground. It took putting good dirt back where the filthy had been. You never gave up and before you left, you had the most superb, most abundant gardens I had ever seen. It took time. You see, having Izzy come out to be your loving wife and the woman she is meant to be will take time and care. Get to know her by caring and being there even during her struggles. Some struggles she may never be free from, and others she could be free from through time. There is always hope through love. Giving that love to her will be like a salve to her wounds. You will reap what you sow. You will see the woman I know. You will find a woman who is set free from the past and is continuing to be set free. You will know the woman I know is in there."

  Jesse looked away. "I know how hard that is sometimes. I have seen Ellen do it and get hurt. I see Andrew and Kat do it with their daughters. It's hard."

  "Yes, it is. And you might fail her and she might fail you." Juan Jose nodded. "Love her as Christ loved you. If you do this, you will be blessed in ways you can't even imagine." He patted his shoulder and walked to his stallion. Mounting, he looked back. "Love her like this, Jesse Starry, and Isabella will be like an angel flying into your arms."

  Jesse watched him ride away in the drizzly mist of the mountains. When Juan Jose was out of sight, Jesse fell on his knees and cried out to God, this time humbly and repenting. 'Oh, Father God, help me. Forgive me for hurting Your beloved Daughter. She wasn't mine. I abused and used her. Forgive me, Father. Oh, make amends for the mess I have made by my sin. He wept. He wept to a God who knew pain. Who felt his pain when he had been abandoned like Izzy. He wept for the only one who could know his pain. He felt a peace he hadn't felt in so long. He was going to be the man God called him to be.

  THE EVENING WAS WARM with a soft breeze after yesterday’s storm. Sitting with Jesse on Annie's front porch, Izzy gazed over the quiet little town. Izzy loved Deer Trail, it was a quiet little town most of the time. Annie's front porch chairs had come from Denver, a wedding present from Gloria and Jerry. A table sat between them, holding a pitcher and two glasses of sweet tea. Annie's sweet tea was not as good as hers.

  She put her knees up to her chest. Her breathing came out rough. Calm down, she told herself. Jesse had said little. Giving her time or he didn't know how to end their engagement. "I did not plan for you to find out about my past the way you did. I wanted to tell you myself, but every time I tried to, I stopped myself." She froze. "You know my pa wasn't a kind man. My pa would hit me and Cole often. Ma would get it as well. Annie was always too sick to hit. Amy stayed out of the way most of the time, so he didn't go after her. The hittin’ stopped mostly when Cole got the grandparent's money. We hung it over his head, sayin’ we would leave and never come back if he touched us again. It kept him calm, and then he went off to war soon after. We made it through the war and he came back so much worse." Her accent was thick which meant she was upset. Telling him was so much harder than telling Francesca, she would never judge her. She tightened her hold around her knees, her hands white. "So to get away, we started travelin’ to rescue girls and even boys from terrible slave lives, and then send them to a safe home, Liberty Houses." She closed her eyes. "I was nearly seventeen when I got kidnapped by one of the men we were buying girls from. He is known as Cutty. For his formal name Cuthbert. We didn’t know the girls were his when we bought them. We had been trying for years to save his girls. Cutty held me for a month. I fought back a lot, but his men took what they wanted from me. They took everythin’ I had in that month." She bit her lip so hard, it nearly bled. "I have nothing to give you. They took everything." She had never felt so humiliated and ashamed. “Cutty was never caught.”

  After some time of silence, she looked over at his hand. It was white from squeezing the chair. He moved his hand like he wanted to take her hand, but he pulled back. She couldn't make herself look at his face.

  "You're wrong," he finally said. His throat was raw and his accent thick. "You have so much to give and you have given so much to me already. You give your heart and soul. You give me your love."

  She finally looked at him. He had tears running down his dark cheeks. She knew he didn't cry often. He was now crying for her. His eyes were full of love and compassion for her. She shook her head. He would tire of her when he got close, she just knew it.

  He nodded. "I didn’t understand your past before Fran opened her big mouth. It makes me feel like I used you. I didn't treasure you. I wasn't listening to what I felt God tell me that night. I was listenin’ to my flesh. I was so wrong."

  "It’s all right," she said, though it wasn't.

  "I feel like I failed you in so many ways. I didn't know how to love you right and I might still have issues, but I am workin’ on loving you properly through Christ."

  She didn't know if she could believe him. His words were melting her heart.

  "I desire you so much." He looked ready to touch her face, but he did it so slowly that she knew he was waiting for her to pull away. She stayed still and let him touch her cheek ever so softly, like a feather. He let it rest there. "I desire like a man desires his pure Angel Bride. That is what you are on the inside and the outside, a pure white beautiful bride. You do not belong to me now. You are the King's Daughter. I want to show you, by my actions, that you are a treasured angel. I might mess up, but I want to know how to treat you right. I want to help the angel come out of you. I know the real you is in there. I have seen it when you are with Kat, Fran, and the young girls. I can see that you don't show me that side. And I understand why you don't. I have not been the man you needed. I will try to have that side come out because I love you. I love everything about you." He pushed a stray hair behind her ear. Again, being ever so gentle with his rough calloused hands. "When you thought to do this without touching as much and being not alone, I wasn't sold on it. But I see it's what you need. Will you let me prove to you what kind of man you need? Give me another chance to love you right?"

  She closed her eyes against tears. She didn't cry often. To her, she would much rather take a ride on Phoenix than waste time crying. This time she dreamed of hearing these words. She slowly nodded and met his eyes. "Why do you call me Angel?"

  He gave her a soft, sad smile. "Ma told me you were an angel. My angel, God gave me. To be careful about how I treat you." He frowned. "She is the one who knew I had struggles. She wouldn't be happy with how I treated you."

  "I think she would be proud of you right now." She touched his hand.

  He gave her another sad smile. "She knew me so well. She knew I was afraid to move forward in the relationship without her. She was always a part of everythin’."

  She smiled back, putting her legs down, relaxing a little. That is why he didn't propose romantically. Ellen had been a part of Cole's proposal. She was all right with not having a lot of romance. He hadn't been ready for something that big. "She will be watchin’ us."

  He stood up, walked over to the edge of the porch, and faced her. He had a very serious look on his face. He walked in front of her and kneeled down. "When I asked you the first time, I didn't understand what love was. I didn't know how to love you, I did everything wrong." He put his hands on her lap. "I have come to love you so much more in the last few weeks. I can't imagine loving you more than I do right now. I love everythin’ about you, how givin’ you are, how you love without limits, how you make the best sweet tea in all the west. I love everythin’ about you, here and now and in the past." He held his hand out to her. "Will you take my
hand with God this time, my Angel?"

  She looked down at his hand. She saw it. It was a necklace with a ring on it. The ring was white gold and shone in the sunset. It was stunning.

  "No one knows this, but Ma gave me her weddin’ ring before she passed. And she wanted me to give it to the woman of my dreams. She already knew it was probably you. I want you to have it. She knew you were my angel before I knew it. But I do now, you have my whole heart."

  She nodded and let the tears fall. "I will give you my heart."

  He stood and then pulled her up. Taking the necklace, he put it on her. "Would you wear this till I can put it on your finger on our weddin’ day?"

  She nodded and then faced him, holding the ring. It felt wonderful in her hand. The promise it held.

  He took her chin. He ran his thumb over her lower lip. Asking silently. She had always been smart. She hadn't kissed him since he came back from the mountains. She had learned to enjoy and trust his touch again. Leaning a little closer, he got the message. His lips met hers, his lips tasting of tears. Tears he had shed for her. He had handled her past with such gentleness and care. Even now he was gentle and caring like this was their first kiss. She moved her hand to put it on his chest. It was like he was giving something to her and not taking. Breaking the kiss, he smiled and then kissed her again. Soft and quick. So loving again, giving something to her.

  Moving her head to rest against his shoulder, she softly sighed. He was strong enough, yet gentle enough to handle her past.

  Chapter 31

  Izzy walked into the kitchen with a mission, finding the person she sought, Francesca. She helped Francesca bake a peach pie like all was normal.

  Francesca eyed her like she couldn't be fooled. "So did I hurt what you have with Jesse?"

  Izzy looked at her. Her heart hurt for Francesca. "No, you didn't. I know why you did what you did. I tried the same thing with my cousin and her beau. I was mad at her for moving on with her life and I felt she was leaving me behind. But that wasn't true. I found Jesse and you will find a man too."