Mabel showed little emotion during this. Now she just held out her hand. “I have forgiven you a long time ago. Most of my children have as well.” She shook his hand. “Friends.”
Peter nodded. “Friends.” He shook Charles’s hand. “I have decided to give up being a pastor for a while. I need to look at what God wants me to do in life. I plan to have Juan Jose take it over.”
Katrina smiled. She couldn’t be more surprised or happier; she loved Juan Jose and his kind ways.
Charles nodded. “He is a good man. He will do good to the church.”
“I know. Well, I have to get something for the missus.” With that, he walked away.
Mabel took Katrina's arm as they started to the ranch. “You don’t know how I have prayed for this. To finally have my children and myself accepted in the church. I didn’t think it would ever happen.”
“I am so glad, Mabel,” Katrina told her honestly.
“I am just sorry it took a court trial for him to see the truth.”
“It has been a long road to get to this day.” Charles looked content.
“And it will be a long road for us to prove to the world that our children have value,” Andrew added.
“Why don’t we just teach the church?” Charles told him with a grin. “It can be hard. It took Peter over twenty years to see it.”
Andrew smiled. “I am up for the challenge. I am young.”
Charles slapped him on the back, laughing. “You might be an old man by the time they learn.”
IZZY TURNED AS SHE was about to walk into Cole's house, to find Jesse behind her. The wind was blowing and clouds building up like a storm was about to start. He held the door open for her. "How are you feelin’?" he asked.
She shrugged. "Fine." She walked in and found it warm and dim. Walking in the parlor, she found Cole and Julia having coffee near the fire.
Cole looked up, surprised, and drawled, "Hey, Izzy'-Bab." Standing, he hugged her. "Come join us."
Izzy hugged him back, “It’s so good to see you.” She stood back for a moment. She didn't know if they should tell him.
Jesse kept his gaze on the floor.
Cole looked between them. "What is wrong?"
They needed to tell him. She didn't think she wanted to tell him with Julia there. She felt like Julia was so much more worthy than her.
Suddenly she felt sick, and this time it had nothing to do with the baby. Holding her stomach, she moved to sit on the sofa.
Cole came alert. "What is wrong, Izzy? Are you ill?"
Jesse came to her side and sat down next to her. His eyes clearly signaled they needed to tell them.
Julia came back with a glass of water. Izzy shook her head. "I am fine, but I need to tell you somethin’.”
Sitting next to her, Cole's eyes got wide. He was always so calm and in control, but he lost it when it came to Izzy. She knew it had to do with the past and having no control over his life being ruined, not once, but twice. She glanced at Julia, who looked worried. Cole couldn't take it anymore. "You’re dying, ain't you?"
Izzy sighed. "No, can you sit down?"
Julia was the only one standing. She sat in a chair.
Izzy thought she could be sick again. She never expected this to be so hard. Looking at her hands, she said, "Jesse and I made a mistake." She didn't want to see Cole's face when she told him. "I am with child."
Julia gasped.
Cole stood up and glared at them. "What? How could you?"
Jesse took a deep breath and stood, taking it like a man. "It was me. I wasn't being a Godly man."
Cole walked closer to him and grabbed him about his shirt collar. "You bet you are the one who did it! How could you do that?" he yelled, punching him in the face. "You used her." Jesse held his jaw, lying on the ground. "You took what didn't belong to you! You took a priceless gift."
Julia's eyes were wide. "What would Ellen say, Jesse?"
Jesse flinched at her words. They caused more pain than Cole’s fist.
Izzy stood up, taking a hold of Cole's arm. "Stop! It wasn't only him. I was also in the wrong. We shouldn't have put ourselves in that position," she tried explaining. His face was hot, hands in a fist. "Stop! My child won't know anger. Please!" Her eyes misted.
Cole looked at her, her words hurting him. His eyes were wide with rage and pain. "I failed you. I let you get hurt, Izzy-bab."
"No, it was our choice. Our mistake," Izzy reassured him.
Jesse stood up. "No words or pounding can cause me more pain than knowing how I hurt Izzy." He rubbed his jaw. "No amount of apologizin’ will make up for what I did."
Cole still glared at him, not letting his anger go that easily. "I trusted you, Jesse."
Izzy sat back on the sofa. This was too much.
Julia stood, shocked, also glaring at Jesse. "You were so wrong, Jesse. What would Ellen think? What would Ben say?"
Jesse covered his face with guilt. "I don't want to think of what they would say." His voice was full of anger. "But I would think in the end, Ellen and Ben would love this baby!" His voice was tight. "I am so sorry, Julia!"
Tears stung her eyes. She couldn't speak.
Cole kneeled in front of Izzy. He took her hands. “I failed you, Izzy-baby.” Tears came to his eyes. “I let you get hurt. I wasn't being a real brother.” Tears poured down his face. "I want so much for you. I want the best for you and this baby."
Izzy choked on a sob. "I am so sorry to hurt you." She had never expected to cause anyone else pain. She had never thought her decision would affect others. She prayed for Cole and her family.
Only He could work another miracle in the Starry and Donovan family.
KATRINA SAT AT HER kitchen table with Mabel. She ran a hand through her red curly hair, feeling more relaxed than she had in a long time. Her blue eyes landed on Mabel, one of the truest and bravest women she knew. “Does the fear ever go away? I keep waking up and checking on them to see if they will get taken.”
“That is very normal. Just pray about it and let go each time,” Mabel told her.
“I don’t know how you do it. I am having such a hard time with the church right now.” Katrina turned her head. “All right, maybe not the whole church. Just Maryanne and some other older ladies. They are hard.”
“They are set in their ways and you are young and trying to change things. It doesn’t sit well with them.” Mabel sighed. “And you know Maryanne is just a hard woman with so much damage. I think she says too much. Like there is a reason she hates us so much.”
Katrina nodded, not really caring about the lady. She had done so much damage to Katrina and hadn’t cared about any of it. “I reckon so...”
Just then she heard a knock on the door. Getting up, she opened the door to find the very woman they spoke of. She slammed the door right on Maryanne. Turning, her eyes were blazing when she met Mabel’s questioning gaze.
“Katrina, why did you just do that?” Mabel asked.
“The woman we were talking about is here,” Katrina said bitterly.
“Oh.” Mabel stood up and opened the door, not looking any happier to see her than Katrina was. “What are you doing here, Maryanne? You have hurt Katrina more than you can ever know. I won’t let you do it again. Especially on her land.”
Maryanne looked at the floor. “I know. I would just like to say some things.” She looked up. “May I come in?”
Mabel sighed and stepped out of the way.
Katrina couldn’t believe this woman was here. “What are you doing here, Maryanne?” She crossed her arms and glared. “Are you here to tell me what a terrible mother I am? Or why I was not put in an asylum when I should have been? Are you here to learn something about my children and why I do the things you accused me of? Why don't I let my children eat because I value how they treat their friends? And being hungry sends them into a rage, though they don’t know that. And I do the other things because if they make their own decisions, it could be a mess. And just so you know, I n
ever fight Andrew in public. I don’t even fight in front of my family.” She turned around. “What are you doin’ here?”
Maryanne had gone very pale. She looked to Mabel and then to Katrina. “I am here to say I am very sorry for the lies I told. I also came to tell you why I did it.”
Katrina turned and glared at her. “Do you think I care? No reason you give will matter. I almost lost my babies because of you.”
“I am so sorry. I just lost it when I saw you adopting.”
Katrina couldn’t believe it. “Why? You don’t make any sense! Why do you hate me and my kids? Why?”
“Because I gave my babies to an asylum!” Maryanne said, then walked to the door.
Mabel grabbed her hand. “No, stay.”
Maryanne stared at her with pain-filled eyes. “I can’t.”
“I think you are finally ready to be honest,” Mabel murmured. “Come sit.”
Maryanne sat, or more like collapsed, into the chair. She sat across from Mabel while Katrina stood on the side, holding a chair like it was holding her up.
Maryanne stared at her hands. “When I moved here, I hated you Mabel, and you did nothing to me and never even fought back when I said anything against you, even when I made rumors about your family I knew weren’t true. I knew I was wrong for doing it.” Her eyes came up. “Then you came, Katrina, and you had everything. I liked you, knew you were a pioneer coming here, and then you took in those girls. I couldn’t stand it. You were becoming crazy like Mabel.”
Had Katrina not been so mad, she would have smiled. She had been called that before, and Maryanne made it sound humorous.
She put some sugar in her coffee and then more. “Back east I was born into wealth and I married wealth, I had friends in all the right places.” She looked ready to be sick. “I had my first child, a baby boy. He was a fine baby, though he looked a little different in the face. At around a year, he had issues, no talking, no walking, and not doing anything normal babies did. I took him to the doctor, and he said he could do nothing for our son. No one ever did for an insane child or a touched child. I wouldn’t believe him. My second son was that way. By the time, I had my third son and he came out looking the same way. At six months my friends started saying that my boys were different. They wouldn’t let their children play with mine. I started distancing myself from them emotionally, and then Paul noticed the difference. The only one who could relate to them was my sister. She loved them.”
“We took our precious little boys to the New York state asylum and left them there. I walked out and never looked back. Our friends said we would have more children that were normal or that maybe we could adopt. It took us two years, and I was with child. I prayed this one would be normal because that mattered for having a perfect family. My first daughter was born, and I knew right away she had the same thing the boys had. I went back to the doctor. He said the same thing, that it was something my husband and I were making like this. My husband blamed me.” She started shaking. “By the time I had my second girl, we went back to the asylum and dropped off my last two children. I fell on the ground when they took my screaming baby from my arms. I couldn’t believe it, I was doing it again.”
“Why didn’t you end the pregnancy? You expected them to come out touched, why not kill them in the womb? They would be with the Lord and not a man like Mr. Heyman or worse!” Mabel asked bitterly.
Katrina gasped.
Maryanne flinched. “I tried with my third boy, but it almost killed me. I am not proud of what I did.” She continued, “We went home to a big rich empty house. After my last child, my doctor made sure I wouldn’t give birth to another child again. I gave up the hope to have a normal child.”
“I fell into depression badly, then Paul came home with a baby boy. He was perfect and from a normal family who just couldn’t afford him. I expected my life to get back to normal, everything perfect again, but it didn't. I couldn’t bond with my little boy. All I could see were my boys I gave away. Then Paul came home with my little girl and we becane a happy family. Everything was perfect. But then we lost everything - our house, our friends, and then we moved to the poor part of town. I just got hard... I couldn’t fake it anymore. My children noticed, and then Paul did. We came here, leaving my babies behind. I continued to live hard and ugly here. Then I met Lucy, and I kept thinking that is what my babies should look like, but I never would admit it.” She groaned. “I put up a face, a big one. I hated my life and even my children. Paul and I don’t even talk like we have these five children.” She paused. “I saw how both of you chose your children and they aren’t normal. After finding out what happens in the asylums, due to the court trial, I have had nightmares since and thrown up every day. I just can’t take it anymore, so here it is.” She wiped her eyes of tears which couldn’t come. “I knew asylums were terrible places, I knew it was wrong in my heart, but everyone says that is where they belong, not with you. I knew in my heart it was wrong, but I believed the world’s lie.”
Both ladies looked at her. Katrina got up and checked the coffee, her back to them so she couldn’t hear them as well. She wanted to weep.
Mabel touched her hand. “I am sorry you went through this.”
Maryanne looked surprised.
Katrina walked back over, set the pot down too hard and looked at her, eyes stinging. “Did no one love your children?”
Maryanne flinched. “Yes, my sister Amy did. She loved my boys so much. She cried and even yelled at me and Paul for doing this. She tried to get the boys, but she was a single woman and couldn’t. She wouldn’t talk to us until we had the girls. She didn’t expect me to send them away like the boys. She came with us, wept and wept. She told us, ‘God will judge you for the things you have done to the gift He gave you’.” Her face turned hard. “She never spoke to me again, but she sends letters to my children. I won’t let them read them. She was never the same again after that day, she changed.”
Mabel looked at her, trying to understand Amy. If she had been in that place, she might have taken the girls before they went to the asylum, but she also had a husband who shared her love for the touched and Amy had been single with no help to support two touched children. Paul could have also gone after her with the law. That is where the church should have stood up for the helpless who had no voice. “Could you get your children back?”
Katrina finally sat and decided not to bother with more coffee since no one had drank it.
Maryanne shook her head. “No, Amy never stopped visiting them when she could and they had all passed away in a fever that went through two years ago. That is the only time she wrote to me, said I should know they didn’t get a funeral. Just graves with no names like they didn’t live. She had wept over every one of them, mourned over their short lives.”
Mabel had never heard from a mom who had given her children up like that. She often wondered if she could have met her children’s parents, knowing it would never happen. But she often wondered about them, and she never considered them to be someone like Maryanne, but more like a saloon girl or an unwed young mother. She felt sick for Maryanne’s children and the life they had lived in the asylum before they met their Creator who wanted them. She thought of where they were today, singing and running with their Creator.
Katrina glared at Maryanne, “You make me sick. After all these years, you are still thinking of only yourself. About how you wanted a normal child. God didn’t want you to have a normal child, and maybe He would have or not. But how would your life had been like if you still had them? The reason you are still hard and depressed is that you are selfish. Only thinkin’ of you, never another person.”
“What could you know?” she spat back.
“What do I know?” She stood up and put her hands on the back of her chair to keep herself from hitting the other woman. “What do I know? I see it every time one of my little girls won’t let me hold them. I hear in it their hurt little voices when they are crying out for help. I hear it by seeing the ma
n in court who hurt my babies, wanting to kill him with my hands.” She let the tears fall. “My children have to live with what you did to yours so long ago. Every day they have to live in abuse more than you have ever felt. You might have lived hard, but nothing like your children because you chose that for yourself.” She was shaking now. “Their mother did this to them. A mother just like you!”
Maryanne sat back like someone had slapped her. “I know this. I just don't know how to live with this.”
Katrina turned around. She cried more on the inside. This woman could have been one of the mothers to her daughters. She knew her girls needed to forgive the parents who gave them away, but this was so hard. She never thought it would be so hard. It hit too close to home.
Mabel took her hand, and she turned around, letting the tears fall. “My feelings are close to Katrina’s. You understand the way you have hurt your children. That is good because God can forgive you for what you did. He can heal your heart and make you soft again. God will be there when you confess what you did and He can save you. Paul might as well see the change in you and come to see what he did to his little ones. Let God heal that heart of yours. He wants to; He wants to make you whole again.”
Maryanne shook her head. “But I have wasted my life and my children’s lives. Nothing can make up for that. Nothing I can do will be enough.”
“You're right, but it doesn’t matter to God what you have done. He can make you beautiful.”
Maryanne shook her head. “I’ve done too much.”
Mabel looked at Katrina and told her to sit with her eyes.
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