The Christmas Deal

by Keira Andrews

  The fragile peace continued as they drove back to Seth’s house after bidding Angela farewell. The next day was Christmas Eve, and the office was closed until the twenty-sixth. Seth was relieved to have the time off, although his stomach fluttered thinking about the conversation he and Logan had to have. And would Connor’s quiet calm hold?

  It had snowed more, and the midafternoon skies were gray. Seth’s long driveway had been freshly plowed by the man he hired. Inside, he dropped his bag and looked around in foolish surprise at the new decor. He blurted, “I almost forgot that it’s finished now.”

  Logan chuckled as he unzipped his leather jacket and hung it in the closet. “Still like it?”

  “Yes.” Seth smiled as he walked through to the kitchen, flipping on lights. “Definitely.”

  Connor followed, peering around. “Wow. Looks awesome.”

  “It was all Logan,” Seth said. “He did an amazing job.” Please be nice, he willed Connor.

  Standing in the entrance to the great room, where the decorated pine tree waited, Connor nodded. “It’s really good.”

  Logan’s smile was shy and tentative, and Seth wanted to kiss him so badly he felt like a swooning teenager. Logan gruffly said, “Thanks.”

  “Can I hang out in my room?” Connor asked Seth. “I mean, like, upstairs.”

  “Of course. We’ll order something in for dinner in a few hours. Any requests? Chinese or Thai or pizza and wings? Or anything you like.”

  “Sweet and sour chicken balls and fried rice would be cool. Can I have Coke?”

  “Absolutely,” Logan said.

  A little while later, Connor locked away upstairs, Seth and Logan took what had become their places on the couch, the middle cushion between them. They watched football, the colored lights of the Christmas tree reflecting on the glass as the afternoon grew dark early.

  There was so much to say, but maybe they both needed some quiet before they said it. But Seth got more and more anxious, finally blurting, “If we like each other, does that mean we’re—” He tried to find the right words, settling on, “Not casual?”

  Logan seemed to have been holding his breath, and he exhaled in a slump of shoulders. “Yeah.” He shifted over on the couch and muted the TV with the remote. He spread his hand over Seth’s right thigh, and electricity zipped through Seth. “You know how they say ‘fake it ’til you make it’?”

  “Uh-huh.”

  “It doesn’t feel like we’re faking anything now.”

  Seth slid his arm around Logan’s broad shoulders. They were both in jeans and sweaters, and the worn wool of Logan’s was soft under Seth’s fingers. “You said you want me,” Seth whispered.

  “Hell yes.” Logan squeezed his thigh. “I wanna bust a nut all over you.”

  Seth had to laugh. “Thank you?”

  Logan laughed too, his eyes crinkling beautifully. “I just mean… You get me really hot. I wanna do things with you I never have with a guy.” He glanced at the entry to the great room, leaning forward and apparently making sure they were still alone.

  Clearing his throat, Logan went on. “What I mean is, I meant it when I said I like you. As more than a friend.”

  Seth’s heart thudded. “And not just for casual sex?”

  “No.” He frowned. “You don’t want that, do you? I got the feeling you’re not very good at it.” He quickly added, “The casual part! You’re excellent at sex.”

  Now Seth’s face was hot, but he said, “Thanks. And yeah. People tell me I should be going on the hookup apps and dating and having fun. But I don’t want to hook up with a dozen men. That’s not who I am. I want to be with you.”

  “Yeah?” Logan grinned.

  Seth’s heart soared. Tracing the shell of Logan’s ear with his finger, arm snug around him, he whispered, “I love having sex with you. It’s…liberating.”

  They kissed, moving toward each other in unison, mouths opening and tongues exploring. It was languid and sweet, and Logan rubbed his hand over Seth’s thigh lazily. Seth tingled all over but was content to keep it slow and PG-13 for the moment.

  “Never kissed a guy,” Logan mumbled, nuzzling Seth’s cheek. “Turns out it’s not so different from kissing a woman.” He leaned back. His smile was soft, his eyes vulnerable. “Definitely never fallen for a guy before you.”

  Seth kissed Logan deeply, tilting his head and wanting to climb right inside his body. With a soft moan, he whispered, “I’ve fallen for you too, just in case that’s not crystal clear.”

  “Still like hearing it.” Logan squeezed Seth’s thigh. His face grew serious, and after nuzzling Seth again, he leaned back. “I don’t want to fuck this up. I know I rushed into it with Veronica, but I swear it’s not my MO. And with her…”

  After a few moments of silence, Seth said, “You don’t have to talk about it.”

  “I want to.” Logan rubbed his face wearily. “Honestly, I knew it was a mistake. I knew it. She was the one who proposed, and I didn’t want to say no. She’d made sure she didn’t work as my nurse anymore so there was no unethical shit, but I was still in the hospital. I was fired and none of my friends from the railway had even visited. I felt like garbage, and Veronica was like this angel. And she had insurance, and I was going to be bankrupt from the hospital bills otherwise. We both got swept up in the idea that getting married would fix our problems.”

  “I understand.”

  “She was a good woman.”

  “Of course!”

  Logan shook his head, his voice low. “I can’t imagine what it was like for him, finding her dead.”

  Seth couldn’t either. Poor, poor Connor. “At least he talked about it. We’ll be here to listen and support him.”

  “I want that. When you two went through the ice—I thought that might be it, that you were both dead and I’d never get the chance to make it right with Connor… Or make it real with you.”

  Seth could barely breathe as he waited for Logan to finish.

  Taking a deep breath, Logan peered at him intently. “The deal was we’d stay until January. Do you—what do you think about that?”

  “I think we clearly need a new deal. One involving a lot of very non-casual sex and you and Connor staying here indefinitely. We’ll see what happens. We don’t need to put any limits or deadlines on it. Except that we’ll be partners who don’t sleep with anyone else. I know open relationships can be great for some people, but…”

  “Hmm.” Logan seemed to be pondering it.

  The hair on Seth’s neck stood up, an icy chill slipping down his spine. Maybe that was a deal breaker for Logan?

  “Holy shit, the look on your face!” Laughing, Logan pressed a wet kiss to Seth’s cheek. “Sorry. I was just messing with you. I don’t want anyone else. I don’t do open. Never have.”

  Seth elbowed him. “Jerk. So I guess we have a new deal?” He removed his right arm from around Logan’s shoulders and extended his hand formally. “Boyfriends-slash-partners-slash-whatever we want to call it. Indefinitely. Living together, because why the hell not?”

  They were old enough to know what they wanted, and if it was a disaster, so be it. They’d cross that bridge if it ever appeared.

  Logan shook his hand firmly. “That’s some salty language from you.” He waggled his brows. “Makes me want to fuck your brains out.”

  Seth grinned. “Such a sweet talker.”

  “Don’t pretend you don’t like my talk.” Lips at Seth’s ear, he added, “Later, I’m going to tell you all about how much I want to fuck your tight hole and—”

  They both seemed to register the soft thuds on the stairs at the same time, springing apart. They burst out laughing, and Seth felt like a teenager in the best possible way. Connor appeared at the top of the few steps down into the great room.

  “What?” he asked warily.

  Seth tugged Logan closer on the couch, sliding an arm around him again. “Nothing. Come join us.”

  “You guys are weird. But yeah, okay.” He
came and flopped down on the other end of the couch, Logan in the middle. “Hey, can we watch the new season of Stranger Things? It just dropped on Netflix. They didn’t give any warning.”

  “Absolutely.” Seth nodded at the remote. “It’s the button on the top. You’ll need to know how to work it since Logan and I have decided you’re both staying. Of course, you’ll be going back to school in the new year, but we’d love it if you came here on weekends.”

  “Yeah?” Connor picked up the remote, toying with it. “That’s pretty fast. But that’s cool.” He turned on Netflix and settled back. “Can we order dinner? I’m hungry.”

  “Are you ever not hungry?” Logan asked, clearly going for teasing.

  Connor visibly bristled. “So what?”

  “Nothing.” Logan lifted his hands calmly. “Sorry. Just trying to joke.”

  “Okay,” Connor mumbled, his pale cheeks going beet red. He fidgeted with the remote, shoulders up around his ears. He blurted, “Mom said I was hungry like it’s my job and I’m trying for a raise.”

  Seth and Logan laughed, and Seth said, “She had your number, huh? Well, don’t worry. We’ll keep the pantry stocked.” Maybe Connor could feel comfortable enough to talk about his mother more.

  Connor gave him a little smile. “Cool. Thanks.”

  Seth knew it would be a long road, but maybe Connor was ready to start healing.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Since it was Christmas Eve and he was at Jenna’s kitchen table, Logan should have been concentrating on cutting up the broccoli and cauliflower for the veggie platter.

  Not thinking about waking up with Seth that morning. Waking up with Seth naked. Waking up with Seth and making him blush real hard by thinking up new dirty things to say. Morning blow jobs and kissing, and then more kissing.

  All the kissing.

  “Are you even listening to me?” A big yellow squash in one hand, Jenna turned down the volume on a crappy version of “Jingle Bells” playing through her tablet. Her blond hair was knotted up in a fancy twist, and she wore a Mrs. Claus apron over her velvet blue dress that she complained was too tight but Logan thought was pretty.

  He jerked guiltily. “Sorry. What?”

  “What’s up with you?”

  “Nothing,” he automatically replied.

  She pressed her lips together. “Why did you volunteer to help me instead of going outside to play? What’s up? Is it about the job? It was great news that Angela set up that interview for you. Don’t tell me your pride is getting in the way.”

  “No!” Logan sliced into a big hunk of cauliflower. “Trust me, I have zero pride left. I’m grateful for anything I can get.” Now Jenna looked sad, and he felt like an asshole. “I don’t mean… What I mean is that I’m grateful to Angela. She’s really gone out of her way. I’m not looking that gift horse in the mouth, I promise.”

  “Okay. You deserve good things, you know.” There was a burst of distant laughter outside, and she went to the window. “This snowball fight looks pretty epic. You should get out there with Seth and Connor. Although Jun and Ian probably need the help more.”

  Pop was in his usual spot in the den watching the game show channel with Noah asleep in his playpen. Logan and Jenna were alone, so now was the time to tell her.

  Any minute now.

  Turning from the window, she fixed Logan in her sights and said way too casually, “That was quite the kiss during musical chairs. Very convincing. I honestly had no idea you were such a good actor. Seth either, since he’s the worst liar in the world.”

  The pressure built in Logan’s chest. He’d borrowed a tie from Seth, and he tugged at it, but then he had to laugh. “How do you always know everything?”

  Her eyebrows shot up. “Jun said I was being silly. Wait, are you serious?” She glanced at the door that led to the hall down to the den. Pulling out a chair, she leaned forward, voice low. “You and Seth? For real?”

  His heart was booming, but he shrugged. “Yeah.”

  Her jaw dropped. “But you’ve never…with a guy. Have you?”

  “Just sex. In Iraq, and sometimes at the bunkhouse.”

  She got up and took a bottle of white out of the fridge, pouring them both big glasses. Logan didn’t really like the sweet wine, but he drank it nervously as she sat back across from him, gaze distant.

  “Say something,” he muttered. “Cat doesn’t usually have your tongue.” He was trying to tell himself this was no big deal, but it was. It was a big damn deal.

  “Oh! Sorry. Processing.” Jenna reached over the vegetables and grabbed his hand. “You know I love you and support you a hundred percent.”

  He exhaled. “I figured, but that’s still nice to hear.” He squeezed her fingers.

  “It must be scary.”

  “Yeah.” He swallowed hard. “It’s a big change. I’m not gonna wuss out, though. It—he means too much. Maybe some people won’t like it, but tough shit. It’s not like I have any friends left anyway.”

  “The people who matter will support you. The end.”

  “Even Pop?” he whispered.

  Jenna winced through her teeth. “I think so? He’s kind of weirdly mellowed. He probably won’t love it at first, but he’ll come around. He wants you to be happy and settled. He worries about you a lot. More than you think.”

  “Huh.” Logan wasn’t sure what to make of that.

  She sat back and picked up her wine. “You and Seth! It’s perfect. You’ve both been so lonely, whether you want to admit it or not. And it’s not just physical?”

  “No!” He shifted in his chair, crossing his arms. Talking about this was the worst, especially with his baby sister. “It’s different with Seth.”

  Her smile reminded him of the moony look she got when she watched rom-coms. “You like him.”

  “Yeah.” He grumbled. “A lot, okay?”

  “And before it was only physical with men. Never with feelings involved?”

  “Right.”

  “But why?”

  “Because!” He grunted, realizing he sounded like Connor. “It’s just… I always thought dating and stuff is what you do with women. Getting off with guys once in a while was separate.”

  “Okay.” Jenna sipped her wine. “But you don’t think it’s wrong, right? Same-sex relationships.”

  “No,” he scoffed. “I just didn’t think it was for me. Turns out I was wrong. Seth and I were only pretending at first, but now…” He picked up the knife and cut the stalk off a broccoli spear.

  “You’re blushing!” Jenna clapped delightedly. “This is the best Christmas present you could give me.”

  “You’re welcome,” he said with as much sarcasm as he could.

  “So, you’re…bisexual?”

  It still seemed weird as hell to think of himself as anything but straight after insisting on it for so long. Fooling himself for so long. He cleared his throat. “Yeah. I’m bisexual.” He exhaled a long breath, a knot of tightness in his chest releasing.

  “I’ll drink to that!” Jenna lifted her glass, and he clinked his against it.

  “You’ll drink to anything,” he teased with a grateful laugh.

  “Pumped out a ton of milk this morning, so you’re damn right I will. It’s Christmas.” She took a big swallow. “Are you moving in for real? Is that why Connor’s in such a good mood?”

  “I guess. We’re gonna see how it goes, but yeah. Moving in.”

  “It’s going to go wonderfully! I know it.”

  “That’s what I thought about Veronica.”

  Jenna pursed her lips. “No you didn’t. You knew it was a mistake from day one. But now we have Connor. Everything happens for a reason.” She grimaced. “Not Veronica’s death. I didn’t mean it like that.”

  “I know. I get it.” He looked out the window at where Connor was dodging a snowball and laughing as it hit Seth instead. “I wish she was still alive, but I wouldn’t want to give him up.” He shook his head. “Never thought I’d say that.�
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  “You were thrust into being a single dad overnight, and it’s not easy, to say the very least. You’re still learning, but you’re what Connor needs.”

  Logan was starting to believe it. “He’ll probably drive me nuts soon enough, but we’re both trying. We didn’t fight at all today. We’ve been watching that eighties show on Netflix about the kids and monsters. Seth and I hadn’t seen it, so Connor said we should start at the beginning. It’s been fun watching together.”

  “That’s great! All you can do is try, and keep trying even when he acts like an asshole. Because sometimes kids are the worst, but they’re the best.” Jenna’s eyes filled, and she laughed. “Sorry, you know how emo I get at Christmas. But if there’s any time to start fresh, it’s now, don’t you think?”

  “Yeah. Peace and good will and all that shit.”

  They laughed, and the oven timer dinged. Jenna bolted up. “Need to check the turkey. Maybe you and Pop should talk?”

  “What, now?”

  “Peace and good will and all that shit.”

  Here went nothing. Logan took a gulp of the sweet wine and headed into the den before he could chicken out. Better to just rip off the Band-Aid.

  Noah was still fast asleep in his playpen on the floor by Pop’s armchair, his little mouth open, face so innocent that it made Logan want to pick him up and hold him close. Of course that would wake him, and he had to spit out the truth to Pop.

  Pop wore a button-down shirt and dress slacks with his ugly old slippers. They’d always dressed up on Christmas Eve for turkey dinner and midnight mass, then spent Christmas Day in their PJs, opening presents and eating leftovers.

  Now that Jenna and Jun went to Jun’s parents every other year with Pop and the kids, the routine had changed, and they were skipping church to get a good night’s sleep before driving in the morning. Logan was looking forward to a day of PJs with Seth and Connor. He wished like hell he was there now, but first things first.

  Rip it off!

  Sitting on the edge of a couch cushion, Logan looked at the Christmas tree with its golden lights and the old angel on top tilting to the right. He asked, “People giving good answers?” He nodded toward Family Feud on the TV.