Gareth and th Lost Island

by Patrick Mallard

  “Well this sucks sweaty Centaur balls. I hate riddles,” Tralnis complained. Elizabeth raised her non-scarred eyebrow at his choice of phrase. “They smell and taste awful when they’re sweaty, trust me,” he assured her.

  “Professor, please say anything to get that image out of my mind,” Elizabeth begged.

  More than happy to oblige her, Gareth pointed towards the panels. “The images here must have something to do with the riddle. Let’s see if there is anything the two center panels have in common or maybe there is something in the center of each panel that opens the doors,” he suggested.

  While the others looked at the panels, Tralnis examined the walls of the tunnels to see if maybe the door was just a simple misdirection. “Gareth, I think I may have found something, but what it means, or what it has to do with the panels, I’m not sure,” he announced. Tralnis pointed to three identically shaped stones set into the walls and ceiling. The first stone was on the right hand wall about shoulder height for Gareth. The second stone was on the left hand wall and set only two feet above the floor. The third stone was on the ceiling next to the airshaft.

  Gareth looked at the placement of the stones and then back at the center panels on the doors. The first showed a young woman picking some kind of fruit in an orchard. The other panel showed a cook preparing a meal. He rubbed his chin as he tried to make sense of the clues. “Ooooh, I get it. The answer is food,” he finally said.

  “You’ve lost me,” Tralnis muttered.

  Without turning around Gareth pointed at the panels. “The center panels each deal with food. The rune for ‘food’ looks like a person on their hands and knees with another person standing on them. A third person is standing up straight next to them. If I get down on all fours I can press the lower stone. Elizabeth can stand on my back and press the stone in the ceiling. Henry can reach up and press the last stone,” he suggested.

  Elizabeth looked over at Henry and Tralnis and rolled her eyes. She walked over to stand next to the shoulder height stone while Tralnis walked over to the lower stone. Henry leapt up to the airshaft by first jumping onto the wall nearest him and immediately launching off of the wall at an angle. He grabbed the edge, and found he could easily reach the stone set in the ceiling. After Tralnis counted to three, they each pressed their respective stone. The stones slid into the walls, while a loud click could be heard from the metal doors. Now unlocked, the doors swung open smoothly, even after thousands of years of being shut.

  “Or… that works too,” Gareth admitted.

  The doors opened up onto a large circular chamber. A black stone altar, that seemed to drink in the light from their rune tubes, sat in the middle, just like at the underwater temple. Beams of light swung across the room as the explorers searched for any skeletons. They all relaxed a bit when they saw the floor was free of any debris, bones included.

  After making it half-way to the altar, the metal doors slammed shut with an ominous reverberating clang. “I’ve got a bad feeling about this,” Tralnis muttered under his breath.

  The sound of stone sliding along stone filled the large circular chamber. Six sections of the wall, spaced evenly around the outside of the room, slowly lowered to reveal six small antechambers. Each antechamber was occupied by an angry skeleton. Five of the skeletons were human in size and shape. They held short, bronze swords in their dead hands. The sixth skeleton was that of a very large feline.

  “Henry, my hammer,” Tralnis ordered. His faithful Chim butler reached both of his long arms into his backpack, and pulled out Tralnis’ war hammer as well as his own trusty frying pan. Tralnis took his hammer from Henry, and ran his thumb along the top of the cold iron weapon. The family weapon had a handle made of treated Silverwood that ended in a leather strap. The head of the hammer had a rounded end on one side and three spikes on the other. Tralnis slid his hand through the strap, and held the crushing instrument at the ready.

  After Tralnis readied his weapon, the huge feline skeleton leapt into the middle of its living prey, splitting them into two groups. Gareth and Henry scrambled away to the left, while Tralnis and Elizabeth jumped to the right. Unfortunately for the cat skeleton, the lack of footpads long since turned to dust had it skidding across the stone on its bones and claws. As it slid by, Tralnis stared at it with glee.

  “That’s the skeleton of a Northern Sabercat. They’ve been extinct since the Second Great Apocalypse. No one has ever found a complete skeleton of one before,” Tralnis exclaimed happily. Sensing the others were giving him strange looks, he admitted, “I’m an amateur paleontologist.”

  “Wonderful, I’m very happy for you,” Elizabeth said sarcastically. “Any suggestions on how to handle a cat that’s only slightly smaller than pony?”

  Tralnis shrugged his shoulders. “Depends, anyone happen to have a bloody huge ball of yarn with them?” he joked.

  “Gods! I’m going to be killed next to a comedian,” Elizabeth moaned.

  Henry adjusted his grip on “Mr. Smashy”, and spread his feet slightly more apart to balance his weight evenly. His open lipped smile, combined with his primal growl, was a clear challenge to the undead warriors who approached them. Being smarter than the average bit of magically held together bones, the three skeletons spaced themselves out so they could only be attacked one at a time.

  Gareth let his hand slip down and grasp the strange black rod that had been so effective against the undersea skeletons. The rod had shifted as they had scrambled away from the skeletal cat, and refused to slip free of the holster. He reached over with his other hand, and pulled as hard as he could. The force of his pull when he finally freed the rod caused Gareth to spin around, and stumble right into the path of one of Henry’s practice swings. A loud clang echoed through the altar room as Gareth’s eyes slid back in his head. He fell to the ground in a heap as his consciousness was forcefully evicted by Mr. Smashy.

  All motion stopped as everyone, both alive and dead, stopped to look at where the terrible noise had come from. As the occupants of the other half of the room turned, Henry quickly hid the frying pan behind his back, and tried to look innocent.

  “Gareth!” Tralnis yelled, when he saw his son lying on the floor. Tapping his hammer against his hand, he glared at the skeletons standing around Henry. “Which of you bastards did that to my son?!” he demanded, as he slowly approached them.

  The skeletons looked from Gareth, to Henry, and then to Tralnis. Seeing an angry Dwarf with a vicious looking war hammer stalking towards them, the skeletons decided the truth would be their best option. As one, they each raised a bony hand to point an accusing finger at Henry. For his part, Henry shrugged his shoulders as if to say he didn’t know what happened. Misinterpreting the skeletons gesture as saying Henry was their next victim, Tralnis shouted a war cry, and ran towards them.

  Tralnis’ approach was halted as he was struck full force by the charging feline skeleton. The force of the blow caused both of them to slide several feet along the floor. While on his back, Tralnis managed to wedge the head of his hammer between the six inch long fangs trying to remove his head.

  Angry at being tattled on, Henry leapt towards the nearest skeleton. With a swing that started in his hips and ended in his strong arms, he introduced “Mr. Smashy” to the side of the skeleton’s skull. The blow staggered the skeleton, and spun the skull around so it was facing backwards compared to the rest of its body. With calm ease, the skeleton reached up, and slowly turned its skull around to face the right way. When everything was back to normal, the skeleton held up one bony finger, and waved it back and forth as if shaming a child. Henry gulped, and took a step back to better protect his fallen friend.

  Captain Morgana had traveled far and wide across the face of Hadronus. She had spent many a drunken night near a warm fire speaking with old warriors around a pint of ale. They had spoken of fighting various monsters and fiends. One thing their stories all had in common was, that apart from vampires, the best way to deal with the undead was to interr
upt how the head communicated with the rest of the body. Drawing upon this knowledge, she confidently drew her pistol, took careful aim, and shot the skeleton nearest her square in the face.

  The skeleton reeled its head back from the gunshot before starting to shake it from side to side. The shaking grew more violent, with the skeleton adding in strikes to the side of its skull with one hand. Eventually, the shaking stopped and the skeleton stuck one bony finger into the cavity that used be its nose. With a flick, the skeleton dislodged the lead boogie and let it fall to the floor. “Oh come on, that’s dragonshit! I shot you!” Elizabeth pouted. The skeleton replied by rubbing its fists under its hollow eye sockets as if it were crying like a baby.

  Tralnis was glad the claws on the skeletal feline were less sharp than its teeth. While they managed to draw blood from his shoulders, the numerous cuts were rather shallow. Deciding he had enough of the dried up pussycat, Tralnis arched his back, and kicked upwards with his legs. The deceased Northern Sabercat flew through the air to crash down on the black stone altar. The magic of the altar overloaded the magic of the rune engraved at the base of the cat’s skull. The magical overload caused the skeleton’s many bones to separate and fall to the ground.

  Elizabeth spun out of the way as one of the skeletons tried to skewer her with its short sword. She swung her mechanical arm, and struck the skeleton right under its chin. Momentum caused the skeleton’s feet to swing upward as her metal arm acted as fulcrum. While she clotheslined one skeleton, she decided to take another try at shooting one of the other skeletons in the head. Of the skeletons attacking Henry, one had its back turned towards her. Using the purple rune at the base of its skull as a target, Elizabeth fired another shot. The bullet ripped through the rune, causing a flash of brilliant purple light. With the magic animating it suddenly gone, the skeleton fell to pieces. Throwing all of her weight into it, Elizabeth slammed her foot between the upper and lower jaws of the skeleton she had knocked over. Her boot heel shattered the bone at the base of the skull where the rune was engraved. Like the other skeleton, this one collapsed as the rune was destroyed.

  “Hit the rune!” Elizabeth ordered.

  With a shrug, Henry swung his favorite frying pan up and through the throat of a skeleton. “Mr Smashy” rocketed out the back side of the skeleton’s neck, shattering the bone around the rune. The deactivated skeleton fell apart, with the remaining bit of the skull bouncing on the floor. Not wasting an opportunity, Henry snatched up the broken skull, and with a loud hoot, threw it with all of his might at a skeleton attempting to sneak up on Tralnis.

  Acting on instinct, the skeleton dropped its bronze sword, and caught the skull of its comrade. It paused to look down, and reflect on all the good times they had playing charades over the thousands of years that they had been trapped in the temple. The skeleton hardly noticed as Tralnis’ war hammer struck its ribcage, throwing it into the altar to end its enslavement.

  Seeing the tide of battle crash against his side, the remaining skeleton waved its bronze sword over its head, and ran towards Gareth. It felt that if it was finally time to go to the great beyond, it was taking at least one of the fleshies with it. The skeleton was so intent on killing the helpless Gareth, it didn’t notice the black rod on the ground. As soon as the skeleton’s foot hit the mysterious rod, the bones in its foot lost their cohesiveness. The skeleton wobbled on one leg and then fell to the ground. As the skeleton fell, it managed to accidently shove its own sword through the base of its skull, giving a perfect example of why parents throughout the multiverses are always warning their children not to run with sharp objects.

  While the other living occupants of the room were catching their breath, Gareth swam back to consciousness. He sat up, and rubbed his aching forehead. Seeing his friends panting, and the room full of individual bones, he inquired, “What did I miss?”

  Chapter 18

  By the time they made it out of the jungle temple, Gareth was managing to see straight, and walk on his own. Thanks to some foul tasting herbs Tralnis had forced him to swallow, Gareth’s blinding headache had also receded quite a bit. The fresh air above ground helped also helped immensely. Even though he was feeling better by the moment, Gareth was quite content to let Henry lead the way back to the Glorious Dawn.

  After walking several hundred yards, Gareth cocked his head to one side and frowned. He couldn’t tell if the buzzing in his ears was coming from the jungle, or a byproduct of the blow to the head had received. He stopped to listen, and heard the buzzing getting louder and louder. “Does anyone else hear a buzzing noise?” he asked.

  Tralnis stopped as well, and cupped his ear with his hand. He dropped his hand suddenly, and started to run down the faint game trail they were following. “Mongitos! RUN!” he ordered. The other three quickly raced after him as the buzzing became a deafening drone. The first pigeon sized mosquito burst through the underbrush, and changed direction to follow the four lunch specials. The rest of the swarm wasn’t far behind the scout.

  “I thought you said they were the size of robins?!” Gareth yelled at Tralnis as they ran.

  “We seem to have discovered a new, larger species. If we live through this, I’ll see about naming them after you,” Tralnis offered before vaulting over a large root sticking out above the ground.

  Henry pulled out “Mr. Smashy”, and swatted a mongito that was about to bite Tralnis. The Chim nearly gagged at the sight of the disgusting goo that smeared over the bottom of the pan when he hit the giant bug. A quick backhand stroke knocked a second mongito into a tree.

  Gareth slowed, and started to fall behind the others while he did some quick calculations in his head. Feeling he had about a 50/50 chance of pulling off what he planned, Gareth stopped and dug around in his pockets.

  Tralnis saw him stop out of the corner of his eye and yelled, “Gareth, don’t stop! The lawyers, I mean blood sucking bastards, are almost on top of you!” he warned.

  Gareth replied with only two words, “Unholy Winds!”

  “Oh bugger,” Tralnis swore with feeling. “Captain… Henry, run faster. Trust me when I tell you that you don’t want to be caught up in the magic blast Gareth is going to unleash!” The other two nodded, and tried to run even faster.

  Gareth’s fingers slipped around the ancient talisman in his pocket, and found the small twine knot he had tied around one end of it. He reoriented the talisman in his palm to make sure the right side was up before rubbing his thumb across the stone. With a quick muttered activation word, a visible ripple of magic started at Gareth, and then flowed outward, just as the leading edge of the mongito swarm reached him.

  Amongst the buzzing, Gareth was able to hear countless, high pitched toots. He watched in sick fascination as the unexpected thrust from the expelled gasses altered the mongitos’ flight characteristics. One of the lead bugs wobbled in flight, and then banked hard to the left. It struck the mongito next to it, and caused them both to crash into even more of the flying monsters. One of the mongitos on the right edge of the swarm lost control, and performed a perfect corkscrew spin right into the side of a tree. The swarm of deadly insects dispersed as the magic raged through it, causing a nightmare scenario of uncontrolled flight and flatulence.

  A bright blue bird falling from above him drew Gareth’s attention upwards. He had failed to take into account how many creatures actually live in a rainforest. The sounds of creatures of various shapes and sizes breaking wind came from all around him. He watched as a large tree cat tried to sneak up on a green tailed lemur that was holding its stomach in distress. Right before the tree cat was about to pounce from behind, the lemur raised its tail and let loose a fart that was way too wet sounding to be just gas. The tree cat fell off the thick limb when it tried to simultaneously back up and use its front paws to wipe off its face. Holding his arms protectively over his head, Gareth began to run after his friends. The combined stench of that many creatures farting had animals and insects falling off of their perches right and left
as they mercifully lost consciousness.

  Gareth caught up to the others about a mile down the trail. Tralnis and Henry were leaning against trees while they caught their breath. Elizabeth was staring back in the direction Gareth had come. While she hadn’t seen what happened, she had heard the noise that could only be compared to the sound of the hells’ own orchestra tuning up. “No man should have that power,” she muttered to herself. The fact that Gareth had Tralnis and Henry rolling on the ground with laughter at his description of the tree cat incident just reinforced her opinion. “Whenever you three are ready,” she snarled in annoyance.

  Henry pulled himself up from the ground, and wiped a tear of laughter from his eye. When he had himself fully under control, he moved off in the direction of where they left the Glorious Dawn. He led them at a modest pace through the dense foliage, careful not to disturb any more mongitos. Henry finally stopped in a clearing that looked pretty much like the last five they had hiked through. He slid his backpack off, and laid it against a tree. Scratching his head in confusion, Henry slowly turned around in a circle. He clicked his tongue and growled absently to himself as he turned.

  Elizabeth lifted her eyepatch, and wiped away the sweat that collected there. “The Professor said you knew where we were going. Where’s my bloody ship?” she demanded.

  Henry shrugged his shoulders, and made a series barking noises followed by a short whistle.

  Gareth’s expression soured when he heard what his friend had to say. “He said he swears this is where we came to ground. He remembers us climbing down that tree over there,” he translated while pointing at the tree the backpack was leaning against.