Gareth and th Lost Island

by Patrick Mallard

  “Obviously you got turned around somewhere, and managed to get us lost,” Elizabeth complained. She would have said something much more confrontational, but her fear of losing the Chim’s magnificent cooking skills helped her hold her tongue.

  “I don’t think so,” Tralnis interjected, his voice unsteady.

  “And why do you say that, Doctor?” Elizabeth asked angrily.

  Instead of answering her right away, Tralnis stepped behind a bush next to him. He came back out holding a rope ladder that had not yet been ravaged by the humid jungle environment. “Call it a horrible hunch,” he finally replied. Without warning, he let loose a huge sneeze that caused his beard to bob up and down. “Blast it all! I hoped the elixir I took to control my allergies would have lasted longer,” he complained before sneezing again. He sniffed a few times, and held up the now snot covered ladder.

  Elizabeth crossed the clearing at a dead run to stand next to Tralnis. “Give me that!” she ordered, as she snatched the ladder out of the Dwarf’s hand, completely ignoring the mucus on it. A quick glance was all she needed to confirm that the rope ladder was the one that had until just recently been attached to the side of her airship. “Son of a sheep buggering bastard!” she cursed, and threw the ladder to the ground. She kicked the helpless ladder as if it was somehow to blame for her airship going missing.

  Tralnis opened up the backpack, and pulled out a shiny brass spyglass. “Henry, take this and climb up to the tree canopy. See if you can find any trace of the Glorious Dawn,” he ordered. Not wanting to seem to racist, he quickly added, “I’d do it myself, but Dwarves are lousy climbers.”

  Henry muttered something that had both him and Gareth chuckling.

  “He said that’s probably true, but it would funny as hells to watch you try,” Gareth translated.

  “Hah… hah. Don’t quit your day job, which I might remind you happens to be working for me,” Tralnis said dryly before letting out another explosive sneeze. He tossed the spyglass to Henry, and pointed towards the treetops above them. “Up!” he snarled, and then sneezed again. Henry gave Tralnis an elaborate salute with his free hand, and then scampered up the side of the tree.

  Since there was no need to be on their feet, the other three team members sat down with their backs resting against a nearby tree. The muggy air, mixed with the fatigue they all felt, soon had their eyelids growing heavy. A loud sneeze from Tralnis startled Gareth fully awake. When he looked over, Tralnis had his eyes closed, and had a big dopey smile on his face. Curious, Gareth asked, “Hey Sneezy, why so happy?”

  Tralnis cracked one eyelid open. “Sometimes when I get sleepy, right before I drift off to slumber land, my memories drift back to the time right after I graduated from medical school. I had joined a communal septet with six other dwarves from my village. We were young, and full of the experimenting spirit,” he reminisced with a grin.

  “You never told me about that. What happened? Why did you leave? Did they kick you out after you tried to cook for them?” Gareth teased.

  A universal finger gesture was part of Tralnis’ reply. “No, I didn’t cook for the septet. One of the others brought home a human female who ended up being a wonderful cook, and a great housekeeper. She was kind, had a great voice, and did this neat trick with her tongue. We all grew quite fond of her, and were more than happy to change our septet to an octet,” he said, his grin returning.

  “Tongue trick, huh? What exactly are we talking about here?” Elizabeth asked, joining the conversation.

  “It was just a trick, that’s all,” Tralnis replied somewhat forcefully before sneezing again.

  “Hey Doc, don’t get grumpy on us. I was just asking. Never thought you would be the bashful type,” Elizabeth stated.

  Tralnis sneezed, and then let out a weary sigh. “Sorry, Captain, even though most of my memories of her are good, what happened at the end still brings me down. In the beginning, we took her in to get her away from a bad situation. After we had gotten it all straightened out, she ended up dumping us for some rich ponce who took credit for everything,” he apologized.

  The sudden appearance of Henry dropping to the ground between them brought Tralnis’ story up short. The Chim made eye contact with Gareth, and gave a short monologue complete with rapid hand gestures.

  “He says he saw what he thinks is the Glorious Dawn anchored next to a mountain. It’s about a half day’s walk from here,” Gareth relayed.

  “What the hells are they doing over there?” Elizabeth demanded, not really expecting an answer.

  Gareth’s hand unconsciously slipped down to the rod at his side. “The answer probably has something to do with the other airship anchored at the mountain,” he stated, having a very bad feeling about things.

  Elizabeth stood stone still, seething with anger and glaring at Gareth. With a slow, graceful motion, she drew her pistol at aimed it in Gareth’s direction. Startled, he held up his hands, and started to step away from her. Elizabeth had always scared him, but he never thought she would actually kill him. “Don’t move, Professor,” she snarled. Gareth quickly stopped, and hoped that maybe Tralnis or Henry could overpower Elizabeth and get him out of this alive.

  Henry and Tralnis slowly walked over to Elizabeth to stand at her sides. “Aim carefully, and don’t miss, lass,” Tralnis instructed.

  Gareth’s jaw dropped at the seeming betrayal from a man who was equal parts friend and father to him. He saw the Captain’s hand start to tense, so he closed his eyes to wait for his imminent death. The jungle grew eerily quiet after the loud bang from Elizabeth’s pistol. When the expected searing pain never came, Gareth opened his eyes again to see Tralnis and Henry each let out a huge sigh of relief.

  “What the hells?!” Gareth yelled. Henry pointed to the ground behind Gareth. The young man turned around, and then jumped back a full three feet. A very unheroic yelp of fear came from Gareth’s mouth while he was in mid-air.

  Tralnis walked over, and gave the spider with a body the size of a large dinner plate a good kick to make sure it was dead. It had a large hole in the middle of its eight eyes, but it never hurt to make sure. “Good shot, Captain,” he praised, before turning his attention to Gareth. “Sorry we didn’t say anything before, but Henry and I know how you feel about spiders. I’m certain that if I told you that you had a giant, extremely poisonous spider on your shoulder, you would have screamed and run around in a circle doing your version of the icky spider dance,” Tralnis informed him.

  Gareth took another step back from the dead spider. “Okay, I can see that, but why didn’t Elizabeth say anything? I’ve never told anyone on the ship that I’m terrified of spiders,” he inquired.

  Elizabeth holstered her pistol, and shrugged her good shoulder. “I just wanted to see your expression as I pointed a gun at you. It’s good to know you have a healthy fear of me. Let’s keep it that way,” she replied before turning around, and marching defiantly into the jungle in the direction Henry had said her airship was in.

  Chapter 19

  The change from jungle to barren mountainside had been jarring for Gareth and his friends. The foliage simply stopped at the edge of a large granite mountain, leaving a barren expanse of gray stone in front of them. Tralnis was uncertain as to whether the sudden delineation between the jungle and the mountain was caused by magic, or some sort of poison in the soil. Never thinking they would miss the humid, claustrophobic nature of the jungle, the adventurers looked up at the bare rock and wished for some sort of cover.

  Before leaving the forest, Henry climbed another tree, and used the spyglass to observe the Glorious Dawn and the other airship. The Glorious Dawn looked to be in as good of shape as it usually was – meaning it looked like hells, but didn't appear to have any recent battle damage. Their airship was moored high up on the cliff side, with the second airship moored a good 30 feet below it.

  The second airship was about twice the size of the Glorious Dawn and of the zeppelin variety. Instead of just one large air
sack, the ship was slung between two air sacks held apart by a wood frame. Twin propellers were mounted at the rear of the airship. There were four sturdy cranes with large nets stationed along the deck of the dirigible. A pair of cannons mounted at the bow of the ship and a third mounted aft gave them a 360 degree field of artillery fire.

  After climbing for what seemed like hours, with the twin moons rising high into the night sky above them, the stranded crew of the Glorious Dawn finally reached a ledge that ran around the side of the mountain. The ledge was just above where their airship was moored. Elizabeth crouched behind a large boulder, and used the spyglass to get a better look at what they were dealing with. “I can see five pirates on deck of the Glorious Dawn. Each of them looks to be armed with a sword of some kind. If there are five on deck, there are probably just as many below deck. I can see a red skinned man, who I assume is Pilot, tied up next to the wheelhouse. He has a burlap sack covering his head,” she told them. After looking at her ship some more, Elizabeth collapsed the spyglass, and handed it back to Henry before she looked down at Tralnis. “There’s a pretty good gap between the Glorious Dawn and the ledge. We’re going to have to jump for it,” she told him, her expression doubtful.

  “So, there a gap. What are you implying? White Dwarves can’t jump?” Tralnis inquired hotly.

  “All I’m saying is that it’s going to be quite a jump for the Professor and me. As to whether or not a Dwarf could make that jump, let’s just say that I've never seen a Dwarvish hoopball player,” she replied. “I suppose if we have to, Henry could always toss you onto the ship,” she suggested.

  Tralnis put his hands defiantly on his hips. “Damn it Captain, I’m a doctor, not a projectile!” he objected. Far below them on the deck of the zeppelin, a cannonball at the base of a brass monkey came loose, causing the entire pyramid of steel balls to come crashing down. The pirate ship was at a slight tilt, making the small fleet of projectiles roll as a group from the bow to the stern of the ship. A drunken pirate wearing a red tunic had the poor luck of choosing that very moment to take a stroll under the moonlight. He stepped on the lead cannonball, pivoted 180 degrees, and fell backward onto the migrating metal spheres. When they reached the railing at the back of the ship, the momentum from the journey tossed the pirate over the edge. It happened so fast, the red shirted pirate never had time to yell before he was thrown to his death on the jagged rocks at the base of the mountain.

  Aboard the Glorious Dawn, one of the four pirate sentries turned to look up at the mountainside when he heard a loud, simian grunt. His eyes widened in shock when he saw a Dwarf flying through the night air, straight at him. Said Dwarf tucked into a ball before he hit, knocking the pirate to the ground, and forcing all of the air out of his lungs. A powerful punch ensured the pirate wouldn’t be getting up anytime soon.

  The other three guards were too focused on the sudden arrival of the Dwarf to notice two more figures leap from the rock ledge above them and land on the deck. The noise made from their rough landing, however, announced their arrival for those both above and below decks. The pirate in front of Elizabeth started to draw his sword, but stopped when something soft and smelly hit him in the face. “Shit!” he swore.

  “Yes… yes, it is,” Elizabeth confirmed. She was going to punch the pirate in the face, but chose to drive her knee into his groin instead to avoid getting Chim poo on her hand. While the pirate was bent over in agony, Elizabeth put him out of his misery by striking him across the back of his head with her mechanical arm.

  Thinking that this pirate might have hurt Izzy, Gareth glared at the man in front of him. With his anger at a barely controllable level, Gareth managed to draw his strange black rod out of his holster with ease this time. Both combatants were startled when the rod lengthened from both ends to become a six foot long staff. Gareth recovered first and swung the staff at the pirate’s legs. He caught the pirate in the back of the knees and followed through with his stroke, causing the pirate to land on his back with a heavy thud. A sharp tap to the side of the pirate’s head knocked him unconscious.

  Henry joined the fight, and landed right in front of the last two of the deck guards. Seeing he was outnumbered, Henry reverted back to his Chim ancestors, and tried to make himself look fiercer than he really was. He held both arms out to his sides, parallel to the deck, while raising his right leg as if to kick someone.

  Gareth saw his friend was outnumbered, and shouted across the ship at Henry’s opponents. “I’d run if I were you. He’s a master of Chim-Pan-Foo!” he warned the pirates. The warning caused the pirates to look first at Gareth, and then at each other. Henry used the opportunity to grab each pirate at the base of their skulls and slam their heads together. After a sickening crack, the pirates crumpled to the deck.

  “Why wasn’t I informed my butler was a master of Chim-Pan-Foo? Come to think of it, what the hells is Chim-Pan-Foo anyway?” Tralnis demanded.

  Gareth shrugged his shoulders. “Beats me, I just made it up,” he replied.

  The door leading to the lower decks was opened by a pirate who had come up to see what was causing so much noise. He took one look at the four victors, and slammed the door shut again. The pirate made it halfway down the hallway to the Captain’s suite before he was knocked unconscious by a flying frying pan. “Gareth… Tralnis, take care of the engine room and the cargo hold. Henry and I will clear out the crew quarters,” Elizabeth ordered. She knew the top deck was clear and Pilot was in no danger. He would have to wait a few more minutes before he was rescued. Gareth and Tralnis didn’t bother to respond before they ran down the steps towards the lower decks.

  The pirate in the engine room was busy staring at a painting of a nude woman he had tacked up on the wall next to the controls for the Aetherium pumps. He never saw the black staff that sliced through the air to strike the side of his head. Not caring if the pirate was alive or dead, Gareth took one look around the engine room and saw Izzy wasn’t there. He pivoted on the ball of his foot, and stalked off to find Tralnis, his anger for the pirates and fear for Izzy's safety growing in equal measures.

  Tralnis wasn’t having such an easy time as Gareth. The pirate in the cargo hold was fully on the alert after hearing the battle above him. They wrestled on the cargo hold floor, neither being able to dominate the other. As they rolled around, they managed to strike the bunk bolted to the wall where Sheldon hibernated during the long trips. The Kwa-Kwa-Ur's open mouthed snores sounded like a poorly maintained steam engine. Not realizing where he was in the room, the pirate reached up and accidently stuck his hand in Sheldon’s enormous mouth.

  The intrusion of the hand woke up Sheldon and his eye stalks. Reacting on instinct, Sheldon clamped down with his massive jaws, severing the pirate’s hand completely at the wrist. “Eeeew! Spit it out! Spit IT OUT! You don’t know where that hand’s been!” the left eyestalk ordered. Sheldon spit the severed hand out, hitting the shocked pirate holding his bleeding stump in the face with his own hand.

  “Sheldon, the ship’s been taken over by pirates!” Gareth yelled as he ran into the cargo hold.

  Sheldon stood up, and gave out a growl that sounded like a glacier crushing boulders into pebbles. Without giving anyone warning, he reached over and grabbed the pirate’s head with both of his hands. A quick twist, followed by a loud snap, ended that pirate’s suffering.

  Gareth swallowed bile back into his throat after seeing the easy way Sheldon killed the pirate. “Let’s go find the others. Izzy wasn’t in the engine room,” he suggested.

  Elizabeth smiled as she watched Henry use cooking twine to tie up the two pirates who had decided to raid their stores for a midnight snack. When he was done tying them up, he shoved a pignut in each of their mouths to keep them quiet. Elizabeth nodded her approval to the Chim, and resolved again to find out what it would take to hire Henry permanently. Satisfied their work was done, she turned and made her way to her cabin.

  Words couldn’t express the outrage Elizabeth felt when she threw
the door to her cabin open. A skinny pirate, with a scruffy beard, was currently wearing her black, silk, steel boned corset and brushing his oily hair with her hairbrush. The Captain paused for a moment while she tried to decide what to do. She couldn’t run the bastard through with her sword without ruining her favorite corset. Shooting him ran the same risk. Even if she managed to shoot him in the head, he was likely to bleed all over her stuff, and blood was a right pain in the ass to get out of fabric. For his part, the pirate was frozen in fear. Prior to now, he had no idea the woman whose clothes he was enjoying was a mechanical armed monster with one half of her face hideously scarred.

  A well thrown potato that came from behind her solved Elizabeth’s conundrum. The potato hit the pirate between the eyes and knocked him backwards. As the cross-dressing pirate fell backwards, he struck his head against the edge of the Captain’s dressing table, knocking him out. Without turning to look, Elizabeth said, “Thank you, Henry. Let’s make sure he stays unconscious, and then get him out of my clothes.”

  Gareth ran to the Captain’s suite after looking in each of the crew cabins for Izzy or Teesh. When he reached the door to the Captain’s cabin, he found a bemused Dwarf leaning against the doorframe. Tralnis looked up at Gareth, and shook his head. “You would think being an omni-sexual Dwarf, I would have seen just about every kinky thing under the twin moons, but a woman with a mechanical arm and a Chim stripping a pirate out of said woman’s lingerie is a new one for me,” he chuckled.

  Gareth took one step into the room, and met Elizabeth’s eyes as she turned to look at him. “Have you found Izzy?” they asked in unison. Gareth shook his head sadly. “No sign of Teesh either,” he informed the others. Their conversation was cut short by the loud blare of a steam whistle.

  Gareth bolted out of the Captain’s cabin, and ran to the main deck. The others followed close behind them with Tralnis breaking off to free Pilot. They saw the pirates' dirigible had dropped in altitude, and maneuvered to give her port side gun a clear shot at the Glorious Dawn. From where they stood, they could see the assembled crew of the pirate ship all standing on deck. A Scaled One was standing at the bow, gripping the arm of a captive with a bag over their head just like the one Pilot had on his. With a flourish, the lizard-man pulled off the sack to show everyone Izzy’s bright, red hair.