Burning Desire

by Ami Snow

  “Also, a new member will be joining our team today-”

  A new guy enters the room and all our eyes focus on him. Something in him seems familiar, I know I’ve met him before.

  Kyle’s voice begin to fade out in my mind as the new guy walk towards the center of the room. I can hear Riley shrieking in excitement as Kyle gestured the new guy towards where I’m sitting. He walk towards me like a catwalk model. I could feel Riley shaking me hard but I don’t go back to reality yet. I hold my stare and don’t look away when our eyes meet. I’m lost in his pulling gaze.

  “Nice to finally meet you, Rowena.” Offering a handshake. When I take it I return to reality. God he’s hot, I’m pretty sure I’m a river down there right now, I thought.

  “Oh, umm, nice to meet you too. Sorry for staring, You just- you look so familiar. What’s your name again?”

  He smiles and I can see his bright white teeth. I try my best not to show my attraction to him.

  “I’m called Daniel, I helped you get a cab this morning, you remember? We kind of bumped into each other.”

  “How could I forget? Thank you again.”

  “It was nothing. I’m glad it happened. I mean- what a nice coincidence this is. Mrs. Chang said I’ll be working with you.” A nice coincidence indeed.

  “Hey, Rowena. I’ll be going to lunch now.” Riley said behind me, happy to be interrupting our conversation. Is it lunch time already? I must’ve been late for hours. I turn to see Riley, his smile teasing me. I forgot about him there for a while. I roll my eyes and say, “Stop it. I’ll catch up with you later.”

  “‘Kay, toodles.” Riley said as he walk past us.

  I turn back to the new guy, we’re the only ones left in the office now.

  “Yeah, I know. Kind of strange in a good way.” I say, trying to sound casual. I think I could kiss Mrs. Chang right now. “So, if you have any questions, you can ask me now.”

  “I’ll ask away while we work on the project. So, where do we start?”

  “How about a tour of the building?”

  “That’d be great. I’ll treat you lunch, so we can start discussing about the project without getting starved.”

  “I’d like that.” I say politely.

  ***

  “So, why did you decide on writing greeting cards?” I ask out of curiosity. We’re sitting at the cafeteria eating lunch. By now, we’ve walked almost all the offices in the building. It isn’t really a big building to begin with. I see Martha, a few tables away staring at us.

  “You could be a model if you wanted to.” I added, and then regret it as soon as I realize what I said.

  He chuckled. “Yeah, I get that a lot. But I don’t like being publicized. So I decided to just become an illustrator for greeting cards. It sounds fun, and I’ve always been into arts.”

  “Yeah? Have you been an illustrator before?”

  “No, art was just a hobby then. By the way, I have some prototypes back home, I’ll make sure to bring them tomorrow.”

  “Great! I-”

  “Hi Daniel!”

  I look behind and see Martha, grinning at Daniel, skipping around the cafeteria like a 17 year old. Oh god, I thought as I roll my eyes.

  “You can come join us in our table if you want to.” She said, filling the aura with her evilness. “You don’t have to work so much already, you’re new here! I’m sure Rowena will understand, right?” She adds, smiling at me with the fakest smile in the entire world, not even celebrities’ million dollar plastic surgeries could compete with its fakeness.

  I smile at her mockingly, not trying to hide a single detest I feel for her. Daniel raises his eyebrows. His perfect formed eyebrows that I so want to have.

  “I’m quite fine here with Rowena, she hasn’t worn me out. Not just yet.” He winks at me. I don’t know what that means, but it made my insides melt. “I’ll be fine here Martha, Thank you.”

  “Okay. But, will you call me later?”

  I want to punch her in the face.

  “We’ll see.”

  Martha smiles at Daniel for the last time and finally walks away, towards her table. She looks back again to glare at me like the immature person that she is. I shrug it off and proceed to discussing the project with Daniel.

  But as the day passes on, our talks drift further away from work. Soon we find ourselves talking about our hobbies and experiences. I find out he loves music just as I do but not only that, he also knows how to play the piano. I tell him I love music too, but that I only know how to listen to them. He tells me that listening is an underrated talent. People can listen to music by ear, but few only really listen by heart.

  Time flew fast like eagles today. To my surprise, I actually had fun talking to Daniel. We had lots of shared interests and passions. I also find out that he paints every now and then, but he doesn’t sell them. He just keeps him in his home. I asked him why, and he told me it was kind of personal to him. I stopped asking immediately, I wanted to know him, but I didn’t want to pry.

  I went home with a smile on my face, which faded shortly when the landlady, Mrs. Tsu showed up at my doorstep. I know exactly why she’s there.

  “Don’t worry, I’ll pay right after the check comes in this week.” I smile down at her. She’s old and asian too, but without Mrs. Cheng’s soothing personality. She glares up at me and slowly descends downstairs. I sigh in relief. I’m gonna have to get from my book money for now.

  I walk into my apartment, small but cozy. Luckily, the window shows one of the most beautiful views of the Manhattan street lights I’ve ever seen. I stare at it, where the silhouette of the man in my dreams usually stood. I could see Daniel there too, perfectly outlined by the city lights. I shake my head.

  Daniel is really nice to me, but that doesn't mean he likes me as something more than a friend or a co-worker. Besides, how do I know I even like him? I barely even know him. And yet…

  He seems so familiar. I didn’t get to notice it before but now, I realize I felt a strange familiarity while I was talking to him. Like, I’ve known for a very long time.

  That can’t be possible.

  I change into my home clothes and sit in the living room. I turn on the TV, get my notebook and scribble my ideas for the project. The noise of the TV is comforting, as I scribble on. I can’t help but anticipate for tomorrow. I’ve never had to scribble my ideas at home. Before, I would just go to work and write whatever the hell I could think about in my desk, and they’d think its a masterpiece.

  And now, here I am.

  Is this what they call a serendipity?, bumping into him this morning?

  I drop my pen in the middle of a thought as I doze off at the couch.

  I dream of him again. But this time, it doesn’t start with me looking at the mirror.

  I’m in my bed with someone. His scent looming through my nose. I exhale it like cocaine and it makes me feel high. As always, his back is facing me. I realize as I get up that both our bodies are bare. How strange, I’ve never been this exposed before. I’m insecure of my body enough not to show too much skin. And yet, again… I don’t feel any signs of obscurity in this moment. In fact, it feels comforting. In fact, it feels like home.

  Is this a dream?, I ask myself. I think not. But it must be a dream, it feels too good to be true. I run my hands through his hair like I do it everyday. Is this the man who owns the silhoutte by the window? The city lights outlining his perfectly formed body?

  He moans and I realize this is the first time I hear his voice in my dream. But they sound terrified, like he’s having a bad dream.

  “They’re coming. “

  “Who's coming?”

  He’s shaking now. But he won’t turn around, and I still can’t see his face.

  “They’re coming for us Rowena! Hide!” He shouts, but he’s still sleeping.

  “Shhh, shhh, no one’s coming, love.” I say, trying to calm him down.

  Something’s hit the window. I turn to see what it is, just as a f
igure opens up the window. The figure was big and bulky. He smelled like dogs. Usually the scent comforts me, but this one is different. I began to tremble in fear.

  “Who are you? What do you want?” I hear my own voice waver as I say this. The figure stays

  I wake up just in time as the figure stabs a knife through the body next to me.

  I bolt awake to the sound of the loud advertisements in the television. I’ve dropped my pen and notebook when I dozed off. I pick them up and hear loud knocks in my door.

  As I opened it, I see Mrs. Tsu’s frowning face glaring at me.

  “Keep it down!”

  “Sorry, sorry. I fell asleep in the couch.”

  She glares at me even more and left without another word.

  I turn the television off and sigh. Sweat had trickled through my face. That was the creepiest dream I’ve ever had. It seemed so real. I go to bed and tuck myself in. It says 1:32 am in my alarm clock as I see a fly buzzing through my window. I let my thoughts wander from unicorns to mythical gods, anything to keep myself from remembering the nightmare I just had. Anything, to keep myself from succumbing into fear.

  I fell asleep once again. But this time, I don’t dream anything.

  ***

  The next few days, Daniel and I begin our brainstorming. He presents all his prototypes to me as I scribble down quotes about it in my notebook. I feel the tingling familiarity again, but I don’t say anything. Instead, I keep my head low, and avoid eye contacts with him as much as I can. I force myself to look at him every once in a while, just so he doesn’t get suspicious of my avoiding him. I suggest improvements about his illustrations to me and he does the same about my writing. Even with the awkward aura, we manage to finish half of the total 100 required designs for the spring season in less than 2 weeks. Mrs. Cheng is very pleased with us that she’s given all the investors a copy of our samples. Its nerveracking enough presenting an idea to the investors, sending them samples has got to take a lot of guts, even though it seemed that simple. The company had a reputation to keep after all.

  We are an incredible team, Mrs. Cheng had said to us when we reported our progress to her. Two peas in a pod. I smile shyly as Riley teases us when I tell him about it on our way to lunch.

  “You did a very good job Rowena. I was lucky to have you as my partner.” Daniel says, and I don’t know how I can still stand in front of him when deep inside I know I’m falling. I’m falling? I can’t be falling too fast. I have to remember my dreams, my book, I can’t have distractions right now. Especially not with my co-worker.

  “That’s very nice of you to say Daniel, you did just as well.”

  I say that to him genuinely. I can’t have my feelings bias my judgements. I remind myself that I have a goal, that I have a dream. And that is where I should put my focus on, not this petty crush.

  My good mood finally began flourishing until Martha came to my vision.

  “Hi Rowena! You look nice in that sweatshirt. Really hides your belly very well. Mind if I have lunch with Daniel today?” She said.

  How can so much evil be inside in this girl? She’s even wearing sparkling shoes for christ’s sake. Literally sparkling shoes.

  Glitter was everywhere Martha’s feet landed on. But she was obviously not pleased about all this. She manages to drag Daniel to her table before I can even reply. He was nice enough not to refuse. I sigh. The tightness in my chest, which I didn’t notice ‘till he left is slowly lifting away. Daniel’s expression was sorry. I shake my head and smile at him, so he knows its okay for me.

  Why does he even need my opinion about this? He can have lunch with whoever he wants to. But why do I feel this lump in my throat? As if I don’t approve of him having lunch with that bitch? No, I can’t be jealous. I shake my head for what seemed to be the millionth time that day. I’m not jealous, I tell myself.

  “Girl, you jealous?” Riley asked.

  “No.” I said, rather abruptly.

  “You’re jealous. I can see it your eyes.”

  “There’s nothing in my eyes”

  Riley sighed. “You can be as defensive as you want. But I know in my heart that you’re jealous. “

  “Whatever.” I say as I roll my eyes at him.

  At lunch, I don’t talk to Riley. I just sit there and let him do all the talking. I nod with disinterest as he asks me unimportant questions. Blah blah blah he goes. I don’t know why I’m like this, but I feel like he’s exposed me, like an open book. I’ve spent enough time with open people that I know how not to be like them.

  After lunch, I realize how stupid I am for ignoring Riley. After all, I’ve considered him as the closest thing I’ve ever had to having a bestfriend. That must mean something, right? So as a peace offering, I ask him about the projects he’s been doing. He replied like nothing ever happened that lunch. I’m not sure he knew I was mad at him, but nevertheless, this should make everything better.

  “You need any help?” I ask.

  “Nah, I can do this. Plus you’ve got a lot more to do with Daniel.” He says ‘Daniel’ with obvious emphasis. He glances towards Martha and Daniel, in the other corner of the room. She still hasn’t let him go yet. Daniel was staring at me while Martha was gaping all over him. He shrugged and formed a gun with his hand and shot himself with it. Martha laughed annoyingly loud. She doesn’t even notice his looking at me. I had to laugh, Daniel laughs too.

  When I look at Riley again, he was smirking at me. He was even singing, ‘Daniel and Rowena sitting in the tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G’. I shook my head and smile. It made me think about kissing Daniel. His lips into mine, my hands brushing his beautiful hair. For a while, I stare at nothing, thinking about it, with my mouth half open. Riley’s singing puts be back to reality. I cover my face when I realize I’ve been blushing.

  ***

  3 weeks later, we finally finished the project. Everyone was happy with the results, especially Mrs. Chang.

  After work that day, me and Daniel decide to have a little picnic. Even though it was a little late for that. We bought books from the library and read them together.

  It was a happy night for me. Just reading and looking at the stars, talking about our dreams in life. I’ve found out a lot about him in our 3 weeks of working together. I noticed that whenever the questions become too personal, he switches the subject into something else, which I absolutely understand. I don’t blame him for not trusting me. After all, it’s not like we’ve known each other for a long time now.

  “The stars are beautiful tonight.” I say.

  “They’re always beautiful.” He says, but I get the feeling that he’s not talking about the stars.

  He’s staring at me. I shift uncomfortably as I realize this. I didn’t even take the chance to put lipstick today.

  “Yeah. I just didn’t notice it ‘till now.”

  “I’ve always noticed before.” He tells me, still staring at me.

  What do I do? I feel myself panicking, I don’t like being looked at for too long.

  “Umm, want to grab pizza?” I ask, trying to change the subject. I turn to him, his bright blue google eyes still staring at me.

  “Look I-”

  “I’m in love with you Rowena.”

  No, this is not happening. I don’t believe this is happening.

  “I don’t know what to say.”

  “These past few weeks have been the happiest I’ve ever been,... I’ve never felt this feeling in my entire life. I’ve been with other girls before but… they’re not like you. You’re smart, professional, witty and all things I thought I might never find in one girl and yet, here you are! I just wanted to tell that, I’m just so happy that you exist and that I get to meet you and that…”

  And that what? I think I know what he’s going to say, but I don’t know if I’m ready to hear it.

  “And that I love you.” He says it at last and stomach feels like I had eaten fireworks. “Its okay, you don’t have to say it back.” He added.

 
I found myself speechless. This guy just said the most beautiful things anyone has ever said to me. I never thought I’d hear these words in my entire life. I stare at his eyes, and realize the truth. The truth I’ve been trying to hide for weeks now.

  “I love you too.”

  His face lifts up into a smile. He hugs me tight and I hug him back tighter. I can’t believe how happy I am. I will remember this for the rest of my life.

  He leans toward me, I realize I’ve been staring at his lips. Oh, how it would feel to have his lips on mine. He leans closer, as if he’s read my thoughts and my heart beats faster than ever.