I See...Love (A Different Road #1)

by Annalisa Nicole

  “What does faiblesse mean?” she asks.

  Thoughts of taking Joss on my desk instantly end and my world literally spins on its axis. Heavy pressure builds in my chest and my lungs constrict. I find the newly discovered vivid pictures, Joss just placed in my head, turning dark and smolder as they go up in smoke. It’s a word I haven’t heard in years. It’s a word that took me ten years to finally get out of my head.

  Sebastien is from France and speaks fluent French. It’s what he used to shout in my face when I didn’t perform to his standard. He didn’t just shout it, most of the time he was so angry and so close to my face when he yelled it at me that spit flew out of his mouth. When you’re a teenager and a man is shouting in your face and his spit flies into your mouth as he tears you down, you know you’ve hit rock bottom.

  It’s a word I frequently use myself, but in English. It’s the word that describes me down to my core. It’s what I fear the most. It’s what I was taught not to be. It’s what I am. It’s who I’ve always been. It’s what I let free in my shower. It’s what has to be let free in my shower, so it doesn’t invade my public life.

  Weakness.

  Faiblesse is French for weakness.

  My fingernails feel like daggers as I dig them into the arm of the leather chair that I’m sitting in. I can feel the sweat forming on my brow. The room closes in and I feel as if my chair is swallowing me whole.

  “River,” I hear Joss call.

  It’s too late, my faiblesse has consumed me.

  “River,” she softly calls, again.

  I’m brought back to that ten-year-old boy sitting in the corner of my room on the hard wooden floor. I’m alone and hungry while my sister and brother are downstairs eating a five-course dinner. My body is bruised from constantly running into things, my mind is broken from repeated abuse. My heart is lost from the passing of my parents. I wish for the days when my father would come home, anything is better than this torture.

  Joss’s hand gently rests on mine, but it’s too late. Hundreds of memories flood my thoughts. The room continues to spin in my head, but rights itself when Joss climbs into my lap. She presses her knees firmly against my thighs, and then she wraps her arms around my head.

  “I’ve got you,” she softly says, holding me tight.

  The voices and the memories start to fade. My equilibrium stabilizes and Joss’s fresh scent fills my nose. I tear my hands from the arms of the chair and quickly grab onto her while I can. I fist her shirt in my hand and hold on to her as if my life depends on it. At this moment in time, I think it does. I listen to her heartbeat in her chest and concentrate on counting them. Her heartbeat gets louder and louder in my ears and drowns out the rest of the unwanted memories.

  I don’t know how long we hold each other, but when I finally find that I can loosen my grip just a little bit I need her to know. I need her to know how much I need her. I need her to know that there isn’t anyone else.

  “Joss, there hasn’t been anyone else in my life since the day I met you,” I tell her with my face still buried in her chest.

  “I believe you,” she says, and squeezes my head tighter.

  What is this feeling in my heart? I always said, I wasn’t worthy of giving or receiving the four letter word. Is this that four-letter word? Is this what that feels like? When you are born, you’re born a blank canvas. Over time, sadness and heartbreak leave deep scars. Loss and sorrow carve deep chasms into that canvas. Love is like paint, it colors your heart and fills in every scar, every wound that life has left behind. Joss is the paint that colors my world.

  Joss places her hands on either side of my head, and lifts it off her chest. She bends down and kisses my temple. Her warm lips trail down my cheek until they land firmly on my own. Her lips rest on mine and she breathes heavily as she gently kisses me. I desperately untuck her shirt. I need to be skin to skin with her. I’ve never had such a strong need. Her hands come to my dress shirt, and just as desperately, she unbuttons my shirt. Before she can get to the last few buttons, she rips it open. I grab the ends of her shirt and rip it open from the bottom up. Buttons go flying and land softly on the carpeted floor. A few make louder noises as they bounce on the desk behind us. With her lips on mine and her thighs straddling me, I pick her up and continue to kiss her as I take a step forward and set her ass on my desk. She breaks our kiss to reach for the hem of my undershirt, and then she pushes it up and over my head. Then her lips are back on mine as greedy as my hands are over her body. As I lay her down on top of the desk, she pushes the little items I have on top of the desk onto the floor.

  I reach for her pants and quickly remove them along with her panties. She reaches behind her back and undoes her bra, and then tosses it to the floor. God, I wish I could see her lying on my desk naked. I reach in my pocket and place a condom on the desk next to her, and then I remove the rest of my clothes.

  Her ass squeaks on the shiny wooden surface as I scoot her to the edge of the desk. She brings her feet up and rests them on top, and then I feel her legs from her ankle, to her inner thighs. I bring my hand and my mouth down on her and she moans with pleasure. God, she tastes finer than anything I’ve ever tasted.

  I slip one, then two fingers inside her, as I feel her emotions on her face with my other hand. Her breathing gets faster and louder as I continue to show her pleasure with my mouth. Her hand slaps down on the desk as she comes undone.

  That’s one.

  I lightly continue as she rides out her orgasm. Just before she’s done, I thrust my middle and forefinger back inside her, then my pinky up her ass. She gasps, then her hand grabs onto mine on her face and she moves it over to her open mouth. She wants me to feel what I do to her. Her leg starts to spasm. Her whole body begins to shake as another orgasm rips through her body.

  That’s two.

  I feel the desk next to her for the condom and I tear it open with my teeth, and then with my free hand, I roll it on. Before she comes all of the way down from her orgasm, I gently remove my pinky, then my fingers, and replace them with my aching cock. I hear her hands slide down the desk, then her fingers wrap around the edge of the desk as I fill her completely. My thighs bang into the desk with every inward thrust. She holds herself tight to the desk so I can slam in and out every time. I lift her legs, rest them on my chest and let the rhythm take over my mind, body, and soul.

  Her panting gets faster and faster. She removes one hand from the desk and again smacks it down on the hard wooden surface. This time I feel her constrict around me. Every muscle in my body goes rock solid as my own release colors my mind. I gently rock in and out as colored visions of sunsets and black labs return and I ride out my orgasm. She grabs onto the back of her thighs still pressed against my chest and lifts herself up off the desk. I lean down to meet her and like magic, our lips touch. I wrap my arm around her back to support her, and then she lowers her legs down as she sits up. Her bare breasts press against my chest and I run my hands through her hair as I continue to kiss her. With one final kiss on her lips, I kiss her forehead, and then remove myself from her. I remove the condom and tie it in a knot, then toss it on the floor next to my feet. I pick her ass up off the desk and she wraps her legs around my waist. I take one step backwards, and then sit in the chair with her in my lap.

  We stay this way for several minutes before her finger lazily draws patterns and circles on my chest. It feels so nice. I don’t want to ever let her go.

  “Can I ask you something?” she says, in a tiny voice.

  “You know you can always ask, but you may not get an answer,” I tell her what I told her last night.

  “Wait. What were you going to ask last night on the beach?” I question.

  “I was going to ask you about Sebastien last night. I think if I have questions from now on, I should just ask,” she says, as she continues to draw circles.

  “Good plan,” I tell her.

  Things may have gone differently if she had known last night that Sebastien was,
in fact, not my uncle and a sleaze bag only out to hurt me.

  “When someone signs an agreement with you, are they set in stone? I mean, can someone be let out of that agreement?” she asks.

  “Do you want to be let out of your NDA with California Chef?” I ask confused.

  I’m not sure what the big deal is about our business agreement. Or, is this about signing an agreement with Sebastien, because that is not fucking happening. Joss will not be signing any agreements for anything.

  “No, it’s not for me. I ask, because I was wondering if Josh could be let out of his agreement,” she says.

  That I was not expecting. I’m confused and, if I’m honest, a little angry that she’d ask that. As much as I hate to admit it, I need Josh. I loosen my hold on Joss and put my hand on hers to stop her from drawing on my chest.

  She removes her hand from underneath mine, and then she gently presses her fingers to my brow and runs them down to my temple. As her finger runs across my brow, I feel the tension leaving my body.

  “I need to ask for some clarification. What exactly are you asking me?” I ask.

  “I wish you could…” she begins. “Josh and Nina really love each other. It’s killing the both of them not being allowed to be together. Josh is devoted to you one hundred percent and he’s putting your needs above his own. He’s suffering. Nina is suffering. She walks around all day completely devastated that she broke up with him. Josh wanted to come clean to you about their relationship, but Nina wouldn’t let him put his job on the line for her. So, she broke up with him to save his job. Is there any way that the two of them can be together and Josh still work for you?” she continues.

  She was going to say, I wish you could see how much Josh and Nina love each other. I guess it is easier some of the things I can’t see. Maybe it is a blessing I can’t see my employee’s faces because I’m an asshole. But, I wish I could see. I wish I could see Joss. I wish I could see her face as I slide in and out of her. I wish I could see her brown hair and brown eyes. There are millions of shades of brown, what shade of brown is her hair? Is her smooth skin alabaster or sun kissed? When her smile creeps up her cheeks, do her brown eyes sparkle? I’ll never see these things. I wish I could see if there was still a smile on her face. I didn’t know that Josh was in love with Nina. He said it wasn’t anything serious. Again, my heart feels that foreign presence. Josh put his happiness on the line, because of his loyalty to me.

  I stand up with Joss in my arms and set her back in the seat. I walk over to a filing cabinet next to my desk and press the four-digit code into the keypad. Once unlocked, I finger over the files until I come to the one I’m looking for. I remove the thick file, and then walk back over to Joss and I hand it to her.

  “River, I’m not asking for all or nothing. I’m not asking you to give up Josh so they can be together. I didn’t ask thinking I’d get him fired. It doesn’t have to be this way,” she says, and stands.

  I reach for my pants and put them on, and I hear her reach for her clothes and get dressed. I walk over to the window, one that I can’t see out of or enjoy the views from. She quietly sets the file on the desk, and then walks toward the door.

  I want nothing more than to give my best friend the gift of love. I thought that if I asked River to let Josh out of that portion of his contract, everything would be fine. I never intended to get Josh fired. I pull on my pants, put on my button-less shirt and tie it closed at my waist since River ripped off all of the buttons. I set the file back on his desk, and then turn around to leave. I’d rather leave the file and give up River than get Josh fired. Before I reach the door, River’s hand slides into mine; I turn around and see a shirtless, sexy River standing there with the file and a pen in his hand.

  “Turn to page six, paragraph two. You’ll see the part about becoming involved with anyone employed by Mason Group,” he says, handing me the file and the pen.

  I take the file and the pen and turn to the page he instructed me to.

  “Did you find it?” he asks.

  “I’ve got it,” I answer.

  “Now strike out the entire paragraph,” he says, pulling my hand.

  He walks me over to his desk and I set the file on the desk and do as he says.

  “Now hand me the pen and point me in the direction of the paragraph on the paper please,” he says.

  I place the pen in his hand and guide his hand down to the paper at the end of the paragraph. He writes his initials and places the pen on top of the desk. I look up at his face, and that smile that could break world records graces his face.

  “I thought…” I begin.

  “I know what you thought. Joss, I’ll do everything in my power to make you happy. Just please remember that most things are not in my power and know that I don’t do them to intentionally hurt you,” he says, and gently places his forehead on mine.

  I don’t know why he keeps saying that he’ll hurt me. So far he’s been nothing but a gentleman and treats me like I’m a princess.

  “Are you completely dressed?” he asks, bending down to pick up the condom off the floor after he searched for it with his foot.

  “Yes,” I reply, and watch as he goes behind his desk and tosses it into the trash.

  Well, that answers that question. I wondered how they disappeared. He feels the top of his desk for the phone, and then feels over the bottom row of buttons and pushes one.

  “Yes,” Josh’s voice calls through the phone’s speaker.

  “I need you to come in here,” he says, then pushes the button again to disconnect.

  I pick up the items off the floor that I knocked over while we were making love, and place them back where I remember they were. Josh knocks on the door, and then opens it. River walks around the desk, picks up the file and holds it out.

  “There have been some changes to this contract I need you to look over,” he says, and hands it to Josh.

  Josh reads his own name on the file, and then looks at me. I smile, and then shrug my shoulders at him. Grasshopper was patient. Good things come to patient grasshoppers. I really need to stop watching 70’s television.

  Josh opens the file and fingers through the pages until he comes to the amended portion. His eyes come to mine again and they sparkle. If he were to blink, I’m sure a tear would fall down his cheek, that’s how happy he is.

  “River, I don’t know what to say,” Josh says.

  River extends his hand and Josh places his in his hand. River’s other hand comes over Josh’s hand and he smiles.

  “You don’t have to say anything. Just go and get your girl. We’ll work out all of the details later,” he says.

  Josh comes to me and kisses me on the cheek, and then he rushes out the door no doubt to my house to tell Nina the good news.

  “Stay with me tonight,” River says, walking over to me.

  “Alright,” I say, and then we walk hand in hand to the elevator.

  When we walk out of the building, I see my catering van parked cock-eyed with a not so special piece of paper under my wiper blade.

  “Oh no, I got a parking ticket,” I say, removing the paper.

  “I’ll take care of it,” he says, holding out his hand for the ticket.

  “No, it’s alright. I parked illegally, I’ll just pay it,” I say.

  He gets another smile on his face, and I think he’s pleasantly surprised that I just won’t give him the ticket so he can fix it for me. I’m not with him for his money or his fame. I’m with him because he makes my heart sing. I’m not sure he’s had very many people in his life who want him just for him and not his money.

  “I can’t leave my van here. How did you want to get home?” I ask.

  “Let’s take your van,” he replies.

  “Really!”

  “Sure. Why wouldn’t we?” he says.

  I hold open the passenger door for him and he gets in. I’ve never driven River anywhere. This will be fun. Once he’s seated, I close the door and I walk around to my
seat.

  Once I’m buckled, I look at River and I see him take in a breath, and then he smiles.

  “What?” I ask, taking a sniff for myself. Maybe something spoiled in one of the bags.

  “Smells like every smell that describes you,” he says.

  Well, that earns a blush.

  “I should stop at home first and unload some of these ingredients before I lose them all,” I tell him.

  His smile stays on his face the entire ride to my house. As I turn down my street, I see one of River’s cars in my driveway. I pull next to it and turn off my van.

  “Did you want to come inside while I unload?” I ask.

  “Is Josh here with Nina?” he asks.

  “I assume so. Your car is here,” I tell him.

  “I’ll wait here,” he says.

  “It’ll only take me a few minutes. I’ll be right back.”

  The second I have the front door open, a half-naked Nina comes barreling down the hallway on a collision course towards me. She’s wearing the dress shirt I saw Josh in only a half an hour ago unbuttoned down to her belly button. She crashes into me and wraps me in the tightest bear hug I’ve ever been in.

  “Thank you, thank you, thank you,” she repeats, over and over again.

  All I can do is smile and hug her back. I’m so happy for her. I knew it was killing her not to be with Josh. She releases me from her death hug, and then buttons a few of the buttons on Josh’s shirt.

  “Did you need help with those,” she asks, looking at my cooler bags as I set them on the counter.

  “No, you go back to Josh. I’m going to stay at River’s house tonight. I’ll be back bright and early for our morning meeting, though,” I tell her.

  “You have a good night,” she says, then hugs me one more time and skips down the hallway back to her room.