Master of My Mind BN

by Jenna Jacob

  “Jesus,” he mumbled under his breath. He closed his eyes and shook his head, dragging himself from the trance. Yanking the covers over me with a heavy sigh, Tony stalked to the bathroom and returned with a large glass of water and three pain relievers.

  “Take these and get some sleep,” he barked.

  I frowned at his tone and the angry expression lining his face but sat up and followed his instructions. The beginnings of a headache throbbed behind my eyes.

  “I didn’t mean to piss you off. You didn’t have to come save me, you know?”

  “I’m not pissed, Leagh,” he growled. “Someone has to keep a goddamn eye on you. Now go to sleep.” He ordered as he turned on his heel and stormed out of the room.

  “If you’re not pissed, I’m a freaking virgin,” I murmured before snuggling deep beneath the covers and closing my eyes.

  #

  I woke the next morning feeling as if a cotton factory had taken up residence inside my mouth. My head pounded with every beat of my heart, and even the soft light emanating from the bathroom had me squinting. Oh, it was going to be a banner day alright, but I had no one to blame for it but myself. Sitting up, my stomach swirled. I held my palm against my forehead and groaned. Sliding into a pair of fuzzy pink slippers, I slipped on my robe, intending to head to the bar and get something to wash down the sand coating my tongue.

  I dropped the room key into my pocket before stepping into the hallway. Glancing up and down the corridor, I was grateful no one was around. Making my way toward the bar, the sound of a door closing behind made me pause and turn. Looking over my shoulder, I watched Master Stephen and his submissive, Carnation share a soulful kiss near his private room.

  As if sensing my presence, the Dom opened his eyes and raised his head. With a broad smile, Stephen turned and strode toward me, leaving Carnation alone. Startled, her mouth fell agape as she slung a hateful glare my way before hurrying to follow behind her Dom.

  “Dahlia.” Addressing me by my club name, Stephen clutched me to his chest in a tight hug. When he pulled away, his green eyes sparkled as a smirk spread over his lips. “You don’t look so good this morning, Dahlia. Feeling a little hung over?”

  “Ah, yes, Sir. How did you know?” I asked shyly, wondering if everyone at the club knew I’d tied one on the night before.

  No doubt Carnation would have everyone convinced I was a raging alcoholic before the damn doors even opened. Nearly every shred of gossip that floated through Genesis originated with Carnation. She had a nasty habit of judging and insulting her fellow subs, and unfortunately I’d been on the receiving end of her callous remarks more than once. Watching as her eyes narrowed, jealousy was written all over her face. I tried to ignore her, as I often did, and focused on Stephen instead.

  “Tony and I picked your car up from Maurizio’s after you’d gone to bed.”

  “Oh,” I groaned. “I’m so sorry about that, Sir. Thank you for helping out with my car. I never meant to be a bother to you or Tony, Sir.”

  “It was no trouble at all. I was more than happy to help out, any way I can. You’re going through a difficult time. It will get better. Just take it one day at a time, okay?”

  “I’ll do my best, Sir. Thank you,” I softly replied.

  Stephen was a gentleman in every sense of the word, from his gentle smile to his understanding sea foam eyes. What the man saw in Carnation was beyond me. The girl was a self-absorbed train wreck.

  Sidling up against Stephen, Carnation flashed me a tight, condescending smile. “Master always helps out, even when it screws up our plans. We got here early last night to be the first to play on my favorite cross.”

  Of course she did. If Carnation wasn’t on display, she wasn’t happy.

  “But Sir Tony asked for Master’s help, and by the time he got back, the equipment I wanted to scene on was in use. So we had to play in our private room. At the end of our session, Master was so exhausted he suggested we spend the night. Now I’m going to be late for work, but that’s how it goes.”

  Accusation came through loud and clear. It was my fault she didn’t get her spank and tickle in front of an audience. Most subs tuned into the sensations their Dominants gave them during a scene but not her. She’d twist and turn on the cross scanning the crowd to see who was watching before she’d start to wiggle, moan, and scream as if auditioning for the lead role in a kink film. The bitch had player written all over her. God help Stephen. The man needed to open his eyes.

  “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to inconvenience you, Master Stephen.” I directed my apology straight to his face, ignoring Carnation altogether.

  “It wasn’t an inconvenience at all,” he replied with a wave of his hand. Turning an unhappy expression on Carnation, he scrubbed a hand through his thick golden hair. “You got your reward. Stop complaining.”

  “Oh, I wasn’t complaining at all Master. You took very good care of me,” Carnation replied in a sickening sultry tone, fluttering her lashes in an attempt to look innocent.

  Gag me.

  “Of course you weren’t,” Stephen replied with a sour expression.

  “I just wanted to scene in the dungeon, Master. Is that a crime?” she asked, pawing at his dress shirt and all but humping his leg.

  “Yes, I know you did. But you still haven’t grasped the concept that submission isn’t about getting your way. You need to stop topping from the bottom, my pet.” Stephen chastised. His expression conveyed his displeasure of her antics.

  What she needs is a ball gag shoved in her big fat mouth, Stephen. I thought to myself as I bit the insides of my cheeks to keep from smiling.

  “If there’s anything you need, Dahlia, please don’t hesitate to ask.” Stephen brimmed with such genuine kindness I wondered why he kept a collar around Carnation’s neck. He outclassed her…in every way. The man deserved a submissive that represented him in a positive light. Someone far better suited for his sophistication and compassion than that wretched twit.

  Shame washed over me for thinking such ugly thoughts. I had no right to judge their happiness. I’d been on the receiving end of the same unflattering sentiments I felt toward the two of them. My less than stellar reputation was the reason a few of the members outwardly questioned my commitment to the lifestyle. If they were a happy with their relationship, I had no business criticizing it.

  “Yes, Sir. I understand, and I appreciate your generous offer.”

  “Master has a heart of gold for those who don’t take it for granted,” Carnation slammed with a sickening grin.

  As if on cue, Tony shoved open the back door with his shoulder as he juggled a tray of Styrofoam cups in one hand and a white paper bag in the other.

  Coffee! Now there’s a real Saint.

  “Excuse me, but I think Tony, Sir, could use some help.” I flashed him a soft smile as I scurried down the hall.

  “Good morning, angel. How’s the head?” Tony grinned. The anger he’d directed toward me the night before had vanished.

  “Pounding like a construction crew working overtime, Sir. Here, let me help.” I rescued the wobbling tray of coffees from his hand as I studied his eyes. Not a hint of irritation lingered. Perplexed but not willing to look a gift horse in the mouth, I didn’t question his mood. “Now if you’ll kindly pull the knives out of my back?”

  “What happened? Carnation?” He frowned, casting a glance toward the end of the hall.

  “It’s nothing. She isn’t happy that Stephen helped you bring my car back to the club last night. Thank you, by the way.”

  “Of course she’s not. The limelight wasn’t shining on her,” Tony muttered under his breath before raising a hand to give a wave. “Stephen. Didn’t realize you’d stayed overnight. Good to see you both.”

  “Please don’t get her started again,” I whispered sarcastically.

  Tony flashed a mischievous grin and slipped his arm around my waist as we walked toward the other pair, stopping as we four met in the middle of the corridor
.

  “I was so disappointed we didn’t get to watch you and Destiny scene last night, Master Tony,” Carnation gushed before sticking out her bottom lip in an exaggerated pout. Her dark eyes roamed over his rugged body, all but undressing him in front of her equally attractive and muscular Master.

  “I was busy elsewhere,” Tony replied in a cold but polite tone.

  “We’re heading out. I need to get some work done today and Carnation is late to her job. You two have a good one,” Stephen announced, extending his hand.

  Tony shook it and smiled. “You, too, man. See you tonight.”

  I followed Tony to the bar, placing the coffee on the smooth mahogany surface. When the back door slammed shut, I exhaled a sigh of relief before hopping onto one of the bar stools. Tony sat next to me, watching me with a sideways glance.

  “So what did she do?”

  “What she does best, insult and belittle. I don’t get it. She’s the second sub in two days who’s given me shit,” I groused. “Carnation can kiss my happy ass. She’s a waste of good air. But what the hell have I ever done to Destiny to piss her off?”

  “You’re a free sub again, angel. Some women are territorial, because they’re insecure. Don’t give them the power to hurt you. And I’m not going to tell you again to watch your mouth. They’re just extending their claws, insecure that you might steal their Dom.” Tony shrugged as he wiggled the cups out of the cardboard tray.

  “So you’re Destiny’s Dominant?”

  “Me? Oh hell, no. She’s a free sub, too.”

  “Not in her mind,” I whispered before sipping the dark brew. “Why would they consider me a threat in the first place? I’m the club brat, remember?” I smirked.

  “You are a brat, but I can fix that.” Tony arched his brows. “Don’t you remember when Savannah first came here with Nick and Dylan? Some of the subs were horribly rude to her.”

  “Are you serious? I never knew that.” I blew into the cup before taking another sip.

  “Of course you didn’t. She wasn’t a threat, because George was committed to you.”

  Was. The reminder forced a pang of sorrow deep in my bones.

  “I still don’t get it. We’re not in high school anymore. They need to grow up and get over themselves. I have no intention of hustling Doms. And I’m certainly not going to eat sh…poop from insecure subs, either.”

  “Talk to Savannah; she survived it. Maybe she’ll have a few pointers for you. Just be respectful and you’ll be fine.”

  “I give respect. When it’s given to me,” I challenged, eyeing the white sacks on the counter.

  “Don’t lie to me, Leagh, or I’ll take you over my knee again here, and now.” Tony warned with a sly grin. “But you enjoyed that didn’t you?”

  “We’re not going there,” I rebuffed as I ripped open the paper bag and plucked out a fat blueberry muffin. My mouth watered as I peeled the paper away. “You got this from Marcie’s Bakery down the street, didn’t you?”

  Tony nodded, pulled his muffin from the bag, and took a big bite. “I love these things,” he mumbled with a mouthful.

  “Me, too.” I closed my eyes and bit into the buttery goodness. The plump, tart fruit exploded over my taste buds and I moaned in delight.

  “Don’t do that,” Tony growled as he took another bite.

  “Do what?”

  “Moan like that. It turns me on.” He smirked.

  “Shut up and eat,” I scoffed, rolling my eyes.

  Tony took a sip of coffee, set his cup down, and turned to face me. “You sure enjoy giving orders, angel. I think you might have a streak of Domme in you.”

  “Eat,” I giggled with exasperation.

  “Keep it up, Leagh. I’d love to see how high I could make you fly,” Tony needled, as a gleeful twinkle danced in his eyes.

  I sobered and swallowed tightly. “I don’t want to talk about that yet… or about what happened in your bathroom between us, okay? It’s confusing. I’m trying to dissect it all, but I need more time. Hell, I don’t even know if I can.”

  “When you’re ready, I’m here.” He nodded, placing his broad hand over mine. “There’s no rush, angel. Take all the time you need.”

  “Thank you,” I whispered and took another bite of the muffin.

  “So tell me, what do you have planned to do today?” he asked, reaching up to brush a crumb from my lips. His thumb lingered, and I fought the urge to slid my tongue from between my lips and suck it inside my mouth.

  Something wicked flickered in his eyes, as if he’d read my mind. When he abruptly moved his hand away, I grabbed my coffee and took a sip, washing down the lump of desire lodged in my throat.

  “I’m supposed to meet with Mika, this morning. He wanted to talk to me about something. After I think I’ll walk down the street and get a newspaper. I’ve got to find a job.”

  “Oh, that reminds me. Last night Mika asked if I would talk to you. He’s staying home to keep an eye on Julianna. Evidently she’s having some issues with her pregnancy.”

  I nodded, “Braxton-Hicks contractions.”

  “They’re freaking him out.” Tony grinned.

  “Oh yes, I know,” I laughed. “Poor man. What did he want you to talk to me about?”

  “He’s offering you a place to stay, here at the club, for as long as you’d like. Rent free, so you don’t need to worry about paying him a dime. Trust me; he wouldn’t take it anyway. But he’s concerned that staying in the room you shared with George is going to be too hard on you… emotionally. He’d like to modify one of the empty private rooms into a studio apartment.”

  “I can’t do that.” I frowned. “I need to get out on my own.”

  “He knows that, but until you’re on your feet again, he needs to do this for George. We both think it would be healthier for you if you started fresh in a new room, though.” He held up his hand as I opened my mouth to speak. “Just listen. Living at the club with the constant reminder of George is going to be hard enough. You don’t need to surround yourself in the space you shared with him, day in and day out.”

  “Maybe I don’t want to throw my memories of him away,” I argued. George’s scent was getting harder to detect in the blanket, but I still felt his presence in the room. I didn’t know if I was brave enough to close the door on all we’d shared so soon.

  “Why?” he asked arching a brow.

  “Because,” I snipped, jutting out my chin.

  “That’s a child’s answer, Leagh. Give me a reason why.”

  “Ah, so we’re playing Doctor-patient now?” I quipped. “Because I’m not ready to let him go, that’s why.”

  “Angel, he’s already gone,” Tony acknowledged as he cupped one hand around my cheek. “I know you miss him. I know you feel lost. But we’re your safety net now. All of us will do whatever it takes to help you get back on your feet. You have a lot of life ahead of you. Mika is only trying to help guide you through your grief as easily as possible.”

  “No, he’s trying to push me through it,” I countered with a huff.

  “He and Julianna care very much about you. Mika doesn’t expect you to make a decision today. Just think about it. But don’t cut off your nose to spite your face,” Tony replied. Sliding his hand away, he reached into his shirt pocket. Damn me for wanting to savor his touch a few minutes more. Handing me a business card, Tony stood. “I need to get ready for work. If you decide you don’t want to change rooms, text me, and I’ll let Mika know. But think long and hard before you make a decision. Will you do that for me?”

  “Alright,” I sighed.

  “Good girl,” he whispered. Leaning down, he kissed my cheek.

  Tony’s praise warmed like summer sun, but the touch of his lips set me on fire. He felt good… too damn good. Inwardly chastising myself for how easily he charmed my arousal, I quickly focused on all the reasons Tony was bad for me.

  “I’m going to hit the shower and head to work. I won’t be around much the next couple of days,
so stay out of trouble,” he warned. “I’ll be here at night, but I don’t want other Doms coming to me with complaints.”

  “Wow. That hurt.” I grimaced, as I slid from the bar stool.

  “You know what I mean. Sit down.” Tony scowled.

  “No.” I shook my head and stared into his eyes. “I should be grateful that you didn’t call me brat, but honestly, your expectation that I’m going to do disgrace you while your back is turned hurts a lot worse. Don’t worry, Tony. You won’t get any reports about bad behavior.”

  I turned and stormed back to my room as an avalanche of ineptness thundered through me.

  I don’t want other Doms coming to me with complaints. “Bastard!” I hissed as I stripped and started the shower.

  Standing beneath the hot spray, I scrubbed the oily film Tony’s insult left behind. I may never win a “Submissive of the Year” award, but I didn’t purposefully go out of my way to be disrespectful, either. The man was a callous and insensitive prick. I’d wanted to rail at him so badly, but I’d kept my cool and walked away. That, in itself, was progress. Could he not see that? Probably not. His stinging condemnation was another glaring reminder that entertaining fantasies about the man was foolish and a waste of my time.

  CHAPTER SIX

  The next few weeks crawled by. I spent too much time sleeping and weeping. Surrounded by the memories of George wasn’t helping. After serious consideration, I agreed to move into a new room. Mika pulled out all the stops, transforming a private play room into a cozy living space. The new apartment was much smaller than the one I’d rented before moving in with George, but at least my new furnishings far surpassed the hodge-podge I’d scrounged from the thrift store, eons ago.

  Ironically, my new digs were flanked by Tony’s room on one side and Master Stephen’s on the other. The walls were thick, and I usually heard little to nothing. But a few times I’d been awakened by the sound of raised voices as Stephen and Carnation argued. Thankfully, I’d not been exposed to a whisper as Tony cared for his throng of pain sluts.