Master of My Mind BN

by Jenna Jacob

  After a few weeks in my new place, I found myself growing stronger. I spent less time crying and more time focused on getting on with my life. While I slid back into the depths of depression, I didn’t allow myself to linger there for long. I mentally yanked up my big girl panties and started back on the road without George.

  After my spat with Tony in the bar that morning, I tried to distance myself from the man. But he wasn’t easily dissuaded. He visited often, usually with breakfast or dinner in hand, and offered up suggestions on ways to help me cope with my grief. While the loss of George was becoming easier to manage, I still wasn’t healed.

  Plagued by the thought that I might possibly be using Tony as a form of super glue, to mend my broken heart, his daily visits weren’t helping me figure that emotional mess out.

  I couldn’t help but notice it was a struggle for the normally controlled Dom to keep his hands off me. Every time he reached out to caress me, he’d pull his hand back as if he’d been burned. And the times he lost his head and kissed me, I felt the earth shift beneath my feet.

  For the most part, we just talked. Tony shared stories of his family. The man had more brothers and sisters than I could keep straight. But he spoke of them with such devotion I knew the love he felt for his family was unconditional. Thankfully he never pressed for information about mine.

  I spent my days looking for a job like I had at the café, one that would pay me in cash under the table, without having to fill out an employment application. It limited my options, but I continued to scour the want ads in hopes of being able to support myself once again.

  I carried a copy of the restraining order George had executed inside my purse, but it did little to alleviate my worries. Matt would someday find me. I managed to keep a lid on my fears, staying diligent of my surroundings, and carried on one day at a time.

  Nights at Genesis were the loneliest, but that was my own doing. I chose to isolate myself inside my room and read while I fought the urge to seek out Tony.

  Fantasizing more and more about the man only added to the rollercoaster of longing and self-restraint raging within. He filled my nightly dreams with animalistic sex and control, and it was becoming increasingly hard to shove my tangled emotions for him aside. My ridiculous jealousies had grown stronger, as well. The thought of watching him working the subs, fulfilling their needs, played havoc with my sanity. So I hid from him, like a child. It was gutless but emotionally safer for me.

  Mika stopped by the club a few nights a week, but for the most part he stayed by Julianna’s side. Trevor, Savannah and I visited her several times a week, but the poor thing was climbing the walls. With four weeks to go until her April thirteenth due date, I worried she’d go nuts before the baby arrived.

  Dressed in Burberry skinny jeans and a grey Akris cashmere sweater, I stared at the clock on the wall; it was ten-twenty-five. Mika had phoned a few hours earlier and asked that I meet him in his office at ten-thirty. Just as I reached for the knob on my door, there came a knock.

  Pulling it open I found Tony dressed in a sleek, tailored Italian suit, looking decadently drool-worthy. His deep bronze skin, peeking beneath the unbuttoned collar of the white oxford shirt, beckoned my tongue. His tie hung loose beneath the crisp collar. A panty-melting, nipple hardening smile curled on his lips as his gaze roamed up and down my body in hungry approval.

  “You look gorgeous, angel,” he said in a smooth seductive voice as he sidled in close to me.

  “Thank you. You look extremely handsome yourself,” I whispered as a rush of heat ignited within. “What’s with the suit?”

  “I’m giving a lecture today at the University.”

  “Ah, I see. Arming all those young minds with scalpels and probes to dissect and analyze people’s deepest secrets?” I smirked.

  “Why, Miss Bennett, I believe you’re purposefully maligning the science of psychology.”

  “You think?” I giggled.

  “Hrmm, if I didn’t know better I’d say you were begging for a red ass,” Tony growled as a lurid grin crawled across his lips.

  “No, Sir. As you can plainly see, I’m not on my knees,” I said with a sassy smirk. “What are you doing here?”

  He moved in close behind me, pressing his hard body against my back. “I can order you to your knees if you’d like, sweetheart,” he growled in my ear. “We both know you’d enjoy the hell out of it.”

  His erection was hot and hard and wedged between the cheeks of my ass. My nipples drew up tight, and a rush of cream oozed onto my already wet thong. Unable to hide my thundering arousal, I gasped then sucked in a quivering breath.

  Yes, I would enjoy the hell out of being naked, on my knees at Tony’s feet. It was how my nightly dreams with him began before morphing into sizzling sexual escapades that always ended with thundering orgasms. It felt pathetic that my sex life had been reduced to vivid, wet dreams.

  “I stopped by to escort you up to Mika’s office.”

  I tamped down my arousal, turned and took a few steps back to put some much needed distance between us.

  “Why? What’s the meeting about? What have you two cooked up for my life this time?”

  Tony leaned in closer, reaching around me, he landing a hard swat on my ass. I jumped and yelped in surprise.

  “What was that for?” I demanded. The sting spread down my legs and made my knees quiver. I reached up and placed my hand on his shoulder to steady myself, fighting the urge to close my eyes and savor the dull throb.

  “Your smart mouth,” he growled, a glint of mischief danced in his eyes.

  “I didn’t say anything that wasn’t true.”

  “Leagh, when people are trying to help you, it’s polite to say thank you, not ask why or lash out with flippant remarks.”

  “It wasn’t flippant, it was true. Besides, I didn’t ask for help.”

  Tony chuckled softly. His hypnotic eyes held me prisoner. “No, you didn’t. You never do. And that’s the problem. You need to realize that just because you don’t ask for it doesn’t mean we’re not going to give it.”

  “Yes, I get that, Doc,” I replied, flashing him a sarcastic smile and peeling myself away from his gaze. “I just don’t want people feeling obligated. I’m better every day. I’m still having a little trouble finding a job, but that will eventually work out, too. I’m sure.”

  “Do you honestly think we feel obligated to help you?”

  I shrugged. “I don’t know. I’ve certainly done nothing to deserve it.”

  “You think that you have to earn our support?”

  “It would make me feel less guilty.”

  “You have nothing to feel guilty about. You were George’s sub. He touched the lives of a lot of people here. If we ignored the needs of the sub he left behind, it would be as heartless as spitting on his grave. Stop getting your hackles up every time we try to help you, okay? You’re part of our family here, like it or not.”

  “Okay,” I whispered.

  “Good girl. Now, let’s go.”

  “Yes, Sir.” I nodded.

  Tony’s eyes flared as another devastating smile spread across his mouth. My traitorous pussy fluttered. Focus. I chided inwardly.

  Climbing the back staircase, Tony pressed his wide palm against the small of my back. While the heat of his skin made my body ache, the closer we got to the top of the stairs the more tension I felt rolling off him. What did he have to be nervous about? Something was wrong. I stopped and turned around. A grim expression lined his face.

  “What does Mika want to talk to me about?” I demanded, searching for clues in his dark eyes.

  “Reed’s coming to see you,” Tony replied, his brows drew together ever so slightly.

  “Okay. So explain why that makes you nervous. What does he want?”

  “I’m worried he might upset you. I’m sure his visit has something to do with George. You’ve been making great strides over these past few weeks. I don’t want anything to cause a setback.”


  “You’re right. I am getting stronger. Whatever Reed has to say, I’ll handle it. I’ll be okay.”

  Tony’s nod was less than reassuring, but I didn’t want him delving into my psyche any further in the stairwell. Turning back around, I climbed the last few stairs, my mind whirling with questions that would hopefully be answered soon. I sucked in a deep breath and fortified myself for what lay ahead.

  Tony reached around me and knocked on Mika’s door. Julianna opened it. Her round belly looked bigger than it did the day before. The petite woman looked miserable, as if someone had stuck an olive on a toothpick. The makeup trying to conceal the dark circles under her eyes couldn’t hide the fact that she’d not been sleeping. Seeing her bright and cheerful smile helped ease my worries for her and the baby.

  “What are you doing here?” I exclaimed as I reached out for a hug. “Better yet, how did you manage to break out of prison?”

  She giggled as she bent at the waist to deflect her enormous belly and hugged me tight. “I bribed the warden with a blow job, of course.”

  “So you made him an offer he couldn’t refuse. That a girl,” I giggled. “Lord, you look like you’re ready to pop. Are you sure you’re going to make it four more weeks?”

  “God, I hope not. I feel like the Hindenburg. My feet are swollen, and I can’t get these stupid contractions to stop. Thankfully, the doctor thinks I might deliver early, which would be a blessing.”

  “You will not deliver my son until he’s done cooking, is that clear, pet?” Mika barked, wearing his most intimidating Dom scowl.

  “It’s a boy?” I grinned.

  “Master thinks so.” Julianna rolled her eyes. “I think it’s a girl. He deserves a girl that will have all the boys drooling after her someday, don’t you think?”

  “You’re so bad,” I laughed.

  “Behave, pet!” Mika warned.

  “Oh, Master. I am behaving. How much trouble can I get into like this?” Julianna patted her baby belly and grinned.

  “With you, my love, anything is possible.” Mika shook his head before gathering me into a tight hug. “Thanks for coming up, Leagh.”

  “You’re welcome, Sir.” He released me and extended his hand, inviting me to sit on the long leather couch. I eased onto the cushion as Tony took a seat next to me. I couldn’t help but grin as I watched Julianna plop into Mika’s office chair with a groan.

  “I received a call from Reed Landes yesterday morning. He wants to speak with you, so I invited him to come here.”

  “Do you know what he wants, Sir?” I asked poised on the edge of a soft, buttery couch.

  There was a loud knock at the door before Mika could reply. When he opened the door, Reed stepped through wearing a broad smile. It was almost too wide, and I could see the underlying tension in his eyes.

  “How are you holding up, Leagh?” he asked as he bent and kissed my cheek.

  “I’m doing pretty good…finally. How about you?” I asked studying the defined lines around his eyes that I’d never noticed before.

  “It’s different around the court house. But we’re adjusting. Listen, I’m sorry I didn’t contact you earlier about what happened with Sloane and Hayden and the house. George wouldn’t have wanted it that way, but Hayden filed a repossession claim, declaring you a squatter. She’d altered the verbiage of the customary order, exempting you from due process. If I had appealed, George’s estate would have been tied up in legalese for months. As it stood, Hayden was going to inherit the house regardless, but it pissed me off that she’d used Bernard to file, sign, and expedite the order.” Reed shook his head in disgust.

  “It’s not a problem. I knew I wouldn’t be able to stay there.” The pain I thought I’d managed to put to rest came rushing back. I shoved a tight smile past the surging rawness.

  “Bernard’s involvement is a blatant conflict of interest,” Mika growled.

  “No doubt about that, but to prove it, I’d wind up having to drag Sloane’s affair and George’s reputation through the mud.” Reed looked at me his eyes filled with regret. “I’m sorry Leagh. I know you lost everything, but I couldn’t in good conscience do that to him.”

  “No.” I shook my head. “I wouldn’t have let you. Hayden did it to spite me. She always hated the fact that I was younger than her. She thought my relationship with George was disgusting. Besides, the threats she and Sloane have leveled against me have me gagged and bound. If word about George’s association with Genesis got out, they promised to sue me for defamation of character. That’s a can of worms I’d rather leave unopened.”

  “The truth isn’t defamation, darlin’, but I get your drift. They skirted the law when they froze George’s checking account and turned off your cell phone. But even without Bernard’s interference, an honest judge would have had to side with Hayden, since she’s next of kin.”

  “Don’t worry about it. I’m looking for work, and I’ll be back on my feet, soon.” At least I hoped so.

  “We’ll make sure she gets everything she needs, Reed,” Mika announced. His amber eyes reflected a wealth of compassion.

  “I know you’re in good hands here, Leagh, but if something major comes up, call me. You still have the restraining order right?”

  My body tensed. I felt Tony, Mika, and Julianna’s gazes all but sear my flesh. I issued a curt nod.

  “Good. I made a vow to George. If anything happened and you needed to get out of town, I would arrange it all and get you to a safe location.”

  Tony bristled and slung his arm over my shoulder protectively. The minute we were alone, his interrogation would begin. What on earth was I going to tell him? Anxiety spiked, but I focused on Reed.

  “Thank you,” I whispered. “I appreciate knowing you’re here if I need you.”

  “It’s the least I can do for George.” Reed’s smile was bittersweet as he stepped toward me and squeezed my shoulder. “You were very important to him, Leagh. He loved you very much.”

  Emotion clogged my throat, and I swallowed tightly.

  “I know the friendship you two shared meant the world to him, Reed. It will be a long time before the void he left in our hearts heals.”

  Reed stood, straightened his shoulder, and sucked in a ragged breath. “Indeed. The reason I came here today is to let you know that tomorrow morning at ten o’clock, I’ll be reading George’s will. He made some arrangements for you, Leagh. I’m sorry I haven’t had a chance to wrap this up sooner, but my docket was booked.”

  My heart squeezed and bittersweet warmth filtered within. Not only had he given me a safety line through Reed, but I knew George too well; arrangements meant money. He’d gone to his grave still yearning to provide for me.

  “You don’t have to be present at the reading, Leagh. Hayden will be there, and I know there is a wealth of bad blood between the—”

  “I’ll be there,” I interrupted with a confident nod.

  The false self-assurance I projected did little to mask the fear of Hayden’s threats singing through my brain. Knowing I’d be face to face with the atrocious bitch sent a shiver down my spine. If I failed to show up at Reed’s office, it would be the same as crowning her queen of intimidation. I refused to wilt away or cow down to the skanky whore. I’d made a vow, long ago, that I would never let another soul steal my strength.

  Still, I held no illusions. Hayden would be royally pissed if George left me a ball of lint. Especially after she and Sloane went to so much trouble destroying all the treasured gifts he’d given me. But I wasn’t a fool, either. The pretentious princess would soon have more money now than god, and with it, the power to make my life a living hell. I’d have to watch my temper and my tongue—two things I wasn’t very good at—or pay a huge price.

  Fear amplified within. My stomach swirled, and I wiped away the beads of sweat forming above my lip. Tony slid his broad hand to my nape and gently massaged the tense muscles. His reassurance did little to appease the icy swell of fear swallowing me up.

 
; “Honestly, Leagh, you don’t have to attend.” Reed repeated as his gaze dipped to my trembling fingers. “I can come by here after the meeting and give you the details.”

  “No. I want to be there.” Liar “The words will be coming from your lips, Reed, but they’re the last connection I have to George. Don’t deny me that, please.” Tears stung my eyes as my stomach continued to pitch and yaw.

  “Of course not, sweetheart,” Reed sighed in resignation.

  “Thank you,” I replied with a weak smile. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

  Without waiting for him to reply, I bolted upright from the couch and raced out of Mika’s office. Taking the stairs two at a time, I dug the key to my room from my pocket.

  The air around me seemed heavy and thick, as if a plastic bag had been placed over my head. I struggled to fill my lungs before suffocating on anxiety and fear. The thought of slicing open the fresh scars of George’s death, in front of Hayden, had me in a nosedive to hell.

  Heavy footsteps echoed behind me as I rushed into the hallway. The scent of leather poured over me, and with it, a barrage of memories clawed my heart. Tears blurred my vision as I raced inside my room and lunged toward the bathroom.

  Bending over the sink, I splashed cold water on my face as I gasped for air. Sobs wracked my body. I fell apart at the seams. Stupidly, I thought I’d worked past my stage of fear. But it was back, choking the life out of me.

  “Deep breaths, Leagh. You’re having a panic attack,” Tony explained, rubbing a comforting hand over my back. “Relax, and take long, deep breaths.”

  Gripping tight to the handles of the faucet, I did as he instructed. Water dripped from my face as I fought to fill my lungs with air.

  “Don’t let Hayden do this to you, sweetheart. She’s not worth it.”

  “I know,” I gasped. “But she scares me. I don’t know how to fight her.”

  “You don’t have to. She can’t do a damn thing to you unless you let her,” Tony whispered in a calm reassuring whisper. Tucking a strand of hair behind my ear, he pressed a kiss to my temple. It felt heavenly. “You’re a strong woman, much stronger than Hayden will ever be. You walk into that meeting tomorrow with your head held high. There’s nothing she can do or say that will strip away your power.”