Master of My Mind BN

by Jenna Jacob

  “But I’m not his sub, I’m…”

  Before I could finish my sentence, Tony shoved me onto my stomach, pinning my arms beneath my belly before aligning a sharp, bare-handed slap across my ass.

  “Your stubborn pigheadedness stops now!” Tony barked as he landed another stinging blow. “George may have allowed you to set your own limits, but I won’t tolerate it. Do you understand me?”

  Pissed was an understatement for the both of us. Before I could string together a list of obscenities, the door opened again. Straining my neck, Savannah and Trevor stood in the portal. Identical expressions of shock were poised on their faces. An indignant growl rolled from the back of my throat.

  “Whoa, damn.” Trevor cried.

  “Yikes,” Savannah hissed. “Bad timing. Very bad.”

  “Dammit, Tony! Stop,” I growled. Humiliation overrode the sting spreading through my flesh as I launched onto my back, sending a look of desperation toward my friends. “Don’t just stand there. Help me you two!”

  “Uhhh, well,” Savannah stuttered, her eyes still wide. “Don’t take this the wrong way Tony, Sir, but…Hell no, Leagh. He’s the last Dom I’d want to piss off.”

  “Everyone out!” Tony bellowed as he turned and pointed toward the door.

  Stephen chuckled as he ushered Trevor and Savannah out of the room.

  Wiggling toward the far side of the bed, I glared at Tony as he narrowed his eyes and snarled.

  “What the hell were you trying to do that made you fall?”

  “What in the hell are you doing here in the middle of the day?”

  “I’m asking the questions, now,” he warned, crawling onto the bed like a panther stalking its prey.

  “Julianna’s at the hospital. She’s having the baby.”

  “I. Know. I cancelled the rest of my appointments to pick you up, so we could go to the hospital.”

  “Oh,” I frowned. “Well, that’s why Trevor and Savannah are here…they’re taking me.”

  “Really?” He challenged sarcastically. “Were you planning on telling me about this little excursion you’d arranged?”

  I hadn’t. Not until now. “I… guess so. I mean with the excitement of the baby coming, I would have sent you a text at some point.”

  “You guess? So in other words, you didn’t really think about letting me know, did you?”

  “Well, no. You were at work. I wasn’t going to bother you,” I explained. “Wait a minute. Since when do I need your permission? You’re not my Master. You’re not my Dom. You’re—”

  “I’m your protector,” Tony roared.

  “Since when?” I barked, bristling defensively.

  Tony’s jaw clenched as he rose to his knees and scooted off the bed. Anger drained from his face and something more frightening took its place…hurt. He scrubbed a hand through his hair before his guarded gaze settled on me.

  “Since I spent two days and nights glued to the side of your hospital bed and another four after you woke up. You can’t tell me you don’t feel a strong connection between us. You think I’m nothing more than a friend? Open your goddamn eyes. You mean a hell of a lot more to me than just a friend, Leagh. And for fuck sake, stop topping from the bottom.”

  Tony drilled me with an unhappy stare. Guilt for disregarding his feelings—obviously the same ones I’d tried to ignore since the day of George’s funeral—and rebuffing Tony’s claim as protector crushed me. Not only had I spent weeks trying to deny my attraction to him, I’d gone so far as to invent excuses—some valid, but most not—of reasons why anything more than friendship with the man was destined to fail.

  As if the reality fairy hadn’t smacked the wand of clarity upside my head enough, I realized that if I wanted a relationship with Tony bad enough I’d stop trying to hide and put forth some effort. He’d been under no obligation to care for me, yet he rearranged his entire life to do just that. And he’d never so much as asked for a thank-you in return. I could no longer ignore the fact that Tony had situated himself smack dab in the middle of my heart and my life. It was time for me to take off the blinders and roll the dice.

  “Tony, I’m—”

  “Let’s finish getting your clothes on and head to the hospital,” he instructed as he forced a tight smile. As if sensing my unease, he winked. “We don’t want to be the last to hear how Mika passed out during delivery now, do we?”

  A palpable tension hung in the air as we rode in silence. No matter how hard I arranged an apology in my head, it fell short of erasing the callous way I challenged his claim as protector. With his attention focused on the road, Tony reached out and slid his hand in mine. A tiny smile curled on the corners of his mouth.

  “Stop fretting. There’s no pressure or time limit for us to figure this out, sweetheart. Day at a time, remember?”

  A lump formed in my throat as my gaze dropped to our entwined fingers. I marveled at the easy way his thumb strummed the inside of my wrist. Tony had a way of calming me and lifting my burdens. He made me feel like a joy to his life and not an obligation.

  “I’m sorry.” The two words paled to what I felt inside, but it was the best I could do.

  “I don’t want you to be sorry, angel. What I want is for you to let me in.”

  “I just need a little more time.”

  “I know. It’s just… I’ve been waiting for you a long time, now.” Tony quickly glanced at me and gently squeezed my fingers before turning his attention back to the traffic on the road. “But lucky for you, I’m a very patient man.”

  I swallowed tightly as I stared at his profile. Why are you asking him for more time? Haven’t you wasted enough time? Tony’s the first man to offer you a healthy relationship. What in the hell are you waiting for? My inner voice urged me to take the plunge, but a part of me wondered if I was truly ready. Suddenly, Tony’s words echoed in my brain; “There’s no pressure or time limit for us to figure this out. Day at a time, remember?” Deciding that’s what I needed to do, I exhaled a soft little sigh, ready to let it play out and see where it took us.

  Once at the hospital, Tony snagged a wheel chair. He zigzagged down the halls like a maniac, popping wheelies as I held on for dear life, laughing like a loon. Turning the corner to the labor and delivery waiting room, Tony slid the wheelchair sideways, aligning me next to an empty chair. Our friends from the club watched his zany antics with wide eyes and broad smiles.

  “When is that baby going to get here?” Tony grinned.

  “Still waiting, Sir,” Trevor grumbled. “Honestly, how long does it take to pop one of those little suckers out?”

  I laughed. “Twice as long as you think it should and a thousand times more painful.”

  “And how do you know that, Miss Thing?” Trevor teased.

  Melting back in the wheel chair, I opened my mouth and quickly closed it. Suddenly all eyes were on me. I glanced at Tony’s expectant expression. If I intended to let him in, I knew I’d have to unlock my past. I figured tossing out a few secrets versus bombarding him with the whole ugly truth might not make it so overwhelming.

  I turned to face Trevor. Revealing what I had to say would be a lot easier than explaining it to Tony.

  “I had a baby once,” I softly confessed. “He was stillborn.”

  “Oh, Leagh,” he gaped. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to pry.”

  Bless Trevor. He knew I’d left a horrible past, but the sweet man never once tried to pry out the details of my former life. As a blush rose on his pale cheeks, I shook my head.

  “It’s okay, Trev. I named him Nathan. He was beautiful. He had a perfect round face…” Emotions I’d long ago folded away flowed back, unfurling the painful memories. “I don’t know what color of eyes he had, but he had a full head of snow white hair. They let me rock him and sing to him and count all his fingers and toes before they took him away.”

  I swiped the tears from my cheeks, swallowed tightly, and forced a nod. “He’s in a much better place. It was a blessing he didn’t
have to live…” Through the nightmare my life turned into. “He had a heart defect that they never detected in any of my prenatal visits. My doctor told me that Nathan most likely wouldn’t have survived the delivery. But we didn’t know that until after. He just stopped moving a couple weeks before my due date and that’s when I knew something was wrong.”

  “Oh, angel. That must have been horrible for you,” Tony murmured as he slipped a hand to my nape and massaged it gently.

  “It was.” I nodded. The whole room was somber. I flashed a smile, needing to lift everyone’s spirits back up. “I didn’t mean to put a black cloud over all the excitement. None of that is going to happen to Julianna. She’s got a healthy baby ready to come into the world.”

  “Yes, she does,” Savannah chimed in, giving me a supportive wink. “I was over there yesterday, and that little bug was kicking up a storm. Julianna is convinced he or she is going to be a pro soccer player.”

  Suddenly, the energy in the room was abuzz again. Tony eased his hand from my nape before tangling his fingers in mine.

  “You’re an amazing lady,” he whispered as he leaned in and kissed my cheek.

  “No, just a survivor,” I replied softly.

  Before Tony could respond to my comment, Mika rushed through a set of double doors. Dressed in dark green scrubs, he smoothed a paper cap from his bald head.

  “How is she?” Drake asked, in a tone tight with worry.

  “She’s hanging in there, but damn, my girl is not happy.” Mika laughed. “Nobody told me Satan was going to possess my beautiful pet during labor. She says this all my fault, and damn if the little minx isn’t threatening to cut me off pussy for life!”

  Collective laughter filled the room as Mika cursed under his breath.

  “I don’t know how long this is going to take, but you all might be here a while. She’s only at five and a half, whatever the fuck that means. All I know is she’s got to reach a nine before we get the prize.” A goofy grin spread across his full lips. “They kicked me out to give her a shot in the spine.”

  “It’s an epidural, Sir,” Savannah grinned. “She’ll be more like the Julianna you know and love soon.”

  “I hope you’re right, dear girl. I’m about ready to call for an exorcism in there.” Mika grinned as he turned toward Drake. “Any word from dad or Sarah, yet?”

  “Emile said they would try to be on the next flight out. They’re on standby, but if I know your dad, he’s not only secured the last two seats, he’s upgraded to first class.” Drake beamed.

  “No shit,” Mika laughed. “Okay, when they get here, will you send them back to suite 304, please?”

  “Will do, brother.” Drake nodded as he stood. “Suite huh? You got a penthouse view in there?

  Mika flashed him a sly grin. “It’s got the view I’ve always dreamed about…my Julianna bringing my child into this world. It’s amazing man. Fucking amazing.”

  The two men wrapped each other in a tight hug. “Give her a kiss for me, brother, and tell her I love her,” Drake instructed, choking with emotion.

  Mika nodded with a reassuring smile, then issued a quick wave before he turned and left the waiting room without a dry eye in the place.

  The hours ticked by slowly, but the atmosphere remained electrified. Anticipation hummed even as Drake made several calls lining up members to help work the club. Dylan and Nick texted away, stopping to exchange information about zoning laws, as they tried to resolve an issue on one of their construction sites. But by four-thirty the energy began to wane.

  Emile and Sarah rushed into the room, and a flurry of hugs and laughter ensued. The older couple was animated in their excitement. Mika and his father bore an uncanny resemblance. Even the tone of their deep, rich laughter sounded the same. Sarah, Emile’s sub, wore a diamond studded collar around her slender neck. The woman oozed submission, graceful and acquiescent. Together, she and Emile painted the perfect portrait of a happy lifestyle couple. I found it somewhat startling when I realized I ached to be in her shoes. I glanced at Tony beside me, wondering if destiny might hold a sliver of mercy for us someday.

  “We’ll be out to give you an update as soon as we find out what’s going on.” Emile smiled as Drake ushered the pair through a set of double doors.

  A half hour later, Sarah rushed back into the room.

  “It’s a boy!” she exclaimed on a breathless sigh. “Tristan Emile LaBrach has arrived. He’s chubby and pink and, oh my! He’s just perfect. The little slugger tipped the scales eight pounds, six ounces, and has a set of lungs that rival Emile’s most thunderous orders.”

  She giggled as tears filled her shimmering blue eyes. A roar of cheers erupted through the waiting room, and Trevor wiped a tear as it slid down his cheek.

  “Is Julianna okay?” Drake asked expectantly.

  Anything concerning Julianna turned the big Daddy Dom into a giant marshmallow. Before she and Mika had found one another and fallen in love, Drake had been her protector.

  “Yes, Sir,” Sarah assured. “She did wonderfully. Neither she nor Mika can stop grinning through their tears of joy. I can’t begin to explain the wonder of it all, watching that little boy come into the world…well… it was like I just witnessed a miracle.”

  “Thank god,” Drake replied on a mighty exhale. His broad shoulders slumped with relief.

  Sarah swiped away her happy tears. “As soon as mom and baby are cleaned up, they’ll let you go back, a few at a time, to meet Tristan.” Sarah beamed as she hurried out of the room once again.

  “They have a boy,” I sighed wistfully.

  Tony squeezed my hand and drew it to his lips. “I’m sorry you lost Nathan.”

  Leaning to the side, I rested my head on his shoulder. “So am I. He would have been nine years old now.”

  “Nine?” Tony asked in a shocked whisper.

  “Yes, I got pregnant when I was seventeen, and no… he wasn’t planned,” I explained with a weak smile.

  “And the father?”

  A wave of dread swamped me. Peeking up at him, I shook my head. “I paid a terrible price getting involved with Nathan’s father. And while I’ll probably always feel regret, surviving all that came from it changed me. I don’t want to talk about that today. It’s a day for happiness, Tony. Can we leave it alone for now?”

  “Every day should be a happy day for you, sweetheart.”

  Lifting my head, I boldly gazed into his eyes. “Every day I spend with you… is.”

  That broad smile of his, the one that melted me every time, blossomed over his mouth. Sliding his hand in my hair, Tony drew me in close. The intensity of his kiss spoke volumes, far more than words could convey. I tasted his passion and adoration. And for the first time, there was no guilt over George or fear I was making another stupid mistake, just an overwhelming rightness I couldn’t deny.

  Sinking deeper into his kiss, my lips parted in welcome. Needing and wanting, I accepted his tongue. And he explored each soft crevice of my mouth as I drowned in his heady scent, his intoxicating taste. And his persuasive demand. The world around us ceased to exist. Fire spread from deep in my womb, stretching out through my limbs, and I whimpered as Tony slowly eased away.

  “Leagh,” he murmured in a deep and ragged timbre.

  Lifting my right hand, I tangled my fingers in his shirt as I stared at his wet, swollen lips. Tony leaned in again. The soft stroke of his tongue along the seam of my lips—his question silent but demanding—did I want more? Want his passion and control, his pleasure and guidance, his power and contentment? Little did he know I’d lost the battle to resist him. Tony had crawled inside my soul deeper and more thoroughly than any man had before. Touching me on such a primal level I couldn’t turn back now if I wanted to. And god help me, I didn’t want to.

  On a ragged moan, I surrendered to his kiss. Opened and gave him the power to strip my defenses. Seize my vulnerabilities. And claim my wounded soul.

  “Ah-hemm,” The comedic sound of someone c
learing their throat interrupted our heated kiss.

  Tony hesitantly pulled away, and as his focus settled past the top of my head, one side of his erotic mouth curled in a smile. Twisting in the wheel chair, I spied Mika’s father standing behind me.

  “You two keep that up, and I predict you’ll be back here in nine months,” Emile laughed as he leaned in and slapped Tony on the back.

  Tony snorted. “I think Tristan would love a little brother or sister, but you might check with Mika and Julianna to see if they’re up for it that soon.”

  “Smart ass, I was talking about you and Leagh,” Emile chuckled with a shake of his head.

  “Yeah, I don’t think Mika’s ready to re-live these last couple months anytime soon,” Nick chortled.

  “Hell, I doubt we could survive dealing with him like that again,” Drake drawled with a huge grin.

  “Mika wanted to know if you and Leagh could come back first. He has a favor to ask you,” Emile announced, looking at Tony.

  “Sure.”

  Before I could blink, Tony leapt from his chair and wheeled me toward the double doors.

  “We won’t stay long,” I promised our anxious friends as Tony sped me away.

  Tristan was as beautiful and as precious as Sarah had boasted. Julianna looked exhausted, but she glowed with that new mother joy, and Mika was nearly bursting with pride.

  “Do you want to hold him?” The proud daddy asked Tony.

  “Who? Me?” The color drained from his face. “No, man. I’ll break him or something.”

  I laughed and shook my head. “I’d love to hold him, if that’s okay, Sir.”

  “Of course, Leagh,” Julianna smiled. “He doesn’t feel nearly as heavy now as he did inside my belly.”

  I giggled as Mika arranged the little bundle into the crook of my arm. Tony crouched beside me. A sparkle of wonderment flickered in his dark eyes as he stared at the tiny baby.”

  “Can you help me support his little butt?” I asked, trying to take down the fear factor Tristan spiked in Tony. I felt him reach beneath the baby and softly begin to rub his back.