Dark Horizons

by Dan Smith

  As I came closer, I saw the disturbance on the surface, the waves buffeting the water. My lungs were burning, desperate for oxygen, my head clouding, and I pushed hard, dragging the weight of another person with me, believing that time was running out; that once my body and brain were starved, I would weaken, drop, sink, die.

  I burst into the air with a great gasp, relieved to find the others right there, coming to my aid, reaching for the body I was dragging with me.

  Matt took hold of me, pulling me up, placing a hand under my chin as I gasped for more air, and I let him hold me in the water for a moment as the burning sensation that had drenched me began to subside. I was thankful not to have to use my limbs, happy to let them hang limp in the water.

  Behind us, Michael and Jason took care of the person who had jumped.

  Within just a few minutes we were on land. A flat, rocky outcrop at the base of the bluff, no more than six feet wide. My body was warm but shaking; high from the thrill of being so close to death. For an instant, I understood why people would risk their lives in the pursuit of that exhilarating rush.

  And I had saved a life.

  On my first day in this country I had watched life pass, I had seen nothing but death and distress, and today I had prevented it. It was as unreal as the things that had come before it, and I had to remind myself that all of this was happening to me. I had swum down and I had saved someone from drowning. If it hadn’t been for me, she might still be down there, her flooded body moving with the ebb and flow of the current.

  ‘Jesus Christ, Helena, you gave us a fright,’ Matt was saying. ‘What the fuck were you thinking?’

  We were sitting in a line, the outcrop not big enough for anything else. Helena was in the middle beside me. The dark-haired girl who had emerged from the forest that day with Michael. She was now huddled with her knees drawn up, her chin resting on them, her hair plastered tight against her head. ‘I wanted to do it again,’ she said in a weak voice. ‘I wanted—’

  ‘You’re supposed to tell someone,’ Michael said. ‘You know that. We agree before we do it. Remember how we all felt after Jason was gone so long? You remember how we all thought he drowned?’

  Helena nodded. ‘I know. Sorry. I just thought—’

  ‘No. You didn’t think,’ Michael sounding like someone’s father. ‘You didn’t think at all.’ It gave me a strange sense of comfort to hear him speak that way. It mattered to him that Helena was all right. These people took care of each other.

  Helena turned and looked at me. ‘I’m sorry. I nearly pulled you with me.’

  ‘He’s fine,’ said Michael. ‘Don’t worry about him. He’s a tough guy, aren’t you, Alex?’

  ‘Yeah.’ I forced a smile. My throat was still tight with the panic and relief.

  Jason leaned forward to look past Helena, see me. ‘Shit, Alex, I like your style. You got somewhere higher? Isn’t that what you said up there before you jumped?’

  ‘Something like that.’

  ‘You see him throw himself off ?’ said Matt. ‘Like a fuckin’ madman. Even I nearly shit myself when they made me do it the first time. But you, Alex? I think you’re even crazier than me.’

  ‘So how do we get back up?’ I asked. ‘How do we get out of here?’

  Michael told me there was a path up the cliff face, right from where we were sitting on that outcrop. Something like tiny steps cut into the rock, he said, that looked as if they’d been there for years. They made for a quick way up but in the dark it was impossible and far too dangerous. That meant we’d have to swim further along the shore, where there was an easier way out, and a gentler climb up the hill from a different angle.

  ‘You ever been that way?’ I asked. ‘Up the cliff ?’

  ‘Once,’ he told me. ‘But I wouldn’t do it again. You might, now you’re a hero, but one wrong foot and you’re off the edge.’

  Once we were rested, we slipped back into the water and began our return to the settlement. We swam along the line of the cliff, Michael leading, Jason and Matt bringing up the rear. I kept alongside Helena, feeling a kind of responsibility for her now.

  ‘I’ll be fine.’ She slowed to speak to me.

  ‘Sure,’ I said. She had to be strong to do what she’d done and still be in one piece. She’d come out of it quickly, no crying or feeling sorry for herself, but it had shocked me to see someone in such distress.

  Michael called back to us, saying, ‘Swim out a bit. We’re getting too close.’ The waves wanted to push us into the rock, buffet us on the crags.

  We didn’t have to swim for long, just a few minutes before the black rock at our side began to drop from the sky, its level falling, and eventually there was a clear spot for us to come ashore.

  We pulled ourselves out and I sat on the rocks, my hands still trembling. I caught my breath and looked back at the way we’d come. I could see that we’d rounded a gentle corner, explaining why I hadn’t been able to see this spot from where we were before. During the day it would have been clear, but at night the shoreline was a long, dark smudge.

  ‘So you got all the way to Samosir?’ I said to Jason as we started walking, the rush of excitement finally beginning to subside. ‘The long way round, I guess.’ My hospital clothes were uncomfortable; cold and heavy, sticking to my skin.

  Jason laughed. ‘Not quite. It’s a good story, though. I mean, I might look stupid, but I’m not. Not really.’

  ‘Not too stupid,’ said Matt.

  ‘I’d have to be bloody mental to think I had to swim all the way over there. There’s a village right here, just along the shore. Everyone knows it. We all had to come through it to get up there.’ He pointed to the tops of the trees that covered the hillside. ‘Nah, I just swam along the shore until I found it.’

  ‘But you were gone for a day?’

  ‘Almost. Thought I’d give ’em all a scare for making me jump. Especially Matt – he’s the one brought me here – so I hung around in the kampong, got a bite to eat, went back the next day.’

  ‘So what did you do?’ I turned to Matt. ‘You look for him?’

  ‘Look for him?’ Matt shook his head. ‘How?’

  ‘Course you looked for me, Matt. I heard you were out in the woods all night.’

  ‘We didn’t do anything,’ said Michael. ‘We just waited for you to come back.’

  ‘You hear that?’ said Jason. ‘They’re nothing on you, Alex, they just waited for me to come back. But you? I bet you wouldn’t have just waited for me to turn up. Man, you just saved someone’s life.’

  ‘Yeah.’ Matt slapped me on the back. ‘I gotta admit, that is cool. And look at you, it’s like you do it every day. Me, I’d be high on it.’

  I listened to their banter as we made our way back up the hill, the ground harsh on the bare soles of my soft feet. I’d lost my flip-flops when I jumped – they’d be drifting on the surface of the lake, probably wash up and make someone a lucky find. I was about to ask one of the others if they’d have some for me to borrow, when Helena took my arm, pulling me back.

  ‘Thank you,’ she said. ‘For …’

  ‘It’s OK,’ I told her, not knowing what to say. ‘Anyone would have done the same thing.’

  ‘You could have drowned, too,’ she said. ‘I grabbed you.’

  ‘It’s natural. A natural reaction.’

  She tugged harder on my arm, bringing me to a stop while the others carried on ahead. She put her arms around me. ‘Thank you,’ she said again, pressing her cold face to mine.

  I didn’t know what to do other than pat her shoulder. Here she was, an attractive woman, putting her arms around me, thanking me for saving her life, and I didn’t know what to do other than pat her shoulder.

  ‘If there’s anything I can do for you,’ she said.

  ‘No,’ I replied. ‘Nothing.’

  She pulled her head back to look at me. ‘Anything at all.’

  ‘Alex? Helena? What the fuck’re you two doing back there?’ Michael’s v
oice was loud and had an edge to it. It wasn’t the congenial tone I was used to hearing from him.

  ‘We should catch up,’ I said, then called out into the darkness, ‘Coming.’

  ‘Yes,’ she nodded. ‘We should.’

  I broke away from Helena and together we quickened our pace, joining the others.

  ‘You two sharing a moment?’ Michael asked when we reached them. He glared at me, then Helena, but neither of us replied as we fell in line with them, pushing on through the trees.

  ‘You need a drink?’ said Michael, putting an arm around Helena, eyeing me again. ‘I’m damn sure I do.’

  ‘I reckon I could go for that,’ I said. ‘No tricks?’

  ‘Tricks?’ asked Matt.

  ‘Should I be worried?’ I looked at Helena. ‘I mean, the last time I went somewhere with you guys it was to make me jump off a cliff.’

  Helena shrugged away Michael’s embrace and smiled. ‘No more jumping,’ she said. ‘No more water.’

  ‘No more water?’ Jason replied. ‘You can say that again. No more water passing these lips tonight.’ He slowed his pace and encouraged me to do the same, dropping us back so that he and I were walking with Matt, a few paces behind Helena and Michael.

  ‘Pretty awesome what you did back there,’ Matt said, lowering his voice. ‘Saving Helena and everything, but you need to …’ He screwed up his face, searching for the right word. ‘Stay cool. Yeah, you need to stay cool.’

  ‘I don’t understand.’

  ‘Sure you do.’

  ‘Michael and Helena are kind of a thing,’ Jason said.

  ‘So why do I feel like he’s pissed off with me? I saved her, didn’t I?’

  ‘Yeah, you did, but … I dunno, maybe it’s ’cause you handled the goods. Michael gets jealous,’ Matt told me. ‘And he can be pretty touchy when he’s pissed off.’

  ‘OK, but all I did was—’

  ‘Save her life,’ said Matt. ‘I know.’

  ‘I reckon Michael’s wishing it was him, though,’ said Jason.

  As we came closer, I could hear noises from the settlement. Music, laughter, just the occasional sound carried on the air, and a few people looked up when we came into the clearing, one or two of the people playing cards at the table putting down their hands and clapping. When the others heard the noise, they all looked across, a few cheers, raised glasses and bottles. Smiles all round. Everyone had made the jump at some time or another so they all knew what I’d just experienced – for the most part. I even caught myself wondering if I’d ever do it again and realised that I was already planning on staying a while. I felt as if I’d been accepted.

  Domino was by the kitchen, talking to people I didn’t recognise, and I noticed her straight away. There was something about her that stood out. The way she carried herself with such confidence. I’d never before met anyone who affected me the way she did. Just looking at her, seeing her talk, watching her flick her hair from her face, it made me forget about everything. I just wanted to go to her, take her inside so that we could be alone. I wanted her to myself.

  She glanced across when she heard the others clapping, and she paused, smiled. She spoke to the people she was with, touched her hand to someone’s shoulder and started to come over, but Jason and Matt came either side of me, taking my arms and raising them high.

  ‘Alex the fucking hero,’ said Jason. ‘He didn’t just jump, you lot, he fucking saved Helena’s life.’

  People exchanged glances, hesitant, disbelieving, then came to crowd around, hands on Helena, concerned voices. I hadn’t felt like a hero when we were traipsing back up the hillside, but now I did, and I looked around at their happy faces, smiled acknowledgement of their congratulations. But when I caught sight of Michael, standing to one side, there was no sign of pleasure in his expression.

  When the excitement died down and the story had been told a dozen times, and people returned to their drinks and their games, Matt and Jason started walking me over to join the others, but I stayed back, telling them I wanted to talk to Domino. They winked and nodded, nudging like schoolboys, then left me alone.

  ‘You made it, then?’ she said, coming close, but stopping short, as if she were keeping her distance, maybe not wanting other people to see us share affection. ‘And you’re quite the hero.’

  I looked round, wondering if Kurt was nearby. She only acted this way when he was close, but I couldn’t see him. Michael and Helena were standing away from the others, Michael talking down to her, trying to take her hand. I watched her snatch it away, shaking her head, then she glanced over at me, catching my eye before joining the others in the kitchen. Michael watched her, then turned, looking over at me.

  ‘Michael doesn’t look so pleased about it,’ I said.

  ‘Probably thinks he should’ve saved her,’ she echoed what Jason had said. ‘Worried she’ll take a fancy to you. Maybe I should be worried, too: she’s pretty.’

  ‘I hadn’t noticed. Anyway, you could’ve warned me.’

  ‘About what?’

  ‘About the jump.’

  She pursed her lips, suppressing a smile. ‘I could’ve. But that would be against the rules.’

  ‘Rules?’

  ‘Rules.’

  ‘What rules?’

  ‘Doesn’t matter where you are,’ she said. ‘There’s always rules.’

  ‘Even here?’

  ‘Even here.’

  On the other side of the clearing, Michael nodded to me, then went to the table where some of the others were playing cards. He took a long hard drag on the pipe that was smoking in the middle of the table, and he spread his arms, saying, ‘Damn, I feel good.’ He dropped to the floor in a bizarre display, and began doing push-ups beside the table, counting them off. The others joined in the counting, and when he reached fifty, he stood up, barely out of breath, poured himself a glass of whatever was in the bottle on the table, and drained it in one shot.

  ‘I’m wet,’ I said to Domino. ‘And I’m gonna need some new flip-flops.’

  ‘OK, then, let’s see what we can do.’

  Inside the longhouse, Domino lit a lamp and led me to the back of the building, to the mat I’d slept on earlier that day. She put the lamp on the floor and went to a small cupboard against the wall, opening it and taking out a folded sarong. She threw the sarong onto the mat, following it with a folded white T-shirt.

  ‘Should fit,’ she said. ‘It’ll do until those dry.’ She took out some other clothes and put them on top of the cupboard. ‘There’s some shorts here, too. A couple of T-shirts. Plain, but they’ll do.’

  ‘Whose are they?’

  ‘They were … nobody’s. They’re spares.’

  ‘And my things?’

  Domino reached into the cupboard and held up my money-belt. I stretched out to take it from her, but she kept hold of it. ‘It’s safer in here. No one’s going to take it.’

  ‘My life’s in there. I can’t afford to lose it.’

  ‘You remember what you told me when we first met?’

  ‘About what?’

  ‘You said something about having to lose everything before you can really do what you want. Well, why not lose everything for a while? See how it feels. You can come back and get it anytime you want.’

  I didn’t release my grip on it.

  ‘You trust me?’ she asked.

  I hardly knew her.

  ‘Alex?’ She narrowed her eyes. ‘You do trust me, right?’

  ‘Sure,’ I said, letting her take the money-belt. It was a risk, letting it out of my sight, but it only had to be for now. Later, I would come back and get it, put it back round my waist where it was safest.

  ‘It’ll be here whenever you need it.’

  I watched her stuff it into the cupboard and close the door.

  ‘Tell you what,’ she said, turning the key and taking it out of the lock. ‘You can keep this. Make you feel better.’

  ‘No, it’s OK,’ I half protested, but she unwound one of
the thin leather thongs from her wrist and slipped it through the key, tying both ends together and coming close to me.

  ‘Wear it,’ she said, putting it over my head. ‘That way you won’t be worrying about it.’

  I lifted my hand to the key and looked down at it. ‘Thanks. I appreciate it.’

  ‘Sure you do. Now come on, let’s get you changed.’

  ‘I’m going to need some new stuff of my own,’ I told her. ‘Clothes. A watch. Maybe we can go down to Parapat tomorrow; there’s a market there, right?’

  Domino came closer to me, helping me take off the wet shirt, pulling at the sodden material as it clung to my skin. ‘You should stay a while first. It’s better that way.’

  ‘Better?’

  ‘Let people get to know you. Let them see you want to be here.’

  ‘I do want to be here.’

  ‘Then stay. You go running off the first day, they’ll think you don’t.’

  ‘It’s not running off, it’s buying new clothes.’

  Domino dropped the wet shirt to the floor and reached down to unfasten the button on my trousers. ‘Trust me,’ she said. ‘There’ll be plenty of time to go to Parapat.’ She struggled with the button, her fingers not strong enough to push it back through the tight hole.

  ‘I heard you,’ I said.

  ‘Hm?’

  ‘When I was asleep. I heard you and Kurt talking. Arguing.’

  ‘You were dreaming.’

  ‘No. I was awake. You were arguing, I’m sure.’

  Domino stopped, resting her hands. ‘Yeah.’

  ‘He was pissed off about something.’

  ‘I don’t want to talk about it.’

  ‘Was it about me? You in trouble for bringing me here?’ Again, I wondered if there was something between them, something more than just friendship. A reason why she kept her distance from me when he was around.

  ‘No.’ She shook her head and went back to what she’d been doing. Waggling her fingers then going to work on the button again. ‘Not that. He’s glad you’re here. Glad for me.’