Finding Memories (Breaking Free Series)

by Becca Taylor

  Minutes later, the girls come out loaded to the max with dessert. Me, I’m looking at mine. She’s carrying strawberry shortcake, and I’m thinking she’ll taste better than that any day.

  Kat sits on Caleb’s lap, and he gives her a kiss. This is normal for the two of them, but when I see Aly and Bentley doing the same, followed by Lexi and Hunter, I get a knot in my gut. I had that once and lost it. Had things been different, I would have been the one saying something in my woman’s ear, and she would be smiling at me.

  “Want some?” Jade pulls me out of my dark thoughts. She’s holding a paper bowl filled a mile high with the cake she was carrying. It takes everything in me not to pull both her and the cake in my hands.

  “Sure. And I’ll take extra dessert later too.”

  “Stop,” she says.

  “What? I’m a hungry man.”

  “People will hear you,” she mouths.

  “That I like dessert?”

  She taunts me by scooping some whipped cream with her finger and licking it off. Only she’s not looking at me, so I think it’s just something she does. But the way her mouth curls around her finger …

  “I got some news, so shut up. Go ahead, Dulce,” Hunter says.

  “We’re engaged,” Lexi says as she holds up her hand that’s sporting a big shiny ring.

  I don’t know if I’m in more shocked that she said yes or that my best friend never mentioned shit about this before. I know we’ve been working on separate projects, but we own a business together so clue a friend in.

  Just as everyone was about to congratulate them, Caleb says, “Hold it. This is my house, and you will not steal this moment from me and my wife. So simmer the fuck down.”

  “Thanks, babe. I think we need to work on your language, but we have about seven to eight months for that,” Kat says.

  “Then you’d better let me get it all out now before the baby comes.”

  One by one, it registers with everyone what they were just saying, but in case we missed it, Kat tells us anyway.

  “We’re pregnant.”

  The girls all get up to hug one another while the boys stand to give both Caleb and Hunter a slap on the back. Times are definitely changing for us. Music is taking a back seat especially now that more weddings and car seats will be in the future. And I gotta say, I’m fucking ecstatic for them. My boy looks happier than the day he said I do. I’m jealous as hell, but they deserve this. That chest I’ve been neglecting in my workshop may have a use.

  When I look over, Jade is heading inside. I notice her pace is quick as she turns down the hall that leads to the bathroom. While everyone was celebrating the news, I kept looking at my watch. She’s been gone for well over five minutes.

  After ten, I head inside to find her. The bathroom door is closed, and I hear the water running. When I knock, she answers, “Be right out.”

  Her voice sounds off, so I turn the knob to find it unlocked. Opening the door slightly, I let Jade know it’s me. When she doesn’t stop me, I walk in to find her sitting on the closed toilet with a wad of tissues in hand, looking like she’s been crying.

  I crouch in front of her.

  “It’s silly,” she says.

  “What is?”

  “I’m not sad. I’m really happy for them.”

  I push her hair out of her face. “I know.”

  “Lexi has been my best friend forever, and Kat is too.”

  “They are.”

  “Then why am I completely jealous of them? I’m a terrible friend,” Jade says as she wipes her eyes and blows her nose.

  I pull her to sit on my lap as she curls herself against me. “You’re not. They know you’re happy for them.”

  “I want that someday. I can’t help it. I thought I would have that years ago, but it was a lie. And here I am, living in an apartment, taking pictures of people’s lives and on a dating site. I’m a loser.”

  “Then I’m a loser with you.”

  “No, you’re not. You have a great house and a successful business.”

  “But no one to share those things with. Someday I will, though, and I have no doubt in my mind that you will too.” Maybe this should be my in; I should tell her that we could put all the bull behind us and try it out together. Stop playing these games and move forward together. But, apparently, that’s not what Jade is thinking.

  “I know you’re right,” she says.

  “I usually am.”

  “How do I get that, though, Jeremy? I mean, why can’t I seem to find the one?”

  “Maybe it’s closer than you think. What if it’s been in front of you all along, and you’ve both been blind?”

  “I doubt it. I haven’t been out with anyone but you, so I don’t think he’s been in front of me.”

  You’re sitting on his lap, I was about to tell her when she stands and starts fixing her face in the mirror.

  “That’s it. No more feeling sorry for myself. I just have to look harder, right? Come out with me tomorrow night? It’s ladies’ night at Chris’ bar. We are bound to meet someone there.”

  “Yep.” That’s all I got out. One lousy fucking word and I had no clue which question I was answering.

  “Thanks, Jeremy. You’re always there for me,” she says as she kisses my cheek and heads out of the bathroom.

  She might as well have punched me in the gut because the knot in my stomach is growing bigger by the minute. I’m fucking tired of being the guy who’s there for people. Mr. Fix-it. Then I think, it’s time for me to step up my game or move the fuck on. After tomorrow night. Because I will be at that bar, and I will make sure she’s safe. More like that she ends up getting home safely … and alone.

  MY WORK DAY ended well over an hour ago, and Jeremy and I are the only ones left at the construction site. While he's finishing some odds and ends, I'm just admiring the view. I’ve long packed up my equipment, except for the one camera I have that I'm taking the occasional picture with.

  When I see Jeremy taking off his shirt, I couldn't help snapping a few shots while admiring his body. His tanned skin, muscular back, and arms are a work of art. Add in his ass-hugging jeans and tool belt, and he's definitely worth the good lurk I'm giving him.

  “You like the view?” he asks without even turning around.

  “How does it feel to be a top ten eligible bachelor?” I ask as I walk to where Jeremy's now leaning against the concrete wall he was working on. The magazine I work for just wrapped up the nominations for Naples’ sexiest bachelor, and I'm looking at the number two. He should have been number one, but that’s just my opinion.

  “I don't care for the title. It makes me feel like a piece of meat.”

  I laugh at his comment as he pulls me close to his body. “I think you like it. You'll have women lining up at your door begging for a Jeremy Slade custom job.”

  He pushes a strand of hair from my face and tucks it behind my ear. It's intimate, and being this close tempts me too much. Everything about him is tempting, but then he gets so close to my lips and says, “What if I don't want them to line up? I like my life the way it is now.”

  I need to step away. He takes my hand and doesn't let go until both our arms are stretched as far as we can go. It’s happening again. I’m letting myself fall back into our old habits.

  “Me too.” I don’t know how he takes my comment, but I don’t know what his means either. Does he like his single life or us?

  Normally, we would go out for dinner, but tonight I don’t feel much like eating. My overthinking about what he said is making my mood sour. Jeremy looks concerned when I tell him I’m going to skip and head home.

  “Are you sure you’re okay?” he asks for probably the third time as we walk to our parked cars.

  “I’m just really tired tonight. I have a lot of pictures to edit too.” It’s not a lie. I’ve been trying to keep up, but when they tossed in the whole bachelor thing, it added to my workload. Jeremy and I took the pictures my boss wanted earlier in the mo
rning while he was still in his shirt.

  “Your last day here is coming up,” he mentions casually.

  “Only three days left of me and then I’ll be out of your hair,” I joke.

  “I like you in my hair.” He clears his throat. “I mean, we like having you here. The guys are going to miss you in their faces. So you’d better not forget us.”

  “I’ll be back again. Besides, how could I forget you? Any of you.”

  He moves to touch me again, but I can’t handle it right now. Turning, I quickly open my car door and duck inside.

  “I’ll see you bright and early tomorrow,” Jeremy says as he closes the door for me.

  “Yeah, tomorrow.”

  I drive home with the intent on sticking to what I said and editing my pictures. Until I load them to my computer, that is. Image after image of Jeremy fills my screen. When I come to the last ones I took of him, I can't seem to move past them.

  I wasn’t cut out to have only a physical relationship with someone because my heart gets too involved. Just looking at him, in his element, I get jealous when I think about all the women who will be staring at his picture. Top ten eligible bachelor, great job, funny, plays guitar, owns a house, and he’s got it made in the looks department.

  I want to call my boss and tell him the pictures didn’t turn out. Jeremy isn’t interested in this, but I was the one who encouraged him to do it. This will bring exposure for his business. My boss, on the other hand, couldn't care less if this helps Jeremy’s business. He wants to bring in viewers to the magazine. The younger generation.

  Clearly, I am not going to focus on work. I decide to get up early the next morning to finish my work. For now, a hot bath to soak away my stress over the number two bachelor and the end of us working together sounds better.

  THIS IS THE last day I'll be at the rec center for a while. I won't be around while they are doing the interior work. My boss decided, once again, it wouldn't be all that interesting. People want to see the building go up and the finished product, not literally watch the paint dry.

  Jack did inform me that they will be publishing the bachelor edition of the magazine before the completion of the youth center to keep people interested in the project since Jeremy will be gracing the cover along with the winner and the third runner-up. And I hate that. I officially hate the first magazine cover I took photos for. Why? I have a sinking feeling that Jeremy is going to find someone after they read it, and I’m going to lose my best male friend.

  What makes me even sadder is that today is coming to an end. I've grown to get to know these people on this project through the pictures I take. When they laugh, I try to capture that. If they are screaming about the windows and if they are flush, I capture that too. Each of the men here has a personality that makes them who they are. And I'm really going to miss that.

  “Fox, watch out,” Theo, one of the workers, screams.

  My clumsy self is too caught up in my own thoughts to notice the beam in front of me, and Theo is a little too late warning me because I trip over it. In an effort to save my camera from its ultimate demise, I use my other hand to break my fall. The impact wasn't hard, but enough that I scrape my palm along the concrete floor.

  Jeremy runs over to me immediately. “Are you hurt?”

  “Just my pride. That was embarrassing.”

  “Let me look.” He takes my hand and begins moving my wrist back and forth; I’m guessing to test if I sprained anything. I didn’t.

  “It's really okay.”

  When he flips my hand over, he inspects the tiny cuts. “Come on; I need to clean this out.”

  “It’s nothing. I can just wipe it on my pants, and I’ll be good to go.”

  “Then you can sue me when it gets infected. I think not.”

  “I wouldn’t.”

  “I know. Just let me take care of you, Jade.”

  Jeremy doesn’t let me walk, though. No, he picks me up in his arms and carries me to his truck.

  “I can walk,” I tell him.

  “I don’t want to risk you falling again.”

  “I won’t. And people are going to question why you are carrying me.”

  “Let them.”

  He sets me on the tailgate while he gets something from the back of his truck: a bottle of water and a first-aid kit. After opening the water, he takes my fingers in his hand then starts pouring it over my palm. At the same time, his thumb gently wipes away the dirt and rocks that are there.

  He looks me in the eyes and smiles. “This may sting a little.”

  He pours some peroxide on the area he just cleaned, then blows. It helps ease the sting some, but it stirs something more, something that shouldn't be stirring, but it does because no man has ever taken care of me like this. He dabs the area with gauze and places a bandage on top of the scrapes, which aren't much. When he lays a kiss on my hand, I realize it.

  For months, we've said we were keeping this light. Just sex. But every time we say we won’t, there's been a lot more slipping. It wasn’t until this moment that it hits me—all the rules we've broken. A tiny kiss here, a more than casual touch there. Talking for hours on the phone about nothing and everything.

  And my heart skips a beat. Three beats to be exact, I love him it says with each thump.

  This is not good.

  “All better,” Jeremy says as he clears his throat and stands. Almost as if he heard what I was thinking.

  “Yes, thank you.” We stare at each other as if we both are waiting for the other to say something.

  When he opens his mouth to talk, his phone rings. He doesn't look at it before answering. “Slade.”

  The look on his face changes while he listens. He holds up his finger and walks to the front of the truck. While he finishes his phone call, I take a few minutes to sit and think.

  Before I can process what I'm feeling, Jeremy comes back. His eyebrows furrow like he's deep in thought. It's his decision face. The other thing he does when he's weighing his options is rub the back of his neck. I've seen him do that a lot here.

  “You arranged that date tonight, right?” he asks me.

  “Yes.”

  “That's what I thought.”

  “But I—” He cuts me off before I can tell him that I decided I’m canceling it, that I'd rather spend time with him and stop this whole online dating nonsense.

  “That was Deanna.”

  “Oh.”

  “Yeah, oh.” He starts pacing back and forth.

  “Oh.” I seem to be having a hard time getting words out. All I'm thinking is that this is not looking good for me.

  “She wants to get together to talk.” He stops and looks at me.

  “About?”

  “She wouldn't say.”

  “Oh.” Words, Jade. Use them.

  “Yeah. What should I do?” He looks at me for an answer.

  Don’t go. “You should go.”

  “I should go?”

  “Yes. And see what she wants.” Why am I telling him to go out with his ex? Why should I care? We have an arrangement. No strings. Only my strings are about to be cut loose, and I'm going to fall. Hard.

  “I should go. And you should go on your date. Right?”

  There's my answer. The feelings from just a moment ago were one-sided. Before the last string snaps, I gather up my camera and hop off the back of his truck.

  “I should head out too. I have to shower and make myself look presentable. Thanks for doctoring me up.” What I’m really thinking is I should go before my heart breaks even more. I walk quickly, trying to make it to my car before he sees how much this is hurting me.

  “Jade,” Jeremy calls to me. I pause before opening my door.

  “Everything is good with us, right? I mean, you think we should stop our ... this?”

  I swallow the lump in my throats before answering. “It's time. I'll see you around.”

  He says something else, but I can’t stay and listen anymore. I'm five seconds away from tears,
and I swore I wouldn't let anyone do this to me again.

  It's the first time I allowed myself to step in front of the lens and put myself out there, but I wish I would have stayed hidden because looking at what I didn't have hurts less than not having what I want more than anything.

  A SECRET STASH of chocolate and flavored vodka are my date night. I canceled my plans with Kevin, and he didn’t seem upset at all. I, on the other hand, am but not because of the stupid date. Because I’m an idiot and fell for the one person I wasn’t supposed to. Streaks of mascara would be running down my cheeks, but thankfully, I didn't wear any today.

  Jeremy: How was your date?

  I take a moment to respond, pretending that I am busy.

  Me: I'm still on it.

  It's not an actual lie. Two guys are here with me. Ben and Jerry. I moved on from chocolate to ice cream, and it tastes fabulous covered in marshmallow vodka. I’m watching every romance movie I can, weeping in my bed with a box of used tissues over my pathetic love life. Now, I’m just tipsy enough to respond. Desperate too.

  Jeremy: It's midnight.

  Me: I didn't realize it was so late. Did you go out tonight?

  Jeremy: Shouldn’t you go back to your date?

  Me: He’s in the freezer at the moment.

  Jeremy: In the freezer?

  Me: You know what I mean.

  Jeremy: No, I don’t.

  Me: He’s getting ice, for our drinks. How’s Deanna?

  Jeremy: She said she wants to get together tomorrow.

  That still leaves open whether he's going to meet her. And if he doesn’t tell me, it will drive me nuts all night. I’m now drunk and jealous.

  Me: Are you going to meet her?

  I'm setting myself up for heartache.

  Jeremy: I don't know. Do you want me to?

  Me: It’s not what I want; it’s what you want.

  Jeremy: You're right, but I still want to know how you feel about it.

  I hate it, but I can’t tell him that.

  Me: We had an arrangement, and you have a right to walk away whenever you want. Do you want to stop?

  Jeremy: The arrangement, yes.