Finding Memories (Breaking Free Series)

by Becca Taylor

  It is what I am expecting to hear, but it still hurt. The last string that is holding me up breaks. Luckily, my bed is here to catch me.

  Me: No problem. We said anytime one of us could call it off. I’d better go.

  Jeremy: Back to your date.

  I don't answer; I can’t answer because it’s over. I promised myself I wouldn’t get upset if he wanted to end this between us, but what I didn’t count on is that it would hurt far worse than my breakup with Nick.

  My heart feels like it’s lodged in my throat, and I want to crawl into a hole and never come out.

  Instead, I grab another container of ice cream that I’ve added more alcohol to than frozen treat and decide to eat my feelings away. Somewhere in there, I call Lexi.

  “Jade? It’s like one in the morning.”

  “It’s over,” I tell her.

  “Shit. Hold on.”

  “I can’t hold on. I think I’m breaking, Lexi. I’m seriously hanging by a thread.”

  “Jade, I’m grabbing my keys. I’ll be there in a few minutes. Just keep breathing.”

  “Okay,” I tell her.

  When she opens my bedroom door five minutes later, the phone is still in my hand. Me, I’m curled up in the bed, too sad to cry and too broken to move. My best friend curls up behind me and holds me as the first sob breaks through.

  “He’s gone. I lost him. It’s over. I’m an idiot for thinking I could handle that type of relationship,” I tell her.

  I lay there for what seems like hours, and my tears run dry.

  “It’s going to be all right, Jade. Are you ready to talk?” Lexi asks as she sits across from me.

  I hand her the phone that is open to Jeremy’s texts. Her fingers scroll through all them because I had them open to the beginning. Along with the photos between the messages.

  “Jade, remember when you told me that Hunter and I are both idiots? Well, I finally get to throw the words in your face. You two are idiots.”

  “If I’m an idiot, it’s your fault,” I throw back at her.

  “How so?”

  “Because it was your suggestion that I do this,” I yell back.

  “I didn’t tell you to fall in love with him,” she responds.

  “Well, you knew that I would. So I blame you.”

  “Good. We hit stage two,” Lexi says.

  I have no idea what she’s talking about, and it just pisses me off more. “What the hell, Lexi? You are supposed to be helping me.”

  “After crying comes anger. So lay it on me, girlfriend. I got all night.”

  She taps her hands to her chest as if she’s saying bring it on, and I can’t help staring at her.

  “You’re an ass.”

  “Did you just swear?” she asks with wide eyes.

  “Fuck you, Lexi.”

  “Apparently, Jeremy brought out a whole new side to you. Because damn, girl, you got kinky too,” she says as she holds up a picture from my phone.

  Jeremy had grabbed his phone from the dresser next to us. The text before it says, Making fucking memories. My head is thrown back with my tongue licking my lips while Jeremy was behind me. His brow was tight, and his mouth was wide.

  “Damn, girl? When did you get so . . . kinky?”

  “Give me that. I forgot about that being on there.”

  “How about the one after it? Did you forget that too?”

  Good God, it was the moment after. Jeremy was kind enough to cover my boobs with his arm. I remember him telling me to say screw drive her. Yes, I thought it was a good idea at the time. And, yes, I even saved the pictures for future use. But what I didn’t intend was for my best friend to see my orgasm face. Maybe it’s the alcohol, but instead of getting embarrassed, I burst out laughing.

  “And we hit stage three,” she says.

  “What’s that?” I ask curiously.

  “Laughing at your idiocy. At least you two look hot. My and Hunter’s pictures always come out grainy. Want to see?” she jokes.

  “No. Give me my phone. Seriously, Lexi. What should I do now?”

  “What do you want to do?” she asks me.

  “Really? I don’t know. Take time. I need a vacation. Away from work, life, and men. I do know that I will never use a dating site again. I really like him, Lexi. But what if he wants Deanna back? I don’t think I can handle that.”

  “Take time then. Who says you have to figure it all out tonight? Go away for a week. Clear your head. But if you really want him in your life, I wouldn’t wait too long. And judging by what I just saw, it’s obvious you want it, or those pictures would have been deleted immediately.”

  “You’re right.”

  “I know I am. What the hell is that by your bed?”

  She points at the ice cream container. After I tell her what it is, she picks it up and tastes the melted concoction. Stage four, she informs me, is drinking with your best friend and complaining about men. Only neither of us complained. My heart is still broken. And I still have no clue what I’m going to do.

  THE NEXT MORNING, I decide that drinking and ice cream aren't a good combination. Drinking, in general, doesn't solve anything. It only creates a whole different problem. I pay for doing that by spending a good hour in the bathroom, sick.

  Tonight, I have plans with the girls to go out to dinner. I spend the better part of the day begging my stomach to stop, and it finally settles around the time I step out of the shower. When I wipe the steam from the mirror, I determine an extra layer of makeup will be needed to take care of the mess I see facing me.

  By the time I arrive at the restaurant, I feel more like myself. Being with my girls will help keep my mind off Jeremy. Times have officially changed for us. Just a few years ago, we would have been dancing out at the club. Now, we are content with eating and reminiscing. I need this. I need them.

  We meet at one of our favorite restaurants because of their drinks, but I take note that no one is drinking. I mean, Kat can’t, and my stomach won’t even think about it after the concoction I made last night. While Kat and Aly are talking about their blissful marriages, Lexi talks about her hot fiancé. Everyone looks at me, waiting for some news of a man in my life.

  “Don’t look at me. The only thing that is constant in my life is chocolate.”

  “Chocolate sounds good right now. How about we skip dinner and just have dessert?” Kat says.

  “Did you cancel your membership to that dating site?” Lexi says without thinking.

  Simultaneously, Kat and Aly turn to me. “You joined a dating site?”

  “Yes. Can we please not discuss it?” I beg.

  “Oh, we are so talking about it. Why would you do that?” Kat asks.

  “I don’t know. Maybe because my four best friends found such great guys, and I wanted to find one for myself. I’m not getting any younger,” I reply.

  “I thought you just were looking for casual now? Just a release,” Lexi chimes in again. This time, I kick her under the table.

  Kat and Aly both start laughing, loudly.

  “Jade, casual? Right? Good one, Lexi; Jade has never gone home with a hookup since we met her,” Kat says.

  “Have you even been serious about anyone since we’ve known you? My gosh, we are shit friends. How did we not notice this?” Aly says after her.

  I want to confide in them. Tell them all that’s been going on, but I’m not ready yet. And I’m going to kill Lexi for bringing it up because she knew I needed to forget tonight. Then I think she did it because she wants me to get the other girls’ advice. I’m too embarrassed to tell them, though.

  “No. Hence the dating site. Can we not discuss this? I went on two dates, and neither of them is worth a conversation. What’s everyone having tonight?”

  Thankfully, everyone starts looking over the menu.

  “Hey, Deanna,” Aly says. I was so busy trying to decide what I would eat that I didn’t see anyone walk up to the table.

  “Hi, everyone. What are you girls doing way up
here? Don't answer that. I know, dinner,” Deanna says.

  We all know that Deanna and Jeremy broke up, but I'm the only one he confided in about what really happened. It's making me want to scream at her, “Why would you do that? You won't get a better guy than he is. And add in why did you have to call him after all this time? He’s not yours anymore.”

  “Do you want to join us?” Kat asks. Everyone always liked Deanna. She fit in our group just fine, but I'm praying with every fiber in me that she says no. I came here to forget my woes, not have them stare me in the face.

  “Thanks, but I can't. I'm meeting Jeremy here.”

  For a second, I'm relieved, but when she said his name, my head snaps up to look at her. Then the only feeling I have is pure jealousy. When I see her playing with the necklace she's wearing, my eyes zone in on it.

  “You can’t be serious,” Lexi whispers under her breath.

  “Yes, in fact, I see him now. Hopefully, I'll be seeing you guys more after tonight,” she says as she cups the engagement ring that was dangling from the end of the chain in her palm, and I instantly feel sick.

  “Are you okay?” Lexi asks me quietly.

  The girls are already chatting away, but I can only make out bits and pieces of the conversation.

  “I wonder what happened with them?” I hear that question clearly, and it was asked by Kat.

  “I have to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back,” I tell them.

  “Me too,” Lexi says and follows me.

  The only problem I didn't think about is the bathrooms are in the back, the same way Deanna headed. So when we walk past the area we are sitting, I get the perfect view of Jeremy and Deanna kissing. I stop dead in my tracks, causing Lexi to bump into me.

  When she sees where my eyes are focused, she says, “Oh, shit.”

  Time seems to stand still, but it was really only a second that Deanna was cupping his face, Jeremy's hands were on her shoulders, and their mouths were pressed together. When I see Deanna take his hand, I can't watch anymore. My feet finally allow me to move, and I practically run to the bathroom.

  Lexi follows me inside. “I’m sorry I said what I did back there. I should have been a better friend. I just wanted you to clue the girls in. I’ve been giving you shit advice. But what we just saw? I don’t think it meant anything, Jade. It was probably just a kiss hello.”

  My heart feels like it's crumbling. With every breath I take, I'm willing it to stay strong, but it's no use. I turn toward her as the first tears start to fall.

  “If it was nothing, they could have talked over the phone. It's something. Did you see what she had around her neck?”

  Lexi shakes her head. “No.”

  “A nice, big diamond ring.”

  “So what? It wasn't on her finger.”

  I can't do this again. I can't stay here and have someone tell me that the second man I gave my heart to is about to give his to another woman. No, the only man because I'm sure the way my chest is feeling, my heart is on the floor of the restaurant, right by Jeremy.

  The bathroom walls feel like they are closing in on me. I'm suffocating. “I have to get out of here, Lexi. I can't let him see me like this. I'm about to break. Help me.”

  “Let me tell the girls you aren't feeling well. We can get an Uber back home.”

  “You stay because the girls will get too suspicious. I want to be alone. Just tell them I'll talk to them tomorrow.”

  “Okay. And, Jade, deep breaths. It's all going to work out.”

  As I nod my head, she takes my wrists in her hand. It's something that I always did for her when she would panic.

  Lexi heads back out, and I take some time to compose myself. My phone tells me the driver will be here in four minutes, so I check my face. I'm holding back what really wants to come out, and the drive home is going to be hell. As I walk out of the bathroom and past the bar, I walk straight into a wall of muscle.

  “Jade,” Jeremy says while carrying two drinks in his hands.

  “Hey. I’d better run. Uber is here,” I blurt out then run out the back exit. I don't look back because if I did, he would see. It's bad enough the driver had to put up with my sobbing the entire time. He was nice, though. He just handed me a box of tissues before we pulled out of the parking lot and drove me home in silence.

  “WHERE DO I start?” I ask when Jeremy comes back to the table. We're sitting in the bar area, and I'm taking that as a bad sign. If we were sitting in the restaurant, then at least I’d know we would be staying for a while. Here, he could walk away at any time.

  “I just ran into Jade,” he tells me.

  “I know. She's here with Kat, Aly, and Lexi. I miss them.”

  “They're all here? I thought she had a date tonight.”

  “It was just the four of them. Jeremy, can we focus on this? They know I'm meeting you, so I'm guessing they won't come bother us.” I need to talk to him.

  “I think they left. Jade said something about a driver.”

  Something about the way he keeps looking toward the back exit has me uneasy. That and the way he keeps saying Jade's name. “Did you two grow close, you and Jade?”

  “We've been working together on a project.”

  “Oh, yeah. I saw the top ten bachelor article. It’s part of the reason I’m here; that, and I wanted to give you something.” Carefully, I take the necklace off and hand him the ring he gave me.

  “Why are you giving me this?” he asks as he grips the ring in his hand.

  “I'm hoping I can earn it back,” I tell him.

  “Deanna,” he says, but I interrupt him.

  “Let me get it all out first, and then you can tell me if I have a chance of gaining your trust back. Okay?”

  “Fine.” He sounds so cold when he says it, but he has to forgive me when he hears what I have to say.

  “I never slept with Chase while I was with you. Even after you came to my house. I know that doesn't fix what I did, but I want you to know I regret it. I want nothing more than to take it back and erase the past year from the time I left for work to this moment. Then when I saw that whole bachelor thing, it struck something in me. I couldn’t stand the thought of you being with anyone else.”

  As I wait for what seems like an eternity for Jeremy says something, I think about what happened with Chase. I can’t explain why I wanted to try again with him. Maybe I was lonely, and he was familiar. Maybe it was that he was bringing up all the good times we had working together as a team. But when I told him that I received a job offer at a hotel for better money and a bigger promotion, he decided relocating to Florida wasn’t the best move. Then that stupid article came out, and I was jealous over it.

  “Then why did you do it? If I meant anything to you, you wouldn't have even felt the need to be with him. I’m not even going to touch the rest of what you said.”

  “I wasn't with him,” I try to explain again.

  “Did you go out with this guy? Did you spend time with him somewhere other than a work setting? How about on the phone? You know how I would call you just before I went to bed at night while you were away? Well, there was a three-hour time difference. I know you were with friends some of those times. Were you with him while talking to me? Tell me, Deanna. While I was planning the future with you, were you in his arms?”

  “I ...”

  “Because here's the thing. Not once did I ever think about another woman while I was with you.” Jeremy doesn't yell or get angry with me. Every word he's saying is a matter of fact, and every word he says is also true.

  He has every reason to be angry with me, to hate me even. But I had to try one last time. I place the ring on the table since it's rightfully his.

  “This belongs to you. You're right. Every question you asked, the answer is yes, but I never stopped caring for you, and that's the reason I needed to see you. I had to see you one last time to make sure this is over.”

  He doesn't touch the ring, but I know it's not because he wants me to ha
ve it. I made the biggest mistake of my life, but I'm also woman enough to admit it.

  “I was wrong, Jeremy. I have no right to ask you, but have you moved on with someone else?”

  “Yes,” he says. I see it in his eyes too; whoever he's thinking about, she's the one.

  And if I'm not sad over his yes, then maybe, this was nothing but a meeting between two people. One looking to apologize for their actions and one seeking answers.

  “Take the ring. It was never mine. Jade's a lucky girl.”

  His eyes finally really look at me. “How do you know it's her?”

  “The way she looked sitting at the table with everyone; she looked heartbroken. Then when you said you saw her, I heard it when you said her name.”

  DEANNA STANDS BUT stops before walking away. “You two fit, you know? Goodbye, Jeremy.”

  This time, when she starts walking, I know it's for good. More than one person has said Jade and I fit, and those words have never felt so perfect to describe us.

  I'm not sure how long I sit there staring at the ring. It feels like a curse to touch it.

  “It won't bite, you know?”

  I look up to see Lexi.

  “I thought you left.”

  “Nope. Just Jade.” She sits across from me.

  “I saw her leave. Dee told me you were here.”

  “Yep, we saw her too. Jade and I also got a pretty good view of that kiss hello you shared.”

  Fuck. “I didn't kiss her; she kissed me. Goddammit.”

  Lexi makes a hmpf noise then adds, “What are you going to do about it?”

  “Fix it,” I tell her.

  “You are Mr. Fix-it, but this is going to take a little more than a Band-Aid to repair her heart. You’d better bring your whole tool belt for this one, you jerk.”

  “Why am I a jerk? Jade was supposed to be on a date,” I remind Lexi.

  “Really? What are you two, stuck in high school? Wah fucking wah. She had a date, but she canceled because of you, and then you went out with Deanna just to see if it would make Jade jealous,” Lexi reams me out.

  “No, I didn't. I didn't know you were going to be here.”

  “You could have told Jade when Deanna called that you didn't want to see the woman because Jade means more to you than that. You could have done this ‘meeting’ over the phone. Hell, you should have told Jade back when we were stuck at Dani's house that your game was over. Or the month you lived above her. So I’m upgrading that jerk comment; you were an ass.”