Infatuation

by River Savage

  “You want some breakfast?” I stand and point to a chair, hoping she takes the direction so I can feed her. Like I thought yesterday, the woman hasn’t been eating. I’m only going by what I remember the night I met her, versus what I see now. She looks skinny, too skinny, where before she was definitely more than just skin and bones.

  Nothing a few weeks of her eating enough food can’t fix, though.

  “Ahh, I’m pretty hungry, but please, I can fix it.”

  “You sit. I’ll cook,” I order and watch her recoil at my tone and command. Shaking my head at my stupidity, I step forward and try to reassure her. “I have it sorted today. Maybe you can cook tomorrow.” It almost feels strange compromising on something like this with a woman. I mean I’m not a complete dictating asshole, but there are certain tastes I have.

  A willing and submissive woman is one of them.

  Something Mackenzie is not, which only makes the line already drawn even more vivid.

  “Sure, we can take turns,” she agrees quickly and takes a seat next to where I was sitting.

  “Coffee?” I hide my pleasure at her agreeing and reach for a cup.

  “Yes, please,” she answers, and I fill the cup with the black liquid I brewed half an hour ago. I walk back to the table and hand her the cup. She doesn’t bother with cream or sugar. Instead, she takes a sip and rests back in her chair. Before I get caught watching her, I set about making eggs for the both of us. I’m sure some of my brothers will wake up to the smell of breakfast and probably give me a hard time for not cooking enough, but I don’t give a fuck right now.

  “Kelly said she gave you a tour of the place last night?” I start an easy conversation hoping to relax her a little more.

  “Yeah, the place is huge. I might get lost, but I think I have it.” I nod, cracking two eggs at a time into the pan. “And sorry I didn’t speak to you again, but I was just so exhausted.”

  “No problem, but we will need to have a chat with Nix today.”

  “Oh, did you decide something in your meeting?” I hear the panic in her voice before I turn back and watch it slide over her face.

  “No, we wanted to talk to you about pressing charges against Chad.” I set her at ease, but it only serves to push her further.

  “No, Beau. It’s not worth the hassle, with his connections.” Her head moves from side to side. I’m not sure if she’s trying to convince me or herself.

  “It will help. Having him caught up in the courts can give us more time.”

  “No cops, Beau.” Her hands fist in front of her, turning her knuckles almost white.

  “Kenzie, you have to trust who we bring in on this.”

  “No cops,” she repeats, this time with more force. I hold her stare for a beat trying to get a read on her.

  “Okay, darlin’. No cops.” She holds her breath for another few seconds before letting it out in a loud exhale.

  “Thank you, Beau.” I nod, then turn back to the eggs. I shouldn’t be surprised by her distrust of cops considering Mayor Morre’s connections. I suspect he has a lot of men in the force on his books.

  “So do you live here full time?” she asks, her tone lighter than only moments earlier. All signs of her apprehension are gone.

  “I have my own place, but I stay here from time to time,” I answer, knowing from here on out I’ll be staying at the compound.

  “You stayed last night?”

  “I did, and will continue until you’re settled.” I reach up to the cupboard where the plates are kept and pull down two. She doesn’t say anything at my admission, so I don’t push it. Instead, I plate up the eggs and place some bread in the toaster. Mackenzie stays quiet while I finish making our breakfast. The silence isn’t awkward, more calming and I find myself not wanting to break it.

  After a few minutes pass, I quietly place her breakfast in front of her and wait for her to come out of her head.

  “Oh, this looks great.” She comes back to the moment and looks over at me.

  “Just eggs and toast, darlin’,” I play it down, not wanting her to make a big deal about it.

  “I’ve barely eaten in three days. It’s not just eggs and toast,” she states with a shrug, unfazed by her revelation and how it might affect anyone knowing exactly what she’s been through. She owns it and it practically has me coming apart.

  “Well, don’t delay. Dig in.” I force myself not to react. Her fingers reach for the fork I placed beside her plate and I watch as she picks it up. I don’t want to seem like a fucking creeper, but I just want to make sure she’s eating. Before she can put my mind at ease, she returns the fork and reaches for me instead. Her hand lands on my arm, her touch soft and unsure.

  “Thank you, Beau. Not just for the breakfast, but for everything you’ve done for me. I’ll never truly be able to repay you.” I nod once, not looking for gratitude. Any decent person would do the same. It’s what I tell myself, but I know it’s more than that. The emotion she awakens in me causes my words to fail. But it doesn’t matter, not right now. Words are not needed in this moment. I look at her, from her eyes to her hand still resting on my skin and then back up again. Neither one of us speaks or attempts to break the connection. It’s like time only exists outside of us.

  You can’t have moments like this with her, I remind myself, pulling myself out of it.

  Clearing my throat, I turn my head. “Eat.” The demand comes out harsh, rough, even a little angry. She doesn’t act as shell-shocked as she did at my last command, but she retreats nonetheless, and for reasons I can’t figure out, I fight the urge to promise her I’ll never use the tone with her again. Instead, I take a seat and pick up my own fork, and satisfied the woman across from me is at least eating, I take my first mouthful.

  Who knew making sure she finished her breakfast could have me so twisted.

  Five

  Mackenzie

  “You have to trust us, Mackenzie,” Beau tries to reassure me later that day. We’re sitting on one of the sofas in the living area of the clubhouse. Most of the members are outside setting up for a club BBQ, while Nix and Beau sit with me to discuss what’s happened over the last twenty-four hours.

  “I understand what you’re saying, but you don’t know them like I do. The whole sheriff’s department in Redwick is in his pocket,” I try to reason with them. The last thing I need is to have the cops brought in on this.

  Jesus, the thought alone makes me want to run.

  “Not all the men in the department are dirty, Mackenzie,” Nix adds, shaking his head, not agreeing with me.

  Knowing I’m not going to get anywhere with Nix, I turn to face Beau. “Please, Beau. Don’t make me go to the police.” I know they’re only trying to help me, but they really have no idea what their helping might result in.

  Beau regards me for a minute before turning his gaze to Nix.

  Nix is the Prez of the Knights Rebels, and from what Beau has told me over breakfast this morning, his best friend.

  “Your call, brother.” Nix shrugs, leaving it up to Beau.

  “How about we see how you’re doing over the next few days? Let you settle in, find your feet. We hear anything with Chad or the Mayor, we act. If not, we leave it.” I let out a low breath and nod.

  Yes, I can do that.

  “Nix, I’m so sorry to interrupt, but I need some help.” Kadence steps out from kitchen. One arm trying to carry a plate of steaks¸ the other holding her wriggling daughter who is almost out of her hold.

  Nix stands, and moves to his wife, relieving her of their daughter. She squeals in delight, her small chubby hands slapping his face.

  “You got everything you need here?” Nix turns his gaze back on Beau.

  “Yeah, I’ll fill her in on everything else.” Leaving us alone, Nix takes the plate of steaks too, and follows his wife outside to grill.

  “Fill me in? Do you have a secret code I need to live by?” I turn back to Beau and attempt to joke.

  Seriously, Mackenzie?
>
  “No secret code, but I do need to fill you in on some club rules. Make sure you know how we run things.”

  “Are you sure me being here is okay?” I ask, before he breaks down the rules. Rules I can handle. If there are certain things I need to know while staying here, I’d rather learn them now.

  “Already told you, you’re under my protection now. You’re staying.” I swallow hard at my unease and accept what he’s offering. I know the last thing I should be doing is bringing Beau and his club in on my mess, but it’s not like I have much choice. I need time to think this through and at this point, it’s my safest place to do it.

  As long as the cops stay out of it.

  “So what do you have to fill me in on?” I move the conversation along. I know the club has a family BBQ planned so I want to wrap this up so I can get back to my room.

  “Not too much. You’re free to come and go around the club, but until we know more on Chad, it’s best you stay here.”

  “I can’t leave?”

  “Not until you give your statement.” He tries one last shot at getting me to make a statement.

  “That’s not fair, Beau. I have nothing but the clothes on my back and what I was able to grab and throw into my bag, which is basically nothing. I need more clothes and bathroom toiletries.”

  “I have it under control. Holly’s on the clothes and Kelly’s on your girly bath shit.”

  “Beau—” I start to complain then realize how selfish that would make me so I stop.

  “I got you this.” He ignores my reaction and places a plastic bag in my lap.

  “What is it?” I reach in and pull out smallish box with a picture of an android phone on the side.

  “Thought since you’re back, you might like to get in touch with your old friends now.”

  “What friends?” I’m not sure if he’s confused me with someone or he doesn’t understand how by myself I really am. “When I left Redwick, I only had one friend left,” I admit, hating how low I was at that time in my life. My parents died when I was twelve, and I lost my nan five years earlier. Chad and Heidi were the extent of my family.

  “The woman who arranged for you to leave?”

  “Yeah, Heidi. Being married to a man like Chad made it difficult to keep friends,” I confess, knowing how hard Chad tried to push her out of my life. But Heidi wouldn’t take no for an answer.

  “You talk to her since you left?”

  “About a month after I left, I called her house from a pay phone. I just needed to check in, you know? See how she was. She said Chad had been giving her a hard time. We talked for a bit, filled her in on everything, and I told her I would call back on my next stop. She told me not to, said it wasn’t safe. When I called back a few weeks later, the number was disconnected.”

  “You think Chad got to her?”

  “I want to say no, but I don’t know. He was giving her a hard time.”

  “I’ll put some feelers out, see what we can find out.”

  “God, I don’t know, Beau.” The thought of knowing Chad has something to do with Heidi moving or worse, possibly hurting her, is too much to handle right now on top of what is already going on.

  “She was your best friend, right?”

  “She was.”

  “My experience tells me no one puts themselves in that much danger to save their best friend only to cut them off, darlin’.” I know he’s right, which is why it scares me more. What if Chad hurt her because of me?

  “Okay, thank you,” I concede, knowing he’s right. Heidi wouldn’t cut me off unless she had to.

  “Now, as for clubhouse rules, what you see or hear stays inside the clubhouse. There are a few guys who come and go, regulars you’ll see around, some on the weekends. Not everything you see will be your cup of tea, but no one will bother you and if they do, you let me know. You understand?” I nod, still trying to keep up. I had no idea when I stepped foot in here how busy their lives are inside the club. Beau’s cell starts ringing in his pocket, interrupting him from telling me how things run around here.

  “Yep?” he answers on the second ring, lifting his hand and signaling one minute with his finger. “Ahh, yeah I’ll have to check.” He stands and pulls the phone away from his ear. “I need to take this. You all right to hang out with the girls for the rest of the day?”

  “I might just head back to my room and have a nap. I’m still beat.” I know Beau wants me to feel comfortable around everyone, but it’s only been a day. I’m sure he can understand that I’m still a little uneasy.

  “Okay, darlin’. Whatever you want.” He offers me a quick smile, then turns and walks out, leaving me sitting alone. I don’t waste any time in standing and walking back to my room. The last thing I want is to hang out with everyone at a club BBQ. Especially with Beau not around.

  I may not have seen him in eighteen months, but something about us clicked. Maybe it was because he saved me that night or maybe it was more. Whatever it is, I don’t want to question it.

  He’s the only one I can trust. Until I know the threat is gone, I can’t get close to these people.

  It’s for their own safety.

  * * *

  “Oh, hi. Didn’t realize anyone was still up.” I step into the kitchen later that night for a midnight snack.

  “Yeah, couldn’t sleep.” Kelly looks up from the table at my voice.

  “Coffee probably doesn’t help.” I point down at her mug, offering some sound advice.

  “I know, but you know how it is.” She shrugs. “You hungry? You missed the BBQ.”

  “Yeah, I’m starving. I went for a nap. Didn’t realize I’d sleep through,” I admit, still awkwardly standing on the threshold. I wasn’t expecting anyone to be up. To be honest, I prayed no one would be.

  After Beau left to deal with some business, I went back to my room. I didn’t want to come out while the clubhouse was so busy, so I decided to try to get some sleep. Only problem is I slept right through dinner.

  “That’s understandable, love. Help yourself. There’s plenty of food.” She points to the fridge and it only takes my stomach grumbling to take up her offer.

  “Thanks.” I step up to the fridge and pull out a couple of containers. I haven’t eaten since Beau’s eggs, so anything would taste amazing right now.

  Kelly is silent while I put together a small plate of salad, chicken and fresh bread rolls.

  “Did you have a good time tonight?” I ask after I put the containers back in the fridge and take my plate over to the table. I’d much rather take my food to my room, but I can’t be rude and leave her here.

  “Always fun at club BBQs. You should have stuck around.”

  “Maybe next one,” I offer, not sure when the next one is happening or if I will still be around. Kelly nods, but doesn’t say anything.

  The silence hanging between us lasts for a few minutes before Kelly speaks again.

  “You know, Mackenzie, if you ever want to talk, I’m here. We all are.”

  “Thanks, Kelly,” I say right before I place a mouthful of salad in my mouth. I know she means well, but I don’t really want to talk to anyone here about my past.

  “About fifteen years ago I was in a situation not too different from yours.” I look up, intrigued she’s sharing this with me. “I was young, in love, and he had me like a fish––hook, line and sinker. A real charmer. We’d been dating through college and one night we went out with some of his friends. He’d been drinking all day, and then his ex-girlfriend arrived. I was upset because she sat on his knee and kissed him, and he didn’t do anything to stop her. I went to sit in the car and he came bellowing over, annoyed I left him there, so I locked the door. That was the first time I realized how strong he was. He put his fist through the passenger window then dragged me out. After punching me around for a bit, one of his friends drove me home. The next day when he arrived at the dorm, he was full of remorse. He promised me things would be different, he wouldn’t drink anymore, and he would ne
ver hurt me again. The whole sob story. I believed him. I loved him.” She lets out a sad laugh and instantly my insides twist in reaction. I know that laugh, understand where it comes from.

  Kelly, missing my moment of recognition, continues her story. “Things improved for a few months, but then I got pregnant.” My eyes grow wide at her admission trying to do the math. I know Kelly is married to Brooks, and I know they have a daughter who’s only five years old, so she’s not talking about Mia.

  “He was happy to begin with. Things were looking up. But one night a few weeks later, he came around drunk. He was a mean drunk and I was pissed off at him for going against what he promised me. We argued. He said some terrible things. Then he punched me in my stomach.” Her eyes shine with unshed tears and I fight my need to comfort her. “I lost the baby two days later.”

  “I’m so sorry, Kelly.” I place my fork on my plate, my appetite now lost.

  “I’m not telling you this so you feel sorry for me, or so we can bond on some sisterhood level. I’m telling you because I want you to know I understand your reservations about seeking help. I was lucky I had a close family who had my back, but sometimes, even with all the support, I still felt alone. Sometimes I wanted to just pretend it never happened. But the problem with that is it doesn’t always go away.”

  “Kelly—” I know what she’s saying without really saying it, and I want to put a stop to it. “Did Beau ask you to talk to me?”

  “No, I just overheard them talking about you not giving a statement. I want you to know that I get why you don’t want to, and I respect that. But unlike me, you don’t have the support I did. So I’m here if you want to talk. Whenever, you know? ” She reaches across the table and places her hand over my forearm.