Infatuation

by River Savage

  “Did you press charges?” I don’t know why it matters but I ask anyway.

  “No, like you I didn’t want to draw it out. I was scared. He came from a wealthy family and it was his word against mine.” I’m almost relieved at her answer. That someone around here understands me.

  “I know how that feels.”

  “You’re brave, Mackenzie. Doing this on your own shows just how strong you truly are. Just promise me if you need to talk, you’ll reach out. Okay?” I nod and take onboard her advice. The last eighteen months I’ve kept to myself, holding everything in. Maybe a friend wouldn’t hurt. Maybe opening up wouldn’t be so hard, knowing she went through the same thing.

  “Thanks, Kelly. I think you’re brave and strong, too.” I place my free hand over hers. I watch a smile spread across her lips briefly and I can’t help but return it.

  “Well, that’s enough deep stuff for the night. I better get to bed.” She drops her hand from mine and stands.

  “See you in the morning.” She places her cup in the sink and leaves me sitting alone thinking about her words.

  I know why I don’t want to involve the police, and I know why I should.

  Neither decision is going to help me. All I know is, right now I’m safe. No one is coming for me. No one is asking questions, and after having my world come down around me, I’m not going to go looking for trouble.

  If trouble comes knocking, then I will be ready.

  * * *

  “You have to be shitting me,” I curse while trying to flip the damn omelet for the fifth time.

  “You okay there?” A voice startles me, causing me to jump back in a scream. “Shit, I’m sorry, sweetheart. I didn’t mean to sneak up on you.” I turn around at the voice and come face-to-face with someone I’ve met before. Almost black hair, green eyes, legs molded into dark jeans.

  “Detective Carter, what are you doing here?” I back up, knocking the handle of the pan, watching it and the omelet I’ve been trying to perfect, fall to the floor.

  Oh, God, is he here for me?

  “Didn’t Beau tell you I was coming?” He steps forward, tears a napkin from the roll and starts to pick up the mess on the floor.

  “Umm, no?” I calm my breathing and force myself to relax.

  “Well, that explains the jumpy reception.” He chuckles as he comes to stand in front of me. “Sorry about the omelet.”

  “No problem, it was already ruined.” I watch him place the pan back on the stovetop and step back. My hands flex in front of me. My initial instinct is to run for it, but I push the feeling away. In the past, I learned the hard way the police can’t be trusted. Not when they were under the influence of Chad’s father, Mayor Morre.

  “I can see your head running a mile a minute there, sweetheart. I’m not here to bring you any harm. I’m just here to take your statement.” A slight grin pulls at the side of his face, only relaxing me a little.

  “Statement for what?” I blurt, forcing another breath into my lungs. Beau and Nix both discussed with me the possibility of going to the police last week. But I said no.

  Apparently, he didn’t agree.

  “To press charges against your ex.”

  “I-I…” My voice of caution whispers softly not to react, but it doesn’t break through my body’s need to retreat. I shake my head from side to side. “I’m not interested. I told Beau I didn’t want to press charges.” I go to step around him, but he stops my escape.

  “I understand your apprehension with talking to me, Mackenzie, but I’m on your side.” I nearly scoff at him. My side? The man works in the same sheriff’s department as men who have ties to the Mayor, why would I want to talk to him?

  “There are no sides for me, Detective Carter. I’m sorry you wasted your time coming here, but I have nothing to say.” I try to keep my breathing steady as I attempt to stay calm.

  Cops are a no go. I found out the hard way last time.

  “He put his hands on you. You should make a statement.” I stop the eye roll from forming, but can’t help the scoff this time.

  “Like that’s helped in the past.” I casually take another step back. If he’s not going to let me out of the kitchen, I at least want to put some distance between us.

  “I know you had a hard run, Mackenzie. I’m not excusing anyone in our department, but not all cops are crooked.” I hold his stare for a beat, and try not to read too much into his conviction. I know he personally didn’t mess me around, but the department he works in did.

  “Yeah,” is all I manage to say, wishing I could be anywhere but here. The last thing I want to do today is reminisce about the time I reached out to the police for help and it was brushed under the rug.

  “So, Chad hasn’t tried to contact you since you’ve been back?” Detective Carter presses on.

  “No. And I’d like to keep it that way.” I take another step back, this time less casually. His eyes follow my retreat, picking up on my unease.

  “No one knows I’m here.”

  “And it will stay that way. As far as we’re concerned, you being here is a on a need to know basis.”

  “Yeah, and what about the Mayor?” Anyone in the Mayor’s pockets can easily tell him I’m here.

  “The Mayor is more concerned with trying to find his son. Seems he’s gone underground. No doubt in hiding after what he did to you.”

  My heart twists as a white light almost blinds me.

  “Do you know how long I’ve been looking for you?” His jaw ticks and his eyes flash with something I’ve never seen before. It’s almost crazed. Feral.

  “You okay, Mackenzie? You look pale.” Jackson’s voice chases the memory away.

  “Of course.” I hold his stare. In any other circumstance, I would have pulled off my lie with a smile and a quick change of the subject, but not today. Today, I tug at my shirt, and wonder if he can see right through me. With each tug, my unease grows, and I can practically see his mind racing with unasked questions.

  “Is Beau around?” He doesn’t push my reaction. Instead, he pulls a chair back and takes a seat at the table, his large frame looking just as uncomfortable as I am.

  “He had a callout last night. He just got back in. I think he’s in the shower.”

  I force my mind to not picture Beau in the shower. Naked. Wet. His hair dripping.

  Shit, it’s not working.

  “I’ll just wait around for him if you don’t mind.” His eyes don’t leave mine and I force myself not to show any reaction.

  “Of course, can I offer you a drink, coffee?”

  He nods, giving me my answer. I move to the coffee pot and pour him a fresh cup, refilling my own too.

  “Looks like you’ve settled in.” He attempts to make conversation when I hand him his coffee.

  “The club has been very accommodating,” I reply, not wanting to be rude. “Cream, sugar?”

  “I’m good.” He winks, bringing the mug up to his mouth.

  “What the fuck you doing here, asshole?” I jump back at Jesse’s booming voice as he enters the kitchen.

  “Hello to you too, brother.” Detective Carter doesn’t take his eyes off me as he greets Jesse.

  “You’re brothers?” I look between the two men, taking in both of them. Where the detective has dark hair and green eyes, Jesse has blond hair and blue eyes. If I stare long enough, I might be able to see the resemblance.

  A little.

  “Unfortunately,” Detective Carter answers first.

  “I’m the better looking one,” Jesse replies, flipping his brother off while taking himself to the coffee pot.

  “You think you are.” Detective Carter takes another sip of his coffee.

  “Nope, I know I am.” They keep going back and forth until Jesse stops the banter with his own question.

  “What the fuck happened here?” l turn and watch him pick up the pan holding my failed omelet.

  “Umm, that would be mine.” I try not to react when his horror-filled eyes c
ome to mine.

  “Jesus, Mackenzie. Beau wasn’t lying when he said you can’t make eggs.” He empties the messed-up omelet into the trash and wipes out the pan. “I think I need to step in.”

  “What? It’s not too bad.”

  He turns, and cocks his brow. “Woman, I wouldn’t feed my dog this.” I’m not offended by his comments. In the last week, I’ve come to learn Jesse just says it how it is. All the time.

  In this case, it’s no different.

  “You don’t have a dog, Jesse.” Detective Carter laughs from the table.

  “Well, if I did, I wouldn’t feed her it,” Jesse counters.

  Before they can get back into it, I interrupt. “Okay, well show me how you do it then. Beau won’t teach me and I know omelet is his favorite. I just want to get it right.” I take a moment to process what I just said, then try not to read too much into it. I just want to be able to repay him in some way.

  “All right. Be prepared to learn, Mackenzie.” Jesse starts cracking some eggs into a bowl. “I’ll show you how it’s done.” I look over at Detective Carter. He lifts his shoulder, almost daring me to let him. Knowing I’m better off keeping Jesse around to ward off any of Detective Carter’s questions, I step over to the stove and stand next to Jesse.

  “It’s all in the wrist,” he says, and then sets out to teach me how to create some kind of edible breakfast, completely oblivious to my slight freak out.

  Who knew last week I would be here, in the kitchen of the Knights Rebels MC, sharing coffee with two brothers. One, who has close work ties to the family I’m running from, and the other teaching me how to make eggs for the man who I owe more than my life to.

  The same man who frightens me more than anyone because of the things he makes me feel, the things he makes me want. Things I have no business wanting from a man like him.

  Yeah, I need more than a minute to process this.

  * * *

  “Kenzie, did you hear me?” Beau’s voice calls me out of my trance. I look up, coming back to reality and find him standing at the door of my room. His hair is pulled back in some sexy male bun, making his beard look longer. He’s not wearing his cut today, which disappoints me, but the black Henley, pulled tight over his arms, is just as good to look at.

  “Sorry? What did you say?” I place the book I was reading down beside me and sit up.

  “Have you eaten?” He rests his shoulder against the doorframe, his booted feet crossing at the ankle.

  “Ahh, not yet.” I look at the time and realize I’ve just daydreamed my whole morning away.

  It’s been a week since Detective Carter came around to see me. Much to my chagrin, Beau came out from his shower, and ripped Jackson a new one for talking to me without him. It’s not that I needed him there when Jackson questioned me; in fact, I was glad I didn’t have him there. Beau would have only tried to convince me to press charges. It’s not that I don’t understand where they’re coming from, but it’s just easier this way. The last thing I need is a paper trail.

  “You gotta start eating, Kenzie,” Beau pushes off the doorframe and steps into my room. The name my mom and dad called me sends me back to the good memories of my childhood when my life wasn’t tainted with fear and pain.

  “I’m not trying to starve myself, Beau.” My feet find the floor next to my bed and I stand, stretching out my kinks. Eating has been the last thing on my mind lately, not when my stomach is constantly in knots with fear.

  “Doesn’t look like it to me,” Beau pushes, throwing me off more with his comments. I don’t know when he’s teasing or being serious. Even after spending two weeks with him, I’m still trying to figure him out. He’s changed a lot since I saw him last. Not that I really knew him. It was only a brief time we spent together, but it didn’t matter. As cliché as it might sound, we had a connection. One that brought us together.

  “Trust me, Beau, between you, Hunter, and Jesse, you would think I have some kind of eating disorder.” I shake my head at their over protectiveness.

  Over the last two weeks, I’ve come to know all the guys here, but Jesse and Hunter have been around the most. When Beau isn’t around, I find myself either in the kitchen with Jesse, or playing pool with Hunter.

  “What’ve Jesse and Hunter been saying?” His brows pinch inward as he steps into my room.

  “Nothing, just that I should be eating more,” I tell him, unsure why he’s so concerned. He says the same damn thing every day. Ever since my first day here, Beau has been on my back about eating. I know over the eighteen months I haven’t been eating as well as I should have been. I can see it in the way my clothes hang off my body. So even if I do find his pestering about me eating annoying, I know why he’s doing it.

  “Tell them to mind their own fucking business.” He grunts, folding his arms over his chest.

  “Ahh, no. I can’t tell them to mind their own business.” I pick up my cardigan and slide my arms though the holes.

  Is he crazy? These guys have taken me in to protect me, no questions asked. Made me feel comfortable. Offered me clean clothes, food. I’m not going to tell them to get off my back when I know they mean well.

  “I’ll tell them.” He shakes his head, pulling on his beard, his expression guarded. I don’t know much about Beau, but from what I’ve learned, he keeps to himself a lot and rarely shows emotions, but this here is new. This is deeper.

  “It’s fine, Beau. I’m a big girl. I can handle myself.” He holds my stare for a minute and I wait for him to respond, but he doesn’t.

  “All right, now I’m hungry.” I take a step toward him, my stomach grumbling on cue.

  “Before we eat, I need to talk to you about Heidi.” All thoughts of food flee faster than a gambler from a bookie.

  “You found her?” My voice is hopeful, but dread offers my mind only one thought. He got to her.

  “She’s missing, darlin’.” I had anticipated the worst, knowing she wouldn’t just up and leave like she did, but I wasn’t expecting the ferocity of guilt and how it almost blinds me.

  “She’s dead.”

  “You don’t know that. For all we know, she’s gone into hiding.”

  I know it’s more than that. Deep down I know. Regret washes over me. How I wish I could go back and take a different path, a path that includes taking Heidi with me all those months ago.

  “She wouldn’t just leave like this, Beau. You and I both know this. Stop giving me false hope. Be realistic here.”

  “I’m not giving you false hope, darlin’. I refuse to give up. We’re gonna keep looking.” He pushes off the doorframe, takes two steps toward me, and reaches for my hand. Instead of flinching like I normally would, I let him take it, let him soothe the raging storm brewing inside me.

  I believe him when he says he won’t give up, but I also know Chad. Know what he was capable of. If Heidi is missing, I know with everything inside of me, Chad is responsible.

  We stand deep in silence, my mind fighting with my body on how to processes it, until Beau whispers, “Come back to me, darlin’.” His words are the resuscitation I need to finally let my body gasp for much-needed air.

  “I’m here.”

  “You’re not,” he argues, but he’s wrong. Two weeks ago, the news of Heidi being missing would have sent me into a full-blown breakdown. This reaction is me processing. I’m not saying every part of me doesn’t want to break, or retreat into myself, I just don’t want to show Beau that kind of weakness.

  “I’m here as much as you.” I drop his hand and let out a breath. “Now, how about that lunch?”

  “Don’t put a mask on with me, Kenz. I’m not saying you can’t feel, just don’t give up hope.” I don’t reply right away. The fact he just called me out shocks me. That’s one thing I respect about Beau. He doesn’t let me play my bullshit.

  “You’re right. Every part of me wants to lie down right now in defeat. But that’s not fair to Heidi.” I give him the truth. Until we know for sure, I’m going to s
tay positive.

  “It’s not fair to you,” he corrects me.

  “Yeah, well, I don’t care about me.”

  “Well, I do.” His wide eyes reflect his conviction, and his hand tightening in mine proves he won’t be convinced otherwise. For a millisecond, I let it pull me to him. It’s been so long since I’ve willingly let someone care. I don’t know what it is between Beau and I. This tension has been growing rapidly from day one, and every time he’s close, my body reacts.

  Which is crazy considering I haven’t been with anyone since Chad.

  “Well, someone should.” I laugh to hide my unease. “Come on, I really am hungry.” Beau doesn’t say anything, he just steps back to let me pass. My arm brushes against his hard chest as I pass him. “What would you like to eat?” I ignore the flutter in my stomach as I look up at him. He’s so tall and broad. The top of my head barely hits his shoulder and standing in front of him, my insides grow unpleasantly warm realizing he could probably do some serious damage with his arms.

  No, he’s not Chad.

  “I’ll make something.” His short monotone voice makes me cringe only for a second before I relax. I’m starting to learn it’s Beau’s way. In the beginning, it rubbed me wrong, taking me back to when Chad was angry with me, and no matter what I would try to do to fix the situation, he would still lash out in a cruel way. Beau is different though. He might be short with his answers, and sometimes he might come across as harsh, but there is nothing cruel about him.

  “I can cook, Beau. I don’t know what the problem is.” I roll my eyes. I’m actually a good cook. I bake and love to try new recipes. I’m just not good with eggs, apparently.

  “You roll your eyes at me again, we’re going to have other problems, darlin’.” His hot breath hits me first, then the slight tickle of his beard before the words wash over me.

  I freeze instantly. The pressure of his hard chest pushing me against the wall suspends me from the present to the past.

  I know Beau wouldn’t hurt me, know it with every fiber of my being, but it doesn’t stop my body from reacting.