by A. T Brennan
Ben didn’t seem to be in any hurry as his lips played and moved over hers. He didn’t push for her to go harder or even for her to open her mouth to him. He just kissed her.
She couldn’t stop the moan that escaped her throat, and after a long few minutes of just tasting and teasing each other, she needed more.
She parted her lips for him, moaning again when his tongue gently traced over her bottom lip before it slipped inside her mouth and came to rest against hers.
It was as though lust and sensuality were dripping from his very pores. There was so much feeling, so much desire and even promise behind each and every movement. It was as if he was getting lost in her.
She’d never, ever, been kissed like this before in her life, and she started to feel a little lightheaded.
Ben must have sensed that she was feeling a bit unsteady, and he gripped her waist a little tighter. She thought he was just helping her stay on her feet, but he had other plans.
“Oh!” she cried out against his kiss as she found herself being lifted off the ground and hauled against his hard and strong body. She tried to pull her lips from his, terrified he would drop her, or worse, fall down with her, but he kept his kiss hard and insistent.
She wrapped her legs around his waist as she gripped his shoulders, half in fear of falling and half out of desire to feel more of him.
He just held her tight and slowly began walking them toward his queen-sized bed.
He stopped when his legs hit the mattress and gently lowered her down until she was lying on the bed. Keeping one arm around her waist and using the other for leverage, he pulled her up until she was in the middle of the mattress, and then lay over her.
Allie’s head was spinning. Between his kisses, his strength and the sheer masculinity he was exuding, she was getting overwhelmed.
“God!” She blinked as he pulled his lips from hers and smiled down at her. “Fuck.” She didn’t have the brainpower to think of something more eloquent to say, not while he was on top of her and staring down at her as though she was the most beautiful woman in the world.
He gave her a quick, nipping kiss and set to pulling off her clothes.
She lay back as he undressed her, lifting her body and hips so he could get her clothes off and toss them aside. When she was left in just her bra and panties he sat back on his heels and reached into his pocket.
He pulled out a beat up leather wallet and thumbed out a condom. She bit her lip as he tossed the wallet aside and pressed the condom into her hand. It took a moment for him to rip off his clothes, and she could only stare at him.
The last time she’d seen him naked he’d been lean and strong, but had still had a youthful body. Now he was strong and built. His muscles didn’t ripple or bulge, but they were still defined and incredible. She noticed several scars on his torso and a few on his arms, and briefly wondered what had happened to him, but her gaze was drawn downwards. Her eyes ran down his tight and taut stomach until she settled on his cock.
He was still as perfect as she remembered, but he seemed bigger. Was that even possible?
When she looked up at his face she found him grinning at her. She blushed and bit her lip. At least he appreciated her staring at him.
She opened her mouth to apologize but he just lay back over her, kissing her silent before slipping his hands behind her to unclasp her bra. As he moved his body down he stripped it off, stopping when his mouth was lined up with her breast.
“God!” she cried out as his tongue traced around her nipple, teasing the sensitive nub as his hand gripped and squeezed her breast.
Allie had always had extremely sensitive nipples, and pleasure shot through her body and right into her womb as he closed his mouth over it and began suckling her.
“Fuck, oh god!”
The fingers on his other hand flicked and tweaked her other nipple, and she involuntarily squeezed her legs together as she tried not to scream. Pressure was building as pleasure spiraled around inside her body, and she felt as though she was on the brink of orgasm.
“Fuck, oh my god.” She bit her lip and squeezed her eyes closed. She didn’t think she could actually come from having her nipples stimulated, but it felt incredible.
After a moment Ben grunted against her skin and released her breasts. She was about to cry out in protest, until he began moving lower down her body.
He pushed her legs apart so he could settle between them, and Allie looked down the line of her body at him. He grinned up at her and she lifted her hand to bite her fingers. If his tongue was half as nimble on her clit as it had been on her nipples, she would be screaming in no time.
She watched as Ben lowered his mouth to her, and fell back with a cry the moment he ran just the tip of his tongue up her slit.
“Oh my god. Oh my god!” She ripped her hand away from her mouth and instead gripped the surface of the comforter. There was no point trying to keep silent as he brought her higher and higher toward her release.
“Oh fuck. Yes, yes baby! Just like that,” she encouraged as he moved his tongue hard and fast against her. “Yes, like that. Please baby, a little more!”
She felt two of his fingers slide deep inside her channel and she was lost.
Her orgasm didn’t just break, it exploded. She screamed and writhed, crying out to him and for him as she let the pleasure wash over her.
Ben pulled his mouth from her mound and moved up her body so he could kiss her, swallowing her cries as she jerked and shook beneath him.
“Oh god. Ben.” When the last of the pleasure subsided she opened her eyes and looked up at him. “Wow.”
“God, Allie. You’re still perfect. Every inch of you is perfect.”
She blushed at his words, only then realizing his fingers were still deep inside her. It should have felt weird. Normally that would have made her uncomfortable, but with Ben the physical connection was nice. It made her feel closer to him after sharing something so earth shattering. It made her feel like he wanted to be in the moment with her and share her pleasure, instead of just taking his own.
As he lay over her she smiled and began moving her hand between them. After that mind-bending orgasm, she could certainly return the favor.
“It’s okay. I’m good to go after watching you.” He shook his head and shifted away from her before she could touch him.
“Are you sure?”
“I’m sure.” He nodded and smiled down at her. “Seeing your pleasure was enough for me.”
She blushed at his words and fumbled with the condom package she was still gripping in her hand, and ripped it open. If he wouldn’t let her pleasure him then she at least wanted to touch him as she rolled the condom on.
Ben sucked in a breath as she quickly put the condom on him, relishing the feel of his hard cock under her hands. She really wanted to stroke him and feel all of him in her hand, but he didn’t seem to want to wait a second longer before he was inside her.
He shifted slightly so he was resting between her legs with their pelvises pressed together. He bent his head and kissed her deeply as he shifted so his cock was right at her opening before slowly pushing into her.
“Oh!” She gasped against his lips as he filled her. At eighteen Ben had seemed very large to her, and now that he was older he seemed bigger than she remembered. It was true he was long, but it was his girth that set him apart from the other men she’d been with.
“Fuck. God, Allie. You feel so fucking good.”
“Oh yes, yes, Ben.”
He groaned and buried his face in her shoulder as he began to move inside her. His strokes were a little erratic and fast, but after the first few thrusts he slipped into the perfect spot. The tip of his cock tickled her G-spot, and she thought she might scream as her body tightened in a way she’d never felt before.
“Oh yes. Yes!” she cried out as she held Ben tight, running one hand through his hair as the other pulled his chiseled body against hers. “Oh yes, yes!”
“Fuck, A
llie.” He grunted and pressed his lips into the crook of her neck. “Oh shit.”
She could feel his muscles tighten as his breathing became very choppy and almost uncontrolled. It was then she realized he was close.
She wasn’t, and there was no point trying to drag it out. It didn’t matter if sex lasted one minute or one hour, she wasn’t built to have vaginal orgasms and she’d accepted it. After so many years of never reaching that end, she’d learned to find pleasure in the connection she shared with someone, not just the feelings they created in her body. Plus he’d given her an incredibly powerful orgasm during the foreplay, so she was technically already ahead.
“Yes, come on, Ben,” she whispered in his ear as she held him close. “Come for me, baby.”
Ben grunted against her skin and pulled away, his cock falling right out of her as he did. There was fire and desire blazing in his eyes, and a touch of something she couldn’t quite place.
“Fuck!” she cried out as he shoved two fingers deep inside her and began fucking her with them.
“Come for me, Allie. Come now. I want to watch you again.”
“Oh god. Oh god, Ben. Fuck.”
“Come on, babe.” His pace was really erratic and she could feel his back muscles bulging as she held him tight.
“A little more.” She squeezed her eyes closed and gave herself over to the moment. She’d never felt this close to orgasm so fast before, and when he pressed the heel of his hand against her clit she was lost.
“Oh fuck!”
Her orgasm hit her hard and fast and she gave herself over to it. When the last of the pleasure dissipated he pulled his fingers from her and slipped inside her once again.
“Fuck.” She shook her head. “Oh god, fuck you feel good.”
Ben grinned down at her and began stroking in and out of her. He kept his pace constant and hard, and she loved every second of it.
“Oh, oh…oh fuck,”
“Yeah, come on, Allie.”
“Fuck, Ben.” She bit her lip hard as the pleasure began to build and she felt herself hovering in that moment between pleasure and orgasm. “Fuck!”
The pressure broke and she was almost consumed with pleasure as her mind clouded over. She’d never been able to have more than one orgasm in a single session before, but Ben had already brought her to new heights with the three she’d already had. She wouldn’t be able to hit a fourth one, not without some sort of extra stimulation, but that wasn’t such a bad thing. Her mind was already cloudy and her skin and body felt hyperaware. Three had been incredible, four just might be too much. She stopped thinking about it and instead focused on Ben and on staying present in the moment with him.
Between the attention he’d shown her and the effort he’d put into pleasuring her, this was the best sex of her life, and it had nothing to do with her orgasms.
With a groan Ben pressed his forehead against hers, closing his eyes as he gave into his pleasure.
Allie felt him pulse inside her a moment before he jerked against her and cried out. The moment he stopped moving her skin began to tingle and her arousal began to fade. She was utterly and completely satisfied. That had been perfect.
She just held him close as he lay over her. The majority of his weight was being supported by his arms so she pulled him down so he was laying on her. She didn’t care how heavy he was, she needed to feel him.
After a long moment Ben rolled them over, keeping her tight against his body as he lay on his back. She snuggled up against his chest and smiled as he kissed her forehead.
“Wow, Allie.”
“Yeah, wow,” she agreed.
“So, better than you remember it?”
Allie laughed and looked up at him. He was grinning down at her and she shook her head.
“You were great before, considering our age, but that was beyond anything I could have imagined.”
“Really?” He raised his eyebrow and gave her a cocky grin. “You enjoyed it then?”
“You know I did.” She playfully slapped him on the stomach. “You certainly did.”
“I did.” A serious look fell over his face and she wondered what he was thinking about.
“Ben?”
“It’s nothing.”
“Okay, if you’re sure.”
“It’s been a while for me,” he said slowly after a long pause. “And it hasn’t really ever been like that.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. There was a time, my whole twenties really, where I fucked everyone and anyone I wanted. It was all empty. I guess it was a way to escape feeling anything. I substituted sex for emotions and I thought that would be enough.”
“Like a sex addict?”
“Not quite to that level. It wasn’t a compulsion. It was a coping skill. A bad one, mind you, but a way to feel better. Even though the high only lasted until the glow wore off, I couldn’t seem to find a way to shut it down.”
“What changed?”
“I turned thirty and realized I wasn’t happy with anything. I was tired of being the playboy asshole. I didn’t want to have an endless stream of meaningless sex because I finally figured out that’s not what I was looking for. I wanted more, so I stopped being that guy and tried to be someone better.”
She was a little surprised at the confession, but pleased he seemed to trust her. It was at that moment she decided to tell him the truth.
“It’s been a long time for me too.” Her voice caught as she had to force the words out. “The last time was…not very good.”
“Allie? What do you mean?” Ben shifted so he could cradle her body as he looked down at her.
“It was…”
“What happened to you?” he asked softly. “You can tell me.”
“I was always kind of the opposite. I didn’t want sex if there wasn’t something emotional there. I guess I supplemented the physical when the emotional was lacking a bit just to try and feel something. I was always looking for love but settled for attraction and attention.”
“Go on,” he urged when she paused.
“I’ve always had a hard time letting go and being present. Basically if I wasn’t drunk or on my way to drunk, my mind would go a mile a minute and I could never relax. About a year ago I went out with some friends. We were having fun, having some drinks, flirting…you know, the normal stuff.”
“I get it. We’ve all done it,” he said softly.
“I was talking with this guy. He was charming and after buying me a few drinks I started feeling sick. I was woozy and out of it. I had trouble talking and could barely stand …”
“Was it the alcohol or something else?” Ben’s arm tightened around her and she could hear the tension in his voice.
“It was something else. I don’t have a lot of memories, but I remember enough. The clearest part is when I woke up the next morning in my front hallway with half my clothes missing …” She shook her head and looked away.
“Oh, Allie. I’m so sorry.” Ben pulled her into a hug and she fought the tears prickling in her eyes.
“That was the last time I was with someone. I haven’t been able to trust anyone I don’t know since that. What he did was horrible enough, but the fact that it was in my home and I was helpless is the part I really couldn’t get over. It’s the reason I moved back here. I had to get away from that life and those memories, and that house.”
“I’m so sorry, Allie. I’m so sorry you had to go through that.”
As he gently pressed his lips against her temple he began stroking her hair. That touch was her undoing. Nothing comforted her more than having her hair stroked, and Ben had always known exactly when she needed it.
She didn’t try to stop her tears as they spilled out of her eyes and a deep sob escaped her lips. Ben pulled her tighter against his body, running his hand through her hair as he kissed her forehead over and over again. He didn’t try and soothe her or tell her that everything was going to be okay. He just held her and let her cry.
Th
is was the first time Allie had given into the pain and humiliation since that night. It was the first time she’d let herself be vulnerable in a year, and the first time she’d truly let herself feel everything.
Being raped had been hard enough to deal with, but the fact that she’d been incapacitated had made it harder for her. She hadn’t had the option of saying no or fighting, she’d been completely at her attacker’s mercy. The drugs had affected her memory so she didn’t have too many clear recollections of the man himself, just generally what he looked like and the obviously fake name he’d given her.
Not remembering everything was hard too because her mind kept filling in the blanks even when she didn’t want it to. The entire assault had been incredibly traumatizing, but it was the fact that this man had been able to take her out of a bar and to her house while she’d been incapacitated that really fucked with her head.
How many people had seen her being dragged out of there, unable to stand or speak for herself? How many people had wondered if she was okay or in trouble but never bothered to look into it? And how many people had ignored her while she’d been at the mercy of a rapist.
It was hard to think about how many people chose not to help her, but the hardest part was that he’d taken her home.
Her house had been her sanctuary. It was the one place in the world where she had complete control and felt comfortable and at ease. When he’d brought her home and raped her in her hallway before leaving her like a piece of discarded trash, that’s when her world had been truly shattered.
He’d destroyed her sanctuary. She didn’t feel safe in her own home anymore and she could never escape what had happened. She’d put her house up for sale within the week and she’d moved as soon as it sold. On a whim she’d come home, hoping to escape the memories and pain.
“Shhh, it’s okay, Allie,” Ben soothed. “I’m here. I’ve got you.”
At his words she began to cry even harder. He used to say that when she was hurt or scared, when he was giving her one of his awesome hugs or comforting her. Hearing it again was so soothing and incredible, but what did it all mean?
Was he there for her in the sense that he was holding her and comforting her, or was he saying he wanted to be in her life again?