Sing Like Nobody's Listening

by S. J. McCoy

  Chase's heart was pounding. He was ready for a change, but a change that would mean staying right here, not leaving. He didn't have any intention of leaving the resort. Not while Kenzie was here. And besides, he hated cruise ships. He could think of nothing worse than spending the summer cooped up in a floating hotel—nothing except not being with Kenzie. Since when had Robin put himself in charge of bookings, anyway? “And did you tell Eddie to expect the call?”

  Robin grinned. “Nope. You know he gets pissed at me when I come up with good ideas. I thought I'd tell you first.”

  “Well sorry, but my vote says we stay here next summer. It's a good gig. It works well for all of us.”

  Robin frowned. “It works well for you, for now. What happens when you and Kenzie get tired of playing house? When you come back to your senses and want to enjoy the perks of the job again?” He gave Chase a sly look. “Or when Kenzie wants to make the most of all the offers she's getting now she's working the bar?”

  Chase uncurled his fists. How did Robin manage to make him so angry every time they talked about Kenzie? He kept his voice steady. “That's not going to happen. Even if it did, I like it here. It's a good gig that works well. We were planning on staying before I even met Kenzie.”

  Robin pursed his lips. “Don't screw us all over for a girl, Chase. Especially not one like her.”

  Chase could barely contain his anger. “What does that mean? One like her?”

  Robin wasn't going to back down. “You said yourself. She's as much of a player as you are. She might be with you for now, but a girl like that isn't going to stick around here for long. She'll leave when she gets a better offer. I don't want you to tie us all down to staying here and then we all get screwed over when she ditches you.”

  “She's not going to ditch me!”

  “Didn't look like that out on the dance floor earlier. What was that about?”

  Chase stared at him. He didn't even know himself what it was about—why had she walked away from him like that?

  Robin shrugged. “Sorry, bud. You might not want to hear it, but it's true. You're blinded by her at the moment. But I'm not. I'm looking out for you—and the rest of us.”

  Was that really what Robin was doing? Was Chase blind when it came to Kenzie or was Robin simply looking out for himself? Chase couldn't tell. Kenzie did have his head turned around. He didn't want to screw the other guys over, but still...

  “Here you go.” Eddie came out to join them and handed them each a beer. “Is everything okay?”

  Robin raised his eyebrows at Chase. He nodded slowly in reply. He thought everything was okay, but he wasn't entirely sure anymore.

  “Is anyone going to tell me what's going on?”

  “Nothing,” said Robin. “I'm just trying to get our main man here to see straight.”

  “About what?”

  Chase shrugged. “Apparently, Robin thinks we should go play the cruise ships next summer. And he's trying to look out for me.”

  Eddie laughed. “Robin only knows how to look out for Robin, don't you?” He pushed Robin's shoulder.

  Robin grinned, but his voice was serious. “That's not true. I just don't want Chase to get too caught up with Kenzie.”

  “Why not?” There was an edge to Eddies' voice that Chase hadn't heard before. “Is that because you want some yourself?”

  Jesus! Why would he say that? Chase looked at Robin and was surprised to see the guilty look on his face.

  “Well! If you hadn't gotten so caught up with her, she's the kind of girl we both could have had some fun with.”

  Chase just stared at him. It was true, there had been many a time he'd gone home with a girl one night and Robin had been with her the next. Some girls just liked guys who played in a band. The ones who came back for more when Chase wasn't interested were low hanging fruit for Robin. Chase just hadn't realized that Robin had been thinking that way about Kenzie. Chase sure as hell had no intention of letting him get anywhere near her. Because he was interested in doing a whole lot more than simply sleeping with her.

  Eddie slapped the back of Robin's head. “Idiot! I thought that was your problem. Grow the fuck up, will you. We've all played the game for years, one of us was bound to meet a girl who mattered sooner or later. Chase has. Get used to it.”

  Chase couldn't help but laugh at the expression on Robin's face. He really did need to grow up. He looked like a little kid. His pout faded into a smile as he looked at Chase. “So what, you're going to get married and settled down? Give up all the fun and sex, for Kenzie?” He raised an eyebrow. “And she's going to give it all up for you?”

  “I am, she is, we are!” The words came out before he even considered them.

  Eddie laughed. “Well, at least Robin helped you get clear about it.”

  Chase took a deep breath while he thought about it. Then he smiled. “Yeah. I guess you did. Thanks, man.”

  Robin looked stunned. “You're serious? You're like...in love with her?”

  Was he? Was that why she had him turned upside down? He thought about the way she held her arms out to him, that soft, sweet look on her face. How about that? He really was! When he was ready to say it out loud though, it would be to Kenzie herself—not to Robin. He nodded slowly and the others grinned back at him.

  “Come on,” said Eddie. “We'd better get back up there and get through the last set.” He grasped Robin's shoulder as they made their way back inside.

  Chase followed them in. He was a little stunned by the realization Robin had forced him into. He was also more than a little concerned, remembering the fear in Kenzie's eyes when she'd left him on the dance floor earlier. Were they reaching different conclusions about what was happening between them? He checked the bar while he pulled his guitar strap over his head. She was hard at work back there, but he was pretty sure that wasn't the reason she wasn't catching his eye and smiling back at him.

  ~ ~ ~

  “You get out of here,” said Ben. “I'll finish up.”

  “No, I'll stay until we're done, you shouldn't be left with it all.” Kenzie wasn't in any hurry. For the first time since she came here, she wasn't looking forward to being with Chase. She was backpedaling once more. Wondering whether she'd already gone too far down the wrong road. She shouldn't have let him in as much as she had. Shouldn't have opened up to him. She knew now that she'd given him the power to hurt her. And he no doubt would. He was bound to, once he realized how much of a screw up she really was. He'd want out. Maybe she should beat him to it? Leave before he had the chance.

  Ben tapped her shoulder, bringing her back to the moment. He gave her a concerned look and jerked his head to where the band was packing up. “Is everything all right? I thought you'd be happy to finish early.”

  She shook her head quickly and forced a smile. “No. Everything's fine. I just want to do my job properly. You're not paying me to skip out of here every five minutes.”

  He nodded but looked unconvinced. “Whatever you say. But know you can if you want to. You're doing a great job. I want to keep you happy so you'll stay.”

  Kenzie didn't know what to say to that. It was as if he were reading her thoughts.

  Ben shrugged. “Here comes your man. It's your call.”

  She nodded and looked up as Chase approached the bar. Her breath caught in her chest. If he already made her feel like this just by the way he smiled at her—what was she supposed to do?

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chase opened his eyes and tightened his arms around Kenzie. It was still early and she was fast asleep. He felt like they'd taken two steps back last night, what he didn't understand was why. She'd insisted on helping Ben finish up and close up the bar, even though Ben had insisted she didn't need to. She'd even told Chase he didn't need to wait for her—as if he was going to go on home without her! When they had gone home, she'd gone back to using sex to keep him out. He shifted his hips away from her while he remembered what she'd don
e to him when they'd made it back here to the house. He'd fallen for it, too. Hell, he was a guy, what was he supposed to do? Push her off him, because he wanted to talk? He was hardly going to do that, but as they lay there panting in each other’s arms afterward, he'd hated that she could keep him out that way. He was scared of the realization that Robin had forced him into. He was in love with her! He was even more scared that maybe something had made her realize she didn't feel the same way about him. Or at least, she didn't want to.

  He didn't know what had changed her mind, but he intended to find out. He did know it had started when he'd asked her if she wanted to sing with them. Why would that have freaked her out so badly? He brushed her hair away from her face and planted a soft kiss on her temple. She looked so sweet when she was sleeping, relaxed, unguarded. He wanted her to feel that way around him when she was awake too. She stirred and he hugged her tight to his chest, deciding that today they should get out. Go do something fun together. Hopefully, he'd be able to get her to tell him what the problem was. Or at least make her relax enough to forget about it.

  He brushed the hair away from the back of her neck and nibbled gently. She let out a little moan and pressed her ass back against him. Hmm, they weren't going to be going anywhere for a while yet. He traced his hand down her side and back up until his fingers closed around her full breast. Damn, she drove him nuts. He left a trail of open mouthed kisses down the back of her neck, stopping between her shoulder blades when she reached her hand around to touch him.

  “Didn't you say something about wanting more of my ass?” she mumbled.

  He smiled to himself. He knew what she was doing, she wanted to distract him with sex again. He'd go for it, but he wasn't going to be distracted. He pulled her hips back against him. “Always.”

  He felt her stiffen for a moment. Well, tough. She was trying to use sex against him, to keep him out. He was going to show her that two could play that game. He was going to use sex against her—so she would let him in. He ran his hand down over her stomach, teasing his fingers between her legs. Her shoulders heaved a sigh as she moved her hips in time with him.

  “That feels so good, Chase.”

  He brought his lips to the back of her neck again. “I know, lover. Give in to me. Let me make you feel good.”

  He could feel her hesitation again. He didn't want to give her time to think. He drew her leg back over his hip, opening her up to his exploring fingers. She pressed herself back against him, her breathing coming slow and shallow as he worked her. He sucked his own breath in as she reached back again, her little hand tormenting him as much as he was tormenting her. He wasn't going to last if she kept that up. He whispered into her hair as he slid his fingers deep. “Do you want me?”

  She nodded rapidly. That wasn't good enough.

  “Tell me.”

  Another sigh made her whole body shudder. “Don't tease me, Chase. Fuck me.”

  No. That reminded him too much of their first time together. It wasn't what he wanted, at least it wasn't all he wanted. He needed her to want more than that, too. Either of them could go fuck someone any night of the week if they wanted to. She meant more than that to him. He needed to know he meant more than that to her.

  He rolled over her, pinning her underneath him. She gasped when he bit the back of her neck. And slid his hands around to fill them with her breasts. “No. I'm not going to do that, Kenzie baby.” She squirmed underneath him, lifting her ass up against him, even while she kept her face buried in the pillow. “Yes, you are.”

  His aching cock was finding it hard to disagree with her, but this had to be more than that. He took a fistful of her hair and drew her head back until her cheek was level with his. She was panting hard now, as turned-on as he was. He kissed her cheek then mouthed his way down the side of her neck until she was quivering.

  “I am not. I'm going to make love to you. I'm going to let my body tell you how I feel. And your body is going to tell me how you feel. Words get in the way, and fucking is just a way to hide how you really feel. I'm not going to let you hide anymore.”

  She went still. “No, Chase!”

  He spoke into her neck as he lifted her hips and positioned himself between her legs. “Yes, Kenzie.”

  She was already proving him right. She was pushing her ass back against him and gave a low moan as he found her heat. He grasped her hip and pulled her back to him, making them both gasp together as he drove deep. He kept a hand in her hair and another on her hip as she moved under him, matching his pace, taking him deeper and deeper.

  “Oh God, Chase!”

  She felt so good, he hated to do it, but he had to. He pulled out and reached around to stroke her. “What, baby?”

  She was panting hard now. “Damn you! What are you doing? You know what!” She pushed herself back against him. “You can't stop now.”

  She was right, he couldn't. Next time she pushed back he thrust hard again and set a steady rhythm until she was at the edge.

  “Chase!” This time there was desperation in her voice when he pulled out.

  “Yes?” This was killing him as much as it was her, but he had to do it.

  “Why are you doing this to me?”

  He turned her over and looked down at her. “Because I need you to be honest with me.”

  She closed her eyes. So she was still trying to shut him out, huh? He lowered himself down onto her and spreading her legs with his own, slowly pushed his way back inside. He moved slowly, knowing he was hitting that spot inside her. Her arms came up around his back and her legs crossed behind his. “Look at me.”

  She kept her eyes closed and shook her head. He lay still until she began to move desperately underneath him.

  “Look at me, lover.”

  She slowly opened her eyes, and what he saw in them blew him away. She was afraid but at the same time she was begging him. Not to finish her off, but....what? Not to hurt her? He didn't know, but whatever she was telling him, she had laid herself open to him. He held her gaze as he began to move again. No way was he going to be able to stop this time. She whimpered and clung to him as he thrust deeper and harder. Doing just as he'd said, he let his body tell her how he felt. She gave herself up to him, her eyes never leaving his. He was taking them both over the edge, and he knew it was one he would never come back from. He felt her tense. “Tell me you want me.”

  Her gaze was filled with need, fear, and honesty. “I want you, Chase!” His name came out as a scream as her orgasm took her. It took him too, triggering his own release as they tumbled over the edge into a place he'd never been before. As his body strained he knew he was lost, he just hoped she was, too.

  When he eventually lay still, he held her close to him. He was in love with her, no two ways about it. Now all he needed to do was to get her to love him back—and not bail on him and run.

  ~ ~ ~

  Kenzie climbed down from the truck and looked around. This was so not her style. Chase had been determined they should go for a drive out in the hills today. It was beautiful out here and surprisingly warm for so early in the year. She wasn't exactly the outdoorsy type though. Chase slung his guitar strap over his head and smiled then held his hand out to her.

  “Come on, lover. Let's walk a ways.”

  She followed him, still wondering why he'd wanted to come out here. Looking up into his laughing eyes though, she didn't really care. They were together, that was all that mattered.

  “You look like you belong out here,” he said as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

  She looked down at the white dress she was wearing, it went all the way down to her feet, where it brushed over flat shoes. Not her normal look, but she liked it. She felt comfortable in it. It did seem right out here. But belong? That was a strong word and not one she'd ever associated with. “I don't belong anywhere. I never have. Never will.”

  He stopped walking and frowned at her. “Never say never. Things change. Your lif
e doesn't have to follow the same pattern it always has. You can choose something else.” He looked at her intently, there was something different in his gaze. He didn't look confused now, more...determined?”

  She shrugged and carried on walking. She might have let him in more than she had with any other guy, but he didn't know her as well as he thought he did. How could she change? She didn't belong, wasn't good enough to belong, in a place like this especially. When he knew what she was really like, what a screwup she was, then the pattern would repeat. She'd leave. Go start again somewhere else. She probably shouldn't stick around long enough for him to realize, but she didn't want to walk away from him. She looked back over her shoulder as he caught up to her.

  “Don't you want to?”

  She shook her head sadly. “It's not about want. I told you before, we rarely get what we want in life. It's a tough old world.”

  “Have you ever fought for what you want?”

  “Huh?”

  “Have you ever fought for what you want? Or do you just decide you can't have it and run instead?”

  She stared at him, wondering about it. “My whole life, when I was a kid, was about not getting what I wanted. About being taught I was wrong to even want it. I ran away from that because I thought it was just weird stuff to do with the church my parents were part of. Then when I was out on my own, I found out that the rest of the world works the same way. I don't belong anywhere, because...” Oh, what the hell, she may as well tell him. “Chase, I'm just not good enough. I've never been good enough to hold down a real job. Never been good enough for a guy to want to do anything more than sleep with me.” She looked at his guitar. “I certainly don't sing well enough. I'm a screwup and a letdown, and when you get to know me better you'll see that. I don't think you'll be mean about it, but you'll know, and I'll know you know, and it will be horrible—and I'll have to leave. My pattern won't change because I can't change. I am what I am.”