Sing Like Nobody's Listening

by S. J. McCoy

  He pulled his guitar off and laid it down in the grass, then hugged her to him. “What are you talking about? Everything has changed already. You've got a great job that you love. Ben's already bragging you're the best bar manager he's ever had. I don't know about the singing yet, but I don't believe you're not good enough.” He tilted her chin to make her look up at him. “And this guy right here wants to do a whole lot more than just sleep with you. You say you're not good enough? I say you're too good, maybe even too good for me. But I want you. I want you to stay here, with me, be mine.”

  She stared into his eyes, wanting nothing more than for that to be true. The other night, she'd told him she was grateful to him and for him. What she hadn't told him was that she was falling for him. It scared her stupid, but it was true. It was the best reason to leave—but it could be the best reason to stay if she had the guts to. And he was saying he wanted her to be his? What could that even mean?

  “Say something.” The look on his face told her he was just as scared as she was.

  “I don't know what to say. I don't know what to do.”

  He held her gaze for a moment longer, then shrugged. “Okay, then don't say anything. Yet. Think about it. Let's live it for a while and see how we go. Just don't say no yet, how about that?” He was smiling again, his eyes laughing. He was covering up the seriousness of his request, but they both knew it was there.

  She nodded. “Okay.” She would love to believe that she could be his, that they could go somewhere good with this…this whatever it was that was going on between them. But life had taught her not to expect anything good. She'd go along with it while it lasted, but all she could dare to hope for was that it would last a while.

  Chase sat himself down in the grass next to his guitar. “Since you won't sing for me, how about I sing for you?”

  She smiled and sat down beside him. “I would love that. I love your voice.” It didn't hurt that he was so damned sexy when he played his guitar either, but she didn't need to tell him that. She was pretty sure he already knew. As he played the first few chords and narrowed his eyes to smile at her, she corrected that last thought—she wasn't pretty sure, she knew damned well that he not only knew how sexy he was, but he worked it to his full advantage, too.

  He didn't sing, just played—a song she'd never heard before. It was beautiful, haunting, nothing like the covers she was used to hearing from the band. She watched his face as he played, he was lost in the music. She let herself float away on the chords, staring out at the beautiful lake and green hills, rolling away until they blurred into blue sky. This moment was perfect, she wanted to remember it forever. The warm sun on her skin, the beautiful view, the beautiful music, most of all the wonderful man playing it. She wished she could stop time and stay frozen right here. As Chase strummed the final few chords though, she knew reality didn't work that way.

  He smiled at her but said nothing.

  “That was beautiful, Chase. What was it? I've never heard you play anything like that before.”

  He shrugged. “Just a little something I wrote.”

  “Really?” She should have known, he was so lost in it while he played. It obviously meant a lot to him. “It's so beautiful.”

  He grinned at her. “It is.”

  She tilted her head to one side, he looked so smug, he must be getting at something, but she didn't know what. “What?”

  “What, what?”

  “You know what I mean!” She chuckled. “You're saying something without saying it. What are you trying to tell me?”

  “Nothing.” He was smirking though.

  She pushed at his shoulder. “Tell me!”

  “Okay. You said it's beautiful. Ask me what it's called.”

  She made a face at him. “What's it called?

  “Kenzie.”

  “What?”

  He laughed. “That's what it's called. Kenzie. And that's why it's beautiful because it's about you.”

  Wow! She felt as though fireworks were going off inside her chest, her heart was pounding. “Seriously?”

  “Never been more serious about anything in my life, lover.” His smile was gone. He did indeed look serious.

  Her heart was still pounding, she had no idea what she could say to that. She was relieved to see him smile and let it go as he started strumming again. This time he looked straight into her eyes and sang. Good Morning Beautiful. She had to smile, she wasn't really into country music. Despite the fact that the band usually did quite a few country numbers, she hadn't thought it would be his go-to either, but she loved this song. When he finished, she reached out to touch his cheek and peck his lips. She still didn't know what to say, but she had a feeling the smile on her face was speaking for her.

  “Are you sure you're not going to sing to me?” he asked.

  “Maybe someday.” She didn't want to spoil the moment and she didn't know what would spoil it more quickly—telling him the outright, hell no, that came to mind, or taking the risk and singing, and seeing the disappointment or worse, embarrassment in his eyes if she wasn't good enough.

  He didn't push, but he didn't look like he would back off completely either. “You know, in the early days with the band, I used to get horrible stage fright. Some nights I'd even throw up before we went on.”

  “Oh my God! Really? I would never have dreamed that of you. You're so confident.” She smiled. “You're so damned cocky up there.”

  “I am now. I got over it with time, and with some help from Eddie.”

  “He seems like a good guy. How did he help you get past it?” If there were a method to follow that could lead past all the self-doubt, Kenzie would love to know what it was.

  “He helped me in all kinds of ways, he is a very good guy. It all boils down to one thing though.”

  “What's that?”

  “You've got to sing like nobody's listening.”

  She frowned at him. “But how can you with all those people staring up at you?”

  “I asked Eddie that, too. What he told me is true. You have to sing because you love it because it's a part of who you are. You sing for yourself, not for anyone else. When you do that, nothing, not even the people listening, can hold you back. You stop fearing judgment and you just enjoy the moment. Then you start to really enjoy yourself, you even sound even better and the crowd loves you even more.”

  Kenzie stared at him. She could see how it was true, but she couldn't see how she could ever do it.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chase came down the stairs two at a time. Kenzie smiled as he came into the kitchen. She was trying to make an effort in here. She made great coffee, and this morning she'd even scrambled some eggs and made toast.

  He looked at the two plates she had ready and smiled. “Well, how about that? Thanks, lover.” He came and wrapped his arms around her. She wanted to melt into him whenever he did that.

  “Well, you've been feeding me up for weeks now. I wanted to make you something for a change.”

  He planted a peck on her lips. “You don't have to do anything for me. Just being here, sticking around with me is all I want from you.”

  Kenzie nodded. “I'm still here, aren't I?”

  “You are, but are you staying?”

  He kept checking with her. He seemed concerned that maybe one morning he'd wake up and she'd be gone. She shouldn't blame him, that had always been her way. It was different with Chase, though. She woke up next to him every morning, and she loved it. He made her feel good. He even made her feel that maybe she wasn't such a complete screwup. She was used to people noticing every little mistake she made—and giving her hell for it. Chase seemed to do the opposite. He noticed every little thing she got right. Even now, she watched him sip his coffee and nod.

  “Have I told you, you make the best coffee ever?”

  She had to chuckle. “Only every time I make it.”

  “Well, it's true.” He took the plate of eggs she
offered him and sat at the table.

  She brought her own plate and sat down opposite him. “I hope these will be okay, but I won't be offended if you want to just throw them out.”

  Chase shook his head and tucked in. “Best scrambled eggs ever, too.”

  “Totally not believable, but thanks for trying to make me feel better.” She started in on her own eggs. They really weren't too bad. She smiled, quite pleased with herself.

  Chase sipped his coffee while he watched her eat.

  “What?” Now she felt self-conscious.

  “Nothing. Just enjoy yourself, enjoy your breakfast, enjoy the fact that you made it. Stop worrying how it looks or what I think, or what anyone else thinks. You are your own worst critic, you're not a screwup at all, at anything.”

  The eggs fell off her fork when it stopped halfway to her mouth. How did he know what she was thinking? He seemed to do it most of the time. She stared at him, not knowing what to say.

  “Kenzie, I wish you'd stop being so hard on yourself. You are beautiful, capable, and strong. You keep saying you're not good enough...”

  “I never said a word. I...”

  He shook his head at her. “You made excuses for the eggs, you don't believe me when I say anything good about anything you do. You fear that everyone is judging you and finding you lacking in some way, but the truth is that you are the only one judging you.”

  She stared at him for a moment longer. Was that true? “I'm going to have lunch with the girls today.”

  “If in doubt, change the subject, right?”

  She shrugged. It usually worked. She was hoping Chase would let her get away with it now.

  He did. “Fair enough. Do you want me to drop you off at the resort? I'm going over to practice with the guys this afternoon.”

  She smiled at him now, wanting him to know she was grateful that he let it go, but not wanting to say so. “That's okay, thanks. Laura called and said she'd swing by on her way into town.”

  “Okay. I guess I'll catch up with you at work later then.” The way he smiled at her turned her insides to mush.

  She smiled back. “I will see you at work later, but we'll do our catching up once we get home tonight.”

  He narrowed his eyes at her, giving her that sexy smile. “We have to wait until tonight? What time is Laura coming to get you?”

  “Not for another hour and a half.”

  He stood up and reached for her hand. “Then I think we'd better do some of this catching up right now, don't you?”

  She laughed and followed him up the stairs. She'd been hoping he might have time before he had to go out. It seemed she could never get enough of him. As he led her into the bedroom and turned back to close his arms around her, she hoped she never would.

  An hour and a half later she was freshly showered and smiling when Laura knocked on the front door.

  “Hey, girlfriend. Are you ready to go?”

  Kenzie nodded. “Just let me get my purse.”

  Laura followed her into the little kitchen. “It's a sweet little place, isn't it? I never came when Megan was living here.”

  Kenzie was under no illusions. It was a shabby little run-down place. She hadn't seen Laura's house, but she knew it would be a whole lot nicer than this. “It's okay, there's no need to be polite. I know it's not much.” She picked up her purse and turned to look Laura in the eye. “It's the nicest place I've lived in, in a long time though.”

  Laura gave a little laugh. “Don't worry. I'm not here to inspect it and judge you for it. I don't work like that and the others don't either. I honestly think it’s a sweet little place. I wouldn't have said so otherwise. I don't do bullshit.”

  Kenzie smiled. “Sorry. I guess I just get a bit defensive. I feel like I'm not good enough around the rest of you.”

  “Well, you'd better get over that and fast. We all seem to have the same hang up. I think it's what has drawn us all together and makes us such good friends. We've all gone through life thinking there was something about us or our lives that made us less than other people in some way.”

  “Seriously?” No way could Kenzie ever imagine Laura feeling unsure of herself. She was so confident. The others were the same. “You're just trying to make me feel better.”

  Laura shook her head with a wry smile. “Nope. It's true. Come on, grab your purse and let's get going. I'll tell you on the way into town.”

  Once they were on the road, Kenzie had to ask. “Okay, you have to tell me. What in the hell could ever make you feel unsure of yourself? You're beautiful, you have a great career, a great life, and a very hot guy who is obviously crazy about you.”

  Laura laughed as she pulled out onto South Shore. “I could ask you the very same question.”

  “Me? I'm not like you.”

  “Yes, you are. Everything you just said to me applies to you, too. You are beautiful, guys drool after you wherever you go. You have a great career...”

  “Career?” I work behind a freaking bar and have only been there for a few weeks!”

  “Just because you only just started doesn't make it any less true. You have the place running like clockwork when you're working. Ben is trying to figure out what he can do to make you a permanent fixture. It is a career if you want it, and one you are a damned good at and obviously enjoy.”

  Kenzie thought about that. A career? Running a bar? It was the best job she'd ever had but...

  Laura didn't give her much time to ponder it though. “You also have a great life. You live in this great little town just like I do. You have a great bunch of friends and your sister just down the road.” She shot Kenzie a raunchy grin. “And you can't argue that you have a very hot guy who is obviously crazy about you.”

  She had to smile. She couldn't argue that Chase was one hot guy. She couldn't even argue about him being crazy about her.

  “See? Your smile says it all.” Laura's laugh was triumphant.

  Kenzie shook her head. “Yeah, but the question was about you. With everything that you have going for you, why would you feel unsure of yourself—have any hang-ups about not being good enough?”

  Laura's smile faded. “It's not about what's going on in my life now. I know I've got it good. No, let's be honest, I've got it great! But that doesn't just magically erase the fact that I grew up dirt poor. I still feel as though I'm just the barefoot, loudmouthed Texas kid who isn't cultured enough to fit in with my clients, or even with Smoke's family. Those are my hang-ups and my fears, but I've accepted that's all they are. Hangovers from the past no one else knows or sees. I don't let them get in the way of what is going on now. You shouldn't either.”

  Kenzie frowned. “How do you just get over it though?”

  Laura laughed. “If I figure it out, I'll let you know. I told you they’re still my fears. I'm not over it, I just know that's all they are. The girls help, too. They all have their own stuff that they deal with. We know each other well enough we can call each other out. I just hope you're going to stick around and open up enough that we can do the same with you.”

  Could she really do that? Open up with a group of girlfriends? She was struggling enough to open up to Chase. “What do the others have to deal with? They all have such perfect lives.”

  Laura laughed again. “I've told you. It's not about how things are now. It's about hangovers from the past. It's about how you grow up, what happens to shape you. Everyone has something to deal with. Emma was shaped by her parents dying when she was just a little kid.”

  “Oh no! I didn't know that.”

  “Yeah. She was scared to love anyone in case she lost them. Then she got married to a guy who sounds like a complete asshole and he did a real number on her. Everything he did to her on top of losing her parents, left her determined not to go through that kind of pain again. Then there's Holly. She's worked her ass off all her life. She has a great little business, but she sees herself as small-time success. When she first met Pete
she didn't think they would ever get together long term because she sees him as big-time. You'll hear her call him Bigshot all the time.”

  Kenzie nodded. She had heard Holly call her fiancé Bigshot. It wasn't the only thing she'd heard her call him the other night though she wasn't going to mention that. It was none of her business.

  “So, you see. We all have our reasons to fear that we're not good enough—but we all find ways to get past it, to make the most of what is, instead of tripping ourselves up with what once was.”

  “You're not going to tell me that even Missy thinks the same way, are you? I can't believe that.”

  “Missy? She can be worse than the rest of us put together sometimes. She had Scot when she was seventeen, she's raised him by herself...”

  “Exactly! She's like a pint-sized super-mom!”

  “We know that, but Missy doesn't. She's always had to work so hard, just to keep Scot fed and clothed. She doesn't think she does a good enough job. She's full of self-doubt, always trying to do what's right for the kid yet never sure she knows what the right thing is. She's got it great now. Dan is such a sweetie, he's perfect for her and for Scot too, but she still worries. Anyway, my point in all of this is that I know you're hung up on stuff. You can get over it. You're just like Smoke, you're a runner. He almost ran on me. I don't want you to run. I'm telling you about the girls so you'll know you're not alone—and I know they won't mind. We all help each other through, we want to help you.” She turned into the square at the resort and pulled up.

  Kenzie opened her door, but before she could get out Laura put a hand on her arm. You've got friends here, friends who care and who understand. You've found yourself a great guy. If you run you'd be leaving all of that behind, and running from the only person you can never escape—yourself. I just want you to be happy. Sorry, I got carried away.”

  Kenzie stared at her for a moment. She'd given her a lot to think about.

  “Come on.” Laura grinned now. “Let's go get some lunch, they're all out there on the deck. Just bear it in mind as you listen to them all. You are not alone. None of us are screwups, we're all just a little screwy, and we need to stick together.”