Downfall

by Jay Crownover

  I grunted and dug out my phone, scrolling through my contacts until I landed on the information I was searching for. “I’m going to give you a number. There’s a woman who lives a few floors down from me at the Skylark. Her name is Erica. She works from home and she has a kid, a daughter who’s a little bit older than Noble. She sometimes watches a few of the other kids in the building. She’s nice and very reliable. She knows the score in the city and will keep your kid safe. I fix her car for her when it acts up, so she owes me a favor. You can give her a call if you want and see if she’s willing to help you out with Noble.”

  Orley stopped walking and looked at me like I’d suddenly grown a second head. “I can’t leave her with a stranger.”

  I sighed and gave my head a little shake. “So, call Erica. Hop over to her apartment for five minutes. Talk to the other moms who live in the building. There are a bunch of them. Carmen, the woman who lives across the hall from me, has lived in the Skylark for years. Both her boys hang with Erica after school when Carmen’s at the diner across the street. Go knock on her door. People are only strangers if you refuse to get to know them.” I lifted my hand and pulled my sunglasses down to give her a pointed look. “Things will be much easier for you if you learn not everyone here is the enemy. Believe it or not, some of us are here because this is where we want to be.” It wasn’t always the case, but I couldn’t imagine living anywhere else now.

  She gave me a look of utter disbelief, but eventually nodded and quietly agreed to take Erica’s number from me. Frankly, it wasn’t like she had very many options.

  Luckily, Noble was done being quiet and the last few blocks she kept up a steady stream of chatter, trying to explain her favorite movie, which I guessed was Star Wars if I was interpreting her rambling, slightly skewed words correctly. Apparently, she was a huge fan of Chewie. It explained why she used my name every chance she got.

  When we finally got to the block where Orley left the car the night before, I was, once again, covered in sweat and needed another shower. I was acutely aware of the woman next to me. I expected her to complain about the heat and the walk… and the company. But all she did was entertain her daughter and repeatedly thank me for taking the time to look at the car, assuring me over and over again how I didn’t have to. She let it slip that she was planning on scrapping the car if I couldn’t get it started. She softly told me she didn’t have the money to get it fixed or to tow it to a garage. She watched me like she expected me to bolt after the admission, but the truth was, her words made me even more determined to get her car up and running.

  When we rounded the corner, I heard Orley suck in a breath and could feel her preparing herself for the worst. It was a good bet the car would be up on cinder blocks, wheels missing, and everything else stripped down to the frame. It was good she had realistic expectations, but I was hoping against hope my city might surprise her.

  “Oh my God.” She stumbled to a halt next to me and her hand landed on my arm. I was pretty sure she had no clue she was clutching me in her obvious excitement. “I can’t believe it’s still here.”

  Her blue eyes were wide and there was no disguising the delight shining from them.

  “Looks like your luck might be turning around.” I wasn’t going to think about how nice it felt to be part of that. “Let’s see what we can do to get you back on the road.”

  I needed space because her light touch felt far better than it should.

  There weren’t enough hours in the day for my skin to be buzzing and for my dick to be twitching every time she looked at me. There wasn’t enough of me to go around as it was. I couldn’t afford to lose any of the pieces I had left of myself to her, or to her kid.

  Orley

  I was too pragmatic to believe my luck would suddenly do a total one-eighty. But, when Solo managed to get the car started after only a few minutes of tinkering under the hood, I felt like I could actually breathe for the first time since it had crapped out the day before. If I could get around, then maybe, just maybe, I could find a job. That is, after I figured out what to do with Noble while I was out pounding the pavement. Solo muttered something about corroded battery attachments and loose connections and told me the car needed a tune-up in the worst way. I pretended to listen and promised I would take care of it as soon as possible. It was easy enough to lie to the back of his head. Not as easy when his knowing gaze, which I now knew was a deep, dark brown color, seemed to pick apart every word out of my mouth and judge every move I made. Considering the car was around four-thousand miles past due for an oil change, a tune-up was the least of what the vehicle needed. It was going to be a miracle if it kept running until I could scrounge up the funds to fix it. Fortunately, I was getting good at dealing with one crisis at a time. I was going to run the car into the ground and deal with the blowback of that decision when I had to. For now, Solo had saved the day, and once again I owed him more than a simple thank you.

  Sadly, my thanks was literally the only thing I had to give to show my gratitude.

  I watched with appreciative eyes as he unfolded his large body from the abyss of the engine. For such a big, broad man, he moved with a fluid grace, indicating he was very much in control of all the strength and brawn rippling enticingly under the cotton of his sweat-dampened t-shirt. I chewed on my lower lip and reminded myself how he wasn’t my type. I had no idea what to do with a guy who knew how to fix cars and toss around scary creeps on the street like it was nothing. I had no experience with someone who radiated barely contained power and solved his problems with his fists and fear.

  I tried to hide my obvious ogling as he wiped his hands on his jeans in a move that seemed practiced and familiar. He closed the hood with a thunk and turned to look at me with a lifted eyebrow. It was hard to read his expression under the shadow the brim of his hat cast over his face, but I was pretty sure he was once again judging me and finding my basic life skills lacking. If you owned a car, it was your responsibility to take care of it. I knew that, I simply didn’t have the money to do so, and didn’t need him poking at that particularly sore wound. I got enough daily reminders about how spectacularly I was failing at pretty much everything aside from being a good mom.

  Solo snatched off his hat and ran a hand through his short hair. When he sighed, it was deep and long, as if I’d single-handedly added a thousand more pounds to whatever burden he was already carrying. He cracked his neck, which made me jump, and narrowed his dark eyes in my direction.

  I was holding Noble close to my chest. The combination of the heat and the walk to the car had proven too much for her. I wouldn’t let her wander far from my side, so boredom and exhaustion won out. She fell asleep as soon as Solo started tinkering around with the car. I squeezed her tighter under the weight of his penetrating gaze and purposely buried my nose in her sweet-smelling curls so I didn’t have to face his eyes directly. I was used to people looking at me with a mixture of disappointment and disdain, so I couldn’t figure out why I wasn’t ready to face it from this big, brooding stranger.

  “You’re not working the rest of the day, right?” He wiped a hand over his grim face and sighed again. “Instead of dropping me at my car, take me to work and I’ll give you a tune-up before your car gives up the ghost. I’ll catch a ride home with one of the guys.”

  I shifted Noble’s weight and automatically shook my head in the negative. “You don’t have to do that. You got it running. That’s more than enough. You’ve already saved me from more than one really terrible situation. I can’t repay you for either, but I am so grateful you seem to have a knack for being in the right place at the right time.”

  He propped a hip on the front end of the car and watched me unwaveringly. “You don’t need to repay me. In both instances, it was the right thing to do, and even though most people around here don’t adhere to the philosophy of doing right by others, my mom raised me better than that. If you can help out, you should. I can keep your car running for you beyond the two or three weeks it�
��s going to last if you don’t let me take it to my garage. Don’t turn down help around here when it’s offered. It doesn’t come by very often.”

  It was my turn to sigh so heavily I was almost surprised that the whoosh of air didn’t blow him over. “It’s been my experience that nothing comes without the expectation of reciprocation. I can’t repay your kindness, and I doubt there’s any scenario in which I am going to be of any help to you. I’m not looking to get myself buried in a debt I can’t repay.” I didn’t know much about the way this dark part of the city operated, but I did have enough common sense to know that digging my hole any deeper was not a good idea. I didn’t want to owe anyone anything. This guy already made me uneasy. The last thing I wanted was to feel like I had to give in to him.

  Solo pushed off the car and gave his head a shake. He put his ball cap back on and rolled his impressively built shoulders. “Trust me, you don’t have anything I want. I’m trying to be a nice guy and help a neighbor out. You don’t want my help, it’s your funeral. You don’t want to believe it’s possible there are people here who actually have a conscience and give a shit about the people around them, that’s on you. I have too much going on in my life to try and change your mind. Favors are not unlimited, no matter where you live, and bad people are not limited to these streets.” He gave a grunt as he bent to pick up his tools and gave me a cold look over his shoulder. “My car is in a lot a few blocks over. Since I’m already late, I’ll need you to drop me off after all.”

  His sharp reprimand made me cringe. I felt like a little kid getting scolded by a teacher. A lot of times I forgot just how inexperienced and naïve I really was. I’d had Noble so young, and watched my world implode so recently, it was easy to forget how all those things happened before I was old enough to legally drink.

  Freeing a hand from underneath Noble’s weight, I blindly reached out, locking my fingers around one of Solo’s solid, heavily tattooed forearms. Muscle flexed under my fingertips and I fought not to gasp at the sensation. His skin was so warm. He felt dynamic and unbreakable, nothing like the polished and smooth men I was used to. There was nothing soft here, and suddenly his level of hard made all kinds of sense. Everything in my new life was hard. The choices I had to make. The day-to-day survival. The act I had to keep up in order to fool my daughter.

  “You’re right. I’d be an idiot not to take you up on the offer to fix my car for me. Thank you for the offer. I’m sorry if I’m being difficult. The last time someone offered to help me, I lost more than you can imagine.” I was used to be being pulled close with one hand, while the other stabbed me in the back. It was my own judgment I questioned, more than his intentions. “It’s no longer in my nature to take someone doing something nice for me at face value. I see hidden motives behind every good deed. That’s my issue, and it isn’t fair to cast every new person I encounter into the role of villain.” I huffed out a breath and shifted uncomfortably under Noble’s weight and his gaze. “I’m stuck here for the foreseeable future. There is no way out for me, but I don’t want this for Noble. I want her to thrive and succeed, and go wherever she wants to go in life. I know I need to learn how to live here so she can see it’s possible to have a home and be happy wherever you happen to end up.” I forced a smile and fluttered my eyelashes at him. That move used to work back in the day to soften whomever I directed the look at, but Solo seemed totally unaffected by the overt flirting. “I will be forever grateful if you can squeeze my car into your schedule today. I promise I will pay you back as soon as I find a new job and get on top of all the other bills I haven’t paid over the last few months.”

  It was easy to see he wanted to argue about me paying him back, but eventually, he relented. He seemed to know it was a sticking point for me. I couldn’t take something without at least the illusion of being able to give something back. The arm I was still clutching like a lifeline flexed again and then he shook me loose. Solo inclined his head toward the back door, wordlessly indicating I should put my sleeping child in her car seat so he could get back to his busy day.

  After a sleepy Noble was situated, I straightened and blinked in surprise at the sight of the big man already behind the steering wheel of my car. Sure, the stupid thing had been nothing more than a paperweight before he worked his magic under the hood, but it was my paperweight. Shouldn’t he at least ask if it was okay for him to drive?

  Our eyes met briefly in the rearview mirror and I watched with a mild flare of irritation as his mouth quirked up in a knowing grin. My aggravation was apparently stamped all over my face. He lifted an eyebrow and the grin morphed into a blindly attractive smile. He had straight, pearly-white teeth and a tiny dimple in one of his cheeks. When he relaxed and smiled, his entire face lit up and made him look younger and less intimidating. It was getting harder to remember why I didn’t think guys who looked like him did nothing for me, because there was a whole lot of something starting to happen deep down inside of me the longer we stared silently at each other in the mirror.

  “The garage where I work isn’t exactly open to the public and it isn’t all that easy to find. It’s sort of a referral-only kind of place, way off the beaten path, even for this city. It’s easier if you let me drive there. I can get in no matter what I’m driving. If you drive, I’ll have to get out and explain what’s going on to my boss once we get there, and then there’s a good chance he might not let you through the gate. Get in and let’s get going. I swear I’ll have you tuned-up and on your way in under an hour. You just have to trust me a little while longer.”

  Trust wasn’t something I had a wealth of anymore. Those reserves had been tapped and drained long ago, but it wasn’t as if I had much choice in this particular situation. Solo was the only person in recent memory who hadn’t let me down.

  I rolled my eyes at him in the mirror and flounced my way into the passenger seat. It was a place I swore I would never be again once I took back control of my life. Even if I was going nowhere and running into dead end after dead end, I was determined to be the one driving. Except now this enigmatic, complicated stranger had the keys to my car and he was the one deciding where we were headed. A shiver raced up my spine when I realized I was less bothered by that fact than I thought I would be. Instead of bristling, I wanted to acquiesce and let him handle things for the rest of the afternoon. I wanted a brief reprieve from holding the entire universe together with nothing more than grit and determination. It was unnervingly easy to relinquish all the control over to him that I held onto so tightly.

  That kind of thinking was going to get me in trouble. I knew what happened when you let someone else call the shots, and it wasn’t anything I ever wanted to relive again. I needed to accept the help Solo was offering, and then quickly rebuild all the walls I’d erected around my life since moving to the city. It was too dangerous for me to let anyone else in. The ledge I was clinging to was too narrow as it was, there wasn’t room for anyone else in the mess which was my life. He might not have time to hold my hand and show me the way the world worked in this broken city he seemed so fond of, but I sure as hell didn’t have a minute to waste on the kind of complication and heartbreak the man sitting next to me was sure to bring wherever he went.

  Solo

  I watched as the massive metal gates wrapped in barbed wire slowly slid open. I actually found the groan and creak of the motion comforting. Once I was behind them, the rest of the world fell away and it was just me and whatever project the Boss handed down for the day. I didn’t have to worry about the ever-expanding laundry list of things I had to take care of day in and day out. I didn’t have to think about the future or what it was going to look like for me. I didn’t have to obsess about my mother or all the different ways I wished things were different for her and if I was doing enough to take care of her. Once those gates slid closed, I knew my role and what was expected of me. It was about the only time while I was awake when I fully managed to switch the hyperactive, overachieving part of my mind completely off. H
ere, I wasn’t spinning my wheels, I was working on the Boss’s wheels, and I knew exactly what he expected of me: hard work and perfect execution.

  I felt Orley tense up. Good Lord, was she an uptight little thing. I wanted to tell her she was too young to have permanent frown lines etched into her forehead. She was also too pretty for me to take the scowl cemented across her elegant features seriously. It was clear she had a redhead’s temper hidden under her outer shell of fear and unease, but her fire was barely a spark in a place that burned with rage and anger on a daily basis. She was going to have to let go of the rigid hold on her emotions if she wanted to compete with the torrent of fury that flooded the place we called home.

  I nodded my head at Nestor, one of the guys who stood guard inside the gates. I noticed the way his gaze traveled over the woman in the passenger seat, but he waved me through without question, just like I knew he would. The barbed wire and armed ex-con were good indications that this side of the garage wasn’t exactly on the up and up. You wouldn’t find minivans needing tires rotated and four-door sedans waiting on an oil change back here. The Boss didn’t do those things. The Boss owned the entire block. This was the original garage Gus handed down to the new owner when he passed away. These cars weren’t going back to their owners unless they paid an astronomical amount. These cars were collateral. They were snatched in the middle of the night, and either held until debt was paid or stripped down and sent overseas. This part of the garage was the largest working chop-shop on the West Coast. The regular garage was on the other side of the block, and just like I told Orley, the only way you were getting your car through the bay door on this side of the street was by referral. The line between the legal and illegal sides of the Boss’s businesses was blurry, at best.