From Sinner to Saint

by Jones, Janice

  Keisha had kept her promise and visited Antonyo the next day and each subsequent day he spent in the hospital. Trina was a constant guest in her son’s room, praying and trying hard not to worry. She read to him from the Bible, concentrating on the Psalms, encouraging him to get well and be strong.

  LaTreece had come to visit each day as well. Her nephew was important to her. Unlike her sister, all she could do was worry. She believed in God just fine; she just had her own way of doing things. In true Auntie Treecie fashion, she snuck LaToya in to see Antonyo on his second day, because children under aged twelve were not allowed to visit.

  The doctors explained to Trina and Antonyo that he had developed an infection near both the wounded areas. They were trying several different antibiotics, working hard at not causing a negative reaction. Nothing they had tried thus far seemed to be working. They were now in the process of running numerous tests. As they ruled things out, they would keep them informed. Antonyo had given his consent for the doctors to do their work to the fullest to find out why he could not shake his fever.

  He awoke now to find his mother and his doctor entering his room. Trina looked puzzled, curious even. Dr. Riley looked sullen. Antonyo now looked worried.

  Afraid to hear what the doctor had to say, Antonyo addressed his mother. “Mama, what’s wrong with me?”

  “Antonyo, I don’t know. He won’t tell me anything because your medical results are confidential,” Trina replied with an obvious attitude.

  “Antonyo, I think you should ask your mother to leave the room. You are an adult, and as she stated, I can’t share any information with her, but I really need to talk to you about some things we found in your test,” Dr. Riley stated in a tone laced with professional severity.

  “Anything you have to tell me you can say in front of my mother. This sounds serious. I want her here,” Antonyo told the doctor.

  “Are you sure?”

  “Absolutely.”

  Dr. Riley walked the short distance to the door and closed it. He then returned and got straight to the point. “Antonyo, preliminary testing shows that you are HIV positive. . . . ” The doctor continued to speak, giving more information about his diagnosis, but Antonyo had not heard another word beyond the words HIV positive.

  LaTrina stood stock still, pain and shock radiating from every pore of her body. She wished for that numbness everyone spoke about when hearing terrible news, because she felt all the dreadful rawness of the doctor’s announcement. She was so stunned she did not have the presence of mind to even pray at that moment. Before she realized what was happening, Trina landed on the floor as her legs gave way beneath her. She had not fainted. She simply no longer had the strength to stand on her own.

  Antonyo jumped from the bed and joined the doctor as he knelt over his mother.

  “Ms. Simms!” the doctor called out.

  “Ma!” Antonyo said.

  The wailing that ensued let both men know that Trina was very much awake. While her state of consciousness was no longer in question, her state of mind left them both wondering. The screams were deafening and tortured. Finally, she began calling on God.

  “Lord, please, no. Please, no, Father. Please, Savior, save my baby. Let it not be true, God. Let it not be true,” she screamed.

  In dealing with his mother’s grief, Antonyo had no time to ponder how he felt about the blow the doctor just delivered. He concentrated now solely on getting his mother up from the floor and calmed down. Together with Dr. Riley, they lifted Trina from the floor and into a chair. She depended totally on them to move her body. She was unable to do anything other than cry.

  In his weakened condition, Antonyo had tuckered himself out assisting Dr. Riley while they lifted his mother. He stumbled back to his hospital bed, breathing heavily. Dr. Riley saw his patient struggling to pull his legs onto the bed, so he went there to offer his help. He, too, was now worn out from his physical exertion, but he fought to show no outward signs of it. His tiredness, he knew, paled in comparison to the fear and grief this mother and son now experienced. He stood next to the bed, watching his patient struggle with the diagnosis he’d received. Though Antonyo lay in bed with his eyes closed, Dr. Riley could see the turmoil as it radiated throughout his body.

  Once he was able to catch his breath, Antonyo asked, “Dr. Riley, what does this all mean for me? Can you tell from your test how advanced my condition is?”

  “Right now, Antonyo, I can tell you that your T-cell count is lower than normal. That is why you are unable to fight off the infection. Now that we have isolated the problem, however, we can begin with the proper medications, and we can start fighting the disease itself.”

  The pain that had been lodged in his chest from the moment he heard the diagnosis now poured from his eyes. It had been many years since he had shed a tear. Now it seemed the dam that stored those tears for all those years broke, and the water that he had held back for so long ran free and unchecked. A strong and magnified fear consumed his body. He wondered what would happen to his daughter when he died. He looked at his mother, who was bent over from the waist in the chair, controlled by her misery. How could he have done this to her?

  To Dr. Riley, the scene of the grieving mother and son was nothing new, yet never any easier to witness. “I’ll go and order your medications and get the nurses in here to get you started on them. I’ll be back in a little while and we can talk further.” He left the room to do as he stated he would do.

  The hospital room was absent of dialogue, but filled with the noises of despair, anxiety, and uncertainty. Trina had halted her screams, but her sobs were still audible. Antonyo’s cries were silent, but it seemed both he and his mother could hear his tears that slid from his face and hid in the bed sheets. The first words spoken since the doctor left the room came from Antonyo.

  “I’m sorry, Mama” he choked out. Aloud, but more to the atmosphere than to anyone else, he said, “I’m sorry, Toy.”

  LaTrina got up from her chair and joined her son on his bed. She held him tightly and for a long while they cried together. Then she halted her tears and spoke softly to her only baby. “Oh, baby, you don’t owe me an apology. And I don’t believe you owe LaToya an apology either. Sweetheart, right now you just have to turn it all over to God. I can’t even begin to try and have all this make sense to you. I can’t give you any real answers, and I am not going to blame or condemn you. Antonyo, all I know to do right now is pray.”

  And that is what she began to do. “Father God, who art in Heaven. Lord, I come to you right now to give you praise even in this our darkest moment. Lord, you are sovereign, and everything you do is good. I am trusting you literally, Father, with my child’s life. I turn it over to you, and I count it all joy, the suffering we are facing right now.

  “You are the God, my God, who can work miracles and wonders. You are the God who gave us your only Son so that we may have life. You are the Savior who came so that we may be healed. Lord, I proclaim the victory over Satan right now. I name him as defeated, knowing in your sovereignty that we will win this battle, no matter what triumph looks like. This is my prayer in the mighty and matchless name of my Lord and Savior. Amen.”

  Chapter 20

  Antonyo had spent two additional days in the hospital before he was allowed to go home. During those two days, the only person he would grant visitation to was his mother. As much as it pained him, even Minister Keisha had not been permitted access into his room. How could he ever face her again? How could he tell her, the one woman who could change his outlook on relationships and women, that he had been given a death sentence?

  Antonyo had become certain that during the time he spent with Keisha, her ministerial armor had cracked and she had begun to look at him as a man. Not for a second did he think that she would renounce her commitment to God for him, but he had definitely touched the woman in her. Just when he had seriously considered giving monogamy his wholehearted effort, for real this time, and had been willing to truly f
ight against what he believed to be his inherent nature, he was knocked out with one punch. HIV had ended the fight before he could even take his first swing of at least proposing the idea to Keisha.

  Trina had spent the majority of those two days in his room with him. She would go home only to sleep, shower, and change clothes. She ate with her son, watched television with him, and reminisced about their life together. Oftentimes during their talks, Antonyo would interrupt his mother in mid-sentence and ask her to pray aloud for him. At the end of each prayer, he would feel a little better and be encouraged by what his mother had said to God on his behalf. He would then remember what Dr. Riley said about being able to live with HIV for many years as long as he took his medications and worked to stay healthy. Dr. Riley stated that science was working continually to discover a cure for this wretched virus. During that conversation, Trina threw in, “And who knows? God could come through with a breakthrough any day.”

  Upon Antonyo’s discharge, Dr. Riley had given him paperwork indicating that he needed to be excused from work for at least six weeks. The doctor cited personal stress and mental fatigue as the diagnosis and reason for the requested time off. Antonyo left the hospital and asked his mother to drive him straight to his employer to get the paperwork started for his short-term disability. After leaving the job, Trina took him to his home. She initially pleaded with him to come and stay with her for a few days so that she could keep an eye on him. Antonyo assured her that he was physically okay, and that he really needed some time to himself to deal with the emotional impact of his disease.

  Once they arrived at his house, Trina helped him in. She made sure he was comfortable and prayed with him. She then asked if there was anything she could do for him before she left. Antonyo asked her to call the district attorney’s office. The female D.A. had left him a voice mail message asking that he get in touch with her regarding Lynn’s criminal case.

  When Trina had phoned, she explained who she was and that her son wasn’t feeling well. She asked to get the information for him. When Trina got off the phone, she explained to Antonyo what she had been told.

  “The D.A. says that Lynn is currently out on a very small bond. She also says the likelihood of her ever seeing the inside of a jail cell as a result of this case is non-existent. This was Lynn’s first offense. She’s an attorney, and her family has money and a lot of influence in this state. The D.A. says that she will probably be sentenced to a very minimal probation period and face disciplinary action from the State Bar Association.”

  Amazingly, Antonyo harbored no desire to see Lynn get a harsh punishment. He only hoped that she get some professional help. Trina did not have a vengeful spirit about any of this either. She, too, prayed that Lynn changed her life.

  Still not quite convinced it was good idea to leave her son, Trina resolved to let him have his way. “Well, okay. If there is nothing else, I’m going to get ready to leave. Are you sure you don’t want to come back to my house with me? Or I could stay here with you for a couple days.”

  “Ma, I’m good. But if I start to feel overwhelmed in any way, I promise I will call you. Before you leave, though, tell me the Psalm you read to me while I was in the hospital.”

  “It’s Psalm thirty-four, baby. I’ll call you later to check on you.” Trina left the house with a full heart. While she still felt the sting of her son’s disease, she rejoiced in knowing that Antonyo was working his own way to God. She knew that if she continued to trust God, he would heal Antonyo spiritually, giving him more ammunition to fight HIV physically.

  Before Trina left, she made her son promise he would call her if he needed her in any way. When his mother was out the door, Antonyo went to his bedroom to retrieve the Bible she had given him for Christmas a few years ago. This Bible was a Message translation, making the Word of God easier for him to comprehend. He returned to the living room, sat on his sofa, and began reading the Psalm.

  As he read and reached his favorite parts, verses fifteen through eighteen, he read those aloud. “God keeps an eye on His friends; his ears pick up every moan and groan. God won’t put up with rebels; He’ll cut them from the pack. Is anyone crying for help? God is listening, ready to rescue you. If your heart is broken, you’ll find God right there; if you’re kicked in the gut, He’ll help you catch your breath.” He continued on reading the rest of the Psalm to himself.

  After he finished his reading, Antonyo sat and meditated on what he’d just read. Whether it was from sheer desperation or a true sense of belief, he wasn’t sure, but Antonyo used the words of the Bible to encourage him and make him believe that he would live a long life even with HIV. He said a silent prayer after he closed his Bible, something he had been doing a lot the past two nights when he was alone once his mother left for the evening.

  In his newfound encouragement, Antonyo decided he needed to see his daughter. What he had not yet decided was whether he was prepared to share his news with Clarke. Thus far, the only people who knew about his diagnosis were his mother and Aunt Treecie. As he picked up the phone to call Clarke, he realized that he owed her the truth. The two decided back when LaToya was born that anything that involved their daughter involved both parents. He would wait to tell her in person, versus divulging the information on the phone.

  Clarke was happy to hear from Antonyo. It had been more than five days since he last spoke with LaToya. Their daughter had begun to get a little irritable. Clarke knew Antonyo had been stabbed by the lunatic Lynn, but had not been able to get much more information from Trina when she inquired about his condition. When he called and asked if he could pick up the baby, she was more than thrilled to allow him time with his cranky child.

  In the past five days, Greg had seemed more relieved than he had since the first day of school for their daughter. Afraid to start up his ranting again, she decided to just bask in the peace. She never even mentioned his contrast in moods to him. Now that Antonyo was on his way over to get LaToya, she wondered if things would get tense again.

  The doorbell rang and Clarke went to let Antonyo in the house. When Clarke appeared at the door instead of Greg, Antonyo was very thankful. The last thing he needed right now was to have to deal with a jealous husband and stepfather.

  “Come on in, Tony. LaToya is all packed for the next three days. Just let me know if you want to keep her a few extra days and I’ll bring over some additional things,” Clarke offered.

  “I keep telling you that I have everything she needs at my house. You don’t even have to send the stuff you packed, but for some reason it makes you feel better, so I’ll take the packed bag. If she stays longer, however, it won’t be necessary for you to send anything else.”

  Clarke smiled. “Let me go and get your daughter for you.”

  “Clarke, wait. Before you get the baby, I need to sit down and talk with you for a moment.” Antonyo, deciding to be a really big man, added, “I need to speak with both you and Greg.”

  Clarke worried a little about having both men together again, but Antonyo sounded serious. She reluctantly called her husband from their bedroom. Assuming she wanted him to bring the baby with him so she could leave with Antonyo, he arrived with LaToya in tow.

  As usual, LaToya saw her father and ran to him with her normal call of greeting. “Daaaad-dyyy.”

  “Hey, baby girl. Daddy missed you,” Antonyo stated.

  “I missed you too, Daddy. Mommy said I’m going to your house. Yeah!”

  “Yes, you are, but first I need to talk to Mommy and Greg. I want you to go back in your room and play. I’ll come and get you before I leave. Okay?”

  “Okay, Daddy. Don’t leave me.” LaToya scampered away, heading back toward her bedroom.

  Neither Greg nor Clarke had a clue as to why Antonyo called this impromptu meeting. Both held puzzled looks as they all walked into the living room and sat down. Clarke and Greg held court on the sofa. Antonyo sat opposite them on the loveseat.

  “I need to tell you both something very impor
tant. It’s about my hospital stay.” Antonyo paused for a moment, realizing this would be his first public announcement about his condition. The thought made him a little uncomfortable. He closed his eyes for a moment and sought strength in a silent prayer.

  Clarke and Greg noticed Antonyo’s distress. This intensified their curiosity. Clarke even became a little fearful. She, too, said a quick silent prayer.

  “Guys, I discovered while I was in the hospital after my stabbing that I am HIV positive.” Antonyo decided that straight-up was probably the best way to go.

  “Oh my God!” Clarke screamed as she bolted up from her seat. Greg just sat there, staring, holding both hands in front of his mouth as if doing his best to not let something escape. The three stayed completely quiet for several seconds.

  Finally Clarke sank back onto the sofa next to her husband, unable to control her emotions any longer. She placed her face into Greg’s shoulder and began to cry. Greg massaged her shoulder, doing his best to comfort his frightened wife.

  Greg was the first to speak. “Tony, man, I don’t even know what to say. I’m so sorry to hear that, man.”

  “Thank you, Greg. I needed to tell you both because this affects LaToya,” Antonyo said.

  Clarke lifted her head and asked, “What does this mean exactly? I mean, I have never known anyone personally who had this disease. What did the doctors say?”

  “Dr. Riley, the doctor I had in the hospital, says that he really could not give me any specific timeframes or lifespan. He says that these days, people were living longer and more normal lives because of advance medicines. As long as I stay healthy and take my medicine, I should be able to fight the disease. My mom says that God could come through with a cure any day.” He smiled weakly at the couple as he internally held out hope that she had prophesied the truth.

  A sudden fear gripped Greg’s heart. He certainly did not mean to be rude at a time like this, but he really needed to know the answer to the question that nearly rendered him motionless. “Tony, was the doctor able to give you an idea about how long you have been carrying the virus?”