From Sinner to Saint

by Jones, Janice

  Both Clarke and Antonyo knew where Greg was going with his question. Clarke was a little embarrassed by her husband’s boldness. Antonyo stared, a little confused. It just hit him that this was the first time he ever thought about that question. Suddenly, Jessica and the story she told him about her gay husband came to mind.

  “Greg, they can’t pin this thing down to a science, but I will say this, up until the time I got with Clarke, I was very careful. It was only recently that I stupidly became a little lax, however, it couldn’t hurt for both of you to be tested.”

  Again, he thought about Jessica and Scott. In all honesty, with his own sexual history, it could have been anybody. As the saying went, abstinence was the only surefire safe method. That word had not been in his vocabulary since he was thirteen. He made a mental note to contact Jessica, however. He had not talked to her since the last time he saw her, a couple of weeks ago, when she had left his house angry.

  Greg continued to hold his wife while he silently thanked God. The odds of her being HIV positive were slim to none. If she were, LaToya would have more than likely been born infected. But as Antonyo suggested, they would both be tested as soon as possible. He was also thankful and relieved of his insecurities about the special bond shared between Clarke and Antonyo. With this type of information on the table, he was sure there would never be anything more between the two of them. Selfish? Yes. But he would take peace of mind any way he could get it.

  “Look, I just wanted to let you both know the real. I don’t think LaToya needs to know any of this, though. She’s too young to understand. If I get really ill anytime soon, Clarke, I trust you will handle it correctly at that point. But for now, I don’t think we should say anything.” Greg and Clarke nodded in agreement. “If you don’t have any other questions that I could answer, I would like to take LaToya and get back home.”

  All three adults stood and headed toward the door. Clarke dried her tears and went to get LaToya from her bedroom. She certainly didn’t want her daughter to see her distress. She returned with LaToya all ready to go.

  Clark and Greg gave the baby their hugs and kisses. Then Clarke hugged Antonyo long and tight. There was not even a hint of romantic feelings in the embrace. It was a hug filled simply with godliness, love, and concern for her child’s father.

  Once Clarke released Antonyo, Greg gave him a brotherly embrace. “You take care of yourself. All right, man?”

  “I will,” Antonyo assured him. “Bye.”

  Before returning to his house, Antonyo took his daughter to her favorite place; McDonald’s. She had the chicken nuggets Happy Meal as always, and, for the first time ever, Antonyo ordered a chicken salad. Before learning he was HIV positive, Antonyo was strictly a meat and potatoes man. Any other time, he would have ordered his favorite Big Mac combo. In an effort to stay healthy, however, he would now begin eating healthier foods. Before leaving the hospital, a nutritionist had counseled him on changing his eating habits to include more fruits and vegetables. The added vitamins would help protect him from things like the common cold, which in his condition could be very dangerous.

  The moment his princess finished her last nugget, she hopped from their table and ran straight to the Playscape. Antonyo watched as LaToya walked up and slid down the sliding board. She then swung around on the swinging bars until finding her way to the huge tub of multicolored plastic balls. She took off her little shoes as required and hopped in for a roll. As he watched her play with such carefree abandon, fear began to creep into Antonyo’s subconscious. How much longer would he have to see her in her complete innocence? Would he get to see her graduate from high school? Would he get to ward off the would-be imitators of himself who would try to take advantage of his baby girl?

  LaToya scurried back to her father after about fifteen minutes, all tuckered out from her playing. Antonyo welcomed her with open arms.

  “Are you ready to go, princess?” he asked, kissing her on the cheek.

  “Yes, Daddy. I want to go to our house now so I can play with my toys in my room.”

  “All right. Go back and get your shoes and we will leave.”

  When the pair arrived at the house, Antonyo unfastened LaToya from her car seat. Before they made it to the front door, an unknown vehicle pulled in to his driveway behind his car. For a moment, Antonyo suspected it might be Lynn coming to do only God knew what. He picked up LaToya and hurried to get her inside the house. He reached the front door and put the key in the lock just as the mystery person stepped from the car.

  “Tony, hold up, man.”

  The voice sounded familiar, but without a doubt, Antonyo knew it could not be who it sounded like. Not after all this time. Not while he was dealing with the uncertain chaos that now doubled as his life. He continued with his task of getting his daughter in the house, and the trespasser made his way up onto his front porch.

  “Tony, it’s me, Sheldon. Your daddy. I know you haven’t forgotten me already, have you?”

  When the lock gave way to the key, Antonyo moved through the door with haste. With every fiber of his being, he wanted to slam the door in Sheldon’s face, but his mother’s face and voice appeared in his head. “Antonyo, Sheldon is your father, and no matter what, I will not allow you to disrespect him.” He knew she had to be behind his showing up at the house without warning. Otherwise, how else would the deadbeat know where he even lived? He left the door open, reluctantly allowing Sheldon to enter his home.

  “LaToya, go into your room and take your jacket off. Then you can start playing with your toys. I’ll come in there in just a minute to check on you,” Antonyo ordered his daughter.

  LaToya looked up at the stranger and then she glanced at her father. She was instinctively curious about who Sheldon was, but the look on her father’s face frightened her, so she did as she was told and hustled her way into her bedroom.

  “So that’s my granddaughter, huh? Man, she is a cutie pie, for sure.” Sheldon smiled as if he beamed with pride over his grandbaby.

  How dare he? Antonyo thought. What he said, however, was “Sheldon, man, what are you doing here?”

  Before answering, Sheldon removed his jacket and made himself comfortable on his son’s sofa. Antonyo remained standing, figuring he was in the best position to escort the deadbeat to the door in a very short while.

  “Look, man, your mama tracked me down through some of my people yesterday. She left a phone number at my cousin Ruby’s house saying it was urgent that I call her. When I got the message and called her, she told me about you being HIV positive. Tony, I’m sorry. Your daddy certainly hates to hear that you have to deal with something as heavy as that.”

  Antonyo knew that was the reason behind his visit. Why his mother insisted on trying to make this man a part of his life was beyond his comprehension. He made it all the way to manhood without him, so what was her obsession about them relating to one another now?

  “Look, Sheldon, what I’m dealing with is not your fault, so there is no need for you to apologize. I’m going to handle this disease the way I have handled everything else in my life: without you. So, you can take your day late and dollar short sympathy on back to wherever it is you’ve been hiding for the past ten years. I’m cool.” Antonyo could not believe Sheldon had the nerve to look guilty. This dude, he thought.

  “Why don’t you take a seat, son, so we can talk for a moment? I promise I won’t keep you too long.”

  “Sheldon, I don’t want to talk to you, okay? So just leave, please. I don’t want to act disrespectfully, but I really need you to get out of my house before—”

  “Daddy, you said you were coming to check on me.” La-Toya barged into the room before Antonyo could finish his sentence. Sheldon held his hand out for LaToya to come to him. Antonyo gently put his hand on his daughter’s shoulder to halt her from going near his father. In an effort not to frighten her, he did not apply too much pressure. LaToya kept walking and stopped right in front of her grandfather. “You look like my d
addy,” she said innocently.

  “That’s because I’m your daddy’s daddy. I’m your granddaddy,” Sheldon informed the child.

  “What is your name?”

  “My name is Sheldon, but you can call me Grandpa. Is that okay with you?”

  LaToya looked to her father for confirmation. “Daddy, can I call your daddy Grandpa?”

  The last thing Antonyo wanted was for LaToya to get attached to Sheldon, knowing he would not be around long. How could he explain this to a three-year-old?

  “Why don’t we start by calling him Mr. Emerson? When you get to know him better you can call him Grandpa.”

  “Okay, Daddy. I’m going back to my room to wait for you. Bye, Mr. Emerson.” LaToya left her newfound friend and her father alone. The innocent child had no idea the tension she left behind in the living room.

  “Man, how dare you come up in my house telling my daughter to call you Grandpa? She does not know you, and you do not know her. I will never let you hurt my child with that part-time to no-time bull crap you put me through.” Antonyo did his best to control his anger, as well as the level of his voice, for the sake of LaToya, but to heck with the respect his mother felt this punk deserved. His daughter’s well-being was at stake, and he would protect her at all costs.

  “Tony, I came here to apologize to you for all that, son. I was not a good father to you. I know that, but I want to make up for that.”

  “Man, I’m twenty-six years old. I don’t need a father now. My daughter dang sure don’t need no fake grandfather. We are good, sir, so you can pack all that mess you talking and carry it back out the door with you, Sheldon. I am not a silly little kid anymore falling for this act.” Antonyo walked to the door and yanked it open, hoping that Sheldon walked through it on his own. At this point, though, he was not beyond tossing this fool out.

  Sheldon stood up and headed toward the open door. “Antonyo, I really want us to reconnect. I mean that from the bottom of my heart. Obviously now is not the best time to talk to you, though. But let me at least say this and then I will leave.” Sheldon reached out to touch Antonyo’s shoulder, but his son pulled away before he was able to make contact. Sheldon continued speaking anyhow. “It looks like you have turned out to be a great father despite my absence from your life. I really wish I could say I was responsible for that, but I can’t. I was not there for you, and for that I am sorry.” Sheldon then headed outside.

  Antonyo came out on the porch just as his dad reached the bottom of the three steps that led to the walkway. “Sheldon, you can trust and believe that you had a lot to do with the type of father I am to my child. I used your example of exactly what not to do. Realize it or not, you are most definitely responsible for how well I treat my daughter.” After saying his peace, Antonyo turned and reentered his house, this time slamming the door behind him.

  Chapter 21

  On the day of Sheldon’s unwelcomed visit, Antonyo packed up LaToya and the two of them headed over to his mother’s house. He needed to speak with her face to face to inform her once and for all to stay out of his business when it came to Sheldon. The last thing he would do would be to disrespect Trina, but he had to make her understand that he did not want Sheldon in his or his child’s life.

  When he arrived, Trina opened the door before he had a chance to use his key to enter, beaming like she had won the lottery or something. “Well, how did it go, son? Did you and Sheldon have a good talk?”

  Antonyo stared bug-eyed at his mom once he crossed her threshold. Did she really believe that Sheldon could pop up on his doorstep and all would be well with the world once he left? Her unwavering faith was a little misplaced here.

  Antonyo’s first instinct was to send LaToya to the playroom she had here at her grandmother’s house, but he was sure the baby had gotten tired of sitting in bedrooms since he’d picked her up from her mother’s, so he decided to let her stay. He took her to the kitchen and made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for her. While he prepared the snack for her, Trina kept talking in his ear about Sheldon’s visit. Antonyo completely ignored his mother, instead concentrating on taking care of his business with his daughter. Once he had the baby settled in her booster seat at the table, he and his mother went into the living room to talk.

  “Mama, I need you to let go of this nonsense you have fixed in your head about Sheldon and I becoming bosom buddies or this great father and son duo. I do not want that man in my life. I do not want him around my daughter. Please, Mama, leave it alone. Sheldon is the last person I want to have to deal with while I am dealing with handling this disease. In all honesty, I would not want to deal with him if I were perfectly healthy.” Antonyo never raised his voice, but he still hoped his mother did not interpret his speech as rude.

  LaTrina stood up from the place where she sat next to her son on the sofa. She left the living room for a few brief moments and returned with her Bible from her bedroom. She resumed her place on the sofa and began flipping through pages.

  “Antonyo, I do my very best in this life that I have been blessed with to not make pertinent decisions without first finding out how God feels about them. When I contacted Sheldon and sent him to your house today, I did so with the blessing of God as stated here in His Word.

  “Honey, I went to the Word, and this is what it said: ‘Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.’ That’s Luke 6:37. ‘Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.’ That’s Ephesians 4:23. And while I was there I saw this: ‘Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother’—which is the first commandment, with a promise—‘that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on earth.’

  “Antonyo, you don’t know what God has planned and purposed for you as far as this HIV virus goes. But, baby, you need to be prepared for whenever it is that He calls you home. Sweetie, if you want God to forgive you and allow you in heaven, you are going to have to forgive Sheldon. And in an effort to store up days, months, even years, for your life with this disease, you are going to have to start honoring your father. That is what the Word of God says, Antonyo.”

  Antonyo stared at his mother, pleading with his eyes for her words, or better yet God’s, not to be true. He was so anguished by what she’d just read to him, tears began to pour from those same eyes. “Ma, but what about Sheldon never being there for me, or what he put you through by not helping you to take care of me? How am I supposed to just forget about all that?”

  “Antonyo, these scriptures do not give conditions. They don’t say anything about listening only if you have not been wronged by the person you need to forgive. They don’t say honor your father only if he was a good father. You need only to listen and obey. Sheldon’s actions have nothing to do with how you are supposed to respond to the Word of God.”

  LaToya, apparently finished with her sandwich, decided to join the conversation in the living room. “I know Sheldon. He is my daddy’s daddy, and he wants me to call him Grandpa. Daddy says I have to wait. I waited, Daddy, so can I call him Grandpa when I see him again?”

  Antonyo stared at his mother, who returned his stare with just as much regard. He then slowly turned his eyes to his daughter and said, “Yes. You can call him Grandpa.”

  That was a few days ago. Now, as Antonyo prepared himself and LaToya for church service this morning, he thought about how he should approach Sheldon for a heart to heart reconciliation. His reservations about doing so were still in place, but he was not willing to risk further disobedience being the cause of any more negative consequences in his life.

  Upon his arrival into the sanctuary, the first face he saw, or at least the first he paid attention to, was Minister Keisha Hearn. He had not seen her since the day before his diagnosis. While thinking and spending time with his daughter these past few days, he realized that as crazy as it sounded, especially under the circ
umstances, he wanted a chance at a real relationship with Keisha. Of course, this would mean full disclosure to her about his disease. He had no idea how she would feel about him after learning that he was HIV positive, but he was willing to take a chance.

  Minister Keisha was heavily involved in conversation with some of the congregants, but she felt Antonyo’s presence the moment he stepped fully into the sanctuary. Her heartbeat quickened and butterflies danced a routine in her stomach that was probably worthy of the praise dancers to perform. Why did he have such an effect on her? He refused her visits, and had not returned one of the many messages she had left for him.

  She glanced in his direction and found Antonyo coming toward her with his daughter in tow. He came only close enough to give her enough room to continue the conversation she was currently engaged in. He stood in the background, waiting patiently for her to finish.

  Keisha was glad she was not delivering the message this morning, because she knew she would hardly be able to concentrate on what God wanted her to teach. As it was, she had become unable to even focus on what the people around her were saying ever since he entered the sanctuary. At the risk of being rude, she excused herself from the group she had been chatting with to address Antonyo. “Hello, Mr. Simms. Hello Princess Simms.”

  “Hi, Minister Keisha. Are you going to peach today?” Both Keisha and Antonyo chuckled at the baby’s mispronunciation of the word.

  “No, LaToya. I am not preaching today.” Keisha smiled.

  “Well then, perhaps you can come and sit with my daughter and me,” Antonyo extended the invitation.

  Unable to come up with a good excuse not to, other than the truth—that Antonyo had an overwhelming effect on her, and that sitting with him would only make her think impure thoughts—she simply stated, “Sure.”