“My Mom used to tell me that it’s because I had the best of both her and my dad. She had blue eyes and my dad had green.”
I bend down to kiss her, allowing the water to spray her in the face, she squeals trying to block the onslaught. “Turn around.” She does as I ask. I grab the shampoo, squeezing the bottle to empty a generous amount in my hand. I lather the soap and begin to wash her hair. Never, and I mean ever have I washed a woman’s hair. She places her hands on the walls of the shower, bracing herself as I massage her scalp. I use my nails to work the shampoo, causing her to moan and my dick to harden. I pull her by her hair until she’s under the spray rinsing out the suds.
When her hair is clean, I push her against the tiled wall. “I’m gonna need you to spread your legs, sweet Olivia, because hearing you moan like that is making me lose my mind. I need to feel you again.” I grab her by the hips pulling her ass out, giving me a little more leverage. Our height difference may make this impossible, but I’m sure as hell gonna try.
“David, please, please fuck me.”
I wrap her hair around my fist giving me better exposure of her neck. “Sweet Olivia, if a good fucking is what you want, then a good fucking is what you’ll get.” I grab my cock with my other hand, sliding it over the crack of her ass into the folds of her pussy. I can feel the slickness of her arousal. “Always ready for me, huh, baby?” I ask as I take the lobe of her ear into my mouth. With words failing her, she gives me a nod. I thrust into her fast at first, making her yelp, but then I slow my way out and slowly glide back into her. The warmth of her pussy makes my knees weaken. I run my free hand up her body over her breast squeezing, as I hold her up against my body with my other hand. Her size and the fact she weighs just about nothing allows me to move her without much struggle.
My thighs and calf muscles begin to burn as I continue to thrust into her, rotating my hips making her moan in satisfaction. I bite her shoulder; marking her. “Fuck, Olivia, fuck you feel so damn good. I love the way you feel on my dick, baby.” I continue to rock into her, feeling the waves of contractions against my cock, I know she’s close to coming. I can hear her mumble about how deep I am, about me making her mine, but she has no idea, that’s already happened. “You don’t have to worry, sweet Olivia, you are mine.” I take her hips and grind deeper into her, hitting my mark as she comes apart all over my cock, taking me right along with her.
My grip loosens on her hips. I put her down as she grabs the wall for balance. I see the red marks of my fingertips as proof to what just went down. The chemistry between the two of us is indescribable, I can’t control myself when I’m with her. I feel like I can’t get enough of her, at the same time having this undeniable fear of losing her. I’m having a hard time getting a grip on these feelings. “Olivia, I can’t seem to control myself around you. I feel like a sixteen year old again.” I kiss her shoulder in the same place where I left my mark. I like seeing the deep purple on her olive skin.
“Well, I’m sure your sixteen year-old self will be in awe of your thirty-ish year old self.”
I laugh at her thirty-ish year old comment because I’m closer to forty than I am to thirty. She turns off the shower and opens the door leaning over to grab our towels. She hands me mine and wraps her body in hers. “You didn’t condition my hair. It’s going to be a rat’s nest.” She rings the extra water out into the sink.
“We can always revisit the shower and I’ll finish the job.” I give her a wink.
“I’m not sure finishing my hair is the job you’re going to finish. I’ll just keep it up today.”
I dry my body once she leaves the bathroom. My mind races with the event of the past twelve plus hours. By the time I walk into her bedroom with my towel tucked tightly around my waist, I see her slide into a tight fitting skirt. “Olivia.” She turns to me.
“Yeah?”
“I’m not this much of an asshole and maybe I can blame it on the fact that I may be out of practice, and I should have asked because we didn’t use protection.” Damn I feel like a complete idiot. “I didn’t come here last night expecting what happened, you know, to happen. I didn’t prepare, so—”
“Stop.” She puts her hands up. “I can’t have children.” Her voice was soft, like admitting it was hurting her.
“What do you mean, what about what happened all those years ago?”
“Didn’t Destiny tell you?”
“No.”
“Losing the baby wasn’t the only nightmare that I had to live through, it wasn’t the fact that Brandon’s parents spoke to me the way they did, it was because after everything that happened with the miscarriage, I bled too much. The only way the doctors were able to save my life was to take out my uterus. Knowing that I was the reason why I lost my baby was bad enough, but knowing my selfishness is what caused me to never be able to have another child is what pushed me over the edge. That knowledge is what made me want to end my life.”
54
David
TEN MONTHS
For ten months I’ve sat in this waiting room; in the most uncomfortable chairs I’ve ever sat in. Ten months ago, this was my least favorite place to be, I loathed coming here. I loathed having to face the things I could barely comprehend. Now, not much anymore. I enjoy my time here, though I would never tell Dr. Bernstein that fact. Surprisingly, I haven’t seen the same person twice waiting in this room. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or not. I just bide my time until I hear the two inch thick glass slide along the tracks and hear my name roll off the receptionists lips.
“Well, David, I must say, I’m not used to seeing you smiling while you enter my office. I’m beginning to think you enjoy our time together.” She looks up from her tablet with an equally unfamiliar, welcoming smile.
“If it makes you happy, Dr. Bernstein, then I’ll say it’s because of you.”
“Flattery will get you everywhere. So tell me, why the smiling face?”
“I feel good. I guess because of that I feel like smiling.”
“What’s making you feel good. Are things going well for you at work? The kids doing well?”
She’s the professional. She knows why I’m smiling. In her years in this profession, there is no doubt in my mind that she knows that I’ve opened my eyes, that I’ve seen the light.
“I guess it’s all of the above, plus maybe one more thing.”
“Does this have to do with a special someone?”
“Yes. I think I finally got my head out of my ass.”
“Well, this is news. It’s big step too. What made you finally come to the decision to allow yourself to be happy?”
“My father. I spoke to him and he had a few wise things to say to me. It got me to see that I was becoming too loyal to Kate as a person when I should have been loyal to the memory of her. That my happiness is what I need to be ultimately loyal to. I needed to put that aspect of my life first in order for my kids to truly be happy and have the life they were meant to have.”
“Your father got you to see all that?”
“Yes.”
“So after months of therapy, nothing. But one heart to heart with your father and all the fog of these past few months had been lifted?”
“Yes.”
“Well, I think I may need to offer your father a position in my practice, because he can do in one sitting what I haven’t been able to accomplish in months. I think I may have lost my touch.”
I’m not sure if she’s being serious, if she really is hurt that it took my father’s words to make me see the light and not her continuous months of questions and psychoanalyzing. “You’ve done a lot for me, Dr. Bernstein. I’m sure if it weren’t for you then I wouldn’t have listened to my father. It’s a group effort.”
55
David
It’s been one month since I went to Olivia, and bared my true feelings to her. Since I finally gave into what I’ve wanted. What I’ve needed. One month of me smiling, being happy, and being one hundred percent, with
out worry, in love. Olivia is more than I could have asked for. Not just in a woman that I love, in a partner, in someone my kids love to have around. She’s just more. Clare is flourishing, she’s the happy little girl that she has the right to be. In two days, she’s going to be my eight year-old. Man, she has grown faster than she should have to, but she’s strong. After all, she’s her mother’s daughter. Kate is alive and well within our daughter and I am thankful for that every day.
Brody, that little boy is a force to be reckoned with. Not even a year yet, and he’s already walking, babbling dada this and dada that. He’s taking Clare’s dolls every chance he gets and if he isn’t being the typical little brother by making Clare’s life a little less than pleasant he has his hand on a baseball and bat. He’s a little boy through and through. “David, have you heard anything I just said to you?” I look up to see Robert watching me.
“I’m sorry, Robert, what was that?”
“Kelvin Kaplan is pursuing the buyout of his partners and he wants us to go ahead and take care of the paperwork.”
“I’ve already started on the contracts, I wanted to be proactive once I heard the ramblings.” I look over and see Bridgette smirking at me.
“That’s just great, Bridgette. Thank you.”
The sound of my phone ringing cuts the tension from the room. I pull it out seeing that it’s Olivia. As much as I would love to answer her call, I silence it. Bridgette has not been a pleasure to work with. Since I’m not playing into her tactics at trying to get me into bed and furthering her career, she’s been anything but cordial. I was wrong when I first met her. She isn’t just a shark in the courtroom, she’s a shark in every aspect of her life. My phone rings again. Olivia’s face flashes on the screen again.
“Do you need to get that?” Robert asks me.
“It may be about my kids. I’m sorry about this.” I get up, walking away from both Robert and Bridgette. “Olivia?”
“David.” Her voice is panicked. I feel my heart drop at the sound of it.
“Destiny? Why are calling me from Liv’s phone?”
“David, I,” I hear her take a shuddered breath, “I need you to get to the hospital, there’s been an incident.”
“An incident? What in the hell are you talking about?”
“It’s Olivia. Um,” By the sound of her voice I can tell she was shaking. “A patient stabbed her, in the…in the neck. She was stabbed in the neck.”
I turn and see both Robert and Bridgette looking at me. “I’m on my way.” I hang up the phone. “I need to go. I need to go to the hospital.”
“David, what’s going on?” Robert stands from behind his desk.
“It’s my girl—girlfriend. She’s been stabbed. I need to get to the hospital.” I walk out the door hearing Robert telling me he’ll drive me.
*
The drive to the hospital was a blur. My mind kept replaying the night I lost Kate, only this time it wasn’t Kate’s face that I saw, it was Olivia’s. It was her life I watched drain from those precious eyes. Olivia has suffered so much already. Why is she going through this pain again? Would fate be so cruel as to take another woman who I gave my heart to away from me? Robert didn’t ask any questions and I hadn’t noticed that Bridgette was in the backseat until I hear the second door closed, before my own.
I rush through the doors of the emergency room stopping at the desk. “I need to find Olivia Conrad. She was brought in by an ambulance.”
“Conrad you say?” The older nurse asks from behind her black rimmed glasses.
“Yes, Olivia.”
“Are you family?”
“I’m her boyfriend.” My patience was wearing thin.
“So you aren’t family.”
“I’m the only family she has, now are you going to tell me where the fuck my—”
“David?” I turn to see the tear streaked face of my sister standing at the door that separates the waiting room from the emergency room. The front of her silk blouse and down her usually perfectly pressed slacks are stained with blood. I see remnants of dried blood smeared along her neck. She walks up to me and throws her arms around my neck. “She’s in surgery” she bawls into my shoulder. “My God, it happened so fast. Everything happened so fast. We were there having a group session with our high risks one minute and the next thing I know, one of the boys grabs a handful of pens and pencils and stabs her in the neck. Olivia just fell to the floor, she just went limp.”
There were no words I could tell her to make this situation any better. Right now, there was no light at the end of the tunnel, and I didn’t have the energy to fake it. I didn’t have any words to console Des because it is me who needs the consoling. I’m the one who needs it. “There was so much blood. So much blood. I couldn’t stop it.” She speaks through her tears, “I tried, David. I tried to save her. I tried to save her for you.” Those words are what do me in. Those words are what turn my world dark and cause my life to shatter. I can’t hold back as a sob rips through my chest. For the first time since I lost my wife, I weep. I shake as the emotions roll through my body. I squeeze Destiny close, praying to whomever will hear my silent pleas to make sure Olivia survives this. I continue to cry, my heart splinters into million pieces as I hold my sister, and break.
1
Year
It was one year ago today that both tragedy and miracle struck the family of three who stand with their backs to me staring at the headstone. Three people brought into my life by the greatest of losses. David lost his wife, and to a point, the will to want to actually live while those two precious souls lost their mother. He kneels in front of the marble that makes up Kate’s headstone. Brody is securely fastened to his hip while he holds Clare’s hand. It’s gloomy today. The sea air is heavy with moisture. It’s kind of fitting for the mood this morning. I hope the gloom breaks up with the help of the sun. Brody’s birthday, especially his first, shouldn’t be celebrated under anything but sunshine and blue skies.
It’s been one month since the incident, as we like to call it. One month ago I thought I was going to lose my life. I thought I was going to bleed out right there on my office floor. Funny how things work at times. Years ago, I would have given anything to end my life. I prayed the pills I downed would pull me into a forever slumber or the piece of plastic that I jabbed into my leg hit the right spot. But no such luck, not without of trying on my part. After I felt the sharp jab of those pens enter my neck and I fell to the floor unable to move, I thought, what irony. After attempts of trying to take my own life when I wasn’t happy, my life was going to end just as I finally grasped the happiness that I had wanted for so long. I knew that I needed to fight. I couldn’t give up as I watched Destiny frantically move above me while she tried to save my life. What do I mean try, she did save my life. She saved it on the floor of my office while she applied pressure waiting for medical help to arrive. She saved then just as she saved me the night she introduced me to her brother. To my future.
While David and Clare have their heads tucked close together talking about Kate, I’m sure, Brody turns in his father’s arms and spots me. He looks so much like his daddy, sea blue eyes, and a smile that can melt the coldest of hearts. He struggles to break free from his father’s embrace, “Mama” he calls out as he struggles to get to me. Mama, I love hearing that word come from his little mouth. I came to terms long ago that I would never be called that, and I was alright with it. But I’m not gonna lie and tell you it doesn’t make me feel good, because it does. Being a mother, feels right. Clare hasn’t comes to terms with calling me anything other than Miss Olivia, and I’m okay with that. As long as she knows I’m here for her, that’s all that matters to me. I want that little girl to know that she’s never alone and that her daddy and I will always be in her corner.
I’m not sure what the future holds. I’m not expecting anything because standing here today, I have more than I could have ever hoped for. I didn’t think love was on my side. I allowed myself to believe it
wasn’t in the cards for me to be happy, but I was wrong. My love for him is a genuine, long lasting love and I plan on spending the rest of my life showing him how much he means to me. I’m happy. Finally I’m happy and I’m loved.
I was given a precious gift and I am not unaware of the sacrifice that was made in order to bring the gift into my life. The love that David and Kate shared created this beautiful family and they deserve the best. So that’s what I plan to give them, my best. My best love, my best kisses, and my best understanding, just as she would. I may not be those kids’ mother, but I love them just the same. After all, they’re mine.
5
Years Later
EPILOGUE
I stand outside my daughter’s bedroom as I watch my wife primp Clare’s hair for her eighth grade dance. There have been plenty of dances over the years, but this is the first dance where she was asked by a boy. I’m not sure where I would be if it weren’t for Olivia. She has given me so much over the years, and not a day has gone by that I haven’t felt the love she has for me and my children. She has been there through the introduction of training bras and make-up. It was her who Clare ran to when her body started to change, thank God for that. She is the definition of unconditional love. I have never seen her treat my children as they are anything less than her own.
I look around my daughter’s room and I can see how much my daughter is cared for by this woman. The proof of Olivia’s love is hung on the walls of Clare’s room in the form of Kate. Olivia has made sure to capture Kate in every pivotal moment in my daughter’s life. First day of kindergarten, when Clare lost her first tooth. Even the first boy band concert, Kate was there. Olivia has created masterpiece after masterpiece depicting Kate’s presence throughout Clare’s life. Brody’s room mirrors the same images. Because of those paintings, my children have been able to have continual pictures with their mother. Olivia is damn talented.
Love After Pain Page 20