Thirty-Three and a Half Shenanigans

by Denise Grover Swank

  She sighed. “I know. You’re right. I’m sorry. Turns out getting tackled, being snatched nearly bald, auditioning for a pole dancing job, and then throwing up on your old Sunday School teacher makes you cranky.”

  I grinned. “I think you’re entitled. Not to mention you lost not one, but two jobs today.”

  She snorted. “I’m really on a roll.”

  “Are you going to tell Ronnie?”

  She gave me a mock exasperated look. “He’s bound to notice when I don’t go to work tomorrow.”

  “You know that’s not the part I’m talking about. Or maybe you shouldn’t mention that your stripping job didn’t turn out so great.”

  “Hey! The dancing was great. Baby Ronnie Jr. just didn’t approve.”

  “That baby’s a genius already.”

  I parked the truck in front of the Emporium, which was located a couple of blocks north of the town square. The business had possessed the same name for years, but the owners were continually changing what it actually was. Previously it had been a drugstore and a bookstore, and it had also enjoyed a very brief run as a yoga studio.

  “Are you sure it’s open?” Neely Kate asked as we walked to the door. “This parking lot is like a ghost town.”

  “See,” I pointed to an old rusty car in the parking lot with its bumper partially hanging off. “There’s someone here.”

  “Are you sure it’s not there as a decoration?”

  If it was, they sure could use some help from RBW Landscaping, but when I opened the door, a scruffy-looking guy was sitting at a table for two, nursing a paper cup. “Look over there,” I whispered over my shoulder. “There’s a customer.”

  “Are you sure that’s not a homeless man drinking a cup of coffee?”

  I scowled. “He’s not a homeless man. Everybody knows the Baptist church finds vagrants like a metal detector finds coins. They scoop them up and take them to their center.”

  “Concentration camp,” she muttered.

  I shot her an exasperated stare. She was really in a humdinger of a mood this afternoon, but I guessed she deserved to wallow for a while. I saw another car pull into the parking lot and pointed to it. “Look there. Another customer. You do what you want, but we’re already here, so I’m getting something.”

  Leaving her in the middle of the shop, I moved to the counter and studied the menu board on the wall, feeling a sudden urge for coffee. “I’d like a decaf mocha,” I told the older woman behind the counter.

  “Do you want whipped cream?” she asked.

  “Uh, yeah.”

  “I’m not sure if we have any whipped cream,” she mumbled, lowering the glasses perched on her nose. “I’ll have to check with Fred.” Then she walked into a back room.

  “I don’t need whipped cream!” I called after her, but I figured she didn’t hear me since she kept going.

  I realized that Neely Kate wasn’t standing next to me, so I spun around to see if she was going to order something. Which was when I saw who was walking through the open door.

  “Why hello, Rose,” Hilary said in a syrupy sweet voice. “You look lovely today.”

  While I wasn’t in my stained jeans and work coat, I knew I didn’t look exceptional. But at least I was wearing makeup and my hair wasn’t in its usual ponytail. I figured I must not look too bad if the manager of an exotic dance club had taken such a shine to me. But Hilary was standing there in a cream-colored skirt and jacket with a pale blue silk blouse underneath. She looked like she’d just walked out of a fashion magazine. I had no doubt that she’d intended her “compliment” as an insult.

  The sight of her lit a fire in my belly, and her two-faced behavior only stoked it. I wanted to tell this woman off. She’d purposely trapped Joe and used a poor innocent baby to do it. She was lower than pond scum, but whether I liked it or not, she was going to be the mother of Joe’s baby—a poor defenseless baby that was going to need all the help it could get. If I was going to be Joe’s friend, I needed to put a stop to this continued animosity between Hilary and me. “Thank you,” I forced myself to say. “You’re looking really good considering your . . . condition. How are you feeling?”

  Her forced smile grew bigger. “Isn’t that a sweet thing for you to say? I’ve had some queasiness off and on, but I’ve felt well for the most part. Which is surprising when you think about what a rabble-rouser Joe is. You’d think his baby would be stirring up trouble right from the start.”

  I nodded. “Well, that’s good.” I wanted to point out that her baby was already stirring up trouble, but I didn’t want to open that can of worms.

  We stood in awkward silence for a few seconds. I wasn’t sure what else to say to her. I couldn’t stand there and pretend I wanted to talk to her. This new civility tactic was going to take some getting used to.

  For once, Neely Kate seemed to be at a loss for words. She’d stood there right along, gaping in silence like she’d just undergone a lobotomy. But then she’d had a pretty rough day.

  I grabbed her arm and pulled her toward the counter. “Come on, Neely Kate. Let’s get Ronnie Jr. his ice cream.”

  She let me drag her several steps forward while she kept her eyes fixed on Joe’s ex-girlfriend.

  “You’re looking much better, Neely Kate,” Hilary said, following us. “I know that you had a bad run with morning sickness.”

  Neely Kate stiffened, and I leaned into her ear. “Try to be nice.”

  “Why?” she growled.

  If Hilary heard us, she did a good job of ignoring it. “When’s your due date?”

  Neely Kate took a defensive stance as if they were about to duel. “July 1st.”

  “Oh, my goodness.” Hilary placed her hand on her chest. “Mine’s a week later. July 8th. Wouldn’t it be amazing if we had our babies on the same day?”

  “What?” Neely Kate gasped.

  Hilary ignored her less than enthusiastic response. “Just think about it . . . our babies are gonna grow up together!”

  “So you’re planning on staying in Henryetta?” I asked.

  “I’ve rented a house a couple of blocks from here. It’s quite charming. I think the owner is going to let me buy it.” Her right eyelid twitched, and her eyes hardened. “I’m not going anywhere.”

  To heck with it. I’d give civility a shot some other day.

  I put my hands on my hips. “Why in tarnation do you think I care if you live here or not?”

  Her grin tightened. “I just want you to know where things stand between me and Joe.”

  “I don’t give a flying fig how things stand between you and Joe.” My voice rose higher. “I’m livin’ with Mason Deveraux. Why would I care?”

  “Just in case you get an urge to see if the grass is greener in my backyard.” She took a step closer. “I’m warning you—I won’t put up with any trespassing.”

  “You are unbelievable!” Neely Kate shouted. “Who the hell do you think you are?”

  The woman behind the counter, who had reappeared, looked worried. “Can you please keep it down? There are other customers here.”

  I shot a quick glance to the homeless-looking guy at the table ten feet from us. He was gripping his take-out cup of coffee so tightly the cardboard was denting. Judging from the expression on his face, he was definitely enjoying the show.

  “Neely Kate, darling. You should calm down. You’re in a delicate condition,” Hilary said, her voice smooth as honey.

  “I’ve faced a hell of a lot worse than you today, you lizard-tongued monster!” Neely Kate shouted, bobbing her head. “I can take you any day of the week.”

  I grabbed her arm. “Neely Kate. Let it go. She’s not worth it.”

  She shrugged me off. “No, Rose! She thinks she can get away with whatever she wants, and she does because no one ever stands up to her.” Neely Kate moved closer to Hilary until they were about a foot apart. She had to tilt her head back to look the taller woman in the eye. “You don’t scare me, Hilary Wilder. There’s absolutel
y nothing you can do to me or Rose, so don’t even try.”

  Hilary’s eyes glittered with anger, and her gaze turned to me. “Are you sure about that, Rose?”

  The blood rushed from my head.

  She knew.

  Neely Kate stepped between the two of us. “What are you talking about?”

  How did she know about J.R.’s blackmail? Did Joe tell her?

  An evil grin lifted the corners of Hilary’s mouth. “Ask Rose.”

  “I’m not asking Rose. I’m asking you.”

  Hilary’s grin faded. “Don’t pick a fight with me, Neely Kate. I am one person you don’t want to tangle with.” She gave us a final distasteful look before glancing at the woman behind the counter. “These women are verbally accosting me. If this is your usual clientele, I think I’ll do business elsewhere.”

  The older woman’s eyes widened in panic. “You two need to leave.”

  “What?” Neely Kate screeched.

  “You’re shouting and disrupting the customers. You need to leave.”

  “No!” Neely Kate shouted. “She’s the one who came in here, riling things up. We were here first.”

  An older man stepped out from the back room, a phone pressed to his ear. “No need to make them leave, Opal. I called the police, and Officer Ernie is on his way.”

  I tugged on her arm. “Neely Kate, we need to go. Now.”

  “No!” She turned to me, her eyes blazing. “It’s not right, Rose! If we leave, we’re lettin’ her win. Again.”

  She had a point, but I had no doubt that the Henryetta police would be here in a matter of minutes. The gloating look on Hilary’s face was almost enough to make me stand in solidarity with my friend, but I was a firm believer in picking your battles. Plus, if Hilary knew about J.R.’s blackmail material, I didn’t want to provoke her.

  I grabbed Neely Kate’s shoulders. “Don’t think of it as letting her win the war. Think of it as letting her win the skirmish.”

  “Listen to your friend, Neely Kate,” Hilary said, pretending to look at her nails.

  The look in Neely Kate’s eyes was murderous.

  Grabbing her hand, I dragged her toward the door as sirens sounded in the distance. “Neely Kate, you can’t hit a pregnant woman. Let’s go. Now.”

  She stopped resisting me and allowed me to shove her into the truck. After I got in and pulled out of the parking lot, Neely Kate turned to me in dismay. “But I didn’t get my ice cream!”

  “It’s okay,” I said. “I’ll drop you off at the Burger Shack. But first we need to find Joe.”

  “What on earth for?”

  “To keep us out of jail,” I said, cringing at the sight of the flashing lights pulling into the parking lot we’d just left.

  Chapter Fourteen

  I grabbed my phone. “Joe,” I said as soon as he answered.

  “Rose,” he groaned. “I can’t spare the manpower to be chasin’ after Neely Kate’s cousin.”

  “This is something else.”

  He groaned again. “What on earth did you and Neely Kate do now?”

  His attitude ticked me off. “It wasn’t our fault, Joe Simmons! You need to teach your girlfriend some manners.”

  “My girlfriend?” A second passed before he groaned yet again. He was really on a roll. “She’s not my girlfriend. We are not together.”

  “I’d love to discuss the current status of your relationship, but I’ll look it up later on Facebook and see if your relationship status says ‘it’s complicated.’ Right now I need you to get your baby momma to call Officer Ernie off Neely Kate.”

  “What happened?” I heard the alarm in his voice.

  I told him everything . . . well, everything except for the fact that she’d insinuated she knew J.R.’s secret.

  “You girls lie low for a bit, and I’ll take care of it.”

  “Thank you.”

  I parked in the lot next to the Burger Shack and let Neely Kate run in for her ice cream, and then I took her to Maeve’s and texted Joe to let him know where we were. I knocked on her front door, wondering how she’d feel about the two of us showing up on her doorstep, but Mason’s mother was thrilled.

  “I thought we’d drop by and check on you,” I said, feeling a tiny bit guilty that I hadn’t done so sooner. “I hope we’re not interrupting anything.”

  She ushered us inside. “Don’t be silly. You’re always welcome here!”

  Maeve gave Neely Kate a quick tour, and I was impressed by how put together everything already looked. “I can’t believe you’ve practically finished unpacking,” I said.

  “It’s a small house, and I’m not one to sit idle.”

  I knew that from all the time she’d spent cooking and cleaning at my house.

  “I was about to make a cake if you girls want to come sit with me.”

  We helped her make a red velvet cake and dinner too. I texted Mason to tell him we were eating at his mother’s house. I worried about leaving Muffy all alone, but I didn’t want to venture out onto the Henryetta streets until Joe gave us the all-clear. The last thing Neely Kate and I needed was another almost-arrest.

  We were in the middle of frosting the cake when there was a knock at the front door. Maeve excused herself to answer it, and I was surprised to hear Joe’s voice.

  “I’m sorry to bother you, Mrs. Deveraux, but Rose told me that she and Neely Kate were hiding from the law here.”

  My breath stuck in my throat. I hadn’t considered that Joe and Maeve had only met for the first time a few weeks ago. Since I knew the encounter had been painful for both of them, I had no idea what to expect.

  I breathed a sigh of relief when Maeve laughed. “They’re both here, but I didn’t realize I was harboring fugitives. Come on in.”

  Maeve entered the kitchen with an ornery grin, Joe trailing behind her.

  “Did you arrest your girlfriend, Joe?” Neely Kate asked, pointing her cake spatula at him.

  “Nobody’s getting arrested,” he grumbled, “but everything’s taken care of.”

  “When’s she goin’ back to Little Rock where she belongs?” Neely Kate asked with a frown.

  “You know very well that she’s not goin’ anywhere,” I said, trying to take the pressure off Joe.

  Neely Kate put her hand on her hip. “Can’t you evict her from the county or something?”

  A tiny grin lifted his mouth. “Don’t you think I would have done it already if I could?”

  “Hmm,” she grunted.

  Joe took a step toward the door. “Well, I just wanted to let you girls know that you’re safe to roam the streets of Fenton County . . . or as safe as you two are capable of being.”

  “Thanks.” I gave him a soft smile.

  “Joe,” Maeve piped up. “Would you like a piece of cake before you go?”

  He shook his head, eyeing the cake on the stand. “Thanks, but I need to get back to work.”

  “Well, how about one for the road?” she asked. “You can take it with you and eat it later.”

  He grinned at her. “It’s hard to turn down a piece of homemade cake.”

  “You wait right there,” Maeve said, pulling a small white plate from the cabinet. She cut a generous slice of the red velvet cake and put in on the plate, covering it with plastic wrap before handing it to him. “You enjoy that now.”

  “Thank you.” He nodded, his eyes glistening.

  I couldn’t help but wonder if I was missing something.

  “I’m gonna get out of you girls’ hair,” he said, heading for the front door.

  “Let me walk you out.” I cast a quick glance toward Maeve, hoping she wasn’t upset with me, but she and Neely Kate had already started to wash the dishes.

  I went out the front door and stopped on the front step, Joe following behind me. He swung the squeaky front door back and forth before shutting it and turning to me.

  “If this is about Neely Kate’s cousin or Hilary—”

  “Does Hilary know about J.R.’s bl
ackmail information?”

  His eyebrows lifted. “What?” He shook his head. “No. I never told her. I swear.”

  “I think she knows.”

  “Why do you say that?”

  I told him about our encounter, and he took a deep breath, rubbing his hand across his forehead. “She may not know anything.”

  “But there’s a chance J.R. told her, right?” I asked.

  “Yes.”

  I already knew, but his acknowledgment stole my breath away. “Will she tell anyone else?”

  His face paled. “I don’t know.”

  “Do you think she’s going to use this to try to get you to marry her?”

  “Maybe.”

  I stepped off the porch and began to pace in the yard.

  “I’ll talk to her and see what she knows.”

  “What if she’s bluffing?” I stopped and looked up at him. “I don’t think I reacted to her statement, so at least I didn’t confirm anything. She knows your father wanted to split us up, and she knows how much you wanted to be with me. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out your father threatened you with something. Maybe she’s fishing for information.”

  “Yeah, you’re right.” He paused. “Does Neely Kate know?”

  I wrapped my arms around my chest, the cold wind biting through my sweater. “No. The fewer people who know, the better. But Mason does.”

  He nodded, then gave me a soft smile. “That explains why she’s still so mad at me.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “No. It’s for the best. I’m glad you have her for a friend.”

  “Me too.” We stared at each other for several seconds. “I’m going inside. I just wanted you to know.” I walked past him toward the front porch, but he reached out and grabbed my arm.

  “Rose, don’t tell Mason.”

  My mouth fell open. “What?”

  “Don’t tell him that Hilary might know.”

  I shook my head. “No, I’m not keeping this from him.”

  “Then just give me a few days, okay? Let me figure out what she knows.” He swallowed and leveled his gaze on mine. “No sense worrying him if it’s nothing.”

  I squinted up at him. “Since when did you care about Mason?”