A Dad of His Own

by Minna Howard

  ‘I’m just glad it’s sorted out,’ she said, holding herself tight so she would not be foolish enough to throw herself into his arms. She really was behaving most oddly; she must not embarrass herself, for he surely had a girlfriend, even a wife.

  ‘I am too. Perhaps we could go out to supper together, before you leave?’ he said slightly hesitantly, letting go her hands and making for the door as if his invitation was of no importance.

  His request, having just imagined him in a relationship, took her by surprise and she was about to protest, say she was glad it had all been sorted out and he didn’t need to go to such trouble. Then she thought, but why shouldn’t she go out to supper with him? It was only supper and it would nice to be taken out.

  ‘That would be lovely, thank you,’ she said. ‘Daisy is leaving soon, but after that. I’m sure Lucy would have Freddie.’

  ‘Good, we’ll arrange it for later in the week, there’s a new restaurant I’ve been to recently, I think you’d like it,’ he said and opening the kitchen door and calling goodbye to Freddie and Daisy, he and Felix went out into the cold leaving her feeling bereft.

  Thirty-Six

  Anna suddenly remembered that they were expected at Lucy’s for tea to celebrate the day the three kings reached the manger.

  She rang Lucy to explain. ‘Sorry, Lucy, I’ve been held up, we’re coming now, Daisy has arrived unexpectedly and…’

  ‘Do bring her, the more the merrier,’ Lucy said. ‘Don’t stress, it’s only tea, I’ve nothing spoiling in the oven, see you when you can make it.’

  Mattie, still residing in Lucy’s granny annexe, was there for tea when they arrived. She was flushed with excitement to see them, sporting a shocking pink hat secured by a beautiful thirties hatpin, which she assured Freddie was not going through her head.

  ‘I’m so glad to see you before I go,’ she said. ‘I’m flying out to Spain the day after tomorrow and I have got the builders all lined up to put my cottage in order while I’m gone.’

  ‘That’s such good news, lucky you to be out there in the sun,’ Anna said. ‘It will be good for you after this.’

  ‘Can’t wait, it’s so sad here with all the mess the flood left behind, but it will all be put right soon.’ She smiled at Lucy, ‘Your lovely cake shop will be up and running again by the time I get back.’

  ‘I do hope so,’ Lucy said fervently, before calling everyone to the table where a Gateau des Rois stood in pride of place in the centre, its pastry top sprinkled with gold. ‘Julius rang to say not to expect him, he’s bogged down with something,’ she said cheerfully, and Anna felt disappointed, scolding herself for minding at all.

  Freddie was allowed to slice into the Gateau des Rois, which he did with great solemnity. ‘It’s a bit wobbly,’ he said of the first slice.

  ‘Have you got the king?’ one of Benny’s sisters asked.

  To his disappointment, Freddie had not. Lucy cut the rest and it was Mattie who found the king and Daisy who got the queen, two tiny figures hiding in the cake, and the two women wore their paper crowns with pride.

  As soon as the boys had finished their tea, they were off on some mission in the playroom, Colin excused himself to go to his study and their two daughters rushed off to get ready to go out.

  When they had all gone, Anna told Lucy and Mattie about Cathie. ‘I just thought you should know about it from me,’ she said to their shocked faces, ‘but keep it to yourself… and Colin. With luck the story won’t get far and everything will settle down when Freddie and I have left.’

  ‘Oh, jealousy,’ said Mattie, ‘always brings danger with it.’

  ‘Simon is a very attractive and lovely person, but all the same, that’s no way to behave,’ Lucy said. ‘He was married, has a little girl, but I think they broke up, well we’ve never seen her, but they keep friendly for Becky’s sake,’ she went on, not noticing the despondent look on Daisy’s face.

  ‘That’s right, Becky’s a dear little girl,’ Mattie said. ‘I’ve only seen a photo of her, but I expect she’ll come here more often as she gets older.’

  ‘So do she and her mother live nearby?’ Daisy asked as if she was making polite conversation and only Anna knew how much she cared.

  ‘Not too far, Saxmundham way,’ Lucy said. ‘I think the relationship was a mistake from the start, but there was a baby so… they got married.’

  ‘So… is he divorced now?’ Daisy tried to look as if she didn’t care, but Anna who knew her so well could see how she suffered.

  ‘Yes, I believe so,’ Lucy said. ‘Anyway, they don’t live together.’

  Daisy stayed quiet for the rest of the time they were there, though Mattie kept them entertained with stories of the man she was going to in Spain.

  ‘We’ve always cared for each other, but we’d have probably killed each other if we’d married. Anyway we were both married to other people, at the time.’ She winked.

  ‘Mattie, you’re incorrigible,’ Lucy teased her.

  The time came to leave, Benny and Freddie were getting tired and fractious, and Anna said Benny could come over to play tomorrow. Anna told Mattie she’d come and say goodbye to her before she left and she, Freddie and Daisy went back in the dark to the castle, driving up the hill to where it stood lit up for all to see. Daisy was silent and Freddie almost asleep.

  There was a Land Rover parked outside the flat and as they arrived Simon got out. He opened Anna’s door. ‘I just came round to see how you were and apologise for Cathie’s behaviour,’ he said, his eyes on Daisy.

  ‘It’s fine, Julius told me all about it,’ Anna said. ‘Come in and have a drink, we’ve just been to tea with Lucy.’

  He came in to the flat with them, still apologising for Cathy’s behaviour.

  ‘It’s over now. And I’m sorry it happened, but let’s forget it. I must get Freddie to bed,’ Anna said, it was past his bedtime, but really she wanted to give Simon and Daisy a chance to be alone

  ‘Can’t I stay up a bit longer so Simon can play with my toys with me?’ Freddie stifled a yawn.

  ‘Not now, it’s late and Benny’s coming tomorrow. I’ll read two chapters of your book, so hurry and get into your pyjamas,’ she went with him into his room.

  She read to him once he was in bed but he fell asleep long before she got to the end.

  As she crossed the hall to the living room, she called out, ‘Do you want to stay for supper, Simon? We could have omelettes and salad.’

  ‘Thanks… but I can’t, I’m going away tomorrow for a couple of nights and I’ve got a lot to do before I leave.’ He came out to meet her, his hair was all mussed up and there was a dazed look of wonder about him.

  ‘Another time,’ Anna said.

  ‘I hope so. I’ll be off now. Shall I say goodnight to Freddie or is he asleep?’ He smiled at her.

  ‘He’s asleep, I’ll tell him you said goodnight,’ she said, seeing him to the door.

  ‘Night,’ he said, glancing back towards the living room before going out into the darkness.

  Anna shut the door behind him and went into the living room. Daisy was shining.

  ‘So,’ Anna smiled at her, ‘I feel love in the air, very quick though, you’ve barely met.’ She wondered if this would be another of Daisy’s love affairs, too much expected too soon.

  ‘Yes, I can’t believe it. We were talking and somehow, well, we kissed and, I don’t know, I’ve often thought I’ve been in love before but not like this.’

  ‘That’s how it is sometimes,’ Anna said, a small pang in her heart as she thought of Gary and how they’d known at once that they were attracted to each other and now the huge void without him, though to her surprise it didn’t seem as hopeless as it used to.

  ‘Simon’s going to see his daughter, it’s her birthday,’ Daisy said. ‘He told me about her straightaway, said how important she is to him. He said he’d understand if it upset me, him having a child.’

  ‘And has it?’ Anna asked her, sitting down on a chair
opposite her. Daisy had never been one of those women frantically counting down the years before their childbearing days were over while lying in wait to grab a suitable mate. Her sister had six children and she’d often said if she wanted a baby she could always go and hug one of hers and give it back when it got grouchy.

  ‘No. It might have done when I was twenty, but not at our age. Like you with Freddie… any decent grown-up man would take on Freddie.’

  ‘He’s got to be free though and love us,’ Anna felt a little sad that she had not found a dad for him.

  *

  Daisy left the following day and Anna wondered if she’d have stayed longer if Simon had been there. She promised she’d be back soon, ‘to see how Philly and Sidney’s trip went’, she said, not looking at her.

  ‘Of course,’ Anna laughed, waving her on her way.

  Benny spent the day with them and Anna and Freddie went to say goodbye to Mattie, in the granny flat, when they dropped him back. Mattie gave Freddie one of her old trains.

  ‘Much better you have it, so it is played with,’ she said, touched by his delight. He ran next door to show Benny and the two women were left alone together. ‘I so enjoyed meeting you, Anna, and I hope we meet again,’ Mattie said. ‘You feel as if you fit here somehow.’

  ‘We’ve both enjoyed being here,’ Anna said, hit by a sudden pang of sorrow, she and Freddie had loved it here and it was almost time to leave.

  Mattie stayed silent a moment, eyes down as if she were deep in thought, before saying gently, ‘When people die young, as your husband did, we carry them in our hearts all our lives. But it can be a long and lonely life if you shut out other people. You have Freddie now and he is a great gift, but he’ll grow up and go off to lead his own life and I wouldn’t like to think of you being alone.’

  ‘But I have lots of friends,’ Anna said, wondering why Mattie was saying such a thing, she was alone and seemed fine, though she remembered her saying she’d kept up with all her lovers and she was about to go and join one in Spain.

  ‘I’m sure you do, but you know what I mean. Freddie wanted a dad for Christmas and I think, though he might not quite understand it himself, it also means he wants you to have someone who would be special to you as well.’ She smiled, ‘Say I’m an old fool, love is where you find it, but you have to keep your eyes skinned and not miss it.’

  ‘I’ll try, Mattie,’ she hugged her goodbye, not saying that her advice was rather far-fetched, but then she did belong to a different generation and saw things from that perspective.

  Thirty-Seven

  Julius and Anna met by chance a few days later when she and Freddie were starting off for a walk from their flat and he had come out of the office after seeing Tessa and Nell.

  ‘Hi, you two, going out before it gets too cold, could even be snow coming, it’s there in other parts of the country after all,’ he greeted them cheerfully.

  ‘Yes, we saw it on the news, I hope it comes here,’ Freddie said. ‘We’re going to find some dandelion leaves for Ozzie; they are his favourite. I’m going to look here.’ He ran towards the grass lawn in front of them.

  Julius laughed and turned to her. ‘So what about that supper, Anna? Would you like to come out tomorrow night? Do you think Freddie could go to Lucy?’

  ‘I’ll ask her if she can have him… that would be great, thank you.’ Inside she felt shy, unsure and yet it would be churlish to turn him down and what reason could she give? This would be the first time she had gone out alone with a single man since Gary’s death, the others had been part of a group socialising together. Though Julius might not be single, she must not forget that.

  ‘Good, look forward to it, just let me know and I’ll pick you up about eight?’ His look was warm, his eyes lingering on her face and she warned herself not to read too much into his invitation, it was just a thank you for catching the thief and for not making a fuss over Cathie’s ham-fisted effort of getting her away from Simon.

  In ten days they’d be gone, Philly and Sidney would return and the life here would slot back to how it had been before this Christmas and she and Freddie would be just a memory.

  Later, in the village, they saw Lucy talking with a builder in her shop; she called Anna in and asked what she thought about a few new ideas she had to make the shop run more efficiently. When the builder had taken notes and left, Anna asked Lucy if she’d mind having Freddie on Tuesday night.

  ‘Julius feels so badly about Cathie accusing me of stealing the silver, he’s insisted on taking me out to supper in some new restaurant nearby.’ She hoped she sounded nonchalant as if it were no matter if she went or not. Freddie waited with bated breath, always happy to be with Benny.

  ‘Sure,’ Lucy had a rather annoying smile playing on her lips.

  ‘We won’t be late, I could pick him up on the way back,’ Anna said.

  ‘No, you must at least stay until after breakfast, mustn’t you, Freddie?’ Lucy put her arm round his shoulders. ‘And Benny goes back to school on Monday, so we won’t be able to see you so much then.’

  ‘Oh yes… please,’ Freddie enthused, and Anna had to agree, though it added to her anxiety of going out with Julius. She would not be able to use the excuse of having to collect Freddie. But why was she stressing about it? She was hardly a teenager on her first date.

  But she had no idea of dating today, not that this was a date she tried to remind herself. It had been so long since she’d been out with anyone but Gary. Was this supper just a thank you for saving the castle untold lawyers’ fees and the general drama over accusing a woman of theft, or did he hope for more, and how much more? If only Daisy were here, she could ask her, she who was always dating, falling for someone. She didn’t like to ask Lucy, who was happily married. She must muddle along on her own, and anyway she was probably imagining such nonsense, Julius was surely hooked up with someone.

  Julius picked her up at eight o’clock in a vintage Jensen-Healey. He laughed when he saw her expression. ‘Did you think I’d turn up in the Land Rover and in my wellies?’

  ‘I didn’t think about it, but this car is beautiful.’ She admired the slim lines of it lit up by the lights dotted round the quadrangle.

  As he drove her away from the castle and out into the countryside, she forced herself not to think of this as a romantic interlude. She felt exhilarated to be here, driving in the dark in this beautiful car with Julius, and yet she told herself he was only asking her out because he felt indebted to her or even guilty for believing Cathie’s accusation.

  They arrived at a long cottage with a thatched roof that had been transformed into a restaurant. There were baskets of evergreens and red berries lit up with coloured lights hanging outside. Inside, it was warm and intimate, with a few tables far enough apart to allow people to talk in peace.

  Julius was obviously well known here, and Anna scolded herself for feeling a tinge of jealousy, wondering who else he had brought here. He had been so kind and welcoming to her and Freddie, but she must not forget he had his own life and once they’d returned to London, he’d slip back into it.

  When they were settled, a bottle of wine open between them, Julius said, ‘So how have you and Freddie liked the change of being here in the country, away from London?’

  ‘Freddie loves it,’ Anna said, ‘all this open space, and Simon and Luke… and you too are so kind letting him help them with their work. He loves the freedom of the country; the open spaces, and I’ve all but decided to move closer to my brother, who lives in the country outside Bristol. Freddie looks on him as a sort of father figure.’ Why had she said this to Julius and why should he be interested?

  ‘It must be so difficult for you bringing him up alone while mourning his father,’ Julius said gently. ‘He is growing up now, so it’s only natural he misses a father, so perhaps it is a good idea if you moved near your brother.’

  ‘I think it is the best idea for us. I’ll have to stay where I am until the end of the summer term, I can’t le
t my pupils down and anyway it would be hard for Freddie to start a new school midway through the year,’ she explained.

  ‘Sounds good,’ he smiled, though she thought she detected a slight disappointment in his expression, before he changed the conversation, asking her what she wanted to eat, describing some of the dishes.

  ‘You seem to know the place well,’ she said.

  ‘Yes, it belongs to a friend, but he’s away today. It’s been open four months now and doing well.’

  The wine and food were delicious, the ambience warm and romantic. Their eyes kept meeting and holding, and their hands touching as they lifted their glasses or stretched for the salt. Anna felt drawn to him, her body so frozen after Gary’s death now slowly thawing as if Julius held a flame and she was being lured towards it. She felt she knew him, though of course she did not, but she’d let this evening run as it was, not think of a future. The time was here and now.

  As the evening progressed, Anna felt she must ask Julius more about himself. ‘And you?’ she said. ‘Are you married, close to someone?’

  His face clouded, he looked down at his plate, ‘No, I had a long relationship, but it petered out. I think… although we don’t always want to face it, that romantic relationships have a shelf life. In a few fortunate people, it lasts a lifetime, but, after all, things happen, people change and not always together.’ He smiled at her, ‘Do you not think that?’

  ‘My marriage was so short but sometimes now I wonder how long it would have lasted. Gary was wonderful fun, but I do wonder if… though I know he would have loved Freddie, especially now as he’s such a good companion – he might have found having a baby annoying if … I was not completely free to drop everything whenever he wanted.’

  ‘I understand that, it’s right that people put their children first, especially in the beginning, but it does mean that you do lose some freedom, the ability to rush off together on some whim, though I think that’s a small price to pay for having a child.’ He stretched out and took her hand, holding it gently in his own. She liked the warmth of it, the feeling of connection.