A Dad of His Own
Page 23
‘Looking back, I don’t think that Gary was ready for that commitment, but Freddie is the best thing in my life and got me through those terrible times after Gary’s death.’ She realised she was telling Julius things she’d only discussed with a very few girlfriends. It must be the intimate ambience of the place that made her feel so comfortable with him.
‘He’s a great boy, you should be very proud of him, but I understand how he wants a father, so moving close to your brother might solve that. What about Gary’s family, has he any brothers?’ He still held her hand and she felt soothed by it, the pain she carried so long from losing Gary seeping away.
‘No, one sister living in Switzerland with their parents, his mother disappeared when he was young, though he has a lovely stepmother. They are very kind when I see them and help support us; they gave us a flat in London for a wedding present, where Freddie and I still live.’
He let go of her hand and paid the bill and they went out together to his car. To their amazement it was snowing, the ground quite covered and snowflakes swirling round them.
‘Freddie will love this, I hope it’s still here in the morning.’ She turned to him eager as a child herself.
He laughed, putting his arm round her and pulling her close, ‘It’s beautiful, but hell if you have to work outside. But I hope there’s enough for Freddie to build a snowman in the courtyard, in the morning.’
The cold crept through her coat with icy fingers, snatching away the intimacy that had coursed through her in that warm and intimate room.
They drove back through the pitch-black countryside, the headlights catching the dancing snowflakes in their beam. They sat in silence, each deep in their own thoughts. Anna felt a growing sadness that she was leaving here so soon, where both she and Freddie had been happy. She loved London, her job and her friends, but there was a magic here in the country she was reluctant to let go of and it wasn’t just this evening, the delicious dinner in a congenial place with Julius who she suddenly realised she cared for with feelings deeper than friendship.
They reached the castle and Julius turned off the engine outside the flat and they both sat there a moment, the dim beam of the outside lamp throwing soft shadows on their faces. And all of a sudden, he said, ‘I’m falling in love with you, Anna, I feel I’ve got to know you well while you’ve been here. I’ll understand if it’s not what you want. You’ve only got a few more days here, so I don’t want to start anything, much though I’d like to.’ He turned, smiling at her, taking her hand and holding it against his cheek.
His words surprised yet thrilled her and she answered hesitantly, ‘I don’t know what to say, I feel the same way about you and yet I’m afraid that it’s just a passing whim all tied up in the romance of this place, and when Freddie and I are back home, it will fizzle out… for both of us.’
‘For me it is more than a passing attraction,’ he said quietly, ‘I realised how much I cared for you when I saw that Jeep Wagoner outside the flat, such a masculine car so I assumed it belonged to a boyfriend.’ He smiled. ‘I felt so jealous and then so relieved when I saw it was Grania’s’
‘It belongs to her husband, he has masses of cars,’ she said, her heart lifting. ’But soon we’ll be gone,’ she reminded him, ‘and it will be difficult to see each other.’
‘It’s not as if you are going to the other side of the world. To be honest, I want to come in with you now, make love to you all night, but I don’t think it right for us to start anything that won’t end in a proper, long lasting relationship. We are not just two people who can indulge ourselves, take a gamble of where that leads, there’s Freddie and he wants a dad and I would love to be that for him, so I want to take this slowly, to be sure it would work for all of us.’
She laid her head on his shoulder. ‘You’re right,’ she said. Her body was primed for love and yet he spoke the truth, this relationship must be nurtured to include Freddie. There was nothing lonelier, she knew from her friends, as a bout of passion that ended in nothing.
‘I hate to leave you, but I want this to work,’ he kissed her face and they clung together passionately until he pulled himself away reluctantly, opened the door to the car and they both got out, the snowy air like a bolt of icy water on their passion. He unlocked the door for her and with one last kiss she went into the flat, her heart singing.
She slept well and when she woke she felt filled with a great sense of peace and happiness.
Julius rang her, his voice slightly hesitant as though the magic of the night might have evaporated in the morning.
‘How are you?’ he asked.
‘Very well, and you?’
‘Good, thanks. Are you collecting Freddie soon?’
‘Yes… and I’ll tell him about us,’ Anna said, a pang of doubt now squeezing at her. What if Freddie disagreed, wanted one of the other men, or none of them, to be his dad?
‘Let me know when you have and tell me what he says and we’ll go from there,’ Julius said, his voice flat now as though this was a business arrangement they were discussing, not a love story. He went on to say that if Freddie didn’t want him as a father they’d meet up another time, and she knew that would mean they must say goodbye.
When she was dressed, she went down to Lucy’s to fetch Freddie. It had stopped snowing now, but it lay quite heavily on the ground, perfect to build a snowman. The quadrangle was pristine white, except for tiny footsteps of a bird like stitches in the snow. She walked slowly down the hill, needing to think. Since Gary’s death she’d often been tortured by imagining his body, cold and dead, mangled in a car crash. Just occasionally she imagined him, as he must have been just before he died, standing tall full of life with the joy of the sun and sea. That is how she would always remember him, how he would have wanted it. If she could see him one more time to ask him whether or not she and Freddie should make their life with Julius, she was sure he’d say, ‘go for it, babe.’ She could almost hear his voice. She and Freddie had mourned him long enough, they would never forget him but it was time to move on.
She reached Wildwood House and rang the bell. Colin opened the door, he was rather harassed, the electrician had called Lucy to the shop, as the changes she wanted would not be right for the space and Benny and Freddie had rushed out to play in the snow in the garden without proper clothes on.
Anna was relieved that Lucy wasn’t here; she’d known she was having supper with Julius and she didn’t want to be quizzed on her evening. She guessed Lucy, like Daisy, Francy and Grania would instantly suss out it had been a romantic affair and bombard her with questions, but it was too soon, and she didn’t want it to be common knowledge if Freddie refused to accept Julius as a father or the spark she’d felt between them burnt out in a moment.
She managed to extract Freddie with a promise to have Benny up at the flat later to build a snowman in the castle walls. She took him for a walk along the banks of the now quiet river, though the water was still high. He ran here and there, throwing snowballs in the icy water, running in circles, leaving his footprints, or poking about in the bank until she called him to her.
‘I want to ask you something, Freddie, something very important.’ She took his hand, studied his face lifted to hers, now serious as he waited. ‘You said you wanted a dad for Christmas.’
‘Yes, I want one of my own. I like Uncle Robert, but it’s not the same.’
‘No, well what would you think if… Julius wanted to be your dad?’
‘Julius and Felix?’ He stared up at her, his eyes wide, hope on his face.
‘Yes, he told me he loves us both and would love to be your dad.’ She waited, her nerves stretched, what if he said he preferred Luke or Simon?
Freddie jumped up and down. ‘Yes, yes, when can he be my dad, how long will it take?”
‘We must tell him first,’ she said, deeply relieved that the idea pleased him. She pushed aside the thought that he might have reacted the same way if Simon or Luke had been the one.
&nbs
p; ‘So when will that be?’ he asked eagerly. ‘Will it be today?’
‘I don’t know, but I’ll text him when we get back or leave a message and he’ll come to see us when he can.’
Freddie was silent for a moment. They were walking back now towards the castle. A cold wind bit through them and she hurried him along, longing to be back in their snug little flat and to absorb this new development in their lives, though she expected his more immediate thought would be to build a snowman.
‘Will Julius and Felix come and live with us in London?’ he asked.
‘We haven’t made plans yet, but Julius has his job here and I have mine in London.’ She wondered now herself how it would all pan out. She’d stressed so much about telling Freddie that she hadn’t worked out how they could live together. Neither she nor Julius could up sticks and leave their jobs straight away and it would not be good for Freddie to change schools just as the new term was starting, and anyway there might not be a place for him in one here.
They’d reached the top of the hill now and the castle stood before them, the snow sparkling on the battlements. Freddie let go her hand and ran over the drawbridge laughing, as he loved the way it creaked and shuddered when people or cars went over it. She followed him and he ran through the small tunnel and out into the quadrangle now covered in its blanket of snow. She heard him shout and she hurried after him.
‘Wait, Freddie,’ she called as she saw all three Land Rovers parked by the main door of the castle and a long ladder up to the roof and Julius, Luke and Simon standing around looking upwards. Nell and Tessa were there too.
Freddie ran up to them, Anna close behind.
‘Julius is going to be my dad, my very own dad,’ Freddie called out excitedly, running to him and hugging his knees.
‘What? What do you mean, Freddie?’ Simon asked him.
Julius bent down and stroked his head. Anna arrived beside them, out of breath. He looked up and caught her eyes, his face wreathed in smiles. Felix, alerted by the commotion, appeared from somewhere and barked and wagged his tail, and Rusty, who was allowed out at last, caught the mood and skittered about barking as well.
‘Sorry, I didn’t know you’d all be here, has something happened?’ Anna said, anxiously.
Nell said, ‘There’s a large crack in that drainpipe, caused by the cold I suppose. You see that lump of ice round it. It’s probably been gently leaking for ages, we noticed a damp patch in our office a couple of days ago. But it seems something more important has happened, are congratulations on the cards?’ Nell said, taking in the scene.
Julius reached out and clasped her hand, pulling her to him. ‘Meet my new family,’ he said. ‘I’m the luckiest man alive to have Anna and Freddie in my life.’
‘Wonderful news, so you’ll have to stay here,’ Luke said, his face wreathed in smiles. ‘Or will you move to London?’ he said with less excitement, turning to Julius.
Freddie looked confused. ‘I’d like to live here,’ he said, ‘with all of you and we could go to London sometimes and see my friends and all my godmothers.’
Julius said, ‘It’s early days and plans must be made that suit all of us.’
‘Well you can help me build a snowman now,’ Freddie pulled on his arm. ‘That’s what dads do.’
‘Go on, Dad, build a snowman, we can do without you here,’ Luke teased him, ‘though I’d like to build one too.’
‘So would I,’ Simon said, ‘let’s see how quickly we can do it and then we’ll mend your pipe, Nell, it won’t take us long.’
There was much laughter and ragging about and the dogs joined in.
Anna watched them, all enclosed by this great castle, parts of which dated back forever. A castle for Christmas, she thought, as she watched Freddie excitedly building a snowman alongside his ‘Dad’, had brought her the best present ever.
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Acknowledgements
Thanks as always to my agent Judith Murdoch, my editor Caroline Ridding and all the lovely supportive staff at Aria.
About Minna Howard
MINNA HOWARD has had an exciting career in fashion journalism and now writes full time, whilst enjoying time with her grandsons and working as an occasional Film and TV extra. She lives in London and is herself a glamorous Granny.
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First published in the United Kingdom in 2018 by Aria, an imprint of Head of Zeus Ltd
Copyright © Minna Howard, 2018
The moral right of Minna Howard to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act of 1988.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the prior permission of both the copyright owner and the above publisher of this book.
This is a work of fiction. All characters, organizations, and events portrayed in this novel are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.
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A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.
ISBN (E) 9781784975876
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