The Beast Is Me (The Beast And Me Book 4)

by D. S. Wrights

  I knew that Daniel was sitting in his armchair, either watching him, or reading to Ten Jay’s diary. And that made me think about what Ten had said to me.

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked, placing my left hand on top of the arm chair’s backrest.

  “About what?” Daniel looked confused.

  “That Ten has a mate,” I inquired and I watched Dan’s facial expression derail.

  “What the capital F?” He almost shouted.

  “You didn’t know?” I asked, furrowing my brow.

  “I would have told you,” he insisted, adding, as he saw my skeptical expression. “Meg, seriously.”

  Both of us turned our heads simultaneously towards Ten, who looked at us quite innocently. There were still some bruises left on his neck from the night before. It was strange how they made me feel satisfied, even though I knew they would probably be gone completely within the next hours.

  Then that brief moment of satisfaction and maybe arrogance was gone, a thought came to me, that I absolutely disliked, especially because it made sense.

  “Nina,” I simply said, monitoring Ten’s reaction. “Nina Torres. Twenty. She’s your” – I lifted my hands to gesture quotation marks – “mate, right? After all, she’s your second.”

  “Son of a B…” Daniel murmured, as Ten first frowned and his head briefly twitched to one side.

  I felt sick in an instant, but I held his stare.

  “They told you that she is, right?” I continued to meet his silence with assumptions. “You don’t feel it, right? And I actually kind of doubt that we beasts imprint on one. We choose our mates, our partners, our alphas. We are not pure animals. We are hybrids, there are human attributes left, like the ability to overrule instinct with logic, we still have free will. And you know that I am right about that.”

  Ten’s reaction was to briefly arrow his eyes.

  “Because if you didn’t have free will, you would have to submit to me now,” I smiled slightly, my expression bare from triumph. “Because I defeated you. In nature, this would mean that I am your alpha now, but you don’t seem to feel the need to obey me, do you?”

  The man that looked like Jay, remained silent.

  “Or did they code that into your mind, too?”

  I was uncertain for a moment. When it came to Daniel, I just assumed that he had chosen to follow my lead, not because I had told him to.

  But what if I was wrong? What if I was the exception because of how I had become a beast?

  So, I turned towards Daniel.

  “Would you kneel before me, if I ordered you to do that?” I asked him and his response was a grin. “I’m serious, you moron.”

  “Try it,” he shrugged. “I would do it, because why not. I have no idea what would happen if you told me something I wasn’t willing to do.”

  I distorted my mouth, thinking of something.

  “Then get up and hit me,” I ordered.

  “What?” Dan’s eyes opened wide in surprise as he got on his feet, and for a second there, I really thought he would do it. “No fucking way!” He threw his hands up.

  “You got me there for a second,” I chuckled, watching him walk to the kitchen.

  “A beta would never hurt his alpha,” Ten spoke and I turned my attention back on him.

  “Okay,” I agreed and stepped towards the cage. “What if I told you to hit yourself.”

  “That wouldn’t make any sense,” Ten gave back.

  “And if I ordered you to tell me how many beasts are stationed at the mansion we took you from, would you obey my command?” I inquired and his mouth formed a thin line, and I had to shake my head. “You really believe in this obedience crap, don’t you?”

  I could read from his face that he wasn’t so sure about it, because I was right about the hierarchy in nature. If an alpha was defeated, he lost his rank in the pack and the victor became the next alpha. But then I remembered the theories about an alpha pair. What if they had coded that into the beast’s brains, or maybe that was natural?

  There were so many things I didn’t know about this whole genetic engineering and mind manipulation.

  “Is your mate at the mansion?” I asked, determinedly.

  Ten looked me straight in the eyes, pressing his mouth shut.

  “Tell me,” I ordered, but there was something in his expression that told me he hadn’t been entirely honest with me, he was holding something back.

  “She’s not your mate, right?” I kept poking. “You don’t feel it, do you? They can tell you all you want, but some things just don’t feel right, am I right?”

  “Yes,” Ten admitted, sounding relieved.

  I had an idea what he was referring to, but I needed to know: “Yes to what?”

  “All of it.” He answered. “All of it.”

  “Then obey me and remember.” I didn’t think that it would help, that this part of what he admitted was true, but trying it wouldn’t hurt.

  “I’ve tried,” Ten confessed. “I’ve tried to remember you. You seem so familiar, and yet not. It doesn’t make any sense to me. The diaries, there is no chance that you could have forged them both. It’s close to impossible to do that, not only because of the time frame, but also because of the accuracy. I am trying to remember, I do.”

  My heart sped up a little, but I calmed it down with even breaths. What he said was what I wanted to hear, but that didn’t mean it was true.

  “Do you have any memories of being wounded?” I inquired, realizing that Daniel was staying in the kitchen so that I could talk to Ten. “That you had to recover for several days, maybe weeks?”

  Ten shook his head.

  “Is there anything that seems odd to you?” Now I was just trying to fish for anything.

  “Yes,” he answered, nodding. “One of our handlers. He… for whatever reason he doesn’t seem to like me. But I didn’t do anything to justify his animosity.”

  It struck me like lightning, but it couldn’t be, could it?

  “His name is, by chance, Peter Severin?” I asked.

  Ten didn’t have to say a word, his facial expression was answer enough. And I, I just pressed my hand on my mouth, while trying to compose myself. He just looked at me frowning and confused.

  “They told me that he lost his legs because of our first mission going wrong,” Ten continued explaining and I tried not to react to that information, not to inhale sharply. “Which doesn’t make sense, because they also say that our missions have never failed. For a long time he was moving around in a wheel chair, but the last few days, he’s on his feet again, using a walking stick.”

  “He hates you, because you betrayed him, too, and someone he cared for was killed because of you,” I spoke after a moment. “In that very explosion you tried to kill all the beasts that were trying to escape with us.”

  This time, as he looked at me, there was no skepticism in his eyes, but interest. And so, I continued: “He injected himself with the same virus as you, but he never completed the treatment, which is why he has some beast traits, he can warp into beast form, but he’s not as skilled as we are. Maybe that’s the reason why his healing is so slow.”

  Ten nodded and I felt as if he was really believing me.

  “Her name was Valerie Winters. I called her Val,” I added, watching him process that information, staring at the ground.

  “And who is Miss Singer?” He looked me straight in the eyes, honestly curious.

  I couldn’t stop the reaction to hearing my family name. The surprise, the shock, the hope, and the dread.

  “Why are you asking?” I responded, not able to give him the answer right away.

  “Because Mr. Severin sometimes makes these strange remarks addressed to me,” Ten explained. “If Miss Singer could see you now. Or, I’m not sure if Miss Singer would be happy about that. Such things as that.”

  I swallowed hard, trying to breathe evenly and calm my heart down, but I knew that he was hearing my racing pulse, which told him that
I definitely knew this name.

  “That’s me,” I managed to speak halfway composed. “My name is Meghan Singer. You used to look out for me, when I was a little kid. That’s why, when Dr. Clay Severin looked for a woman to tame you, you reacted to my picture. You remembered me even as an agitated beast, unable to shift back.”

  “Oh,” was his only response and I turned around and slowly walked to the kitchen, where Daniel was patiently waiting for me.

  When I didn’t get close for a hug, he stopped himself from rubbing my upper arm, understanding that I didn’t want any trigger that would make me cry. I didn’t only need a moment to recover, I needed time to think, to look at the information I had gotten and use it, because that would actually be helpful for me.

  I needed time to write.

  I know that it’s only been a few days, not even a week, since we have captured Jay, but time is running out. Honestly, I don’t know if we really can wait for him to remember who he was, if we want to get the others out of there, and continue with our objective to bring down the board, no matter what. We need to cut off the snake’s head, so we can show it to the world and maybe stop other companies from doing the same.

  And then there is the possibility of them finding us, the longer we stay in this place. Plus, I have no clue how long the mercenaries Austin hired will stand by, without having an engagement date for them to prepare for.

  Ten actually submitting to me as his new alpha would be so much easier, when I think about it. I just could order him what to do next. It would be a complete wild card, especially if they test him if he remembers and he doesn’t. Setting my personal needs aside, it would be the best scenario for us to continue with. His comrades would still see him as an alpha until I am revealed.

  How easy things can be without emotions.

  X X X

  After talking to Austin, I was reminded that we didn’t really need to find another safe house, because there still was the mansion that had been purchased in order to become my home. They were still working on it, but all the important things, like the security system etc. were working. I didn’t want to hear all the details, but as far as I got it, the mansion itself was a big panic room. And after Austin got the chance to plan breaching several security systems he had added a lot of adjustments to ours.

  That house, where I would live in the future, had once been the home of a squire, who had dozens of plantations. Now only the manor was left, which was standing on one hectare land, which was enclosed by a now renewed ten foot high wired wall. The owner of the estate had died, leaving his only son with a ton of debt, but until a few months ago, no one had wanted to purchase the estate. That was until the attorney of a Miss Meghan Rainer had come along. All the papers identifying me as her were waiting for me in a safe deposit box.

  That problem out of my hair, I had to follow my change of plans. I had to find out if Ten really believed in the pack law and would see me as his alpha.

  The first thing I had to do, though, was relieve him of his chains, because I couldn’t imagine Ten trusting me when I was treating him like an animal. That being done, I sat down next to him. That is, in the next cage next to him. Watching him, watching me, I scolded myself for not thinking of this possibility earlier. Making him believe that I was a prisoner, too, he might have opened up to me. Now, it gave me a whole different idea. When I had turned Ten, I could just put Daniel in the cage next to him and would have two people informing me. But I’d had to focus on the things ahead, and not get myself lost in possibilities that simply were too thin. Because I had to turn him first.

  “I underestimated your speed and agility,” he admitted after a lifetime of silence. “But none of mine are that fast, not even Twenty.”

  “I know,” I nodded, giving Daniel, who had started to walk up and down along the two cages, a side glance. “I am also faster than him.”

  “How come?”

  I wasn’t sure if I could just tell him that.

  “Answer me first and we can talk about me after that,” I suggested and he agreed with a nod. “How did you become the alpha of your pack?”

  Ten was about to answer my question but then stopped himself and started thinking, trying to remember, looking up, searching his memories.

  “A week ago I would have answered because I defeated everyone who challenged me,” he explained. “But I can’t actually remember doing that.”

  We looked at each other for a moment, and I felt as if I could get lost in his beautiful eyes.

  “There is a lot I know without remembering how I learned about it,” Ten suddenly admitted. “I know that I was turned into a beast, but I cannot recall the procedure. Then you read to me from that diary, with words that sound like me, telling me how excruciating it was, and how I didn’t really choose it. I was tricked into accepting it. And then, when I think about it, I can’t imagine why on earth I would ever chose to become a beast. It doesn’t make sense. I never questioned it, because of my pack, because everything is so self-evident. But now I get why they won’t let us think, why they order us to write diaries, which they definitely read. It explains why we have not only debriefings, but actual therapy sessions. And now I start to wonder if those sessions aren’t for our wellbeing, but to make sure that we don’t step out of line.”

  “Why do you believe me now?” I asked him, my voice lacking accusation.

  “Because there is only the three of you,” he answered instantly. “No surveillance, no guards patrolling outside, no calls to a supervisor. You haven’t taken blood samples, or examined me. You didn’t ask me how to get into the fortress, or anything else, except about me. You’ve read to me from those diaries that couldn’t be forged and sound so like me. Your reaction to me is overly emotional. This is personal for you. But you aren’t a reporter either, because you made no recording of our conversations.” He took a breath. “And then there is that life inside of you that is part me.”

  That last sentence gave me goosebumps.

  “You are right,” he admitted. “They say Twenty is my mate, but we haven’t… Well, we did, because… they told us… it never felt right. It doesn’t feel right. We’re more like brother and sister… it’s just… wrong.”

  Hearing him basically telling me that he was sleeping with Nina twisted and turned my insides. Involuntarily, I looked at Daniel, who had stopped pacing the room.

  I didn’t know what to feel or say. I could come up with excuses, but that didn’t change the fact that there was something between Dan and me. The two of us definitely weren’t brother and sister, and although it had felt wrong after, it always had felt perfectly right while we were doing it. It wasn’t the same.

  “You and him,” I heard Ten say, and I instinctively looked at him; there was an odd undertone in his voice. “You are… close.” For me it sounded like he couldn’t speak out what he really meant.

  “Yes,” I answered without hesitation. “We are. Though it didn’t start out that way.”

  “So, if I am who you say I am, and I would begin to remember who I was, what would that mean for the two of you?” He asked carefully, hesitantly, and this question honestly surprised me.

  “I don’t know,” I admitted.

  “Most likely,” Daniel suddenly spoke. “She will return to you, because you are the love of her life and the father of her son.”

  “And that would be alright with you?” Ten inquired in astonishment.

  “Of course not,” Daniel answered, and I realized when I had told him that I loved him, he hadn’t told me the same. “I love her.” My heart became a sun. “But, I will respect her decision, exactly because I love her.”

  I swallowed against the tears that wanted to break free. My body felt like lead. I couldn’t move. And, I was torn about what to do. I wanted to get up, to follow Daniel as he left us, wrap my arms around him and kiss him, and I needed time to understand what this man was willing to give up, so I was happy.

  I honestly can’t really remember what happened
after that. Just that Ten watched me staring into nothingness. Daniel was probably right, I would leave him for Jay and he wouldn’t fight it, he would accept it, and I, I don’t know if I am okay with that.

  Day 74

  After that experience, I had dinner and then went straight to bed. Not because I wasn’t feeling well, but because the whole thing was taking its toll on me.

  Just when I had grown comfortable with the idea of Jay not getting his memories back, and tried to get him to turn because he had to obey me, the guy came in with his admissions. But it wasn’t all that. I could try and lie to myself, but I had learned that facing everything head on usually saved me a lot of energy and spared me from too much emotional turmoil.

  So, I came to the conclusion that actually having him questioning everything might make Ten a better ally than forcing him to do my bidding. Sure, it wasn’t as safe as I would have wanted, because he could still decide that he could live with questions unanswered or was willing to accept the wrong ones, a willing double spy was better than one not willing. And then there was that one question I had completely ignored: would I be able to send him back in there when he remembered who he was? Would I be able to let Jay go the moment I had him back?

  The answer was easy: probably not. No matter if I liked the cards that were on the table, for me they just were right.

  When I finally got out of my room, ready to bring the tray Daniel had brought me to the kitchen, I stopped dead where I was, because there they were, the two men who were holding my heart in their clawed hands, talking to each other. It was a strange sight, because I remembered pretty well that Ten very much disliked Dan.

  I was battling with myself whether I should eavesdrop or not, as I didn’t want to betray their trust in me. They were standing surprisingly close. With Ten not being chained anymore, he was resting his lower arms onto a horizontal bar of the cage, while Daniel stood there facing him with a somewhat relaxed pose.