by Eva Brandt
For the moment, I kept my mouth shut and let Stefan do all the talking, since he was the one whose word carried most weight here. “Yes, Mother, this is my bitch, Alyssa Michaelis.” He didn’t introduce the group of people to me and I was too distracted by being called his bitch in public to question it.
A beautiful woman with black hair—the sole female of the group—walked up to me, eyeing me from head to toe. “We’re told you need shelter and assistance to learn to control your power,” she said. “What makes you think that while you learn this, you won’t endanger us?”
“I can’t provide any guarantees. If you refuse to do this, I’ll completely understand. I don’t want to be presumptuous and assume. But I’m also realistic enough to realize that I need help, and if I can’t find it at the academy, I have to look for it elsewhere.”
“We cannot provide you with any training in mind magic,” one of the men replied. “How do you think you can continue your lessons while you’re here?”
“I’ll come to help,” Lucifer offered in my stead. “It’s not ideal, but I am fairly resilient to mind magic. I’m confident that I can make it work.”
“Well, far be it from us to refuse Lucifer Morningstar,” the second male hell hound shot back. He was the youngest of the group and didn’t seem thrilled with my presence. His hostility wasn’t focused on me at all. Instead, he hadn’t looked away from Shiro for a second since we’d arrived.
“If we’re going to have a problem because of Shiro, we won’t go any further,” I said. I’d been prepared for the possibility of them being hostile to Shiro and I refused to allow it. “He’s my familiar. If you can’t accept him, I’ll leave.”
Silence fell over the grove as everyone digested my words. Finally, the third male hell hound and the oldest of the group burst into laughter. “Oh, I see why you like her, Stefan. Very well, very well. You’re welcome here. And don’t worry. We’re not as bad with mutated hell hounds as other packs.”
I wasn’t completely convinced by his reassurances, but I had no choice but to accept them. “Thank you. I appreciate any help you can provide.”
He walked up to me and grinned. Unlike Stefan, who had humanoid teeth most of the time, the older hell hound only had wolf fangs. It was a little alarming to see and it grew even more so when he decided to hug me and rub his nose against my neck.
I yelped in surprise at the sudden act. I wasn’t too fond of people hugging me out of nowhere, not unless I had a close relationship with them.
It was a minor miracle that I didn’t lose control over my powers. Fortunately, he pulled away before something regrettable could happen.
“I am Emil Schwarz and I am the Alpha of our pack,” he said with a wide smile. “I’d like you to meet my son Garrison, and my daughter-in-law, Sophia. And let’s not forget my second grandson, Josef.”
He pointed to each person as he spoke and I took note of their identities. I hadn’t realized Stefan had a sibling. Then again, there was a lot about my lovers I still didn’t know.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you all,” I replied. “I wish it had been under better circumstances.”
“If you’re still worried about that brainwashing nonsense, don’t be,” Sophia said, waving a hand dismissively. “As far as we’re concerned, these circumstances are better than others we’ve had. Why, I still remember meeting young Mikael’s mother. That didn’t go very well, did it?”
“To be fair, she wasn’t the most conventional demon and she was pregnant with an angel’s child, so we can’t blame her for being upset,” Garrison pointed out. “How is she these days? I haven’t spoken to her in ages.”
Mikael showed no reaction to the question, but I could tell it bothered him. “Neither have I. But if I do see her, I’ll let her know you asked about her.”
The exchange made me feel like I’d fallen into the Twilight Zone. The relationship between my lovers apparently went way back, more so than they’d ever mentioned.
It was strange, but it also reminded me of all the times they’d fought because of me. This conversation seemed to suggest they’d known each other as children. They must’ve been close. Had I accidentally driven a wedge between them, on top of everything else?
Shaken, I turned toward my lovers. “Well, I guess this is where we say goodbye. Thanks for bringing me here.”
“You don’t need to thank us, Lyssa,” Callum said. He’d been quiet all morning, clearly dissatisfied with what we were doing. “Just take care of yourself.”
“You will come to the school again soon, right?” Stefan asked.
“Only for exams,” I answered, not having the heart to lie to him.
Stefan grimaced, but didn’t try to dissuade me. “Okay, but just so you know, it won’t change anything. And once we deal with everything on our to-do list, we’ll come get you and we’ll start over.”
That wouldn’t happen, but if it made him feel better to think that, I’d allow it. Meph helped, intervening before I was forced to come up with another answer. “We won’t push you further today. Just remember what you learned at the academy. Things are rarely black and white.”
I understood what he was trying to tell me, but this time, I disagreed. Still, when he reached for me and pulled me in his arms, I hugged him back.
Being enveloped in his wings had always made me feel safe. That hadn’t changed, but it was another thing I had to give up.
He pressed a kiss to my temple and the warmth and kindness in that simple touch threatened to shatter me. Then, he released me from his embrace, allowing the others to follow his example.
One by one, my lovers all pecked my forehead, just like Meph had done. It was a chaste caress, something which I’d encouraged since my recent revelations. I was still attracted to them, but I refused to have sex with them while they were under the influence of my weird powers.
Lucifer was the last one to approach me. He didn’t kiss me at all. He just took my hand and squeezed my fingers. “I’m sorry about this. I’ve warded the pack lands against possible intruders or attacks from Satan, so you should be safe here. It’ll get better, I promise.”
“I think so too,” I answered. It was true, although I suspected our definitions of ‘better’ were very different.
Once they’d all said their goodbyes, Emil hugged Stefan. For a few moments, they just stared into each other’s eyes. They didn’t speak, but they did communicate somehow, because when he pulled away, Stefan no longer looked so burdened.
“We’ll wait for you, Lyssa,” he said.
There were no real goodbyes uttered, not even a ‘see you soon’ or ‘catch you later’. Instead, they all chose encouraging options.
“We’ll hunt Satan down for you.”
“You can do this.”
“Don’t be afraid of who you are. Your power doesn’t own you.”
I nodded, unable to answer. And when they finally turned away, I watched them go with a heavy heart. The exchange felt like a permanent farewell, not a temporary one. They might have tried to prevent that, but they hadn’t succeeded.
Sophia came up from behind me and pressed her hand to my shoulder. “Don’t lose hope,” she said. “You’re a very strong female. They might’ve been influenced by your magic in approaching you, but that doesn’t mean they won’t still care about you after it’s gone.”
There were plenty of other stronger women at the school, female demons who’d have been a better match for Stefan and the others and wouldn’t have made them suffer so much. But I had enough self-preservation to not say that.
“Thanks. I hope that’s true. But in the meantime, I have work to do.”
“That’s the spirit,” Garrison piped up. “Come along now. We still have to go to our lair and get you settled in. And we have to introduce you and your familiar to the rest of the pack.”
Bracing myself for what would undoubtedly be a tough experience, I shot him a weak smile. “Yes, of course. Lead the way.”
As I followed Stefa
n’s family out of the grove, I prayed to whatever deity could still hear me to help me with this. I didn’t want to be the vessel for any world-changing power, but if I’d been born with it, I needed to take charge and make sure I didn’t hurt anyone with it.
* * *
After spending a little over two years with Stefan, I’d learned to expect a certain level of savagery from hell hounds. Even so, I couldn’t have possibly guessed where I’d end up spending most of my time throughout my stay with his family.
Stefan’s pack lived underground, in a set of caves as intricate as a subway system and as well furnished as a Venetian palace. It was a strange contrast, but they didn’t seem to find it a paradox.
I was given a room in one of the more secluded areas of their shared lair, one that was pretty close to that of Stefan’s parents. The reason for this became obvious when they held a party in my honor and I realized just how large the pack was. There must’ve been at least fifty people present, and three-quarters of them were male.
To complicate matters even further, they were all a little too interested in having a strong female whom they could breed.
Since I had no desire to engage in a sexual relationship with anyone else, I was pretty sure they were safe from getting their minds twisted. Still, after the party, I kept my distance and mostly stayed in my room.
I didn’t want to be bred by anyone, not right now. I had other things to worry about and plenty of stuff to occupy my time.
I couldn’t go to classes, but I had my books with me and could catch up on my reading. It wasn’t the same and I didn’t always understand everything in my manuals, but I did my best and jotted down all the questions I had on the material.
I took my potions every day, falling back onto a schedule similar to what I’d had when I’d still been using my medicine. It worked and I had no seizures, convulsive or otherwise.
As time passed, I started meeting with Sophia, whose presence I found comforting. She reminded me a bit of my own mother. She offered to help me to control my elemental magic and I accepted. While the issue wasn’t as important as my mind magic, it was still dangerous and I wanted to encourage the growth of my bond with Shiro.
“You shouldn’t doubt yourself so much,” she’d often tell me as I tried, but utterly failed to summon my fire magic. “The fire is there. You share it with your familiar. It’s meant to protect. Don’t hesitate.”
Meant to protect. Of course it was, because it was hell hound fire. But who was I protecting? Myself? I hadn’t done a good job so far. Shiro? He’d died because of me. My lovers? No comment.
“This is so new to me,” I admitted. “If this power was never meant to be mine, how can I hope to master it?”
“Don’t think like that. Believe it or not, having magical powers isn’t that impressive. True strength comes from within. And if you had the strength to turn your lovers away when you knew you were hurting them, you can do this too.”
It was a comforting thought, but it also put me in a weird situation. I did have to see Lucifer, to make sure I learned some mind magic. And unfortunately, despite my decision, I was still very much human and my desire for him had never faded.
He first dropped by for a visit one month after I moved to Stefan’s pack. I was busy taking notes on some runes when a knock sounded at my door. At first, I thought it was Sophia. She and Emil were the only ones who actually came to my room, since everyone in the pack had been told to respect my space and give me my privacy.
Shiro gave me a head’s up. “The Fallen male is here,” he said. “I can smell him.”
The Fallen male. Lucifer. At the thought of seeing him again, butterflies erupted in my stomach. I was both excited and terrified. I had no reason to be, since I’d never been that close to him. Even so, I had the irrational desire to hide under the bed, to avoid him and not have to think about what his presence meant.
The thought pissed me off so much that I abandoned my books and stalked to the door, just out of spite. I was better than this, damn it. Yes, I’d fucked up, but I couldn’t hide from those mistakes.
I opened the door, the greeting already on my lips. The moment I saw him, the words froze in my throat.
The first thing that struck me was the fact that he looked exactly the same. It wasn’t a physical thing. His immortal body wouldn’t have changed during our brief separation. But his gaze held the same affection it had a month back, when I’d seen him last. “Alyssa, hi,” he said with a warm smile. “How are you?”
I’d been prepared to see a drastic change so not finding it shook me to the core. “Fine,” I replied, and the word came out sharp and biting. Seconds later, I corrected myself. “Okay, maybe not completely fine, but better. Still processing. Getting there.”
I stepped back, granting him entrance to my room. He walked in and looked around, although he didn’t seem to have much interest in the decor. “Any bad dreams since we last spoke?”
I shook my head. It was weird, but I had slept like a baby while in the lair of Stefan’s pack. You’d think that almost being eaten alive would make me have horrible nightmares, but apparently not.
I narrowed my eyes at him. It hadn’t occurred to me to question the whole thing, but now that I was thinking about it, I found it very suspicious. “Did you cast a spell on me to keep me from having nightmares?”
To his credit, Lucifer didn’t try to lie to me. “Not a spell, no, but Mephistopheles did add something extra in the potions you take for your epilepsy. Sorry. We should’ve told you, but there just wasn’t enough time.”
A part of me was automatically irritated at the idea that I’d been drinking unknown substances without warning. Another just felt resigned. It would’ve been petty to get angry at them for something like this, when they had been trying to help me.
“I’m not sure I believe that last part,” I told him. “I think it’s just easier for you to apologize than to ask for permission. But honestly, I don’t care enough about that right now to argue with you.”
A wave of fatigue suddenly swamped me and I wanted to cry. I wanted the world to stop so I could get off. This was so fucked up and unfair. Why had I been stuck with this burden?
I hadn’t asked for it. I’d have been happy as a normal girl. I’d had a life, goals. Okay, so maybe I’d never really fallen in love, but I hadn’t manipulated five men into loving me either.
My less than ideal state didn’t go unnoticed. Lucifer’s golden eyes filled with concern. “Alyssa? Are you okay?”
“Don’t ask me that again. I’m as fine as I can be.” Ignoring his still displeased expression, I asked, “How have you guys been?”
For a few seconds, Lucifer said nothing. He didn’t want to let me change the topic, but he was obviously aware I wouldn’t appreciate being pushed further. In the end, he shrugged and answered, “Well enough. The others have been agitated. They’re taking out their tension on the rest of the students. Callum had a bad fight with Cain. Lilith went missing last week. I suspect Mephistopheles might have taken her captive and is using her as target practice.”
Err… What?
Okay, so clearly I’d underestimated how much my absence would affect them. “And what about Mikael and Stefan?”
“Stefan wanted to come see you, so Mikael dragged him off somewhere. They probably went hunting for angels.”
“Lucifer, you can’t be serious. How is that a good idea?”
“It gives them an outlet for their tension. Would you prefer for them to start attacking each other again?”
“No, of course not,” I answered. “I just…”
What had I expected would happen? They’d always been violent and I’d gotten in the way of their natural urges more than once. With me no longer there, they were starting to fall into their previous patterns of behavior.
“I guess this is a good thing in a way. Right?”
“It’s certainly not bad. They’re adjusting. But if you expected me to say they stopped caring about you,
I’m going to have to disappoint you. They still miss you very much.”
“I guess it’s much too soon for this crazy spell to wear off,” I said. “Addictions don’t go away so easily.”
“Your lovers will be fine,” Lucifer replied. “You need to give them the benefit of the doubt. This whole thing won’t change how they feel about you.”
I didn’t want to go over that topic again, since I had my opinion, and I was going to stick with it. Instead, I decided to focus on another issue that troubled me. “And you? You haven’t said anything about yourself.”
Lucifer arched a perfectly defined, dark brow at me. “I told you, I’m resilient to mind magic. It takes far more than a few weeks spent in your company to influence me.”
“And yet, you’re going out of your way to help me with this. It’s not about the weeks spent in my company and you know it.”
It was about whatever time we’d had before. If he’d given Shiro to me, if he’d offered me that strange deal after the accident, it wasn’t just because I was the vessel of hope. The Watchers had made that more than clear.
“Why didn’t you just let Eve eat me? It would’ve been simpler and it would’ve fixed all your problems.”
Lucifer shook his head. “I don’t believe in simple solutions, not anymore. I did, once, and it was a mistake.
“Eve was my Sacrifice, you know. The very first one. And I thought it would be simple, that with the price of her punishment and her misery, we’d all be gifted something far more precious.”
As he spoke, his body started to glow, and his words grew sharper, fiercer. “But I was wrong. I was blinded by my hubris and my resentment for my father. I can’t take the simple solution, not anymore. Because no matter how much I tried to pretend otherwise, it did lead us to a war that killed so many of my kind.”
His gaze grew distant, almost as if he wasn’t looking at me anymore. “I cared about them, you know. The Watchers were my friends. They still are. I dragged them down with me. Many of them shared my opinions, but they never asked to lose their true forms, to be turned into shadows of their former selves. They deserved better.”